HBP Chapter Five
Apr. 14th, 2006 11:32 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
sistermagpie.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
deathtocapslock*Phlegm. Oh joy. I know who’s coming.
*Molly wasn’t expecting DD and Harry until morning, but Slughorn was more persuadable than DD thought. Apparently he thought Harry was going to have to sleep with the guy to get him to teach. Dodged a bullet there, Harry.
* Tonks already looks drawn and ill and is huddled over a cup clutched in her hands. Harry, who is the one actually grieving the loss of someone important (allegedly) looks fine. I’m going to assume this is because Tonks has inherited the Black constitution; otherwise it’s a bit much, isn’t it?
*Not that blood means anything, of course.
*Harry suddenly realizes how hungry he is. Hunger is a low priority for our hero. Unlike some people who shall remain nameless.
*Hermione’s arrived the day before yesterday, for no reason I can see except she’s afraid if left alone for a whole summer Ron might meet some nice Pureblood girl and decide to give her Hermione’s coveted Weasley Wife space. Which would make it, what, a whole week and a half after she had to pry her mother off her at the station? I guess her tolerance for the Muggles has just gotten lower.
*Molly, given five minutes to talk on her own, uses it to offer another reason Arthur hasn’t had the career she wanted him to have that has nothing to do with Arthur himself and everything to do with other people being unfair.
*She also seems to think that Arthur’s getting a promotion after, like, 25 years and only because they just created a bunch of new offices that needed staffing pronto, is proof that he really is a high-flier. Unlike Percy, who was promoted just to get close to the pulse of Wizarding Secret Intelligence that is Arthur Weasley.
*However clueless she is about her family, Molly does retain her sense about Mundungus Fletcher. And she knows Muggle stuff is still rubbish.
*The Weasley’s clock has everyone in mortal peril. I guess this is supposed to tell us what a bad state the WW is in. Unfortunately it only serves to show how useless the Weasley’s clock is, and make you wonder if they noticed Ginny in mortal peril back in CoS.
*Arthur stops being in mortal peril when he’s traveling. So I guess everyone would be safe if they just kept moving all the time.
*Btw, controlling much? That clock would get old real quick, wouldn’t it? “Where did you go between six-thirty and six-forty eight? You were traveling, then you were in mortal peril for three minutes, then you traveled again!”
*Arthur and Molly have their mollywobbles exchange, reminding us that although they’re Very Important in the Fight Against Voldemort, they’re still basically idiots.
*Mr. Weasley’s thin, huh? I always pictured him being more like the guy in the movie. Somehow I’m noticing it now…
*Arthur insists Fred and George wouldn’t do anything to cause trouble now that everyone’s really in danger. Arthur, like much of fandom, clings to an unrealistically ethical view of the twins. God I hope this comes to something in the last book
*Heh. Harry gets the twins’ room to himself while Hermione the girl has to bunk with Ginny. I think it’s clear who’s more important in this house Miss Unchosen Female Muggleborn One. Provide me with some grandbabies and then maybe we’ll talk. If you’re good you can bring Harry up his breakfast in bed on a tray in the morning.
*The hands of the clock are once again at mortal peril. It’s the Tell Don’t Show clock.
*The twins’ room smells like gunpowder covered up with flowers, which has got to be a hundred times better than what Harry’s room smells like at home.
*Harry just knows Hedwig is waiting to see him before she goes out hunting, as if they didn’t have this totally passive-aggressive relationship in the last book.
*Hermione’s looking at Harry as if he’s sickening for something, waiting for strange symptoms to appear, searching for signs of grief. Well, you can hardly blame her given that Tonks’ boyfriend troubles have turned her into a Victorian consumptive in just a few weeks.
*Molly reckons Harry looks underfed. ::sigh:: He’s just a growing boy. And don’t worry, Harry, Molly can stuff you with food for years and you’ll stay looking exactly the same.
*Slughorn looks like a walrus, says Harry, referring strictly to his moustache, I assume, and not his body. Notice he’s not so mean as to say he’s enormously fat. Only the narrator is so crass as to mention that.
*Oh joy, here comes Ginny. For her first line, she announces that Fleur Delacour is worse than Umbridge and is driving her mad. She and Hermione both agree Fleur is full of herself and don’t like her defended. I was recently challenged on my assertion that the only things I could ever remember Ginny saying about people other than the characters we know were negative, so I’m looking forward to proving myself right. Right off the bat.
*Hee. Not to pick on Harmonians, but I still find it hilarious that in that re-written H/Hr HBP in the scene where Harry pulls up the covers so that Ginny and Hermione slide off the bed to the floor, the author rewrote it so Ginny slid to the floor but Hermione hopped lightly to her dainty Mary Sue feet.
*Fleur arrives and immediately proves that she’s full of herself by speaking in a Pepe La Peu accent and carrying a heavy breakfast tray up the stairs to Harry. Mrs. Weasley’s pissed. She wanted to bring up the tray. Suddenly I have a vision of Mrs. Weasley sitting beside Harry all night watching him sleep, making sure her place in his life isn’t challenged.
*Harry’s cheeks burn when Fleur kisses him, yet there are no pants monsters to be seen as he notes that Fleur is perfection. That’s cause teenaged boys only feel attraction to girls they might marry someday.
*Let’s pause and laugh at the women and how catty and jealous they are.
*Wow, that “cooking and chickens” comment was so rude. Totally more rude than the way all the female characters have been barely concealing their dislike of Fleur and making it clear they wish she wasn’t marrying Bill. She totally deserves Ginny’s awesome nickname.
*Btw, Phlegm? That’s the best you could do off of Fleur Delacour? You might not want to open that door Gingivitis. Your name is like two letters away from being the name of a Dutch traditional liquor.
*Ginny calls Fleur a cow. Which is what Pansy Parkinson is too, in case you’re keeping track.
*Hermione thinks Ron is pathetic for being open to Veela charms. Notice that Harry continues to be impervious, noting the good condition of Fleur’s hair while not being attracted to her.
*Is Ron’s attraction to Fleur supposed to speak badly of him? Like, remember how Mr. Weasley said Veelas taught you not to go for looks alone? Is Ron’s being more of a straight boy than Harry supposed to show why he’d go for someone like Lavender instead of falling at Hermione’s intelligent feet immediately? Because leave Ron alone. You might want to think twice before wishing he’d act more
*Well, this scene is just a brilliant send-up of female stupidity. Ron points out the sad but true fact that bringing Tonks to dinner would probably not turn Bill’s head away from Fleur and Hermione and Ginny show they’ve forgotten Fleur is intelligent because she’s pretty. (Only Ginny can be both drop dead gorgeous and perfect in every other way as well.)
*Also I kind of love Ron for so bluntly stating that Tonks doing stupid things to her hair and nose isn’t attractive. Not that I have a problem with anyone dyeing her hair pink if she chooses, or think someone with pink hair can’t be attractive, but I found OotP-Tonks kind of childish and tedious and I like Ron’s basically being unimpressed with the attention-getting stuff.
*I also kind of love Ron for revealing he’s checked Tonks out, since God knows Harry never would.
*Remember how all the hints about there being a weapon in OotP made the prophecy a let-down? Kind of the same with linking Sirius to Tonks’ problems in HBP.
*Also I note Hermione considers Sirius being Tonks’ cousin reason he’d matter to her. Somehow I doubt she’d see the same bond between Sirius and any of his “bad” cousins.
*LOL. Harry asks how Tonks managed to “work out” that she’s responsible for Sirius’ death. Oh, about the same way you came to the conclusion it was Snape’s fault, Harry. Iow, irrationally.
*Note that nobody in this conversation seems to be making the connection between Survivor Guilt and Harry.
*Does Hermione have any basis for thinking Tonks feels responsible for Sirius’ death, btw? Or have she and Ginny both just made up totally wrong motivations for the women they’re talking about? (Ginny thinks Molly’s trying to get Tonks and Bill together, Hermione thinks Tonks is suffering from survivor’s guilt?) Did Remus throw Hermione off the track?
*PS-GoF Ginny would never have yelled, “I’m talking to this lot!” Just saying.
*Btw, Hermione, get used to helping with the lunch yourself. You won’t be a guest forever. You’ll be in the kitchen with the womenfolk doing the cooking soon enough.
*Mrs. Weasley’s starting lunch while Harry’s still eating breakfast. To review: the house where cooking and eating never stops is not the house that produced Dudley. I’m not, btw, trying to claim the Weasleys eat to much, just noting all the conflicting attitudes about food and weight.
*Ginny does a childish imitation of Fleur doing ballet and swings her own long fabulous mane around. Which she does anyway, but see, when Ginny’s hair whips around it’s gravity. With Fleur it’s her innate cow-ness.
*Dumbledore says it’s far easier for people to forgive others for being wrong than being right, says Hermione, implying that of course this could only apply to Percy and not the other half of the argument. Isn’t it interesting the way when we have an argument the other person is always the one who was misguided and stupid?
*Blimey, private lessons with Dumbledore, thinks Ron. Don’t get your hopes up Ron. They’re not so much lessons as Dumbledore inviting Harry to his office to watch Days of Our Dark Lord with him.
*Ron and Hermione are looking at Harry, frightened and amazed. Gee, sounds a bit like how Pansy Parkinson will later be looking at Draco, only when she does it it’s dumb. Cow.
*Hermione seems to have gotten a magical black eye, because bruises don’t actually appear that fast.
*Hermione shows how she’s been dreaming about Harry learning violent stuff to do—I’m sorry, anti-violent stuff. Especially that anti-life counter-jinx that’s going to kill Voldemort.
*Yeah yeah, Harry feels a warm glow that Ron and Hermione didn’t shrink away from him when they found out he’s an even cooler than they thought. Uh huh.
*When I read this the first time I was embarrassingly excited to see the OWL results.
*Mrs. Weasley tries to fix Hermione’s black eye, but it won’t come off. “But it’s got to come off,” Hermione squeaks. “I can’t go around looking like this forever!” That Marietta story better resolve itself in a good way, JKR.
*Hermione says she did no good in the DADA practical—so is she really supposed to be bad at that kind of stuff? I sort of like if she is, even if it’s just to make sure Harry shines in it. There’s some suggestion that Harry threw off the curve so damn much he was the only O in the entire WW that year.
*Fleur has two completely normal lines in the scene, one of which annoys Hermione, the other of which is cut off by Hermione. But she says these lines serenely and complacently so obviously she’s still a big cow. Too bad Percy’s gone. They might enjoy being a team of Weasley Adverb Villains.
*At Smeeth we ‘ad a different way of doing things. I think eet was better. If wee passed out in ze middle of an exam, we could make eet up.
*Ron failed History of Magic too, without passing out. Either Ron is the biggest Harry-follower ever and failed for solidarity or I’m going to assume Harry was lucky to pass out because it gave him a cool excuse for failing.
*Harry tells us nothing about Ron’s grades other than that he didn’t get any Outstandings. Because all that really matters is that Harry’s better.
*Hermione would have been disappointed even if she got 11 O’s. Which is why nobody should ever want to be Hermione.
*It’s the Aurors’ job to catch and kill Voldemort? Really? You wouldn’t know it from the way they just seem to guard Harry until he can do it.
*So is Harry really going to become an Auror? Presumably he’ll kill Voldemort before he gets out of school, and it’s having “taken hold of him” is kind of news to me. That he can’t think of anything else seems about right, though.
Box Picture
Well, thank goodness we’re all caught up on what’s going on with the Weasleys. Except Charlie, as usual.
Designated Hero
Ah yes, the Weasleys, the epitome of not being a Death Eater. Suffering for their great respect for Muggles…and all their rubbish.
Hero’s Death Battle Exemption
"The Prophet got the prophecy right," said Harry tightly. "It says I’ve got Hero’s Death Battle Exemption, so I’ve got to be the one to kill Voldemort. Neither can live while the other survives, but one may not kill the other without first holding him up to his face so he can be stabbed repeatedly with an arrow for twenty minutes."
Idiot Picture
Well, thank goodness we’re all caught up on what’s going on with the Weasleys. Except Charlie. Maybe he’s not an idiot.
Idiot World
That ridiculous exchange at the backdoor with Arthur setting an example for his many underlings in the government.
Informed Attributes
Fleur is totally complacent. Thank you, adverb fairy.
Ken and Andrew’s Rule of Plot Holes
Note that when Harry says that neither he nor Voldemort can live while the other survives, Hermione-the-Brain does not say, "But aren’t you both alive now?"
McGuffin
Nymphadora McGuffin Tonks, License to Wither.
Misdirected Answering
Feel free to skip this chapter if you don’t care about the Weasley family drama.
Final score: 9
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no subject
Date: 2006-04-14 08:04 pm (UTC)Maybe I'm incredibly slow, but I still don't know why exactly they call her "phlegm". Where do they get that from? Is it supposed to make any sense? Someone explain this to me, please!
Harry suddenly realizes how hungry he is. Hunger is a low priority for our hero. Unlike some people who shall remain nameless.
At this point I realised how hungry I was, and got up to get some pizza. Side benefit: cooking instructions for frozen pizza actually have a point.
I guess her tolerance for the Muggles has just gotten lower.
Are her parents under Imperio? Have they been drugged with a Complacency Potion? Her constant presence at the Weasleys' would make more sense if she were an orphan - cue flashback to 10.000 stories that have her orphaned by Death Eaters -, but God forbid she infringe on Harry's speshulness!
Unlike Percy, who was promoted just to get close to the pulse of Wizarding Secret Intelligence that is Arthur Weasley.
*cuddles Percy*
*kicks other Weasleys*
It’s the Tell Don’t Show clock.
Yes - that's exactly what's so annoying about it, even more so than its utter uselessness: it keeps telling us something that's actually nowhere to be seen.
Not to pick on Harmonians, but I still find it hilarious that in that re-written H/Hr HBP
I'm hopelessly out of touch with HP fandom, it seems - I didn't even realise there was a rewrite. Not that I'm surprised, mind you - but still, a link? Please? *needs something to laugh at*
Btw, Hermione, get used to helping with the lunch yourself. You won’t be a guest forever. You’ll be in the kitchen with the womenfolk doing the cooking soon enough.
Bet she'll come around on the subject of house elves pretty damn quickly! Er, maybe that's why she didn't object to Harry owning Kreacher? ;-)
“But it’s got to come off,” Hermione squeaks. “I can’t go around looking like this forever!” That Marietta story better resolve itself in a good way, JKR.
Is it really possible that she doesn't even notice all the double standards?! *boggles*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-14 08:20 pm (UTC)Maybe I'm incredibly slow, but I still don't know why exactly they call her "phlegm". Where do they get that from? Is it supposed to make any sense? Someone explain this to me, please!
I guess, it's because 'phlegm' is just another word for snot, meaning that it supposedly fit Fleur because she is snotty. Still, nothing really funny about it, only gets lamer with the constant repetition. But what else should we expect from Ginny 'One-Trick-Pony' Weasley. One girl, one insult, one hex.
Yes - that's exactly what's so annoying about it, even more so than its utter uselessness: it keeps telling us something that's actually nowhere to be seen.
Why is Charlie in mortal peril anyway, isn't he in Romania? And seeing how useless this clock is, when actually one of the kids is in danger, no one will notice (Ron being poisoned).
no subject
Date: 2006-04-14 09:21 pm (UTC)Why is Charlie in mortal peril anyway, isn't he in Romania?
Don't you know the whole world is in danger? And rightly so: it has to be, because do you really think our dear Harry could be bothered to save anything less than the whole world? *snort*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-14 09:50 pm (UTC)Phlegm is that whitish, slimy gunk that you cough out of your throat and spit out when you have a cold.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-14 10:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-14 10:42 pm (UTC)Period.
Don't you get Teh Funneh!?!!?
Oh and the boogey thing probably too, yah, Ginny has a mucous obsession.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-14 10:42 pm (UTC)Hmmm well then ya got me....
no subject
Date: 2006-04-14 11:09 pm (UTC)an Fsomething-like-an-F! That's, like, so clever! Wittiest Insult Evah! There should be a prize!And I totally forgot about Ginny and mucus... *shudders* Did you have to remind me?!
no subject
Date: 2006-04-15 02:48 am (UTC)Why yes, yes I did!
no subject
Date: 2006-04-15 12:43 am (UTC)The Snot connection is good (though it's Ginny who's far more connected with snot than Fleur), but I think, sadly, it comes down to two things: a) It's a bodily fluid and b) It begins with the "fl" sound.
I'm hopelessly out of touch with HP fandom, it seems - I didn't even realise there was a rewrite. Not that I'm surprised, mind you - but still, a link? Please? *needs something to laugh at*
I think they took it down, but I remember seeing little snips of it. H/Hr happened and any time during the book where Hermione's wrong, she's now right. (Like I believe she and Harry snuck up to the Astronomy Tower to be alone and to discuss what was up with Malfoy. I'm sure Hermione changed the whole ending.)
Is it really possible that she doesn't even notice all the double standards?! *boggles*
What double standards--she deserved it!
no subject
Date: 2006-04-15 12:50 am (UTC)The wit, it slays me. *yawns*
and any time during the book where Hermione's wrong, she's now right
Is it very sick of me that I'd really like to read that now? :D
What double standards--she deserved it!
Well, yes, of course Hermione deserved it! *g*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-15 05:32 am (UTC)I was thinking, too, that maybe it's also a bit of a linguistic jab--French can be kind of phlegmy-sounding (and especially so if one's going with a super-stereotype!)
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Date: 2006-04-15 02:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-15 06:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-15 06:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-15 07:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 05:12 am (UTC)Out of
JKR'sGinny's ass.Is it supposed to make any sense?
Nope. It's supposed to show how witty-but-not-unpleasant Ginny is. Unfortunately characters can only be as witty as their authors, and JKR isn't really funny when she tries to be funny. She's funnier when she tries to be mean, like when writing Snape-voice.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 02:36 pm (UTC)True. The things that are meant to be funny usually make me cringe, but the things that are supposed to make me cringe are funny. *g*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 05:13 am (UTC)I don't have a link, but it was very funny. At one point, Hermione Sue maturely reprimands Ginny for bitching at Fleur, calling on her to behave herself better.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 02:37 pm (UTC)