Say "Yay!" to broadband!!!1

[jollityfarm.livejournal.com]

After too long, I now have Groovy Broadband and can give you Chapter 19. Chapter 20 to follow as soon as possible.

*Ron is still in the hospital wing with the poisoning. Sad that the only time his birthday has been acknowledged in canon, this happens to him. That's what you get for turning seventeen when Harry didn't, ginger-bollocks.

*We must be aware that Fred and George's (shared!) gift is large. Doubtless expensive and probably - knowing them - quite horrible too.

*Were they thinking of buying Zonko's for Ron? I doubt it, these capitalist tools of the Man probably wouldn't dream of being so generous with their gifts. Anyway, the place is all boarded up. Shed a tear for the magical folk who can't live without things that piss people off or scare the shit out of their enemies ("enemies" here defined as "anyone who looks at you funny")

*It was indeed lucky that bezoars were so expertly foreshadowed, or Harry would have to not only watch as his mate perished from a poisoning, but would have to admit that he'd been thusly far bluffing and blagging his way through Potions, without actually learning anything. Slughorn would probably have wasted away in anguish at the news *faketear*

*Hermione has been keeping vigil beside Ron's bed, although their will-they-who-cares relationship will be stretched out for who knows how many pages of dreary tripe. If I wanted to listen in on other people's stupid disagreements, I'd have stayed at home all this time.

*The poisoner didn't know Slughorn as well as Hermione does (speaking as though she has "a bad head cold" too), and therefore must be Draco. The fact that it was Draco doesn't make it any less stupid.

*It might have been a luckier day for the Weasleys if Ron had been sorted elsewhere and made friends with someone much less dangerous. Then he wouldn't keep getting Harry's leftover shit. Perhaps this mode of thinking makes me a Slytherin (and therefore a genuine card-carrying racist Nazi, oh yes!) or something. Just as well Ron also gets residual help from all the people desparately protecting Harry, I guess.

*According to Hagrid, it's always been a risk sending kids to Hogwarts. Quite possibly one of the more logical things he's said (perhaps on a par with "Better out than in") although an almost hillarious understatement. Still, he'd be in a decent position to be an authority on the risk of Hogwarts.

*Attempted murder is a worrying thing. Sucessful murder, ie, when Cedric got offed, causes no comment. People might like to explain that this was because of Fudge and his evil band of jobsworths trying to discredit Harry. Still, it was hardly "different" in any real way.

*According to Hagrid, Snape had agreed to do something and Dumbledore had been nagging him about it. This will cause much wank until the end of the series and quite possibly beyond. In book seven we will either find out that (a)Dumbledore knows about the whole thing with the oath and Bellatrix and was quite possibly dying anyway, or (b)that Dumbledore was talking about something else, but was Betrayed. Place your bets...any time you like. Me, I still hope he escapes (perhaps with Draco in tow), never to be seen by our intrepid heroes again, with nary a word of apology to anyone. Can't help but admire that. Alas, he will probably die, hopefully not in some crappy way, where he chokes out some miserable words about how sorry he is etc. I'd like his last words to be something more like "fuck you!". But I digress.

*Hagrid calls Filch a "sneaking Squib". This is not any sort of prejudice, since it came out of Hagrid's face. If any dark-hat said such a thing, we'd hear nothing but "racism!!!1" from here to the end of Hell. All prejudice is racism, unless it's against Filch :(

*I do wonder why Hogwarts keeps Peeves around. I daresay Dumbledore could have banished him - so really, what's the point? Ask Fleur, she'll tell you. Mind you, the levels of humour round that way probably indicate that Dumbledore thinks Peeves is hillarious. He could work for Fred and George in Hogsmeade after the defeat of Voldemort. People would flock because they're morons.

*Gossip about Harry goes around in seconds flat. Gossip about Ron doesn't.

*"Perhaps Dumbledore did not think it right to confirm suspicions about his staff to sixteen-year-olds..." Well, sorry to hear that. Must smart to be brought down to the level of ordinary students.

*Gryffindors are anxious to see Zacharias Smith punished some more for being no more biased against Gryffindor than the irritating Lee Jorndan was against everyone else. Didn't Ginny already crash him to bits first time around? Maybe he needs to suffer permanent damage! That'll learn him! Obviously, the Gryffindors are not in any way bad sports.

*Harry "obsessed with Draco Malfoy". Well, who isn't?

*McLaggen and Lavender are both following Harry about and being annoying to him. Why can they not see the burdens he bears? Don't they know he has to spend time sitting in a toilet cubicle studying the places where Draco might be?

*Harry doesn't like McLaggen because he tries to tell everyone what to do. Blast him! That's your job, isn't it, Harry?

*Draco is acting suspiciously with two girls. Gasp! Someone, somewhere, is writing a threesome between Draco and turned-into-girls Crabbe and Goyle. Even if only in their head.

*More boring Quidditch with Luna commenting. I personally find Luna's commentary embarassing, but there you go.

*Anyway, Harry gets hit with a Bludger and wakes up in hospital. One of the first things he thinks of is how he's missed knowing where Draco is for several hours.

*It is also McLaggen's fault, although he is still not so important as Draco. The world continues to spin etc

*Harry decides to call Kreacher to help him tail Draco. He gets Dobby as well, who is sycophantically defending Harry with a bitey-fight. Despite the fact that Dobby is supposedly "free", he seems to interpret this to mean that he is free to hero-worship Harry. As others have said, Kreacher does indeed seem more dignified here. Dobby vows to commit suicide if he doesn't live up to Harry's expectations. If Elves were sorted, there'd only be one place for him.

Comments

[teratologist.livejournal.com]

We must be aware that Fred and George's (shared!) gift is large. Doubtless expensive and probably - knowing them - quite horrible too.

Fred and George sent a shared gift? Weasleycest is canon!!!!!! Or something. Although, I must say, I could more honestly see Tonks pining hopelessly over one of them than Remus, if she's got to pine at all.

According to Hagrid, it's always been a risk sending kids to Hogwarts.

Which is why the administration does such a careful job of keeping parents, and especially Muggle parents with their silly Muggle notions like safety regulations and child welfare organizations, appraised of exactly what they're letting their children in for. Including the guerrilla warfare between the Headmaster and the bunny-slaughtering sociopath. I mean, maybe if the alternative was sending your kid to school (warning, upcoming link is deadly serious and quite upsetting, but also a good reminder about exactly WHY people might find the notion of adults encouraging children to form private armies more distressing than cute) in Uganda (http://www.creativevisions.org/name/)...

[guza.livejournal.com]

All prejudice is racism, unless it's against Filch :(

Poor Filch. :( Harry even practices hexes on him. He's so noble.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Woo-hoo!

Heh--Fred and George shared gift OTP! I love it!

It was indeed lucky that bezoars were so expertly foreshadowed, or Harry would have to not only watch as his mate perished from a poisoning, but would have to admit that he'd been thusly far bluffing and blagging his way through Potions, without actually learning anything.

And let's hear it for Slughorn, champion Potions Master who has to stand there with his eyes bugging out while Harry saves the day. Next week, Harry saves Marcus Welby's dinner companion with the Heimlich maneuver because doctors freeze under pressure. Not like Harry Potter, mediocre student!

Hermione has been keeping vigil beside Ron's bed, although their will-they-who-cares relationship will be stretched out for who knows how many pages of dreary tripe. If I wanted to listen in on other people's stupid disagreements, I'd have stayed at home all this time.

Exactly. When you love your man most when he's in a coma, you might want to consider a different man.

It might have been a luckier day for the Weasleys if Ron had been sorted elsewhere and made friends with someone much less dangerous.

It's surprisingly circumspect of them to praise Harry for saving them so much without reminding him how often he was connected to why they were in danger

According to Hagrid, it's always been a risk sending kids to Hogwarts.

I imagine when Dumbledore sent out cards announcing Hagrid was becoming a professor, this sentiment was embossed across the top.

Attempted murder is a worrying thing. Sucessful murder, ie, when Cedric got offed, causes no comment.

That was in a game, though! For glory! It's great for the school!

Hagrid calls Filch a "sneaking Squib".

Yup. Not prejudice at all. If you were a squib in a WW, I'm sure you'd agree it's far worse to have someone call you a Mudblood than make fun of the disability that's made you a third class citizen your entire life. God I hope Filch does magic in Book VII. And I hope one of the things he does is to hex Harry.

Gossip about Harry goes around in seconds flat. Gossip about Ron doesn't.
This school's gossip mill continues to amaze me. Death is more interesting than kissing, people!

More boring Quidditch with Luna commenting. I personally find Luna's commentary embarassing, but there you go.

The author had to resort to Luna to figure out something different to do with Quidditch. And by different I mean exactly the same but with a different commentator. I wonder if 20 years from now she'll wake up in the middle of the night and say, "Damn, why didn't I have Slytherin win in OotP?"

[anehan]

*Harry doesn't like McLaggen because he tries to tell everyone what to do. Blast him! That's your job, isn't it, Harry?

Harry dear, when you can't keep your team-members in check, it's perhaps an indication that you aren't the most talented of captains, yes?

more tomorrow

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

The fact that it was Draco doesn't make it any less stupid.

Clearly Draco is the stupid one for not realising that Fatty McFat Slughorn would have of course greedily kept Dumbledore's present, since it's food-related, and he's fat. You might have missed that, though, it didn't come up often.
Wow, Draco really is a loser when it comes to looks, though, isn't he? He doesn't have the taste to date the most beautiful girls in school, he calls Slughorn fat once as opposed to being as witty as the narrative/Harry and noting it 840937885 times... It's almost as if looks are more important to our heroes.

Attempted murder is a worrying thing. Sucessful murder, ie, when Cedric got offed, causes no comment.

But this killer is attacking Gryffindors! CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD11!!!11

I doubt it, these capitalist tools of the Man probably wouldn't dream of being so generous with their gifts.

The point is that Zonkos must be demolished! Competition's all well and good, but there must be a winner in the Potterverse. Fred and George are the Walmart of the WW.

Also I like that it's here Ginny guesses the poison is in the bottle, Slughorn's innocent (ZOMG, is she being unprejudiced against Slytherins? Or is he cool cause he lets her hex people? Take a guess.) and the poisoner's after Dumbledore. Now get back in your box, young miss, and save your brain for working out man-getting techniques.

All prejudice is racism, unless it's against Filch :(

Just because you use people's race against them, doesn't make you a racist! Except it totally does. Except we like Harry, Hagrid and the Twins so we shall call it Muggles and Squibs getting what their untalented asses deserve.

Someone, somewhere, is writing a threesome between Draco and turned-into-girls Crabbe and Goyle. Even if only in their head.

I have links, and I'm not kidding.

[(Anonymous)]

Gryffindors are anxious to see Zacharias Smith punished some more for being no more biased against Gryffindor than the irritating Lee Jorndan was against everyone else.

Funny about Smith and his bias. When he questions Harry in OotP, Ron tells him to STFU while Fred and George threaten him with sharp objects, and Ginny hexes him for asking her about the MoM. You'd think he'd have learned to not ask questions and respect his betters, instead of developing this random, inexplicable anti-Gryffindor prejudice. It wouldn't surprise me if he's one of those disgusting Weasley h8rs, even.

Despite the fact that Dobby is supposedly "free", he seems to interpret this to mean that he is free to hero-worship Harry.

Weird, isn't it? Ordinary house-elves take pride in serving whether their masters are kind to them or not. Dobby's a rebel by house-elf standards because he doesn't want to put up with a bad master, but his declarations of loyalty to Harry are more neurotically submissive than anything we've heard a "normal" house-elf say. It's almost like he lost his bearings when he was given clothes (as Winky did) except that he was groveling at the feet of TBWL from the moment they met. A bit like those adventure stories of the Kipling vintage where the hero is the first white man who doesn't insult the natives and they're all, "I am the Sahib's dog omg".

Side note: Hagrid, who's about 11-12 feet tall, leaves footprints the size of dolphins. If we're talking Flipper, that's six feet. Hagrid will never need skis.

-L

[j-lunatic.livejournal.com]

*Gryffindors are anxious to see Zacharias Smith punished some more for being no more biased against Gryffindor than the irritating Lee Jorndan was against everyone else. Didn't Ginny already crash him to bits first time around? Maybe he needs to suffer permanent damage! That'll learn him! Obviously, the Gryffindors are not in any way bad sports.

I do hope that in Book Seven, the Heirs of Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Gryffindor are Zacharias Smith, Marietta Edgecombe, and Cormac McLaggan, and when the Trio approaches them for help with the Horcruxes they answer "And why should I help you?"