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[identity profile] sistermagpie.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] deathtocapslock


*It says a lot about how crap Snape’s life is that the chapter where he’s "victorious" refers to the one where we learn he’s going to be at the same job, teaching the same kids, but in a different classroom.

*Harry has never hated Malfoy more than he hated him as he lay there like a turtle. Harry Potter: Sith Lord in Training.

*Though I do love that he hates Malfoy the most now because he knows he (Harry) did something a stupid, and that Malfoy is probably telling everyone in Slytherin, to great laughter. Unfortunately the only other person in the school who would understand exactly how Harry’s feeling right now is, well, Malfoy.

*Harry remembers some wizards can perform spells without speaking—thus the first mention of wordless magic. (Which Harry seems to think is a super special skill only some wizards as great as Dumbledore have.) The book starts with Harry seeing exactly how important this skill can be, but as soon as Snape starts teaching it he’ll have good reason to not want to study it.

*Not that he really needs anyone to teach it, since he’s instinctually doing just what Snape says to do right here anyway.

*Hee! No panicked voices asking where Harry Potter has gone! Malfoy would be wetting himself with joy if he knew what Harry was thinking.

*Harry’s broken nose has no affect on his ability to speak. Unlike Neville Longbottom, who broke his nose and talked like a cartoon character for the rest of the chapter. Just another way we know who the Chosen One is.

*This is also scene two of Tonks, the mousy-haired Red Herring. You know, I’m not bothered by this storyline in terms of what it says about Tonks. She’s a Black; they’re very overdramatic. But that is what she’s being. It’s a straightforward mystery and the solution is Remus Lupin. She’s actually not also suffering from chronic depression, survivor’s guilt, PTSD and whatever other trauma warnings one might see in fanfics.

*Tonks sends her Patronus, also without speaking. Harry fails to note that this seems to be an ordinary ability of adult wizards.

*I’m not even going to try to figure out just how this is supposed to be better than e-mail or cell phones.

*Remember how Harry wished people would worry and ask where Harry Potter was? They would. Phew! Also, he really should have been Prefect.

*Harry reminds us of Tonks’ former personality so that we get she’s acting differently. Was she particularly inquisitive before? I remember the annoying part, but for me it was more about the awkward demonstrations of personality quirks rather than inquisitiveness.

*Perhaps Tonks is no longer inquisitive because Ginny kept hexing her for asking too many questions.

*Harry doesn’t blame Tonks for Sirius’ death. It wasn’t her fault any more than anyone else’s, and far less than his. At least for the next few minutes. And then…

*Enter Severus Snape: Blame Magnet!

*Harry can’t open the gates because Dumbledore’s bewitched them himself. Am I sensing a “Dumbledore is so marvelous he’s head and shoulders above all over wizards” theme in this book to lead up to the end? Like even gates won’t lock without his personal supervision?

*Snape’s “Potter is quite – ah – safe in my hands” is a nice echo of PS/SS. He hates you, but he never wanted you dead.

*Tonks meant Hagrid to get the message. Best. Form of communication. Ever. What spy wouldn’t want to send messages via a big glowing animal easily recognizable as belonging to him or her that random people can see and intercept?

*Snape criticizes Tonks’ Patronus. Snape can be a real bitch.:-)

*Not that Snape’s lying. If there’s one person who knows exactly how Lupin can be weak, it’s Snape.

*What a surprise. Harry has decided Snape’s snide remarks about Sirius not leaving the house were a powerful factor in his leaving the house. Fred Weasleys’ remarks on the same subject rolled right off his back, though, I’m sure.

*Kinda says a lot about Harry and Sirius’ relationship, though, that Harry’s got no trouble taking that sort of attitude about Sirius. You know Sirius doesn’t think and has an adolescent need to do risky things, Severus! What were you thinking?

*Snape mentions a house has never had negative points this early in the term. Personally, I’m more impressed with the way Harry can always manage to have developed a raging hate for one or more people before he even gets to school each year. Are we sure this isn’t the Power the Dark Lord Knows Not?

*It makes me giggle when Snape says pudding.

*The hatred, which first Harry thought was generating off him in waves, now goes blazing hot. From his pov. To an outsider Harry probably just looks like a regular teenager scowling very fiercely.

*Again—Harry’s great power? He’s got this great capacity for love. Being a seething cauldron of hate is just a side effect.

*Yes, Snape has come to get Harry just because he can’t stand to miss a few minutes of needling and tormenting. You know Snape, when Draco Malfoy starts to look cool by comparison you really might want to consider therapy.

*Hermione says they’ve been terrified by Harry’s disappearance. Not “leave the table and do something” terrified, more like “whisper worriedly over your pudding” terrified.

*Hee hee. Snape said pudding.

* Harry knows Draco’s habit of spreading gossip, but knows this might still mean Gryffindors wouldn’t hear it. It’s like Gryffindor and Slytherin each live in their own separate bubbles, sometimes including Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff when they want to spread their own info, but not receiving stuff from the enemy house through them. BTW, the hat’s still on about uniting all four…

*Harry says Hagrid’s never managed to comport himself with the dignity of Professor McGonagall, which is Harry’s nice way of reminding us Hagrid’s never managed to comport himself with dignity, period.

*Poor Trelawney’s at the feast this year obviously desperately insecure about her place at the school.

*What Harry would not give to fight Malfoy one on one. Wait, he just did that. What he wouldn’t give to fight him in a proper one-on-one with his friends outnumbering the Slytherins.

*Oh alright, I get it. It’s foreshadowing for their later duel where Harry uses Sectumsempra and gets exactly what he wished for out of it.

*Dumbledore stands and everyone shuts up. He opens his arms as if to embrace the whole room, which is I’m sure what he was hoping to convey when he practiced the gesture in front of the mirror in his room. I’ll bet the Slytherins all feel like they just got a great big hug!

*Hermione notices Dumbledore’s hand, something Harry never mentioned in the weeks they’ve been hanging out together. Well come on, why would he mention a beloved friend appears to be losing a limb? Harry figured it’d be cured by now or something. Jeez, who’s the Chosen One here? Harry’s got hands too, you know!

*Harry’s all upset about Snape teaching DADA—how could he be given it after all this time? I think the real question is: what is that your business?

*How much do I love Snape’s lazy hand wave and the Slytherin clapping. The two faces of Snape.

*Hermione is one of the craziest studies in human nature in fiction. She’s all “shocked and reproachful” when Harry says the DADA position is jinxed and everyone leaves after a year, and he’s hoping for another death. Meanwhile she’s like a prodigy of ruthless efficiency when it comes to judging and punishing the masses. I believe this psychological principle at work here is called “doubling,” the division of the self into two functioning wholes, so that a part-self acts as an entire self.”

*DD starts talking about Voldemort. Harry looks over to see Malfoy staring at a spoon he’s got hovering in the air. Readers longingly wonder what it would be like to be in Malfoy’s head during this book.

*Still, it looks like Draco’s improved on those levitation charms. He’s not going to drop any wine glasses this year, dammit!

*Dumbledore announces how dangerous everything is, advises everyone to report any unattended luggage (if you see something, say something!) etc., and says they have to guard against carelessness of any student or staff member. McGonagall is no doubt mouthing THAT MEANS YOU, LONGBOTTOM to Neville from her seat.

*Dumbledore then says their beds await and pip pip. How will we ever go on without this guy?

*Hermione darts ahead to fulfill her duty as shepherd of first years. Why do I picture Hermione nagging and generally making the first year trip to the tower more difficult instead of less?

*It was a mark of the strength of Ron’s friendship that he does not laugh to hear Harry had his nose stepped on and broken. Do you think that’s a sign that we’re not supposed to think Malfoy’s train stomp was a mark of great evil that might have killed Harry? Nah. Ron’s a future wife abuser, innit? (I have no idea if I’m using that last word correctly, but it seemed to fit.)

*Harry thinks it must be pure pigheadedness that Ron doesn’t react to the stuff Harry overheard Malfoy say on the train. You know, finding out that his friends are all subject to the whims of a plot would probably be a great relief to Harry at this point because otherwise it kind of does seem like pure pigheadedness.

*Ron also says Draco was just showing off for Parkinson, which seems to suggest that Ron, unlike Harry, probably pays attention to the interactions of other students.

*Harry says Voldemort’s name, and when Hagrid rebukes him he says Dumbledore says it too. “Well, that’s Dumbledore, innit?” says Hagrid. Yup, there goes another anvil of how Superior and Necessary Dumbledore Is To Us In These Dark Times, and How We Must Never Try To Reach His Level.

*Also Hagrid’s record as second string Harry Security goes unbroken. Tonks is sending messages to him to come open the gate, but he’s off with his retarded subplot of a brother.

*Hagrid says he was late because he and his brother were having a nice chat. Which probably meant that Hagrid rambled on while Grawp nodded and privately wished he’d get the hell out of his cave so he could get back to work on his Anthropological study, written entirely in Giantish: In The Shadow Of Giants by Dr. Grawp Gungabimu, Ph.D. Chapter One: When I allowed myself to be taken by my half-wizard brother in the interest of science, I had no idea how primitive the smaller primate brain would reveal itself to be. That he has been given a position as teacher to children further illustrates the inability of the smaller brain to make proper survival choices….

*None of the Trio is taking CoMC. They can’t imagine what Hagrid will say when he finds out his three favorite students aren’t taking his class. They can, at least, imagine what he won’t say, which is anything about his own skills as a teacher.

*Ironically Grawp is a tenured and highly-respected Professor at Giantbridge U. and the author of the pamphlet: “How To Teach a Fun and Interesting Care of Magical Creatures Class Without Endangering Minors.” Dumbledore greatly exaggerated his fluency in Giantish.



Foley Work
Poor Harry lying on the floor listening to the exaggerated Foley footsteps on the train.

Informed Attributes
Harry must save the Wizarding World with his Super Loving Nature! Which he’ll do as soon as he can leave this gloomy Tonks chick behind. Jeez, if you’re not going to entertain me would you shove off, please?

"Watermelon, watermelon, cantaloupe, cantaloupe"
Watermelon watermelon. Snape’s the new DADA teacher? Cantaloupe cantaloupe. Snape’s the new DADA teacher!

Final score: 3

Date: 2006-05-05 07:55 pm (UTC)
cleverthylacine: a cute little thylacine (Default)
From: [personal profile] cleverthylacine
How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

Date: 2006-05-05 09:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] courtaud.livejournal.com
"Dark sarcasm should be taught in schools."

Date: 2006-05-05 09:37 pm (UTC)
cleverthylacine: a cute little thylacine (Pervert!)
From: [personal profile] cleverthylacine
And really, could you think of a better teacher?

Date: 2006-05-05 10:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] courtaud.livejournal.com
Actually, yes. -_-
He is always too aggressive/defensive in the classroom.

Date: 2006-05-06 04:47 am (UTC)
cleverthylacine: a cute little thylacine (Bite me Slytherfanatics)
From: [personal profile] cleverthylacine
who would you suggest then?

Date: 2006-05-06 06:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] courtaud.livejournal.com
Just to go with the quote, Vimes would be enough.

But I think that as a carnivorous flamingo teaching dark sarcasm, Vetinari would be perfect.

(And I cannot think of a character in the Discworld who could not manage Voldemort in a minute. I'm not talking about Vetinari or Granny Weatherwax. Nobby and Colon would suffice.)

Date: 2006-05-06 06:49 am (UTC)
cleverthylacine: a cute little thylacine (Default)
From: [personal profile] cleverthylacine
I am one of the five people on the planet who isn't a Discworld fan, but I do believe you.

Date: 2006-05-06 11:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] courtaud.livejournal.com
I could have quoted whatever character in whatever series, and you still could believe me. ^_^

The Scoobies could manage Voldemort better than everyone in the Potterverse.

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