deathtocapslock | Mystery Hogwarts Theatre 3000: The Tales of Beedle the Bard! Intro

Note: this will come in multiple installments for fear of putting too much on one page, and, as with the abridged series, will take a little time to complete- going to college isn’t easy, you know!

So, in addition to my abridged versions of the Harry Potter books, I though I would MST The Tales of Beedle the Bard, using the denizens of our favorite Hogwarts House! I feel some tunage is in order to get everyone in the zone. Read on below (Tune is to the intro of MST3K)

In the not-too-distant past
Last Christmas A.D.
There lived a professor named Severus Snape
As frustrated as he could be

He worked at the famous Hogwarts School
Just another professor trying to be cool
He had thought he’d suffered through all he could take
But Dumbles didn’t like him so he trapped him in the lake

Dumbledore: “I’ll send him cheesy children’s tales,
The worst that I can find (tra-la-la).
He’ll have to sit and read them all
And I’ll monitor his mind (whisper: Legilimency).”

Now keep in mind, Snape can’t control
When the tales begin or end.
And so he decided he’d ask for help
From his Slytherin friends

Slytherin roll call!

Malfoy!
Crabbe!
Goyle!
Nott!
Parkinson!
Zabini!
AAAAAANNNDDD
Phineas Nigellus!!

If you’re wondering how Snape eats and breathes
And other science facts,
Repeat to yourself, this is magic,
I should really just relax.

It’s Mystery Hogwarts Theatre 3000!!