Let's Read Tales Of Beedle The Bard, Part Five: The Tale of the Three Brothers

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

Well, here it is. The final chapter. :) We made it. :D



Summary of the Story: You know how this one goes. Once upon a time, three brothers were traveling down "a lonely winding road at twilight". The brothers come across a river, and because they're wizards (of course. XP), they manage to get over the river -- which pisses Death off, especially considering that everyone else managed to drown in the river previously. (*Wonders about the previous travelers*) Death pretends to congratulate the brothers and asks them for what they want as prizes for evading him. The older brother, who's combative, asks for the Elder Wand. The second brother, who's "arrogant", asks for the Resurrection Stone, and the third brother, who's "the humblest and the wisest of the brothers", asks for the Invisibility Cloak. (Smart idea at the time. :P)

First brother dies of his own stupidity. Second brother kills himself to be with the girl he loves. Third brother (ugh) goes to meet Death willingly. Reader is busy headdesking and mumbling incoherent curses.

Dumbledore's Commentary: Starts with an actually quite cute (if a bit creepy) anecdote about how Dumbledore used to love that story when he was a kid (though Aberforth preferred "Grumble the Grubby Goat"). Possible foreshadowing? YMMV. :)

And then we get *this* load of crap:

"The moral of 'The Tale of the Three Brothers' could not be any clearer: Human efforts to evade or overcome death are always doomed to disappointment. The third brother in the story ("the humblest and also the wisest") is the only one who understands that, having narrowly escaped Death once, the best he can hope for is to postpone their next meeting as long as possible. This youngest brother knows that taunting Death -- by engaging in violence like the first brother, or by meddling in the shadowy art of necromancy, like the second brother -- means pitting oneself against a wily enemy that cannot lose." (94-95)

*Beat*

Honestly, Dumbledore, if you hadn't basically set Harry up to commit suicide for the Greater Good (and made him a Master of Death in the process), I'd actually buy this argument.

Then he goes on about the idea that the Hallows are real is a load of crap and misses the point of the original story and blah blah blah -- except oh wait they turned out to be real in the most horrible way possible GODDAMMIT --

*Dumbles Rage-O-Meter braces itself*

Easy there. *Sighs* My hate will make me powerful...my hate will make me powerful...okay, let's continue. XD

Blah blah blah isn't death tragic and irreversible blah blah blah starting to wish baeraad was here so that he could give Dumbledore a good spanking blah blah blah Godelot blah blah blah hang on a second:

"But which of us would have shown the wisdom of the third brother, if offered the pick of Death's gifts? Wizards and Muggles alike are imbued with a lust for power; how many would resist the 'Wand of Destiny'? Which human being, having lost someone they loved, could withstand the temptation of the Resurrection Stone? Even I, Albus Dumbledore, would find it easiest to refuse the Invisibility Cloak; which only goes to show that, clever as I am, I remain just as big a fool as anyone else." (107)

...

Well, at least he admits he's a hypocrite. Granted, he takes some time to brag about how "clever" he is (and to that I say, fuck you, sir. You are a humble servant of the Light -- something infinitely greater than you could ever be -- and that should be enough for you. #bitch mode), but it counts. A smidgen, that is. :P


Dumbles Rage-O-Meter: 11. *Explodes again* *Beat*

Poor Rage-O-Meter...I should really fix it, but honestly, I think it's suffered enough. Still... :(




And it's over. Phew.



So my conclusions on THE TALES OF BEEDLE THE BARD?

Awful.

If it had been a neat little tie-in for information about the Wizarding World, I think I would have liked it (or at the very least, it wouldn't have been as infuriating). Instead, it mostly serves as a vehicle to show what a "great writer" JKR is, and how "wise" Dumbledore is, and how "selfless" Harry is -- here's a hint: none of these are true. (Okay, maybe the JKR one was a little harsh, but...yeah)





On a scale of one to ten, where does it fall?

Less than zero.

It's pretentious and self-important, the Aesops are more unbalanced than a game of Jenga, and Dumbledore's commentary is so infuriating that it was hard to find room to make jokes at times.

I appreciate it was written for charity, but that's perhaps the only benefit of the doubt I can give it.



It's safe to say you can skip this one, and if you've chosen not to read it -- then I count you highly, highly fortunate. :)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to play some KOTOR II to cleanse my mind.

Comments

[majorjune.livejournal.com]

If it had been a neat little tie-in for information about the Wizarding World, I think I would have liked it (or at the very least, it wouldn't have been as infuriating).

I've said it before...there is absolutely no credible reason why Rowling couldn't have mentioned the DHs before the last book. A perfect place would have been in Book 1, when Harry gets the Invisibility Cloak as a Christmas present (actually getting what was his all along finally returned)...

Ron could have said something along the lines of, "Wow! That's an Invisibility Cloak, just like the one mentioned in The Tales of Beedle the Bard!"

And Harry would have asked what Ron meant, and he would have explained that the Beedle's tales were well-known "fairy tales" that all children in wizarding families grew up on. Ron could have even added that the cloak was one of three magikal items said to "conquer" death, the others being the Elder Wand and the Resurrection Stone. But, Ron would add, "everyone knows it's just a fairy tale"...

Done. Rowling would have gotten the items mentioned, she then could have actually come out with the Beedle the Bard book while she was still writing the HP series, it all would have been a much more elegant way of working the Hallows into the plot.

But as it is, between the Hallows just popping up out of nowhere in Book 7, and the Beedle book coming out after the HP series was finished, it all has a feeling of trying to shoehorn in information that should have been an integral part of the series from the beginning.

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

*This*! :D

Seriously, that was probably the most disgusting of the tales, IMHO. Morally, that is. :/ I'm just glad it's over, really (and maybe a little sad).

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

*This*! :D

[sharaz-jek.livejournal.com]

First brother dies of his own stupidity. Second brother kills himself to be with the girl he loves. Third brother (ugh) goes to meet Death willingly.

Third brother wastes his whole life hiding under a cloak, unable even to boast of his triumph over death like his older brothers, who at least got some use out of their gifts. Gives up once he realises how unbearable his half-life has become and commits suicide in the wreckage of what could have been a great and worthwhile existence.

Starts with an actually quite cute (if a bit creepy) anecdote about how Dumbledore used to love that story when he was a kid

So Albus was always this insufferable? I can just imagine him smugly listening to the older brothers meeting their ends.

or by meddling in the shadowy art of necromancy, like the second brother

Why does necromancy have such a bad reputation? Fighting against death is one of the great human struggles! Can you imagine what Dumbledore would have been like in Ancient Greece? "No, Hippocrates, do not meddle in the shadowy art of medicine! Death is inevitable and cannot be fought!".

means pitting oneself against a wily enemy that cannot lose."

Oh, so I guess the never-ending struggle against Voldemort he mentioned in PS is foolish and they should have just accepted his inevitable victory? YOU FUCKING HYPOCRITE.

the best he can hope for is to postpone their next meeting as long as possible.

Isn't that what Voldemort was doing? Does this mean Voldemort was right all along?

Fuck you, Dumbledore, and fuck every word that comes out of your poisonous mouth.

And congratulations for getting through it, ladyhadhafang!

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

Thank you. ^__^

And seriously, regarding your comments...*this*. :D

Yes it was more than I could do, I couldn't get through it.

[urbanman1984.livejournal.com]

I just listened to the abridged audio version;

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/audio/2008/dec/08/digested-read-jk-rowling

Re: Yes it was more than I could do, I couldn't get through it.

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

The recaps, you mean? It's okay. :)

Re: Yes it was more than I could do, I couldn't get through it.

[urbanman1984.livejournal.com]

I mean I never read Tales of Beedle the Bard all the way through, I discarded it very quickly when I got hold of a copy. The audio clip gives a very concise exposition of all the tales in the space of just a few minutes.

[600ants.livejournal.com]

He actually wheedled that Cloak off James Potter (who could've used it to hide himself and his family from Voldemort)

LOL Kinda off topic and seriously silly, not to mention I'm 100% sure this isn't what JK had in mind.... but a funny thing just occured to me: If Voldemort, when he went after the Potters, was Death, then James would be the foolish eldest brother, who "taunted death" by trying to fight something he couldn't defeat, Lily would be the one who tried to meddle with death (she tries to save the life of somebody whom the Death (read: Voldy) has destined to die), and little Harry would be the youngest brother, who "wisely" didn't lift a finger and survived, only to villingly encouter Death several years later. :p

[600ants.livejournal.com]

I really wonder where JK had planned to go with her series before the HP mania began, because it certainly wasn't the Deathly Hallows way...

Re: Yes it was more than I could do, I couldn't get through it.

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

Ah. Gotcha. *Should listen to the audio version*

[danajsparks.livejournal.com]

that's pretty clever!

Re: Yes it was more than I could do, I couldn't get through it.

[sharaz-jek.livejournal.com]

That is brilliant!

[aikaterini.livejournal.com]

/Why does necromancy have such a bad reputation? Fighting against death is one of the great human struggles!/

True, but it's the struggle to *postpone* death, not eradicate it. You can't "conquer" death because it's inevitable for all living things. Because it's inevitable, it's viewed as natural. Thus, trying to undo death (necromancy) is seen as "unnatural" because you're meddling with forces that shouldn't be meddled with, you're trying to reverse something that is naturally irreversible.

/Isn't that what Voldemort was doing? Does this mean Voldemort was right all along?/

That's a good point and that's also what confused me about Voldemort's motivations. In GoF, he states that his goal is to "conquer death." We never get a concrete reason as to why he wants to be immortal, he just does. Because...he's evil, I guess.

I also don't understand what immortality has to do with a pureblood-supremacist agenda. How does killing Muggle-borns and Muggles "conquer death?" As far as I could see, Voldemort's quest to conquer death was a solo project: it required him to make Horcruxes, which he did on his own. He didn't need the Death Eaters for any of that. He's already "conquered death" by making the Horcruxes, so what was he talking about in the graveyard scene of GoF?

[dracasadiablo.livejournal.com]

I couldn't agree more.

For somebody who favors the "brave, proactive characters" (as JKR say she does) it's strange that DD (who is here her sock puppet) admires the third brother who lives in fear, never does anything and commits suicide at the end. :(

[sharaz-jek.livejournal.com]

Thus, trying to undo death (necromancy) is seen as "unnatural" because you're meddling with forces that shouldn't be meddled with, you're trying to reverse something that is naturally irreversible.

Referring to necromancy as unnatural always amuses me in a fantasy context, especially when it's being described from a magic-user's perspective. And, of course, giving in to the "natural" way of things means clothing, fire, houses, and writing are foul and black arts on the same level as calling up the restless souls of the dead.

I also don't understand what immortality has to do with a pureblood-supremacist agenda. How does killing Muggle-borns and Muggles "conquer death?" As far as I could see, Voldemort's quest to conquer death was a solo project: it required him to make Horcruxes, which he did on his own. He didn't need the Death Eaters for any of that. He's already "conquered death" by making the Horcruxes, so what was he talking about in the graveyard scene of GoF?

Because JKR's saying something deep and profound about death, man! Trying to exceed your limits and become more than you are means you'll inevitably become evil, and the Spartans were right to euthanise their deformed children because they'd never have been satisfied with their lot in life! (Apologies for that, I've just been reading some reviews of 300 and it just came to mind.) But yeah, this series is about how everyone has their natural place and reaching higher leads to ending up as a flayed baby for eternity (see also the Muggle king in Babbity Rabbity who wants to learn magic, the warlock who just wants to be left alone to do awesome magic stuff because he's not interested in romance, and every Slytherin ever. Even Cedric wants to bring glory to Hufflepuff, and, in the words of Rifftrax, he's "killed by a fat man carrying an evil baby".)

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

You win an Internet. :3

http://operatorchan.org/n/src/n121391_citizen%20kane%20clap.gif

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

"Because JKR's saying something deep and profound about death, man! Trying to exceed your limits and become more than you are means you'll inevitably become evil, and the Spartans were right to euthanise their deformed children because they'd never have been satisfied with their lot in life! (Apologies for that, I've just been reading some reviews of 300 and it just came to mind.) But yeah, this series is about how everyone has their natural place and reaching higher leads to ending up as a flayed baby for eternity (see also the Muggle king in Babbity Rabbity who wants to learn magic, the warlock who just wants to be left alone to do awesome magic stuff because he's not interested in romance, and every Slytherin ever. Even Cedric wants to bring glory to Hufflepuff, and, in the words of Rifftrax, he's "killed by a fat man carrying an evil baby".)"

First off, yay, Rifftrax! :D

And second of all...yeah. :( *Jots down as part of What Not To Do When Writing A Screenplay/Fantasy Story/Whatever*

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

It definitely says something more disturbing about Dumbledore than even DH showed. :(

[sharaz-jek.livejournal.com]

You can't say Dumbledore never did anything to battle Voldemort! Why, he sent some of the most promising witches and wizards of their generation to their heroic deaths, scoring his biggest victories with the bodies of his loyal followers! (Maybe he actually is Death, and that's why the Elder Wand worked so well for him).

[oneandthetruth.livejournal.com]

Can you imagine what Dumbledore would have been like in Ancient Greece? "No, Hippocrates, do not meddle in the shadowy art of medicine! Death is inevitable and cannot be fought!".

Not to mention that "first, do no harm" business in the Hippocratic Oath. DD'd really have a problem with that! : D

[sunnyskywalker]

You know what would have made these stories work better? If Dumbledore had just said, "We can try to fit these into morals x, y, and z, but the thing about old tales which get passed down and changed over generations is that they often don't seem to have a moral that makes sense anymore, or one that we really don't like. So let's talk about all the possible interpretations, and how they stack up against our modern values, bearing in mind that some stories just might not have a coherent message after so many alterations." Although Dumbledore still could have done his commentary, and then Snape would do his own where he points out that no, sorry, broken Aesop is broken and even Dumbledore with all his cleverness can't make it fit.

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!

Ooh! Ooh! I hate this one!

*Wonders about the previous travelers*

Yeah, there didn't seem to be much to it, really.

The stuff from Dumbledore/Rowling really is pretentious. That's the perfect word for his/her additions - sad attempts to sound wise and intellectual. Pathetic. None of it makes any real 'sense'; none of it can be proven or shown to be true. It's all hand-waving and grandiose sounds without substance.

Pretentious pretentious PRETENTIOUS!

The only thing worse is Rowling's - and her sycophants' - real-life attempts to attach deep literary themes to her work where no such depth exists.

I remember coming across a story which ridiculed the third brother and showed what a miserable life he led, cowering under that invisibility cloak FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE for fear of being found by Death. Something of a macabre story, and deeply pitiful. No 'wisdom' there at all.

Still, one ray of sunshine maybe? --

Then he goes on about the idea that the Hallows are real is a load of crap and misses the point of the original story and blah blah blah -- except oh wait they turned out to be real in the most horrible way possible GODDAMMIT --

I haven't read Beedle, but if Dumbledore says in his notes about how the Hallows aren't real, wouldn't this be Rowling, tongue-in-cheek, writing him as he was/thought before he discovered the Stone and such? Mind you, DH was such a mess I've forgotten when and how Dumbledore came to realise that the Hallows were real; but there was a time before which he thought they were fictitious, right?

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

Wow, when you put it that way ... ugh. What a wonderful role model.

But it's perfectly consistent with Rowling's passive hero.

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

Like I've said before, absolutely NO WAY that Rowling knew where she was going with her series. She had no clue how Harry was going to win until she sat down to write the last book.