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deathtocapslockWell, here it is. The final chapter. :) We made it. :D
Summary of the Story: You know how this one goes. Once upon a time, three brothers were traveling down "a lonely winding road at twilight". The brothers come across a river, and because they're wizards (of course. XP), they manage to get over the river -- which pisses Death off, especially considering that everyone else managed to drown in the river previously. (*Wonders about the previous travelers*) Death pretends to congratulate the brothers and asks them for what they want as prizes for evading him. The older brother, who's combative, asks for the Elder Wand. The second brother, who's "arrogant", asks for the Resurrection Stone, and the third brother, who's "the humblest and the wisest of the brothers", asks for the Invisibility Cloak. (Smart idea at the time. :P)
First brother dies of his own stupidity. Second brother kills himself to be with the girl he loves. Third brother (ugh) goes to meet Death willingly. Reader is busy headdesking and mumbling incoherent curses.
Dumbledore's Commentary: Starts with an actually quite cute (if a bit creepy) anecdote about how Dumbledore used to love that story when he was a kid (though Aberforth preferred "Grumble the Grubby Goat"). Possible foreshadowing? YMMV. :)
And then we get *this* load of crap:
"The moral of 'The Tale of the Three Brothers' could not be any clearer: Human efforts to evade or overcome death are always doomed to disappointment. The third brother in the story ("the humblest and also the wisest") is the only one who understands that, having narrowly escaped Death once, the best he can hope for is to postpone their next meeting as long as possible. This youngest brother knows that taunting Death -- by engaging in violence like the first brother, or by meddling in the shadowy art of necromancy, like the second brother -- means pitting oneself against a wily enemy that cannot lose." (94-95)
*Beat*
Honestly, Dumbledore, if you hadn't basically set Harry up to commit suicide for the Greater Good (and made him a Master of Death in the process), I'd actually buy this argument.
Then he goes on about the idea that the Hallows are real is a load of crap and misses the point of the original story and blah blah blah -- except oh wait they turned out to be real in the most horrible way possible GODDAMMIT --
*Dumbles Rage-O-Meter braces itself*
Easy there. *Sighs* My hate will make me powerful...my hate will make me powerful...okay, let's continue. XD
Blah blah blah isn't death tragic and irreversible blah blah blah starting to wish baeraad was here so that he could give Dumbledore a good spanking blah blah blah Godelot blah blah blah hang on a second:
"But which of us would have shown the wisdom of the third brother, if offered the pick of Death's gifts? Wizards and Muggles alike are imbued with a lust for power; how many would resist the 'Wand of Destiny'? Which human being, having lost someone they loved, could withstand the temptation of the Resurrection Stone? Even I, Albus Dumbledore, would find it easiest to refuse the Invisibility Cloak; which only goes to show that, clever as I am, I remain just as big a fool as anyone else." (107)
...
Well, at least he admits he's a hypocrite. Granted, he takes some time to brag about how "clever" he is (and to that I say, fuck you, sir. You are a humble servant of the Light -- something infinitely greater than you could ever be -- and that should be enough for you. #bitch mode), but it counts. A smidgen, that is. :P
Dumbles Rage-O-Meter: 11. *Explodes again* *Beat*
Poor Rage-O-Meter...I should really fix it, but honestly, I think it's suffered enough. Still... :(
And it's over. Phew.
So my conclusions on THE TALES OF BEEDLE THE BARD?
Awful.
If it had been a neat little tie-in for information about the Wizarding World, I think I would have liked it (or at the very least, it wouldn't have been as infuriating). Instead, it mostly serves as a vehicle to show what a "great writer" JKR is, and how "wise" Dumbledore is, and how "selfless" Harry is -- here's a hint: none of these are true. (Okay, maybe the JKR one was a little harsh, but...yeah)
On a scale of one to ten, where does it fall?
Less than zero.
It's pretentious and self-important, the Aesops are more unbalanced than a game of Jenga, and Dumbledore's commentary is so infuriating that it was hard to find room to make jokes at times.
I appreciate it was written for charity, but that's perhaps the only benefit of the doubt I can give it.
It's safe to say you can skip this one, and if you've chosen not to read it -- then I count you highly, highly fortunate. :)
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to play some KOTOR II to cleanse my mind.
Summary of the Story: You know how this one goes. Once upon a time, three brothers were traveling down "a lonely winding road at twilight". The brothers come across a river, and because they're wizards (of course. XP), they manage to get over the river -- which pisses Death off, especially considering that everyone else managed to drown in the river previously. (*Wonders about the previous travelers*) Death pretends to congratulate the brothers and asks them for what they want as prizes for evading him. The older brother, who's combative, asks for the Elder Wand. The second brother, who's "arrogant", asks for the Resurrection Stone, and the third brother, who's "the humblest and the wisest of the brothers", asks for the Invisibility Cloak. (Smart idea at the time. :P)
First brother dies of his own stupidity. Second brother kills himself to be with the girl he loves. Third brother (ugh) goes to meet Death willingly. Reader is busy headdesking and mumbling incoherent curses.
Dumbledore's Commentary: Starts with an actually quite cute (if a bit creepy) anecdote about how Dumbledore used to love that story when he was a kid (though Aberforth preferred "Grumble the Grubby Goat"). Possible foreshadowing? YMMV. :)
And then we get *this* load of crap:
"The moral of 'The Tale of the Three Brothers' could not be any clearer: Human efforts to evade or overcome death are always doomed to disappointment. The third brother in the story ("the humblest and also the wisest") is the only one who understands that, having narrowly escaped Death once, the best he can hope for is to postpone their next meeting as long as possible. This youngest brother knows that taunting Death -- by engaging in violence like the first brother, or by meddling in the shadowy art of necromancy, like the second brother -- means pitting oneself against a wily enemy that cannot lose." (94-95)
*Beat*
Honestly, Dumbledore, if you hadn't basically set Harry up to commit suicide for the Greater Good (and made him a Master of Death in the process), I'd actually buy this argument.
Then he goes on about the idea that the Hallows are real is a load of crap and misses the point of the original story and blah blah blah -- except oh wait they turned out to be real in the most horrible way possible GODDAMMIT --
*Dumbles Rage-O-Meter braces itself*
Easy there. *Sighs* My hate will make me powerful...my hate will make me powerful...okay, let's continue. XD
Blah blah blah isn't death tragic and irreversible blah blah blah starting to wish baeraad was here so that he could give Dumbledore a good spanking blah blah blah Godelot blah blah blah hang on a second:
"But which of us would have shown the wisdom of the third brother, if offered the pick of Death's gifts? Wizards and Muggles alike are imbued with a lust for power; how many would resist the 'Wand of Destiny'? Which human being, having lost someone they loved, could withstand the temptation of the Resurrection Stone? Even I, Albus Dumbledore, would find it easiest to refuse the Invisibility Cloak; which only goes to show that, clever as I am, I remain just as big a fool as anyone else." (107)
...
Well, at least he admits he's a hypocrite. Granted, he takes some time to brag about how "clever" he is (and to that I say, fuck you, sir. You are a humble servant of the Light -- something infinitely greater than you could ever be -- and that should be enough for you. #bitch mode), but it counts. A smidgen, that is. :P
Dumbles Rage-O-Meter: 11. *Explodes again* *Beat*
Poor Rage-O-Meter...I should really fix it, but honestly, I think it's suffered enough. Still... :(
And it's over. Phew.
So my conclusions on THE TALES OF BEEDLE THE BARD?
Awful.
If it had been a neat little tie-in for information about the Wizarding World, I think I would have liked it (or at the very least, it wouldn't have been as infuriating). Instead, it mostly serves as a vehicle to show what a "great writer" JKR is, and how "wise" Dumbledore is, and how "selfless" Harry is -- here's a hint: none of these are true. (Okay, maybe the JKR one was a little harsh, but...yeah)
On a scale of one to ten, where does it fall?
Less than zero.
It's pretentious and self-important, the Aesops are more unbalanced than a game of Jenga, and Dumbledore's commentary is so infuriating that it was hard to find room to make jokes at times.
I appreciate it was written for charity, but that's perhaps the only benefit of the doubt I can give it.
It's safe to say you can skip this one, and if you've chosen not to read it -- then I count you highly, highly fortunate. :)
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to play some KOTOR II to cleanse my mind.
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no subject
Date: 2011-03-20 11:20 pm (UTC)True, but it's the struggle to *postpone* death, not eradicate it. You can't "conquer" death because it's inevitable for all living things. Because it's inevitable, it's viewed as natural. Thus, trying to undo death (necromancy) is seen as "unnatural" because you're meddling with forces that shouldn't be meddled with, you're trying to reverse something that is naturally irreversible.
/Isn't that what Voldemort was doing? Does this mean Voldemort was right all along?/
That's a good point and that's also what confused me about Voldemort's motivations. In GoF, he states that his goal is to "conquer death." We never get a concrete reason as to why he wants to be immortal, he just does. Because...he's evil, I guess.
I also don't understand what immortality has to do with a pureblood-supremacist agenda. How does killing Muggle-borns and Muggles "conquer death?" As far as I could see, Voldemort's quest to conquer death was a solo project: it required him to make Horcruxes, which he did on his own. He didn't need the Death Eaters for any of that. He's already "conquered death" by making the Horcruxes, so what was he talking about in the graveyard scene of GoF?
no subject
Date: 2011-03-20 11:57 pm (UTC)Referring to necromancy as unnatural always amuses me in a fantasy context, especially when it's being described from a magic-user's perspective. And, of course, giving in to the "natural" way of things means clothing, fire, houses, and writing are foul and black arts on the same level as calling up the restless souls of the dead.
I also don't understand what immortality has to do with a pureblood-supremacist agenda. How does killing Muggle-borns and Muggles "conquer death?" As far as I could see, Voldemort's quest to conquer death was a solo project: it required him to make Horcruxes, which he did on his own. He didn't need the Death Eaters for any of that. He's already "conquered death" by making the Horcruxes, so what was he talking about in the graveyard scene of GoF?
Because JKR's saying something deep and profound about death, man! Trying to exceed your limits and become more than you are means you'll inevitably become evil, and the Spartans were right to euthanise their deformed children because they'd never have been satisfied with their lot in life! (Apologies for that, I've just been reading some reviews of 300 and it just came to mind.) But yeah, this series is about how everyone has their natural place and reaching higher leads to ending up as a flayed baby for eternity (see also the Muggle king in Babbity Rabbity who wants to learn magic, the warlock who just wants to be left alone to do awesome magic stuff because he's not interested in romance, and every Slytherin ever. Even Cedric wants to bring glory to Hufflepuff, and, in the words of Rifftrax, he's "killed by a fat man carrying an evil baby".)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-21 12:28 am (UTC)First off, yay, Rifftrax! :D
And second of all...yeah. :( *Jots down as part of What Not To Do When Writing A Screenplay/Fantasy Story/Whatever*