![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
sweettalkeress.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
deathtocapslock If JKR owned the Pokemon games...
*Your PC would never be a girl. There would, however, be a female who would show up on occasion, to give you information and generally act as your servant.
*Furthermore, your PC would rely on the Champion to give him information and never question what he (almost always he) said.
*Your PC would be hailed as the Chosen One who is the only one who can save the day. However, the Champion would be the only one telling you what to do, and would send you on boring, stupid, impossible missions which you would have to carry out without question for the “greater good.” At the last minute, the Champion would fly in and fix (and explain) everything.
*The Champion would also have a torment-ridden, pain-filled past which you would be expected to go along with because that makes him “human.”
*Your PC would naturally also have a torment-ridden, pain-filled past and this would be used to justify any actions you took.
*There would be no rewards for treating your Pokemon nicely and every instance of Pokemon abuse (which would be frequent) would be played for laughs- unless a villain was doing it.
*And, of course, all villains would treat their Pokemon horribly- even N. No Crobats for Archie, Maxie, or Cyrus in this game!
*All true rivals you encountered would be unbridled jerks. They would never have a friendly rapport with you, no matter the circumstances. At the end of the game, you would kick their sorry asses in a Pokemon battle and they would crawl to your feet begging you for forgiveness for ever misjudging your greatness.
*Barry would be the worst. He’s blond, see (ironically, he and Silver are probably the closest to Gryffindors in terms of personality- though Barry’s a lot friendlier than Silver).
*All Gym Leaders would fall to your feet begging you to battle with them so you could trounce them with your greatness, and would worship the ground you walked on after you defeated them. Any who did not would be reviled and treated as secondary villains or straight-up fools.
*Giovanni, after lurking in the shadows for awhile, would be revealed to have the lamest backstory ever, whereby it was made quite clear that he is evil because his family is evil.
*Maxie would be reviled for daring to be a feminine man (to say nothing of his villainy or the fact that he’s sometimes meeeeeeeean to you), and would die horrifically and pointlessly, quite possibly at the hands of another villain.
*Archie would get off much lighter, for being suitably manly and treating you nicer, but would still die pointlessly. He’s a villain, see? And he wants to change the environmental situation. And he likes water.
*On that note, no matter how well-intentioned the villains were, they would be utterly reviled as scoundrels of the worst order for getting in your way.
*The villains and rivals would also be universally ugly. You and your servant would be pretty, as would all your Pokemon.
*The fact that Cyrus is deathly pale, emaciated, and looks much older than he really is would be attributed to his pure evilness. Oh, sure, maybe he’s dealt with a hideously abusive family since childhood and put himself through tremendous amounts of hard work and stress over it, but so did you, after all- and look at you, you’re still the most adorable little boy anyone’s ever seen!
*Cyrus’s grandfather would feel no regrets for not taking Cyrus away from his abusive parents, and would instead go on about how he had always known Cyrus was evil from birth.
*There would still be female admins on the villainous teams, and they would be the most powerful women in the series. The female Gym Leaders, Elite Four members and even Cynthia herself would either be largely ineffectual or replaced by men (or both).
*Indeed, the most “feminist” the games would ever get would be an occasional blurb about how the females of a given Pokemon species were a lot larger and more vicious than the males. That and making your female servant a Tsundere.
*Ghost-type Pokemon trainers would make long-winded speeches about the tragic and irreversible nature of death, for which the Champion du jeu would emphatically reward them.
*Dark-type Pokemon and moves would be unquestionably evil, and so would any trainers who used them, let alone specialized in them (admittedly, most Dark-type moves are fairly jackass-ish to begin with, but even so...). Naturally you would still be able to use them, and this would never be addressed.
*On the other hand, no move or Pokemon could possibly be considered in any way bad, so long as it was not a Dark-type and/or was used by someone you liked. Naturally it would be ambiguous as to what counts as Dark-type moves.
*You would be destined to hook up with your Tsundere traveling servant just because, and there would be potshots directed at every other pairing, especially gay ones. Furthermore, any rivals or villains that got popular as mates for your PC and/or his Tsundere traveling servant would be bashed all the harder for it (You actually ship N/Hilda?! Blasphemy!!!!)
*The storyline would go out of its way to make it very clear that the PC was NOT GAY (never mind that he would be eleven)- at best, there might be one faintly sympathetic character who is revealed to be gay in a post script and never displays any attraction to any man at any point.
*Ghetsis would be gay. He may or may not have done things to N as a result.
*Alternatively, Alder or one of the other Champions would be revealed to have once had a schoolboy crush on a villain boss- which caused him to flirt with the idea of going evil.
*But in either event, no other character would be gay.
*N would be treated as a pathetic loser deserving of scorn and ridicule, and his mistrust of Pokemon battling would be written off as weakness and cowardice rather than a distaste for fighting (sad to say, that happens already in certain fandom circles).
*You would win every battle that really mattered, without having to do any training or even selection of the best Pokemon to use. Instead, all your attacks would be super-effective and none of your enemies could lay a hand on you because you were Just That Awesome.
*You would get all the coolest gadgets, tools, and toys without ever having to work or even pay for them, and nobody else would get them at all (not even your Tsundere servant love interest). This would never be addressed.
*All the coolest Pokemon would magically come running to your aid and hop in your party at crucial moments. The Champion would have this same ability and it would be used to show what a special snowflake he was.
*Your Pokemon would have some sort of empathic connection with the villain’s Pokemon, before showing that because they are yours they are superior to the stinking villain’s in every way, and the villain cannot even lay a hand on them without dying.
*Ghetsis would be reviled as the worst guy who ever lived, just like in the real game. However, the Champion would treat you exactly the way he treats N. This would never be addressed.
*You would be encouraged to disrespect all authority except that of the Champion.
*Cyrus and Ghetsis would not only be manipulative bastards hell-bent on enslaving or destroying the world- they would be racists, too (trouble is, I'm not sure what in the Pokeverse there is to discriminate against. People with normal hair colors? The Pokemon themselves? Women?).
*The story would attempt to get “darker” and more “mature” as time went on, but would become more disorganized and nonsensical with each passing generation- not less.
*Your PC would never be a girl. There would, however, be a female who would show up on occasion, to give you information and generally act as your servant.
*Furthermore, your PC would rely on the Champion to give him information and never question what he (almost always he) said.
*Your PC would be hailed as the Chosen One who is the only one who can save the day. However, the Champion would be the only one telling you what to do, and would send you on boring, stupid, impossible missions which you would have to carry out without question for the “greater good.” At the last minute, the Champion would fly in and fix (and explain) everything.
*The Champion would also have a torment-ridden, pain-filled past which you would be expected to go along with because that makes him “human.”
*Your PC would naturally also have a torment-ridden, pain-filled past and this would be used to justify any actions you took.
*There would be no rewards for treating your Pokemon nicely and every instance of Pokemon abuse (which would be frequent) would be played for laughs- unless a villain was doing it.
*And, of course, all villains would treat their Pokemon horribly- even N. No Crobats for Archie, Maxie, or Cyrus in this game!
*All true rivals you encountered would be unbridled jerks. They would never have a friendly rapport with you, no matter the circumstances. At the end of the game, you would kick their sorry asses in a Pokemon battle and they would crawl to your feet begging you for forgiveness for ever misjudging your greatness.
*Barry would be the worst. He’s blond, see (ironically, he and Silver are probably the closest to Gryffindors in terms of personality- though Barry’s a lot friendlier than Silver).
*All Gym Leaders would fall to your feet begging you to battle with them so you could trounce them with your greatness, and would worship the ground you walked on after you defeated them. Any who did not would be reviled and treated as secondary villains or straight-up fools.
*Giovanni, after lurking in the shadows for awhile, would be revealed to have the lamest backstory ever, whereby it was made quite clear that he is evil because his family is evil.
*Maxie would be reviled for daring to be a feminine man (to say nothing of his villainy or the fact that he’s sometimes meeeeeeeean to you), and would die horrifically and pointlessly, quite possibly at the hands of another villain.
*Archie would get off much lighter, for being suitably manly and treating you nicer, but would still die pointlessly. He’s a villain, see? And he wants to change the environmental situation. And he likes water.
*On that note, no matter how well-intentioned the villains were, they would be utterly reviled as scoundrels of the worst order for getting in your way.
*The villains and rivals would also be universally ugly. You and your servant would be pretty, as would all your Pokemon.
*The fact that Cyrus is deathly pale, emaciated, and looks much older than he really is would be attributed to his pure evilness. Oh, sure, maybe he’s dealt with a hideously abusive family since childhood and put himself through tremendous amounts of hard work and stress over it, but so did you, after all- and look at you, you’re still the most adorable little boy anyone’s ever seen!
*Cyrus’s grandfather would feel no regrets for not taking Cyrus away from his abusive parents, and would instead go on about how he had always known Cyrus was evil from birth.
*There would still be female admins on the villainous teams, and they would be the most powerful women in the series. The female Gym Leaders, Elite Four members and even Cynthia herself would either be largely ineffectual or replaced by men (or both).
*Indeed, the most “feminist” the games would ever get would be an occasional blurb about how the females of a given Pokemon species were a lot larger and more vicious than the males. That and making your female servant a Tsundere.
*Ghost-type Pokemon trainers would make long-winded speeches about the tragic and irreversible nature of death, for which the Champion du jeu would emphatically reward them.
*Dark-type Pokemon and moves would be unquestionably evil, and so would any trainers who used them, let alone specialized in them (admittedly, most Dark-type moves are fairly jackass-ish to begin with, but even so...). Naturally you would still be able to use them, and this would never be addressed.
*On the other hand, no move or Pokemon could possibly be considered in any way bad, so long as it was not a Dark-type and/or was used by someone you liked. Naturally it would be ambiguous as to what counts as Dark-type moves.
*You would be destined to hook up with your Tsundere traveling servant just because, and there would be potshots directed at every other pairing, especially gay ones. Furthermore, any rivals or villains that got popular as mates for your PC and/or his Tsundere traveling servant would be bashed all the harder for it (You actually ship N/Hilda?! Blasphemy!!!!)
*The storyline would go out of its way to make it very clear that the PC was NOT GAY (never mind that he would be eleven)- at best, there might be one faintly sympathetic character who is revealed to be gay in a post script and never displays any attraction to any man at any point.
*Ghetsis would be gay. He may or may not have done things to N as a result.
*Alternatively, Alder or one of the other Champions would be revealed to have once had a schoolboy crush on a villain boss- which caused him to flirt with the idea of going evil.
*But in either event, no other character would be gay.
*N would be treated as a pathetic loser deserving of scorn and ridicule, and his mistrust of Pokemon battling would be written off as weakness and cowardice rather than a distaste for fighting (sad to say, that happens already in certain fandom circles).
*You would win every battle that really mattered, without having to do any training or even selection of the best Pokemon to use. Instead, all your attacks would be super-effective and none of your enemies could lay a hand on you because you were Just That Awesome.
*You would get all the coolest gadgets, tools, and toys without ever having to work or even pay for them, and nobody else would get them at all (not even your Tsundere servant love interest). This would never be addressed.
*All the coolest Pokemon would magically come running to your aid and hop in your party at crucial moments. The Champion would have this same ability and it would be used to show what a special snowflake he was.
*Your Pokemon would have some sort of empathic connection with the villain’s Pokemon, before showing that because they are yours they are superior to the stinking villain’s in every way, and the villain cannot even lay a hand on them without dying.
*Ghetsis would be reviled as the worst guy who ever lived, just like in the real game. However, the Champion would treat you exactly the way he treats N. This would never be addressed.
*You would be encouraged to disrespect all authority except that of the Champion.
*Cyrus and Ghetsis would not only be manipulative bastards hell-bent on enslaving or destroying the world- they would be racists, too (trouble is, I'm not sure what in the Pokeverse there is to discriminate against. People with normal hair colors? The Pokemon themselves? Women?).
*The story would attempt to get “darker” and more “mature” as time went on, but would become more disorganized and nonsensical with each passing generation- not less.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-08-14 05:46 pm (UTC)Poor ghost and dark pokemon! They just want to be loved! Uh, maybe. Well, I still say that many of them are still quite adorable.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-14 07:12 pm (UTC)