HBP Chapter Twenty-Four

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

*I was all excited to read this chapter because it had the bathroom scene, which is awesome, but in fact it’s one of the most bizarre chapters in the book.

*Exhausted and delighted, Harry waits until Charms to tell Ron and Hermione everything that happened. So if he misses anything that Flitwick says while he’s chatting away, he pretty much deserves to die. Good little children never whisper in class. Those who do deserve what they get.

*Ron and Hermione are both satisfyingly impressed with how Harry wheedled the memory out of Slughorn, which I guess means they didn’t point out that the Felix Felicitas did it.

*Ron’s causing it to snow, making them all look like they’ve got horrible dandruff. Which of course they don’t, really. Dandruff is the mark of the damned.

*Ron reveals that Lavender’s crying because she broke up with him. Hermione gets the chance to be both superior by calling Ron a coward, and amused by knowing she’s been instrumental in breaking up yet another Trio relationship. Plus she gets to be all-knowing about Ginny and Dean.

*Btw, note that when Hermione had her own relationship it was naturally Harry that made the other guy jealous and not Ron.

*Dean looks unhappy too. But I’ll bet Ginny doesn’t. We’ve got to be clear who’s the loser in these sorts of relationships.

*They walk back to the common room, with Harry once again showing off his unique ability to think romantically about girls by thinking about a boy.

*Katie’s back, having spent a couple of days at home with her parents before coming back to school. What? She didn’t come back straight from the hospital? What’s a wuss like that doing in Gryffindor?

*Harry mentions that now that Katie and Ron are back Gryffindor’s still in running for the cup. Because around this time of year Gryffindor always turns out to be in the running for the cup.

*Harry’s curiosity about Katie even drives Ginny from his brain. Which was really hard, honestly. She was so dominating it for those two minutes when he mostly thought about Ron.

*Curiosity’s driven Ginny from his mind, but he does take a moment to watch parades of prancing Crabbes and Goyles. That’s our boy.

*Harry says he’s going to have a go at the door to the RoR with FF and Hermione lets him know this would be a complete waste of the Potion. Because if you’ve been trying to hit upon the right random thing to say to open a door, how could luck possibly help?

*Harry still hasn’t gotten a chance to try Sectumsempra, because he hasn’t had a clear shot at MacLaggen without Hermione around. And it’s not like he could try the spell out on his own, like on a pillow or something. Tests without human subjects other than yourself are for cowards.

*Dean and Seamus are muttering mutinously behind Harry’s back when he tells Dean Katie’s taking her place back, implying that the two of them are revolting against Harry’s authority. Which in turn implies Harry believes he has some authority over them. Which in turn implies Harry’s got some serious delusions of grandeur.

*The Quidditch team, meanwhile, is happier than ever to have Katie back, to have lost MacLaggen—aw, who are we kidding? They’re just happy to have Ginny as their heart and soul! She’s a fucking miracle!

*And everyone’s highly amused by her imitations of Harry yelling at MacLaggen before he got knocked out…wait, wouldn’t those be Dean’s imitations? The ones that made her fight with him before? Well, that’s the way it is when you’re the wife of the Chosen One. It’s funny when you poke fun at him, but if anyone else shows something less than respect it’s, well, it’s mutinous is what it is, and must be quashed.

*Harry receives several more Bludger injuries during practice because he’s looking at Ginny and not the Snitch. Which makes no sense, since having his eye on the Snitch would not keep him from being hit by Bludgers. It’s the Bludgers he needs to keep his eye on. Ginny Sue demolishes the laws of logic!

*The battle still rages in Harry’s head: Ginny or Ron? Ron’s the one he cares about, but society pressures him to have a union with Ginny.

*This makes Harry’s conscience ache. Hot conscience-aching passion!

*And if he doesn’t do it soon someone else will ask Ginny out. Someone who doesn’t seem to think he can’t ask a girl out unless the moon and stars align just so, and they’re both invited to a dinner party together while Ron’s kept at a distance. Maybe Prince William will come to Hogwarts and ask her out. Who on earth wouldn’t want Ginny?

*OMG, if I hear one more thing about the fabulous Ginny I will shut the damn book. Even knowing Malfoy’s due to be sliced and diced in this chapter isn’t enough to get me through this like it was the first time.

*Interest is running extremely high in the Gryffindor-Ravenclaw game. Yeah, right.

*I will point out one thing interesting, which is that apparently Slytherin is the one house not in the running in this, the year that Malfoy stopped playing. If he bought his way onto the team, it was the best investment that team ever made.

*"The run-up to the match had all the usual features." So that would be: totally unbelievable suspense, pleas of sympathy for Harry for having to worry about losing, bizarre circumstances that place Gryffindor squarely between coming in first place and losing more completely than any team in the last century, painfully complicated attempts to make it seem like there’s any chance Gryffindor won’t win…the usual features.

*Despite Slytherin not being in the running, everyone is acting like Slytherins in the run-up to the game. Only somehow it’s endearing and funny when non-Slytherins make up chants about individual players to sing in the hallway instead of evil.

*In Harry’s mind, the result of the Quidditch match has somehow become linked to his success or failure with Ginny. Probably because it’s a lot easier to write about Harry caring about Quidditch. God knows Harry would rather think about that. Given the choice, I’m sure we’d all rather hear about Quidditch. Never thought I’d say that about anything in this series, but it’s true.

*Harry still hasn’t forgotten Malfoy. Thank god! He hasn’t forgotten the actual story some of us would like to get back to ASAP.

*Magical physics moment: So if someone’s in the RoR and you ask for a different room, the room won’t appear at all. You can’t get alternate universe rooms at the same time. Nor can Harry walk by the room thinking, "I need a room in which to talk to Draco Malfoy," and have the room do double duty.

*You know, I just realized I had originally assumed that bathrooms were the place everybody went to cry, and that’s why Draco cried in this one. But given he was already in a secret room, the fact that he comes here to cry does rather suggest he comes to talk to Myrtle. Awwwww!

*Malfoy’s tears are streaming down his face into the grimy basin. Does no one ever scrub the bathrooms in this place? No wonder the Prefect’s bathroom is so coveted. It’s like choosing between the Taj Mahal and the men’s room in Washington Square Park.

*"Malfoy gasped and gulped and then, with a great shudder, looked up into the cracked mirror and saw Harry staring at him over his shoulder." And then ten thousand H/D shippers did drop the book and die collectively of squee.

*Malfoy wheeled around, drawing his wand—so apparently in canon this sort of thing doesn’t lead to a rough and tender blow job. Give me a second to rewire my brain. Okay, going on.

*Luckily after the battle at the MoM I am no longer surprised that hexes that go awry blow things up during a fight.

*Challenge for whoever directs HBP: how do you get Harry to say "Sectumsempra" in the time it would take Malfoy to say "—o"

*Totally kidding on that last one. As if Steve Kloves is going to leave this scene in any way intact! Harry will probably walk into the bathroom, find Malfoy with his pants down and save him from a basilisk before Hermione appears and kicks him into a toilet.

*And then Harry kills Malfoy. Best. Scene. Ever. You do not want to know how many of my self-indulgent fanfic daydreams this moment fulfilled. Only I have to give it to Rowling—she made it even more bloody than I did!

*"He fell to his knees beside Malfoy, who was shaking uncontrollably in a pool of his own blood." Awesome. Especially when Myrtle starts screaming MURDER! MURDER IN THE BATHROOM!

*Can you imagine Snape’s face when he heard that, btw? I wonder if he doubted for a second Draco was the murderee?

*We pause our H/D epic fanfic now for a touch of Snape/Draco hurt/comfort, now with I-Croon-For-You!Snape.

*Harry’s barely aware that he, too, is soaked in blood and water. He’s barely aware, but ladies in the audience can take note of how brave he is about it.

*You know one of the weirdest things about HBP? The way that Harry and Draco have this intense storyline without ever making eye contact if JKR can avoid it. In this chapter Draco ceases to be a character the minute Snape appears. Harry just nearly killed him, yet he’s led out of the room without sharing a look with Harry. Nor will they look at each other EVER. AGAIN. FOR. THE. ENTIRE. BOOK. WTF?

*It does not occur to Harry for a second to disobey Snape when he tells him to wait there. It might not have occurred to him for a second, but it occurred to the narrator long enough to tell us he’s not going to do it.

*Snape returns, having basically forgotten about Malfoy the person too. From now on it’s all about Harry and Snape fighting over their special book. Two peas in a pod, these two.

*Though Snape is of course the smarter pod, being able to make the connection to the HBP book. It never occurs to Harry to wonder how Snape knows about the book and whether he’s got any connection to it, it having been in his classroom.

*Funny Snape doesn’t march Harry to Gryffindor Tower himself and watch him take out his schoolbooks. He knows who he’s dealing with. Why give him a chance to pull a switch?

*Then again, that road leads to asking why Snape doesn’t just say, "Accio Potions Textbook" from the bathroom, so forget I asked.

*Harry felt stunned. He’d almost killed Malfoy, whom he’d known since he was 11 and yet never really spoken to, he had…oh wait, sorry, my mistake. He can’t believe that Half-Blood Prince! Why’d he put a spell like that in the book? Didn’t he know that would get Harry in trouble? What if Slughorn lowers his Potions grade? What if they take away Harry’s book?

*There’s a heavy, blood-stained axe in the RoR. I wonder if that’s in any way connected to the Bloody Baron?

*Whoever that axe belonged to he’s got a soul-mate in blood-stained Harry, who’s also come to the room to hide the weapon.

*Harry runs past the broken Vanishing Cabinet where Montague had gotten lost the past year. Gotten lost? Sounds like an unhappy accident, doesn’t it? Montague’s so stupid he must have just accidentally wandered into it or lost his way while exploring. It’s not like two people violently trapped him into it against his will.

*All right, got lost. Montague got lost there last year. Stop looking at me that way, UK Edition.

*Oh look, an animal somebody hid in here and left to die. Hagrid? Is this one of your five-legged friends?

*Harry hands over his bag to Snape panting, a searing pain in his chest. But not quite the same kind of searing pain in his chest as Malfoy presumably had earlier. This is worse.

*Harry does not agree that he is a liar and a cheat who deserves detention with Snape. Funny, whenever someone points out Harry’s lack of remorse in this chapter I could swear fandom claims he does agree he deserves detention.

*And again, Harry deserves detention for being a liar and a cheat. Not, you know, for hurting anybody using a spell that promised to take care of his enemies.

*Well, as hard as it is, I suppose not winning the Quidditch cup every single year of his school career is the heavy, heavy price Harry will have to pay for almost killing what’s his name.

*Can you believe that Pansy Parkinson, vilifying Harry? I wonder what terrible lies she’s made up to make Harry sound bad.

*At least Harry’s still defending the Prince, mostly because at this point the Prince is just an extension of Harry himself.

*Harry doesn’t need Hermione yelling at him, because he feels badly enough for letting the team down by not being able to play Quidditch. I’m sorry, did I dream the scene where Harry almost killed someone in a sea of blood and water?

*Oh, sorry. Harry makes clear he wish he hadn’t done what he did and not ONLY because he’s gotten all these detentions. No, he also regrets losing trust in his book and having Snape find out about it, thank you very much!

*Well, at least they’re not asking Harry to do something crazy like, I don’t know, anything to do with Malfoy.

*Ginny rips open her shirt to reveal the tattoo saying HARRY’S IDEAL GIRL across her chest. Or she might as well do that. What she does is defend Harry’s use of a deadly spells when he sees fit to use them. And then adds an unnecessary remark about Hermione making a fool of herself talking about Quidditch. Naturally, the one time I might get some satisfaction out of Hermione attacking another student, she doesn’t.

*After all, it’s not like Hermione can actually argue the true danger or ethics involved in this incident with Ginny, since nobody in the room really finds anything wrong in the exsanguinations aspect. It all pretty much comes down to: what’s in it for us? How can we avoid losing the most house points?

*The Gryffindor mind works in mysterious ways. Faced with Harry finding Draco Malfoy in the bathroom CRYING over VOLDEMORT and then almost KILLING HIM, they’re arguing about Quidditch.

*And Harry finishes up the evening feeling…unbelievably cheerful. Guess he won’t be getting any unsightly shadows under his eyes!

*Oh no, Harry’s lightheartedness is short lived. Let me guess: Harry just now realized that Malfoy got blood all over his favorite shirt and the House-Elves won’t be able to get it clean before Saturday?

*Oh, just as bad. He’s upset at having to suffer his teammates angry at him for getting himself banned from the last game for something as unimportant as Malfoy’s life and the Slytherins are taunting him.

*Care to tell us just what the Slytherins are saying? Calling him Potty again, are they? Calling his Quidditch skills into question? What could they possibly have to taunt him about? And how does Harry put them in their place? (My girlfriend says it’s lucky I had something good up my sleeve!)

*It was almost unbearable to turn away from everyone going to the Quidditch Pitch to head down to detention. He’s Harry Potter, the sensitive killer.

*Luckily, almost killing Malfoy seems to have finally sated Harry’s interest in him. It’s not like the image of his torn body and bloodied face rises up before Harry at odd moments or anything.

*To review, you can’t knock out a troll with someone without becoming friends. But you can soak yourself in another’s blood without giving them a second thought.

*Harry is forced to copy out lists of punishments for students for the past thousand years. It being Harry, he doesn’t question exactly why Hogwarts needs records of every punishment for the past thousand years. I’ve heard of permanent records, but who keeps files like this? When someone applies for a job in the WW does the employer get told about that time he pantsed someone in Arithmancy? (Which would probably get you the job in this world.)

*Harry then has to suffer through copying out detention cards from his father’s day. It’s a terrible feeling. Much worse than the feeling that one is bleeding to death on a bathroom floor from the large gashes in one’s face and chest.

*And then Harry wins the Quidditch match anyway and he gets the girl. Guess he’s cheerful again. Hurray!

*Ginny runs up to Harry and he kisses her. The entire room goes quiet. Because it’s just that amazing a sight for every teenager in the room. Harry and Ginny just kiss so much better than everyone else. It’s like they invented it.

*On the other hand, maybe they’re just all scared of the hard, blazing look on Ginny’s face. Is that supposed to be attractive? It always makes me picture the look on Linda Blair’s face in The Exorcist when she does the head spin.

*Harry checks over Ginny’s head to make sure everyone’s reacting properly. Romilda Vane properly disappointed for daring to chase Harry? Check. Dean feeling properly inadequate and inferior to Harry in Ginny’s eyes? Check. Hermione showing us underneath she’s got the proper loyalties by beaming at the couple? Check. Ron looking properly foolish and yet respectful of Harry’s obvious rightful place with Ginny? Check.

*I had such good memories of this chapter because of the bathroom scene, but in fact it contains all the worst elements of HBP.





Designated Hero
Our heroes are all in serious top form in this chapter, showing no compassion for Lavender, Dean or Malfoy. You wonder why Tom Riddle ever had to lie about anything at school to hide his total lack of morals. That is, before you remember he was in Slytherin.

IITS
Luck potions can’t help with random guessing. It’s in the script.

Idiot World
After reading this chapter, it’s really not hard to see why the WW is always one step away from being taken over by an evil super villain, is it? They all seem to have a touch of Tom Riddle’s sociopathy.

Informed Attributes
Harry’s the victim here, really. Suffering through his detentions and not being able to play Quidditch because of that thing he did I can’t remember because it was so unimportant. Even being rewarded romantically and with a Quidditch cup doesn’t make up for it.

Hero’s Battle Death Exemption
Harry and Draco are four feet apart in a bathroom, yet still can’t seem to aim well enough to hit each other.

Misdirected Answering
I probably really shouldn’t count this one. Surely I’m the only person wondering what happened to that blond kid from the bathroom who was cracking under pressure.

Final score: 6

H/D Cliché Alert: Pretty much every second Harry and Draco are together on the page in this one.

Slytherin Liquid Count: Charms class teaches turning vinegar into wine. Harry keeps finding reasons to use Luck Potion. Myrtle’s bathroom has exploding toilets, water everywhere, tears, and Draco and Harry both end the chapter soaked in blood. Pools of blood and pools of water. Blood floating in pools of water. More crying. Gurgle gurgle.

Comments

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

*"He fell to his knees beside Malfoy, who was shaking uncontrollably in a pool of his own blood." Awesome. Especially when Myrtle starts screaming MURDER! MURDER IN THE BATHROOM!

I love Myrtle. I really do. She's such a completely self-centered, melodramatic, unpleasant person, and she seems to take such a pleasure in it. I bet she became a ghost just to be contrary - people who die are supposed to disappear, so damned if she will. :D

*Harry doesn’t need Hermione yelling at him, because he feels badly enough for letting the team down by not being able to play Quidditch. I’m sorry, did I dream the scene where Harry almost killed someone in a sea of blood and water?

I never quite realised just how freaking disturbing that was before. It's not that the concept of morals is entirely absent, but it's limited to Harry assuring us that he wouldn't have used that spell if he knew what it did. No remorse, no regret, just an admission of having made a mistake so half-hearted that a politician would be ashamed of it.

(*sighs*) Now, I'm sure JKR isn't in fact a sociopath and that if she mistakingly almost disemboweled someone, she'd feel very bad about it. But she just can't put herself in her hero's place except on the most shallow level - Harry wants to play Quidditch, and he can't play Quidditch, so he feels bad about that. By the same principle, Ginny is constantly in his thoughts - whenever she is right in front of him.

The general impression is that wizards are all unbelievably shallow and react only to direct stimuli. No introspection here, that would probably make their heads explode. =]

*Ginny rips open her shirt to reveal the tattoo saying HARRY’S IDEAL GIRL across her chest.

Damn it, teenage Voldemort! Couldn't you have made a homocidal diary thing that actually worked? You could have spared us from all this! I'm holding you personally responsible for every time Ginny saps my will to live!

My girlfriend says it’s lucky I had something good up my sleeve!

You know, was there an actual reason why Expelliarmus wouldn't have worked? Unforgivables are supposed to be pretty hefty magic. Can not-terribly-talented sixteen-year-olds do them without wands? I doubt it.

But then, I don't really see why wizards duelling don't only cast Expelliarmus at each other until one of them succeeds. Surely the ultimate attack is one which cripples the enemy's ability to do, well, anything at all, really.

Dean feeling properly inadequate and inferior to Harry in Ginny’s eyes? Check.

Poor Dean. Mind you, if I were him, I'd be thanking the stars for my near escape... =]

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

No remorse, no regret, just an admission of having made a mistake so half-hearted that a politician would be ashamed of it.

Exactly--and I think it probably, or at least hopefully, is as is said elsewhere in the thread, that she's just saving up that whole line of thought for the Seventh book. But it still makes for some weird, disjointed emotions now. But that's happened before--emotions generally follow whatever plot developments need to happen. It's just easier to do that with things like hurt feelings than it is with actual near-death!