Harry Potter Abridged! POA Chapter 18
Jan. 8th, 2012 12:01 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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deathtocapslockHarry: Alright, alright- Peter Pettigrew’s supposed to be dead. How in the world can he be Scabbers?
Sirius: I didn’t kill him! Though I wish I had....
Lupin: Alright, let’s just talk through this calmly.
Sirius: Yeah, coming from you that means we get a long-winded exposition speech!
Lupin: Come on, just this once?
Sirius: Fine, fine, suit yourself.
Lupin: Ron, keep an eye on Peter for us while we tell you eeeeeverythiiiiing....
Ron: YOU’RE INSANE!
Harry: But, weren’t there witnesses who saw Pettigrew die?
Sirius: Well those witnesses were mistaken.
Lupin: Listen, you three! I thought Sirius had killed Peter too, until I saw him on the Marauder’s Map.
Harry: Maybe the Map was lying?
Sirius: Oh, but you see, the Map never lies.
Lupin: So, yeah.
Hermione: But, if Peter Pettigrew is an Animagus, then how come he isn’t registered? He’d have to be, wouldn’t he? I remember hearing about this in class.
Harry: Wow! I don’t know how you know all this stuff, Hermione! What kind of student are you?!
Sirius: Lupin, you haven’t even started with your long-winded exposition speech! Get a move-on, already- the sooner you start the sooner we can get this over with!
Lupin: Alright. So now thanks to Hermione Sue over there you know that I’m a Werewolf. I first got bitten before I even came to Hogwarts, and before the Wolfsbane potion existed, so naturally when I got old enough to go people started to worry that I wouldn’t be safe to have around a school, the meanies! Only the ever-so wise and noble Dumbledore was willing to look past that and admit me in. Isn’t Dumbledore the greatest?
Sirius: Save it, Lupin.
Lupin: Ah, right. So anyway, it used to be that I was transferred to the Shrieking Shack to transform every month. Oh, by the way, it isn’t haunted- the howls coming from it were made by me.
Ron: [sarcastic] How comforting....
Lupin: Yeah... Anyway, though, it was then that I met my friends Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and- get ready for this- James Potter!
Harry: No way!
Lupin: Yes! And they all became Animagi so they could keep me company whenever I transformed, since Werewolves are only dangerous to people. [Surrounded by bubbles and sparkles] They were such wonderful friends!
Hermione: Did it ever occur to you that you might have bitten someone?!
Lupin: Well, that is to say, we had a couple of close calls... but they always got away! See, nothing bad happened! Anyway, did you know that the only reason I hadn’t told Dumbledore this information is because I was a coward and couldn’t stand to betray my friends? So basically Snape’s right not to trust me after all.
Sirius: Snape?
Lupin: Yeah, by the way, he’s teaching at Hogwarts.
Sirius: LOLWHUT?!
Lupin: Yeah. [to Harry, Ron, and Hermione] You see, Snape went to school with us. He discovered what we were when he got involved with a potentially-fatal prank that Sirius played on him.
Sirius: Oh, come on! It was Snape, for crying out loud! He deserved every last thing he got for trying to make things difficult for a good bunch of Gryffindors like us!
Lupin: So yeah, basically, Snape decided to go to the Shrieking Shack after Sirius told him how to get down there. But your father, Harry, your great and noble father prevented him from ever coming face-to-face with a transformed version of myself!
Harry: Wow! I always knew my father was awesome! It’s too bad that mean Snape is out to get me, since he can’t comprehend things like forgiveness or charity at all!
[Snape sneaks up behind Harry.]
Harry: He’s right behind me, isn’t he?
Snape: SURPRISE!
Harry: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sirius: I didn’t kill him! Though I wish I had....
Lupin: Alright, let’s just talk through this calmly.
Sirius: Yeah, coming from you that means we get a long-winded exposition speech!
Lupin: Come on, just this once?
Sirius: Fine, fine, suit yourself.
Lupin: Ron, keep an eye on Peter for us while we tell you eeeeeverythiiiiing....
Ron: YOU’RE INSANE!
Harry: But, weren’t there witnesses who saw Pettigrew die?
Sirius: Well those witnesses were mistaken.
Lupin: Listen, you three! I thought Sirius had killed Peter too, until I saw him on the Marauder’s Map.
Harry: Maybe the Map was lying?
Sirius: Oh, but you see, the Map never lies.
Lupin: So, yeah.
Hermione: But, if Peter Pettigrew is an Animagus, then how come he isn’t registered? He’d have to be, wouldn’t he? I remember hearing about this in class.
Harry: Wow! I don’t know how you know all this stuff, Hermione! What kind of student are you?!
Sirius: Lupin, you haven’t even started with your long-winded exposition speech! Get a move-on, already- the sooner you start the sooner we can get this over with!
Lupin: Alright. So now thanks to Hermione Sue over there you know that I’m a Werewolf. I first got bitten before I even came to Hogwarts, and before the Wolfsbane potion existed, so naturally when I got old enough to go people started to worry that I wouldn’t be safe to have around a school, the meanies! Only the ever-so wise and noble Dumbledore was willing to look past that and admit me in. Isn’t Dumbledore the greatest?
Sirius: Save it, Lupin.
Lupin: Ah, right. So anyway, it used to be that I was transferred to the Shrieking Shack to transform every month. Oh, by the way, it isn’t haunted- the howls coming from it were made by me.
Ron: [sarcastic] How comforting....
Lupin: Yeah... Anyway, though, it was then that I met my friends Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and- get ready for this- James Potter!
Harry: No way!
Lupin: Yes! And they all became Animagi so they could keep me company whenever I transformed, since Werewolves are only dangerous to people. [Surrounded by bubbles and sparkles] They were such wonderful friends!
Hermione: Did it ever occur to you that you might have bitten someone?!
Lupin: Well, that is to say, we had a couple of close calls... but they always got away! See, nothing bad happened! Anyway, did you know that the only reason I hadn’t told Dumbledore this information is because I was a coward and couldn’t stand to betray my friends? So basically Snape’s right not to trust me after all.
Sirius: Snape?
Lupin: Yeah, by the way, he’s teaching at Hogwarts.
Sirius: LOLWHUT?!
Lupin: Yeah. [to Harry, Ron, and Hermione] You see, Snape went to school with us. He discovered what we were when he got involved with a potentially-fatal prank that Sirius played on him.
Sirius: Oh, come on! It was Snape, for crying out loud! He deserved every last thing he got for trying to make things difficult for a good bunch of Gryffindors like us!
Lupin: So yeah, basically, Snape decided to go to the Shrieking Shack after Sirius told him how to get down there. But your father, Harry, your great and noble father prevented him from ever coming face-to-face with a transformed version of myself!
Harry: Wow! I always knew my father was awesome! It’s too bad that mean Snape is out to get me, since he can’t comprehend things like forgiveness or charity at all!
[Snape sneaks up behind Harry.]
Harry: He’s right behind me, isn’t he?
Snape: SURPRISE!
Harry: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Date: 2012-01-13 06:00 pm (UTC)