Harry Potter Abridged! GOF Chapter 17

[sweettalkeress.livejournal.com]

Harry: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Students: 0.o

Harry: But I didn't put my name in the Goblet of Fire! Honest!!

Dumbledore: Harry, please come to the front of the room.

Hermione: Go on; you want answers to this shocking plot twist, don't you?

[Harry goes up to Dumbledore, who directs him to the room where the other champions are chillin'.]

Harry: Guess what—I'm going to compete with you all!

Others: OMGWTF?!

Bagman: He's quite correct, you know; Harry's name came out of the Goblet of Fire so he's entered.

Fleur: That's absurd! He's too young to compete!

Bagman: Not according to the Goblet.

[Meanwhile, the other important people at the front table enter.]

Fleur: Madame Maxime, Madame Maxime, Dumbledore wants me to believe that a little boy can compete against us!

Harry: Little boy?! I am no little boy, French girl! I, madame, am Harry Potter, the king of Hogwarts and the awesomest person ever! And I wager I'll beat every one of you even though I'm three years younger!

Everyone else: [Facepalm]

Madame Maxime: Dumbledore, what is the meaning of having two Hogwarts champions anyway? Are you trying to increase your chances of winning?

Karkaroff: And here I thought I would only be bringing my older students. If I'd known you would accept all ages I would have brought more. Dumbledore?

Snape: In fairness, Karkaroff, you don't know that this wasn't just Harry being an attention-whoring little rule-breaker again.

Dumbledore: Silence, Snape; nobody likes you!

Snape: I hate you so much!

Dumbledore: Harry, did you put your name in the goblet?

Harry: No! [Cries] Why is everyone so mean to me?

McGonagall: So there you have it. There's no way our perfect angel Harry would willingly put himself in such danger.

Karkaroff: Whatever. Bagman, Crouch, what do you think? Do you think Harry is innocent or guilty?

Crouch: Well, his name came out of the goblet so he has to compete now.

Karkaroff: LOLWHUT?!

Bagman: Yeah, Crouch knows the rules well and wouldn't lie.

Karkaroff: That's it—now you have to let Beauxbatons and myself enter the students' names again so we get two students competing as well!

Bagman: The game doesn't work that way. The Goblet of Fire's gone out by now and can't be relit.

Karkaroff: Fuck you!

Madame Maxime: You're just trying to make sure Hogwarts wins!

Moody: You people are obviously missing the point, aren't you? Can't you see Harry was sent to compete in the hopes that he would die? Why else would he enter; he's clearly not prepared!

Karkaroff: I reject your depressingly-logical suggestion and substitute my own! You're just paranoid and Potter's just out for attention!

Dumbledore: Well, whatever the case, the Goblet of Fire has chosen its champions and we must accept its decisions.

Madame Maxime and Karkaroff: I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!

Bagman: Before this scene gets ugly, Barty, why don't you read the tournament rules?

Crouch: Oh, yes. Of course! Couldn't be happier to finally get some good screentime.

Dumbledore: Be my guest.

Harry: Wow, Crouch looks ill. I wonder if this is important somehow?

Crouch: [to champions] Alright so a few things you should know about the tournament. For one thing, we won't tell you what your challenges are ahead of time.

Champions: BOO!

Crouch: Don't be that way! You need to expect the unexpected. Anyway, you are also not allowed to ask your teachers for help. You will learn everything you need to know in due time. Oh, by the way, you won't have to take end-of-year tests. Sports are so much more important than schoolwork, after all.

Harry: Woohoo!

Crouch: Well...that's everything; allow Bagman and me to depart until we are summoned by the plot once again.

[Everyone but the Hogwarts students departs.]

Dumbledore: Alright, Cedric, Harry, get off to bed so you can party all night long to celebrate.

Harry and Cedric: Will do!

Cedric: So Harry, how did you get your name in the goblet?

Harry: Get away from me, Sparklypoo!

Cedric: ...What did you call me?

Harry: Sparklypoo! You're a sparkly freak who doesn't deserve to give me the time of day!

Cedric: I think you're referring to the wrong fandom—I'm naught but a humble Hufflepuff.

Harry: ...Whatever. I don't know how my name got in the goblet, okay?

Cedric: Whatever. [He leaves Harry alone.]

Harry: Oh, woe is me! People hate me because of a tournament I never even chose to enter and someone probably sent me there so I could get killed for Voldemort's sake! My life is so haaaaaaaard! [Cries]

[He returns to his dorm room and sure enough, everyone wants to congratulate him.]

Angelina: Now we've got a Gryffindor in the running after all!

Katie: This time I know you'll beat Cedric the Hufflepuff!

Harry: Whatever. I'm going to bed!

[So he goes to his bedroom and finds Ron there.]

Ron: So, how did you put your name in the goblet?! XD

Harry: I didn't put my name in the goblet!

Ron: Come on, Harry, I understand—what's a little more glory for you anyway?

Harry: But I didn't put my name in the goblet!

Ron: They why was your name in the goblet?

Harry: Voldemort magicked it in there to toy with me!

Ron: Seriously?

Harry: I don't know! It's not my fault, okay? [Cries again]

Ron: Whatever. Good night, Harry.

Harry: Why does nobody believe me?! Why does nobody understand me?! [Cries]

Comments

[aikaterini.livejournal.com]

/Anyway, you are also not allowed to ask your teachers for help./

Even though they’ll end up helping their students anyway and one teacher in particular, Fake!Moody, will be the main reason why Harry gets through the tasks.

/Katie: This time I know you'll beat Cedric the Hufflepuff!/

Because even rival schools can’t make the Hogwarts Houses get along and unite as one school.

[nx74defiant.livejournal.com]

Oh, by the way, you won't have to take end-of-year tests. Sports are so much more important than schoolwork, after all.

Canceling the end-of-year tests happens repeatedly. What about the OWLs? What about the students who need the OWLs to qualify for jobs?

Great attitude for a former teacher.

Because even rival schools can’t make the Hogwarts Houses get along and unite as one school.

Sad but true. Image the reaction of the Gryffindor's to a Slytherin champion!