Chapter Four

[sassafras-root.livejournal.com]

*Oh no, this is Hagrid’s chapter to shine, isn’t it? Everybody got a stiff drink handy?

*ALLRIGHT, Narrative Voice, I get that Dudley is an idiot and we’re supposed to hate him for it (although if JKR really wants to illustrate the triumph of intelligence over force she could start buy not making her boy hero such an idiot who kicks at walls. Just a thought). What’s so stupid about Dudley asking where the cannon is, anyway? People have been asking that ever since HBP came out (I know, old joke and I should be shot, but it’s still amusing).

* Go Hagrid for knocking the door down and barging in! Does Dumbledore know how to pick them or what? Why be diplomatic when you can just hit stuff?

* Gotta love Hagrid’s first lines-dammit, Vernon, you should have known it was Muggle bullying night! These Muggles, they never have the kettle on for when wizards burst into their home unexpectedly. Tsk.

*”Budge up, yeh great lump”. Hagrid’s already got the full measure of Dudley. It’s annoying how he instantly treats the Dursleys like lesser being here-is it because they’re Muggles or because Hagrid knows how they treat Harry? And if he does know, then it’s even more messed-up that nobody has done anything.

*I love that part in the movie version where Hagrid mistakes Dudley for Harry. No way could this happen in the books-the hero can’t look to bad and he inherited the good-looking Mary Sue genes from Lily and James!

*Harry looks like his father except that he has Lily’s Mary Sue eyes. Write that down, as it won’t turn up again in canon.

*Guess we know Hagrid’s a good guy now! Not only did he call Vernon a “great prune” but he has no qualms at all about breaking and entering. Rules are for sissies!

*Interesting word use there-Vernon makes a noise like “a mouse being trodden on”. Makes Hagrid sound more like a bully here than a crusader for greater justice, although I think we’re supposed to be applauding Hagrid for this. It’s not at all cowardly to beat up on those weaker than you!

*What’s the point of Hagrid being called the l337 title of “Keeper of the Keys”? Keys to what, exactly? Isn’t the Wizarding World above such nonsense-they have Alohomora, stupid Muggles!

*I love how Hagrid is disdainful of the Muggle fire and conjures up a much better fire himself. I can see wizards like him laughing at homeless Muggles-if they had wands they’d all be living in mansions, like the wizards do!

*Aw, another fat joke, how cute. OMG Hagrid you go! *snap snap*

*So apparently Hagrid knew Harry wasn’t getting his letters and nobody thought this was weird at all? Sense, where have you gone?

*Already we have the separation of worlds-its Harry’s world, his parents’ world, Hagrid’s but filthy Muggles are not allowed to share, right, Hermione?

*”With a mum an dad like yours, what else could yeh be?” Way to begin the series with the theme that blood doesn’t matter. If Harry turned out to be a squib, these people would be up a tree. Gah, so it’s Hagrid who first started it. Someone kill him, please.

*Hogwarts only accepts owls until July 31-send it the normal way, bitches! Wonder what the Muggleborns do.

*OMG, what is with the word Muggle being thrown around like an insult? I seriously hope it’s JKR acknowledging prejudice as one of Hagrid’s faults (except when it’s against him ). A great Muggle like Dursley can’t stop him!

* Really, it’s not like Muggles choose to be born without the ability to do magic. Whatever happened to DD’s preaching about how it’s not how a person is born, but who they grow up to be?

*Gotta love Hagrid calling the Dursleys the biggest bunch of Muggles. They enjoy the evil luxuries that come with modern technology. Get off the computer and stop being so damn Muggle, guys.

*Petunia’s interesting here-her parents fawned over Lily (who hasn’t?). I wonder if Lily was a wee bit full of herself too in a different way. Probably not, seeing as we’re supposed to find her saintly and all.

*I love Petunia calling Lily a freak to cover up the jealousy she felt. I’m not being snarky here, I really do. Petunia’s the cooler Evans sister. <3

*Why, what a scandal to say that a car crash could kill wizards? That’s the biggest scandal known to man-how dare the Dursleys besmirch the coolness of James and Lily?

*The fear of not saying Voldemort’s name is really stupid. Shut up, Hagrid.

*Hard to imagine people not knowing who to trust-just check their house crest and if it says Slytherin you AK them. Simple.

*SHUT UP with all this James and Lily were awesome talk. Of course Voldemort wanted them on his side; he knew what a great catch Lily was!

*You couldn’t find nicer people than Harry’s parents, Hagrid says. How I wish DD sent Snape instead.

*Vernon is not at all brave for sticking up to Hagrid. Just so we’re clear on that.

*I love that the reason Harry can’t believe he’s a wizard is because he hasn’t beaten anyone up yet. He hasn’t been integrated into the WW yet he already knows its credo! Bravo.

*I’m guessing Hagrid doesn’t know much about Lily’s sacrifice being the thing that stopped V, otherwise he wouldn’t be crediting Harry. Guess the WW just knows that some people are born more special than others!

*You don’t stop Lily and James’s son from going to Hogwarts! But if it’s the kid of Joe and Jane Muggle, it’s just fine. It’s not in their blood to be speshul!!!1

*Damn, Hagrid, Vernon was just tossing dissing DD in the heat of the moment, no need to get that fired up! I bet miles away Fawkes is letting out more musical cries! Such loyalty!

*Although he’s angry at Vernon, Hagrid instead curse his kid, Dudley, who didn’t do anything here. Classy, Hagrid, very classy. I thought visiting the sins of the father unto the son was a sign of evil here.

*Since the Ministry didn’t show up, I’m guessing they don’t track spells cast by pink umbrellas. Or maybe they knew Dudley was an evil child who liked television and refused to.

*Yeah right, Hagrid, Dudley wasn’t turned into a pig because he was so much like one and not because your magic sucks.

*Not surprised that Hagrid was so keen to take on the job of beating up Muggles.

Comments

[elanor-x.livejournal.com]

* Hogwarts only accepts owls until July 31-send it the normal way, bitches! Wonder what the Muggleborns do.
JKR once said that they don't get a letter but a wizard comes and explains them everything.

*Hard to imagine people not knowing who to trust-just check their house crest and if it says Slytherin you AK them. Simple.
Now the problem is solved at last! Thank you, sassafras_root.

*Although he’s angry at Vernon, Hagrid instead curse his kid, Dudley, who didn’t do anything here.
Dudley is fat and stupid, which is more than enough. Besides, he has been torturing Harry for years and deserves some punishment every year.

*Not surprised that Hagrid was so keen to take on the job of beating up Muggles.
The truly surprising thing here is his inability to understand other people's feelings about giants and muggleborns, which greatly resemble his own about Muggles.