PS Chapter Four

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

*Looking back, who would be able to identify Hagrid as "The Keeper of the Keys"? The chapter should have been called "Bringer of Dumb Subplots" or something like that.

*Is it really so stupid for Dudley to ask "Where's the cannon?" after being jerked awake by the sound of that door knock? I call unsportsmanlike use of adverb.

*It's Hagrid at the door. I hate this guy.

*Hagrid's first words are to ask for tea and then call Dudley a great lump. This no doubt shows what a good guy he is, as it will show how bad Draco Malfoy is when, iirc, he calls Neville a lump later.

*There's really no disguising that Hagrid is treating the Muggles rudely and obviously favoring Harry. Thanks, Hagrid.

*I believe the movie, in its frantic attempts to make Hagrid look better, has him actually mistake Dudley for Harry. Real Hagrid, of course, knows that Harry Potter would never be a fat kid.

*Why is Hagrid calling Vernon a big prune? And by his last name? I don't think they've ever even met. Oh yeah, he's a Muggle.

*Harry's all choked up at being given a cake, which knowing Hagrid is terrible, but as far as Harry's concerned it's his first good cake, because it came from someone who could do magic.

*Vernon orders Dudley to not touch anything Hagrid gives him. Wise words, Vernon. The narrator seems to see it as a rude thing to say to Hagrid, just as Dumbledore will books later.

*Hagrid makes yet another crack about Dudley's weight, saying his great pudding of a son doesn't need any more fattening. WTF? No wonder I loved Draco so much when he showed up in his scene.

*Also btw, I think this quashes all those attempts to list Hagrid under "heroic fat people who prove JKR doesn't portray being overweight negatively."

*Of course, Hagrid himself doesn't need anymore liquor but he'll keep drinking anyway. He's a Wizard so it's okay.

*It's even more blatant than I remembered the way Hagrid shows up and reveals that the Dursleys are little better than slaves as far as the Wizards are concerned. He doesn't treat them as people taking care of Harry or as Harry's family at all, just goes CAPSLOCK and starts yelling at them about not raising Harry to understand all about Hagrid's world that they themselves know nothing about.

*Oh man, I don't think I can wait until the red alchemical stage. I want Hagrid to die now, please.

*Through the red mist of rage I feel at the way Hagrid treats Muggles, I'm dimly aware that he's still dragging out the revelation that Harry's a Wizard interminably. "Don't you know what you are? " "What am I?" "About our world? " "What world? " "You didn't tell him? " "Tell me what? " "Tell you that…" "See here, don't tell him…!" GET ON WITH IT! The cormorants outside get it by now!

*Nice that Dumbledore lists all his jobs under his title of headmaster. Not everyone puts their Conflicts of Interests right on their business card.

*So what happens if somebody doesn't owl the school back? Or has that just never happened in the whole history of Hogwarts?

*Hagrid responds to McGonagall with the announcement that he'll be taking Harry away tomorrow despite his guardians saying no. I wonder if the Grangers are getting this same treatment?

*Hagrid's so frazzled by the Dursleys he forgets to cry all over his letter and leave his trademark tearstains before sending it. How will they know it's from him?

*Vernon continues to stand up to the Magical Giant threatening him, thus proving Vernon's a big bully coward.

*Petunia lets loose years of resentment about being related to a Wizard. Though I suspect we're only supposed to hear and be shocked that she called her sister a freak. Which is totally different than the way Hagrid's been throwing around the word "Muggle." That's just the truth.

*Petunia actually sounds upset that her sister was killed through her involvement with Wizards, but that must just be a typo. Muggles don't have real feelings, and family doesn't mean the same thing to them.

*Hagrid, meanwhile, is furiously offended that anyone could even suggest Wizards could die in a Muggle way. Even though Petunia's story kind of makes Wizards look better than the real one.

*Apparently Dumbledore told Hagrid there might be trouble getting hold of Harry. No doubt they discussed how they could talk to the Dursleys as equals and explain why it was better for Harry to go to Hogwarts.

*Bwahaha! Just kidding. I wonder if Hagrid was given license to kill if the Muggle scum got too uppity.

*Hagrid blubbers about Voldemort for a while. Luckily he doesn't pick this scene to explain how Voldemort is evil for his racist views against Muggles. That would just be confusing.

*Hagrid also reveals he can't spell, but in a way that should inspire our affection. You might have thought we were supposed to laugh at his ignorance since we've been encouraged to laugh at Dudley's. That's just what a dumb Muggle like you would think.

*Harry's mum and dad were just the nicest people, they make Hagrid blow into a handkerchief. Oh, was I ever naïve enough to believe Hagrid's opinion on anything?

*You know, Dumbledore was kind of stupid sending Hagrid to do this job. Snape could have done it much easier. The Dursleys would hear him insult Harry and James and be glad to send him off with Snape. They'd probably have been exchanging Christmas cards ever since.

*Because Snape's the Death Eater. Those are the people who hate Muggles. Sometimes it helps to remind people of that, since it's usually our Muggle-lovers who are actually bullying them.

*Hagrid mentions Voldemort killing some of the best Witches and Wizards, including the Bones and the Prewetts. Again, not that blood means anything, but these are totally the best families and we'll see that throughout the series.

*Hagrid then gets violent because Vernon, the guy whose son he just insulted, dared insult somebody back.

*Hagrid looks at Harry with that blazing look of warmth and respect, the one that says "You were fundamentally better than other people at birth, just like me!" (Don't worry--it's not Ginny this time, so they won't kiss.)

*Harry and Hagrid share their first smile over the fact that Harry's anger at others causes bad things to happen to them in revenge. And there was some doubt what house Harry belonged in?

*Hagrid declares that Harry will finally be going to school with his own sort! Now where have I heard that phrase before…someone else in the books uses it…who could it be?

*Vernon then makes a generic crack about Dumbledore and Hagrid maturely responds by trying to turn Vernon's son into a pig. This must be an example of that Gryffindor taboo against going after those weaker than you are. Hagrid's only picking on the man's child in self defense!

*At least Hagrid shows the proper remorse a grown man should feel after lashing out at a child by making yet another fat joke.

*Hagrid tosses Harry his coat, telling him not to worry if it wiggles because it's got mice in the pockets. Frankly, I'd be more worried about the smell than the movement.





Designated Hero
Hagrid arrives to save Harry from the Dursleys. Sort of a lateral move if you ask me. I'm surprised Hagrid doesn't casually announce he'll be bunking with Petunia as a bedwarmer.

Exploitation Filmmakers' Credo
Yes, the Dursleys know about Wizards and they haven't told you, Harry. Are we all up to speed yet?

Idiot Picture
Wizards are more powerful than Muggles, but not much different when it comes to brains.

Idiot World
Sure Voldemort sounds scary now, but you haven't seen one of his clever plans yet!

Misdirected Answering
Or in this case no answering. Stop dragging out the information we already know already!

Final score: 5

Signs of things to come:
Silly Vernon! You don't get to decide who comes into your house-you're a Muggle! If you don't open the door Hagrid will just knock it down.

Within a page of his appearance Hagrid has: insulted a fat person he's never met just for being fat, bullied Muggles, used Muggle as an insult, and explained that Harry is a great wizard because of his bloodline. Bonus points for the veiled hint that the Weasleys are superior by blood.

This is also our first hint that nobody likes to say the name Voldemort. Unsurprisingly, there's not explanation as to why anyone should hate to say his name.

Also first mention of Dumbledore being the only one Voldemort is afraid of. He just is.

Hagrid also does something completely unacceptable and asks Harry to cover for him.

Comments

[teratologist.livejournal.com]

Within a page of his appearance Hagrid has: insulted a fat person he's never met just for being fat, bullied Muggles, used Muggle as an insult, and explained that Harry is a great wizard because of his bloodline.

While being of mixed blood and decidedly big-boned his own self. Because why stop with obnoxious, bullying behavior when you can have hypocritical, obnoxious, bullying behavior.


Wait.

Wait.

Shit, Wizards are the British equivalent of the American religious right! It all makes sense now! And also explains why all Slytherins are gay.

(I categorically refuse to explore the implication that Snape would be a Log Cabin Republican here, by the way.)

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

OMG, it's true!