HBP Chapter Five: "An Excess of Phlegm"
Dec. 7th, 2012 12:21 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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deathtocapslock*
* “Declare yourself!” “It is I!” Hee, these wizards are so dramatic and over-the-top sometimes, it’s impossible not to love them. J
* Hermione arrived a couple of days ago. I wonder what her parents think of the way she constantly leaves them to hang out with Harry and Ron? Still, gotta keep an eye on that Weasley kid: can’t have him falling for anybody else, after all.
* Mr. Weasley’s finally got a promotion after six-plus years of being stuck in a joke department which nobody cares about, which proves he is a high-flier after all. Unlike Percy, whose promotion to personal secretary to the Minister of Magic is obviously just a sign that he’s supposed to spy on Arthur, and nothing to do with his own talents at all. Even though he’s still kept on after his break with his family, when he’d be no use as a spy at all. Arthur’s the success story of this family, Percy, and don’t you forget it!
* Harry’s eyes are watering at the hotness of his soup, which Mrs. Weasley takes as a sign of emotion at the news. Silly Molly – when did you ever know Harry to feel emotional about other people’s successes?
* Actually, that’s a bit unfair – Harry frequently displays the emotions of envy and resentment when his friends do well.
* “Every single one of the nine hands was pointing at mortal peril.” That makes for a nice and dramatic vignette, until you realise that the clock is now pretty much completely useless. Once again JK Rowling sacrifices believability for the sake of a cheap moment of melodrama.
* Mrs. Weasley shows her ignorance of basic security procedures. Yup, she’s exactly the sort of person I’d trust to keep the Chosen One safe. *rolls eyes*
* What’s the point of selling Metamorph-Medals that turn you orange or make you sprout tentacles? Wouldn’t it be easier to either not bother charming them at all and pretend you have, or charm them to actually change your appearance properly? Oh wait, then we wouldn’t get to hear about the hilarious side-effects they lead to.
* Actually, Arthur, selling Metamorph-Medals would be totally IC for the Twins. These were the people who were happy to potentially suffocate Dudley, after all, and taking advantage of people’s desperation is small beans compared to that.
* Hedwig’s been waiting to see Harry before going hunting, apparently. Yeah, because those two have such a great relationship. It’s not like they spend a good three quarters of the time being all passive-aggressive and bitchy towards one another.
* Harry lies down, and finds a Puking Pastille stuck under the pillow. With the benefit of hindsight, however, we readers know that he’s mistaken in this identification: it’s actually the egg of a rare mind-controlling animal which Fred and George have imported to experiment on. By chance it had just hatched when Harry lay down, and used to opportunity to burrow through his pillow and into his ear, whence it travelled down to his chest, to stir into action several months later.
* Hermione asks Harry what Slughorn was like; Harry responds with “He looks a bit like a walrus and used to be Head of Slytherin.” Nothing about his personality or anything. Well, whatever job Harry wants to do in future, it looks like novelist is out. ;)
* Oh, wait, my mistake. Of course, saying that Slughorn was in Slytherin tells us all we need to know about his moral character.
* Ginny’s here! Oh joy.
* “It’s the way she talks to me – you’d think I was about three!” Well, Ginny, when you stop acting like a toddler, then maybe you can complain when people treat you like one.
* I’m sort of surprised Ginny hasn’t bat-bogie’d Fleur in order to teach her a lesson. Maybe she’s on her best behaviour for Molly’s sake. Or maybe she’s just scared: Fleur was Beauxbatons Champion, after all, so she’d probably kick Ginny’s arse in a real fight. Now that I’d like to see…
* “‘Oh, that’s alright, defend her,’ snapped Ginny [to Ron]. ‘We all know you can’t get enough of her.’” Yeah, because the only possible explanation for Ron’s behaviour is obviously that he wants to get into Fleur’s underpants. I mean, it’s not like he could just have gotten tired of Ginny’s puerile whingeing.
* “To complete this vision of perfection, she was carrying a heavily-laden breakfast tray.” Lol, nice to see Harry’s food obsession in full swing here. Remember kids, gluttony is OK when it’s the Chosen One doing it!
* Hey, maybe we could use food to choose our political leaders: instead of voting for them, just make them eat loads for a couple of months. Those who remain thin are clearly pure of heart, and therefore worthy of governing the country.
* Mrs. Weasley is angry that Fleur’s taken the breakfast tray up, instead of letting her do it. Can’t have Harry feeling grateful to any non-Weasleys, after all, else he might start looking elsewhere for his future mate.
* Fleur’s sister apparently never stops talking about Harry Potter. Since I want to believe that foreign wizards at least are immune from the Potter Cult Of Personality, I’m going to assume that Fleur’s just trying to be polite here.
* Ginny Mk. 1 would never have called someone a cow, which I suppose is why she had to be removed in favour of the insufferable bitch feisty and spunky Ginny Mk. 2. No doubt the original Ginny’s remains are mouldering in a hidden grave in the Forbidden Forest, along with those of Hermione the First and Likeable!Ron.
* Nor would the original Ginny have thought that “Phlegm” was a funny nickname.
* Suggesting that Tonks is losing her powers because of Sirius is a pretty disappointing and cliché explanation, but not nearly as disappointing and cliché as the actual reason.
* Ginny Mk. 1 wouldn’t have shouted “I’m talking to this lot!” Oh, Ginny Mk. 1, how I miss you. L
* Harry is surprised that Percy’s still not speaking to his family, because Dumbledore turned out to have been right about Voldemort’s return. Odd, because I was under the impression that the argument was actually about the lack of recognition Percy gets from his family. Since this issue hasn’t been resolved yet, it’s not actually surprising that he’s still not reconciled.
* The Weasleys’ outhouse has turned into a broomshed again. Maybe it’s a bit like the Room of Requirement, and keeps switching rôles depending on what you want it to be.
* Now we have a nice, emotionally-charged scene as Harry tells Hermione and Ron about the prophecy… which Rowling promptly deflates with that bloody stupid joke telescope. I mean, why? Why break the tension with a throw-away piece of comedy? Did she not trust herself to write a properly dramatic scene and so decided to deliberately ruin it, or something?
* This is even worse than “the suddenness and completeness of death was with them like a presence.” I mean, yes, that was a bad line, but at least she was trying to convey the sense of shock and loss everybody was feeling. Here she just totally sabotages any serious emotion… gah.
* Hermione reckons Harry will learn “[r]eally advanced defensive magic […] powerful counter-curses… anti-jinxes…” Sorry, Hermione, we’re going to be subjected to edited highlights of Voldie’s life instead. Probably best if you don’t get your hopes up too much.
* “‘But it’s got to come off!’ squeaked Hermione. ‘I can’t go around looking like this forever!’” Yes, Hermione, it would be very nasty of the Twins to permanently disfigure somebody’s face like that. Incidentally, do you maybe possibly think that you consider applying this line of reasoning to any other girls at Hogwarts who’ve suffered disfiguring facial injuries…? Anyone…?
* It’s weird, Hermione gets all annoyed to hear of the good reports Fleur’s been receiving about the Twins, but nobody ever stops to consider that maybe the subjects of their other pranks get similarly annoyed. It’s like nobody in this world has a proper theory of mind: so when they personally find something funny, they expect everybody else to as well; when they feel annoyed, they expect other people to also feel annoyed. They never stop to consider that different people might have different experiences or perspectives, and that just because they find a prank funny doesn’t mean that the victims feel the same way.
* Wow, Hermione’s nervousness is really OTT here. Yes, Rowling, we get that she’s a swot, but please, try not to overdo it, will you?
* We’re probably meant to think of Fleur as an evil cow for saying that Beauxbatons is better than Hogwarts, but knowing the state of Hogwarts education, I don’t find it at all difficult to believe that Beauxbatons is actually the better institution.
* Given that Harry has never shown the slightest interest in or aptitude for History of Magic, and he had (IIRC) largely finished by the time he had his collapse, I doubt he’d have passed anyway. Sill, nice of Voldemort to choose that exam to interrupt, so Harry had a face-saving excuse for his failure. Say what you want about the Dark Lord, he’s very considerate like that.
* Ron failed the subjects Harry failed, and didn’t get any “Outstanding” grades at all. Can’t have him outshining the main character, after all!
* OK, so what is up with Hermione’s E in DADA? All through the series, she’s done better than Harry in classes, and (two scenes excepted, in PS and POA) she hasn’t shown any signs of freezing under pressure, which might make her fail her practical. (And besides, if this were the case, why would she freeze in DADA, and not in Charms, Transfiguration, or any of the other exams with practical bits?) About the only explanation I can think is that the exams are marked comparatively, and Harry’s Patronus pushed him up so much that it knocked everybody else down a grade.
* Heh, I wonder what would happen if Draco Malfoy had been given an opportunity for extra credit denied to other students, and had got an “Outstanding” grade as a result. We’d be treated to loads of bitching about how unfair it at was and how the wizarding world is a hotbed of prejudice and favouritism.
* Harry’s upset that he won’t be an Auror… because that really matters to him, for some reason. Even though he wouldn’t really be very good at it (at least not unless Hermione were in the same department holding his hand and telling him what to do). Really, he’s be better off as a Gringott’s curse-breaker, like Bill: he could have all the glamour and excitement of dealing with Dark Magic, but it would suit his lone working style better.
* “[W]ouldn’t he be living up to the prophecy, and giving himself the best chance of survival, if he joined those highly trained wizards whose job it was to find and kill Voldemort?” Well, he might be living up to the prophecy, but it’s hard to see how his chances of survival would be increased by his joining a group of wizards whose job is to fight dangerous, well-trained and lethally-armed dark wizards. In fact, I’d say that would significantly reduce his chances of survival.
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no subject
Date: 2012-12-07 02:05 am (UTC)Well, Hermione’s parents don’t get any dialogue or description and are pretty much just placeholders. So, you can imagine anything you want. Are they resentful, like Petunia? Resigned? Angry? Indifferent? Heartbroken? Annoyed?
/Harry responds with “He looks a bit like a walrus and used to be Head of Slytherin.” Nothing about his personality or anything./
That’s like only telling someone who isn’t acquainted with HP that Snape “has greasy hair and is Head of Slytherin” when asked about him. And yes, do keep reminding us that Slughorn is overweight.
/Or maybe she’s just scared: Fleur was Beauxbatons Champion, after all, so she’d probably kick Ginny’s arse in a real fight. Now that I’d like to see…/
Uh-oh, you may be giving ideas to certain anti-Ginny members here…
/Yeah, because the only possible explanation for Ron’s behaviour is obviously that he wants to get into Fleur’s underpants. I mean, it’s not like he could just have gotten tired of Ginny’s puerile whingeing./
*sighs* Wouldn’t it be nice if there were more female characters who weren’t catty and jealous towards other girls who were prettier than them? I mean, sure, Harry was jealous of Cedric, but at least he kept his jealousy to himself and didn’t go around badmouthing him to anyone who would listen.
And yes, heaven forbid Ron stick up for Fleur because he’s a decent person. No, he has to be a stupid, shallow, “normal” boy whose only reason for defending a girl is that he finds her hot.
/Mrs. Weasley is angry that Fleur’s taken the breakfast tray up, instead of letting her do it. Can’t have Harry feeling grateful to any non-Weasleys, after all/
I see that Ginny’s taken after her mother in childishness. Seriously, what is the woman’s problem? She’s like a little kid whining that it’s her job to feed the dog. No wonder Ron’s afraid that Molly prefers Harry to him, what with the ridiculous lengths that she goes to in order to make sure that she personally tends to Harry’s every need.
/Nor would the original Ginny have thought that “Phlegm” was a funny nickname./
“Phlegm” doesn’t even sound like “Fleur,” except for the ‘f’ sound. It’s not witty, it’s just silly and it makes Ginny seem younger than she is.
/Suggesting that Tonks is losing her powers because of Sirius is a pretty disappointing and cliché explanation/
I just found it weird. Especially when Hermione suggested that Tonks may have been in love with Sirius. Umm, Hermione, you do know that Sirius was her mother’s cousin, right? And around the same age as her mother?
/Hermione reckons Harry will learn “[r]eally advanced defensive magic […] powerful counter-curses… anti-jinxes…”/
No, that’s what a truly wise and practical mentor would have done. I still find it very strange that Harry, our hero and protagonist, doesn’t learn any new skills or magic along his journey. He learns new information, but he doesn’t learn new techniques or skills to beat Voldemort.
/Yes, Hermione, it would be very nasty of the Twins to permanently disfigure somebody’s face like that. Incidentally, do you maybe possibly think that you consider applying this line of reasoning to any other girls at Hogwarts who’ve suffered disfiguring facial injuries…?/
I just…does JKR not realize what a raging hypocrite Hermione is being right now? Yes, I know that we’re supposed to boo Marietta for betraying the DA, but the spell is permanent. It’s not as if she was cursed with disfiguring acne and then it eventually faded. Marietta will have to live with her disfigurement as long as she lives until Hermione eventually relents (or if Madam Pomfrey finally does her job). Yet we’re expected to sympathize with Hermione’s hypocritical whining?
/We’re probably meant to think of Fleur as an evil cow for saying that Beauxbatons is better than Hogwarts, but knowing the state of Hogwarts education, I don’t find it at all difficult to believe that Beauxbatons is actually the better institution./
Besides, Beauxbatons is her school. What is she supposed to say? “Oh, yes, the school that I’ve been attending is totally awful compared to yours.”
no subject
Date: 2012-12-08 07:09 am (UTC)I just found it weird. Especially when Hermione suggested that Tonks may have been in love with Sirius. Umm, Hermione, you do know that Sirius was her mother’s cousin, right? And around the same age as her mother?
Well, Tonks was in fact desperate over a man of Sirius' age.
As for schools, the argument was about whether 5 or 6 years should be the time for basic qualifications. As one who left school and was holding a job Fleur was in a better position to form an informed opinion than the kids.
no subject
Date: 2025-08-04 06:04 pm (UTC)Well, Krum did, which is why he gets to be the Token Good Foreigner™… :P
no subject
Date: 2012-12-07 07:36 am (UTC)...Well, joining those highly trained wizards would presumably involve lots of training, and the low quality of DADA instruction is one flaw in Hogwarts that Harry is actually aware of.
One interesting this about this line is that it suggests that Harry doesn't expect to defeat Voldemort within two years, since Auror training wouldn't begin until after leaving Hogwarts.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-07 08:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-08 07:12 am (UTC)Alas, since he did not study Arithmancy he is not qualified for this line of employment.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-10 01:58 am (UTC)J.K. seems to think we should find the new Ginny "spunky" and wonderful. I think she is acting like a jealous brat.
It’s like nobody in this world has a proper theory of mind: so when they personally find something funny, they expect everybody else to as well; when they feel annoyed, they expect other people to also feel annoyed. They never stop to consider that different people might have different experiences or perspectives, and that just because they find a prank funny doesn’t mean that the victims feel the same way.
From her interviews J.K. comes across like someone who sees her way as the only way. The idea that an opinion that is different from your own could be valid is alien to her.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-10 02:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-10 05:17 pm (UTC)(Come to think of it, if Rowling *does* have difficulty making logical connexions, it might also explain the badly-plotted, oh-dear-maths aspects of the books as well.)
no subject
Date: 2012-12-10 08:04 pm (UTC)But Marietta 'deserved' it, so that's completely different, right?
no subject
Date: 2012-12-11 01:37 am (UTC)I can't help thinking of that terrible "prank" that those Australian DJs just played on that poor nurse at Kate Middleton's hospital. Apparently, some radio stations have their DJs make "prank" calls all the time, because humiliating people is hysterically funny and popular with their audiences. It's sick. *shudders*
no subject
Date: 2012-12-12 08:28 pm (UTC):(
no subject
Date: 2012-12-15 05:53 am (UTC)Maybe I'm seeing DD's machinations everywhere, but I always thought that Hermione getting a lower grade then Harry was deliberate.
Just some more "Look Harry, you are destined to fight the dark powers! You are even better at it then the best student you know."