deathtocapslock | HBP Chapter Eleven: "Hermione's Helping Hand" (Reply)

* Sorry for the enormous delay: RL has been completely insane over the last couple of months. If I ever write a set of sporkings again, I’ll make sure to write them all up before I start posting them.

* “As Hermione had predicted,” she was right and Ron was wrong and stupid. Quelle surprise.

* I’m still not sure what’s supposed to be so difficult about the Hogwarts curriculum. From what we see, it’s all just a matter of waving your wand the right way (at least in PS, I don’t think it’s really mentioned in later books) and saying particular words. I could imagine it being difficult remembering lots and lots of spells, but from what we see, the students at Hogwarts only use a small number. So where’s all the difficulty coming from?

* Luckily, though, Harry’s doing OK in Potions, thanks to his handy book o’ cheats.

* Ron claims to hate CMC and says he hasn’t forgotten about the Skrewts. If Malfoy said such a thing, we’d be told how he’s whiny and snobbish and ought to get over it, but IOIAGDI, I suppose.

* “Hermione spared [Ron] one look of disdain before turning back to Harry” pretty much sums up her relationships within the trio. It’s no wonder Ron’s so insecure and keeps worrying that she really fancies Harry.

* Ron’s so adorably pathetic here, the way he’s obviously feeling inferior to Harry and being ignored by his so-called friends. *hugs Ron*

* Harry’s grown a whole foot over the six weeks or so of summer holidays? Really? Come on, Rowling, I know people sometimes get growth spurts, but this is just ridiculous.

* Also, if Harry’s grown so much, how come he hasn’t needed to replace all his clothes?

* Oh, and BTW, people, don’t think that Harry’s new-found hotness makes him any less of an underdog. Although TBH if you still thought of him as an underdog after five books of rules being bent in his favour, a little added attractiveness probably isn’t going to change your mind.

* Not that Harry will notice, he’s far too lowly-sexed to care about women. It’s a pity it wasn’t Ron who became really desirable, at least he seems like he’d actually appreciate it.

* “Stan Shunpike, a Death Eater?... No way!” Wow, I wish I had clairvoyant powers like Harry’s. I couldn’t tell that somebody wasn’t a criminal based on a single conversation three years ago. I guess this is just one more sign of Harry’s undoubted superiority.

* Wait, what are first-years doing at the Quidditch try-outs? Last we heard, only second-years and above were allowed to play on the House teams. Oh dear, continuity.

* Harry’s so popular now that even members of other Houses are coming to the try-outs just to be near him. Ginny, meanwhile, has “outflown all the competition and scored seventeen goals to boot”. I can’t decide who’s the most obnoxiously Sue-ish of the pair.

* A lump the size of an egg on your head sounds pretty dangerous. Guys, are you sure it’s a good idea to send small cannonballs flying at people’s heads?

* Harry hoped that winning the game last year would have cured Ron’s nerves and allowed him some character development, but apparently not: he’s still an insecure, pathetic loser.

* Of course, Ron gets chosen as Keeper; and of course, it’s all thanks to Hermione. Although given the levels of anxiety Ron suffers every time he plays a game, I can’t help thinking that it might have been kinder of Hermione to let him fail.

* And, for those who are keeping track of the series’ morality, making the team by getting your dad to buy new broomsticks = evil, sneaky and unfair, whereas making the team because someone with a crush on you hexes the competition = perfectly fine. I just love a consistent and well-thought-out system of morality, don’t you?

* Hagrid throws a strop when he sees the trio, and later bursts into tears, like the infantilised man-child he is.

* The idea of putting all the world’s supply of Time Turners into one cabinet is so moronic that only the Ministry of Magic could think of it.

* Hermione defends her hexing by saying that McLaggen’s “got a nasty temper […] you wouldn’t have wanted someone like that on the team.” TBH I’d imagine most of the team would agree: Harry’s stroppiness and mood swings must be difficult enough already, add another moody person and there’d be no end to the hassle

* The issue Harry raises, that Hermione was being rather dishonest, especially as she’s a prefect, is actually quite important. In the hands of a better author, it could be an opportunity to make an interesting point, perhaps about the way that people tend to be corrupted after living in a corrupt environment for long enough. In the hands of JKR, it’s immediately brushed off as a joke.

* “Well,” says Harry, “if it [= the Vanishing Cabinet] is not at [Malfoy’s] house, he must have brought whatever it is to Hogwarts with him.” Well, maybe. Or maybe the Ministry didn’t find it when they searched the house, or it’s still at Borgin and Burke’s, or it’s at some other Death Eater’s house, or…

* Oh, so all you had to do to get past Dumbledore’s super awesome security arrangements was arrive to school a bit late. Who knew? Although it does make Hermione’s faith that any dark objects Malfoy was trying to bring would be found and confiscated seem a little naïve.