Deathly Hallows, Chapter 14: The Thief

[oneandthetruth.livejournal.com]

When Harry comes to, he’s in some strange woods with Ron and Hermione. All three are changing back into themselves. Hermione is okay--of course, because the boys couldn’t survive without her--but Ron has Splinched. (I have to say, Rowling is very good at coming up with these silly sounding words.) With typical thoughtlessness, Harry has always considered Splinching a joke--until he sees his friend lying on the ground, gushing blood from a big chunk that’s been taken out of his arm.

Hermione puts Dittany on the wound to close it and explains how they got there: Yaxley grabbed onto her when they left, so when they landed, he was taken inside the Fidelius on 12GP. When she realized that, she Apparated them elsewhere to get away. She blames herself, but Harry both honorably and honestly says it’s his fault. See, Harry? I knew you should have Stunned Yaxley again before you took off.

Hermione explains she’s taken them to where the Quidditch World Cup took place. She casts safety charms around the clearing they’re in while Harry gets a tent out of her bag. Of course, she’s the one who has to actually set it up with a spell. Remind me why Harry’s the star and hero of these books again? It’s one thing for the hero to need help from his friends. It’s another thing entirely when he can’t even function successfully without them.

Ron urges Harry not to use the “V” word because “it just feels like a--a jinx or something.” We’re almost 300 pages into the seventh book, and this is the first time the idea of Voldemort’s name being, not just scary, but actually dangerous, has come up. I know people have always avoided using it, but that always came across to me more as wimpiness than legitimate fearfulness. That's particularly true since Rowling harps on how this gang rumble is just like World War II, and the Allies didn't just speak Hitler's name; they ridiculed everything about him every chance they got. We see nothing like that kind of courage in Rowling's wimpy wizards and witches--not even among the "brave of heart" Gryffindors.

This is where I’m really getting the feeling Rowling is making it up as she goes along: “Let’s see, I have to get them out of 12GP, or there won’t be enough action and adventure, so I’ll have that screwup with Yaxley. Then I’ll have to get them captured by the DEs, so I’ll--I’ll--what’ll I do? I know! I’ll put a trace on Voldemort’s name! Then I’ll have Harry say it at some point. That’ll do it! He’ll get to show his proud, defiant spirit, and get them captured at the same time! Of course, that also makes him look really stupid, but we already know Hermione’s the brains of this outfit. Besides, if people wanted intellectual stimulation, they’d be reading Lemony Snicket.” Either that’s what happened, or JKR wrote the scenes where the Trio is captured and tortured, then had to retcon a reason for it. Either way, it’s very clumsy writing.

Ron is too weak to walk into the tent, so Harry and Hermione half-carry and half-drag him. Why don’t they use a levitation charm? If they’re just going to haul him around, they might as well be useless “muggles.”

The two Hs belatedly tell Ron they’ve gotten the locket, and the three discuss whether it’s still a Horcrux. Hermione fixes some tea, which she of course has on hand, being British. There’s no other food, however, since they weren’t expecting to have to go on the run. She also collects and cooks some mushrooms, but they don’t go over well. She and Harry takes turns keeping watch all night.

As Harry sits outside, he understandably has a lot of gloomy thoughts. To his credit, he worries about Kreacher and hopes the DEs don’t torture him. He even has doubts about Dumbledore and wonders again why he didn’t give Harry more useful information. Harry is hungry, tired, and scared, but of course we find out later his feelings are caused by the Evil Locket, not for any normal reason such as, oh, not eating since morning, being up all day, and barely escaping attacking Death Eaters.

Suddenly, he has another Voldie-vision of Gregorovitch being questioned. The wand maker says the Elder Wand was stolen from him years ago, but Voldy doesn’t believe him. He says, “Do not lie to Lord Voldemort, Gregorovitch. He knows...He always knows.”

When I read that, I thought, Oh, no. Rowling didn’t really do that. Compare that line with a scene in one of my favorite movies, A Christmas Story. Ralphie has just seen Santa in the local department store.

Father: Did you see Santa Claus?

Ralphie: Yeah.

Father: Did you tell him what you wanted for Christmas?

Ralphie: Yeah.

Father: Did he ask you if you’d been a good boy all year?

Ralphie: No.

Father: Don’t worry. He knows. He always knows. (Emphasis in original.)

So now Voldemort is Santa Claus? You know, I just realized this, but--Voldemort looks almost like the Grinch. The flat, almost noseless face, the red eyes, the slit of a mouth--he’s just white instead of green, like the Grinch. And he’s really mean and enjoys ruining other people’s fun, like the Grinch does.

I know his problem! He wasn’t born an evil psychopath--he was born with a heart two sizes too small. He just needs a heart transplant, and he’ll be fine. Either that, or to have a bunch of Whos sing Christmas carols to him.

Think what a fanfic that would be: How Voldemort Stole Britain. I never liked Dr. Seuss much, but I might have to write that. Somebody else would have to illustrate it, though.

Oh, no. I just thought of something else. Both Voldy and the Grinch have animals they make dress up as other species to help them carry out their nefarious plans on Christmas Eve. Voldy has a snake he orders to disguise herself as a dead woman to lure Harry and Hermione into the dead woman’s home so Voldy can capture (steal) Harry. The Grinch has a dog he dresses up as a reindeer so the Grinch can enter the Whos’ homes and steal their Christmas presents, decorations, and food.

So now Rowling is ripping off Dr. Seuss? That’s sad. That’s really sad. It’s possible the similarity of plot is a coincidence, but if it is, it’s a remarkable one. It’s also possible Rowling heard/read/saw the story years ago and forgot about it, then wrote her own version of it without realizing she was using the same plot devices. Other authors have done the same thing.

Anyway, the Dull Lord Legilimizes Gregorovitch and sees the theft of the Elder Wand. Harry recognizes but can’t place the hot blond young male thief. Interestingly enough, Harry likens the young man--whose identity we know because we’ve finished the book--to Fred and George because of his air of “triumphant trickery.” So there you have it, folks. It’s canon that the twins strongly resemble a genocidal maniac and would-be totalitarian dictator. Tell me again how “harmless” and “fun” they are.

Harry yells, which wakes Hermione. He tries to lie and say he was only dreaming, but she calls him on it and lectures him again about Occlumency. In a display of sarcasm that would become that other wizard she’s often paired with in fanfic, she says that if he’s falling asleep at his post, she’d better take over the watch. Harry goes in the tent and tells Ron what he saw. They discuss it, and both go to sleep.

Comments

[maidofkent.livejournal.com]

Perhaps she learned the info from the book they have to read for Potions in first year, 'One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi' - assuming there's a cross-over with plain old Muggle fungi.

Hermione fixes some tea, which she of course has on hand, being British. There’s no other food, however, since they weren’t expecting to have to go on the run.

I know it's a minor point, but this also makes no sense. We're not so fixated on tea that we carry a kettle and teabags with us as a matter of course. If it was a day trip and she wanted tea, she would have packed a thermos flask, though it doesn't seem likely that they'd take a tea break in the middle of infiltrating the Ministry. Packing tea bags and kettle is long term absence planning - and If they've got tea, she would also think of milk (I can't see Ron being an Earl Grey sort of guy), and milk leads to thoughts of biscuits and to food in general.