Harry Potter Abridged! OotP Chapter 18
Oct. 19th, 2014 06:07 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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deathtocapslockGreetings from Salazar Slytherin's home turf (no, really--I'm studying abroad there right now)!
[The next day, they discuss the situation in Charms]
Hermione: I wonder if Mr. Norris is the one who read your letter? I’ll bet those Dungbombs he accused you of ordering were just an excuse to go through your mail.
Ron: Hermione, Hermione! I can’t perform the Silencing Charm on my bird properly!
Hermione: Maybe you can try a frog and I’ll try a bird? Frogs are supposed to be easier.
Ron: Fine.
[They swap animals, but Ron still fails at the charm]
Professor Flitwick: Honestly, why can’t you be more like Hermione Granger?
Ron: I hate my life.
[They later run into Angelina again]
Angelina: By the way, we have permission to play Quidditch again. I went to Professor McGonagall and I think she spoke to Dumbledore on our behalf.
Ron and Harry: Great!
[Meanwhile, Hermione stares out the window]
Hermione: I’m not sure if this club is a good idea anymore.
Harry: But Sirius said it was a good idea.
Hermione: Exactly.
Harry: But…why would Sirius approving of the club make you doubt it?
Hermione: I think his time at Grimmauld Place might be going to his head. He can’t be out fighting so he’s trying to get us to do it for him.
Ron: You say that like it’s a bad thing.
[That night, Harry and Ron go out to play Quidditch in the pouring rain]
Angelina: Harry, what spell do you use to keep your glasses dry? I’m thinking we can all use that on our faces.
Harry: That’s easy—Impervius.
George: We were thinking of using Fever Fudge to get out of playing, but the last time we tried we got these awful boils.
Ron: I don’t see any.
Fred: Well, that’s because they’re…ah…not anywhere we generally display to the public, if you know what I mean.
Ron: …I don’t wanna know.
[They go out to play, but the visibility is so bad they can only keep at it for an hour]
Angelina: Nice work, team!
Fred: Very funny….
[Just then, Harry’s scar starts to hurt!]
Ron: Harry, what’s wrong?
Harry: We’ll talk after the rest of the team leaves.
[The rest of the team leaves]
Ron: So…do you think Voldemort’s close?
Harry: No…but I think he’s angry.
Ron: Now you’re getting visions from him?
Harry: Could be.
Ron: Maybe you should tell Sirius?
Harry: No, it’s too dangerous.
Ron: Then…maybe you should tell Dumbledore?
Harry: No, Dumbledore already knows about it.
Ron: He does?
Harry: Just go with it.
Ron: If you say so….
[That night Harry has a dream that he’s walking down a corridor toward a mysterious door.]
Dobby: Harry, wake up now!
Harry: What? What is it?
Dobby: I just thought I’d drop in to say hi. Just in case you’d forgotten me in between books.
Harry: Who could forget someone as annoying as you?
Dobby: Very funny. Anyway, the other elves are getting angry about those hats they’re finding all over Gryffindor tower. They said they smell like condescension.
Harry: That’s something you’ll have to complain to Hermione about, not me.
Dobby: Anyway, how have you been?
Harry: Well, my life sucks and I don’t have a place for this super-secret society I’m hoping to—hey, wait. Dobby, do you know any secret meeting areas that could host me and a bunch of other students without our teachers discovering us?
Dobby: As a matter of fact, I do. It’s called the Room of Requirement.
Harry: Wow, that was easy.
Dobby: Yeah, it’s always open to anyone who needs something. Anything you need, you’ll find inside.
Harry: How many people know about it?
Dobby: As far as I know, not many people. Most people just find it when they need it and then never again. But I can show you where it is, if you like.
Harry: I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. It’s too dangerous for us to go now, at any rate. Just tell me how to get there, and I’ll be all set.
[The next day…]
Angelina: Since the weather’s so bad, I’m cancelling Quidditch practice.
Harry: That’s great! Angelina, Angelina, we’ve found a place to meet! Could you tell all your friends about it?
Angelina: Of course.
Hermione: Dobby told you about this, though. Do you really think we can trust him to know what he’s doing?
Harry: Well, if it helps, I overheard Dumbledore talking about it too, at the Yule Ball last year.
Hermione: Alright, I’m convinced.
[They spread the word to their associates throughout the day, and at night they make their way up to a tapestry that hides the Room of Requirement]
Harry: Alright, Room of Requirement. Where are you?
[Sure enough, a door appears, and they walk inside]
Hermione: Wow, look at this place! It has all the books and supplies we’ll ever need to practice!
[Not long after, everyone else arrives]
Fred: You know, George, I think we hid from Mr. Norris in here once.
George: Go figure.
Hermione: So, anyway, I thought we should elect a leader before we began.
Cho: Didn’t you say Harry would lead?
Hermione: Well…yes…but I thought we could vote on it anyway, just to be sure. [to self] Maybe they’ll vote for me instead?
[Everyone votes for Harry]
Hermione: Dammit. Ahem. So, anyway, what should we call ourselves?
Angelina: We could call it the Anti-Umbridge League, just to really rub it in that she ain’t the boss of us.
Hermione: No, that’s too obvious.
Cho: We could call it the Defense Association, or DA for short.
Ginny: I’ll do you one better—let’s have its full name be Dumbledore’s Army.
Hermione: Ginny, you’re a genius! [Writes “Dumbledore’s Army” on top of the signed paper]
Ginny: See? Harry is my man, tramp!
Cho: Nobody asked you….
Harry: Well, now that that boring stuff is out of the way, let’s practice Expelliarmus.
Zacharias Smith: But will that really help us against someone like Voldemort?
Harry: It’s saved my life before.
Zacharias Smith: …Fine. I concede defeat.
[Everyone pairs up except Neville, who’s left without a partner]
Harry: Navel, allow me to graciously take you as my partner.
Neville: My name is not Navel, and I don’t take kindly to being patronized.
Harry: No, no—you like being patronized by the main character. Just admit it.
Neville: But I don’t.
[They practice for awhile. After a time, Neville is able to disarm Harry while he’s distracted.]
Neville: See? I’m not totally useless after all. Now you have to call me by my proper name.
Harry: Whatever, Navel.
Neville: Grrrrrr….
[After a time, Harry leaves Neville to practice with Ron and Hermione while he goes to check on people.]
Harry: Anthony Goldstein, however are you disarming Zacharias Smith without saying anything?
George: Oh, that’s because I’m making his wand fly out of his hand. Because I don’t like him.
Anthony: Gee, thanks….
[After a time, Harry stops everyone]
Harry: Cool! You all stopped on my orders! Hehe…well, as you were.
Zacharias Smith: Sure, whatever.
[Harry eventually finds Cho]
Cho: Expelliarmious! Expellimellius!
[Marietta’s robe catches fire]
Marietta: Be more careful next time!
Cho: It’s not my fault! Harry’s breathing down my neck!
Marietta: What does he want?
Harry: Cho, you’re really good!
Cho: Oh, don’t flatter me.
Harry: …Damn, you got me.
Cho: It’s not your fault my friend’s angry, by the way—it’s my fault for making her come when her mother doesn’t want her to be involved.
Marietta: I’m right here!
Cho: Oops—sorry. Anyway, I just thought I’d learn how to fight so I can avenge Cedric’s death.
Harry: You’re…you’re still thinking about him? But…you have me now! [Cries and runs away]
Luna: I’m fighting to put Fudge in his place, after he assassinated all those goblins and other naysayers.
Cho: What are you talking about?
Harry: Oh, don’t mind her—she’s always like that.
Cho: I know that. She’s in the same house as me.
Harry: Oh, she is? Silly me….
Hermione: Harry, don’t you think it’s getting late?
Harry: [Glances at watch] Oh, would you look at the time! Well…we’d better all be getting back to our common rooms before we’re punished!
[Everyone agrees]
Harry: So…shall we meet at the same time and place next week?
Angelina: That won’t work—we need the time for Quidditch practice.
Harry: Why don’t we meet next Wednesday, then?
Angelina: That works.
Everyone else: Sounds good.
[They go back to their rooms….]
Hermione: I’m so much better of a duelist than you are, Ron.
Ron: You’re not that much better!
Hermione: Oh yes I am.
Ron: No you’re not!
Harry: I’ll just tune those two out by fantasizing about Cho.
[The next day, they discuss the situation in Charms]
Hermione: I wonder if Mr. Norris is the one who read your letter? I’ll bet those Dungbombs he accused you of ordering were just an excuse to go through your mail.
Ron: Hermione, Hermione! I can’t perform the Silencing Charm on my bird properly!
Hermione: Maybe you can try a frog and I’ll try a bird? Frogs are supposed to be easier.
Ron: Fine.
[They swap animals, but Ron still fails at the charm]
Professor Flitwick: Honestly, why can’t you be more like Hermione Granger?
Ron: I hate my life.
[They later run into Angelina again]
Angelina: By the way, we have permission to play Quidditch again. I went to Professor McGonagall and I think she spoke to Dumbledore on our behalf.
Ron and Harry: Great!
[Meanwhile, Hermione stares out the window]
Hermione: I’m not sure if this club is a good idea anymore.
Harry: But Sirius said it was a good idea.
Hermione: Exactly.
Harry: But…why would Sirius approving of the club make you doubt it?
Hermione: I think his time at Grimmauld Place might be going to his head. He can’t be out fighting so he’s trying to get us to do it for him.
Ron: You say that like it’s a bad thing.
[That night, Harry and Ron go out to play Quidditch in the pouring rain]
Angelina: Harry, what spell do you use to keep your glasses dry? I’m thinking we can all use that on our faces.
Harry: That’s easy—Impervius.
George: We were thinking of using Fever Fudge to get out of playing, but the last time we tried we got these awful boils.
Ron: I don’t see any.
Fred: Well, that’s because they’re…ah…not anywhere we generally display to the public, if you know what I mean.
Ron: …I don’t wanna know.
[They go out to play, but the visibility is so bad they can only keep at it for an hour]
Angelina: Nice work, team!
Fred: Very funny….
[Just then, Harry’s scar starts to hurt!]
Ron: Harry, what’s wrong?
Harry: We’ll talk after the rest of the team leaves.
[The rest of the team leaves]
Ron: So…do you think Voldemort’s close?
Harry: No…but I think he’s angry.
Ron: Now you’re getting visions from him?
Harry: Could be.
Ron: Maybe you should tell Sirius?
Harry: No, it’s too dangerous.
Ron: Then…maybe you should tell Dumbledore?
Harry: No, Dumbledore already knows about it.
Ron: He does?
Harry: Just go with it.
Ron: If you say so….
[That night Harry has a dream that he’s walking down a corridor toward a mysterious door.]
Dobby: Harry, wake up now!
Harry: What? What is it?
Dobby: I just thought I’d drop in to say hi. Just in case you’d forgotten me in between books.
Harry: Who could forget someone as annoying as you?
Dobby: Very funny. Anyway, the other elves are getting angry about those hats they’re finding all over Gryffindor tower. They said they smell like condescension.
Harry: That’s something you’ll have to complain to Hermione about, not me.
Dobby: Anyway, how have you been?
Harry: Well, my life sucks and I don’t have a place for this super-secret society I’m hoping to—hey, wait. Dobby, do you know any secret meeting areas that could host me and a bunch of other students without our teachers discovering us?
Dobby: As a matter of fact, I do. It’s called the Room of Requirement.
Harry: Wow, that was easy.
Dobby: Yeah, it’s always open to anyone who needs something. Anything you need, you’ll find inside.
Harry: How many people know about it?
Dobby: As far as I know, not many people. Most people just find it when they need it and then never again. But I can show you where it is, if you like.
Harry: I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. It’s too dangerous for us to go now, at any rate. Just tell me how to get there, and I’ll be all set.
[The next day…]
Angelina: Since the weather’s so bad, I’m cancelling Quidditch practice.
Harry: That’s great! Angelina, Angelina, we’ve found a place to meet! Could you tell all your friends about it?
Angelina: Of course.
Hermione: Dobby told you about this, though. Do you really think we can trust him to know what he’s doing?
Harry: Well, if it helps, I overheard Dumbledore talking about it too, at the Yule Ball last year.
Hermione: Alright, I’m convinced.
[They spread the word to their associates throughout the day, and at night they make their way up to a tapestry that hides the Room of Requirement]
Harry: Alright, Room of Requirement. Where are you?
[Sure enough, a door appears, and they walk inside]
Hermione: Wow, look at this place! It has all the books and supplies we’ll ever need to practice!
[Not long after, everyone else arrives]
Fred: You know, George, I think we hid from Mr. Norris in here once.
George: Go figure.
Hermione: So, anyway, I thought we should elect a leader before we began.
Cho: Didn’t you say Harry would lead?
Hermione: Well…yes…but I thought we could vote on it anyway, just to be sure. [to self] Maybe they’ll vote for me instead?
[Everyone votes for Harry]
Hermione: Dammit. Ahem. So, anyway, what should we call ourselves?
Angelina: We could call it the Anti-Umbridge League, just to really rub it in that she ain’t the boss of us.
Hermione: No, that’s too obvious.
Cho: We could call it the Defense Association, or DA for short.
Ginny: I’ll do you one better—let’s have its full name be Dumbledore’s Army.
Hermione: Ginny, you’re a genius! [Writes “Dumbledore’s Army” on top of the signed paper]
Ginny: See? Harry is my man, tramp!
Cho: Nobody asked you….
Harry: Well, now that that boring stuff is out of the way, let’s practice Expelliarmus.
Zacharias Smith: But will that really help us against someone like Voldemort?
Harry: It’s saved my life before.
Zacharias Smith: …Fine. I concede defeat.
[Everyone pairs up except Neville, who’s left without a partner]
Harry: Navel, allow me to graciously take you as my partner.
Neville: My name is not Navel, and I don’t take kindly to being patronized.
Harry: No, no—you like being patronized by the main character. Just admit it.
Neville: But I don’t.
[They practice for awhile. After a time, Neville is able to disarm Harry while he’s distracted.]
Neville: See? I’m not totally useless after all. Now you have to call me by my proper name.
Harry: Whatever, Navel.
Neville: Grrrrrr….
[After a time, Harry leaves Neville to practice with Ron and Hermione while he goes to check on people.]
Harry: Anthony Goldstein, however are you disarming Zacharias Smith without saying anything?
George: Oh, that’s because I’m making his wand fly out of his hand. Because I don’t like him.
Anthony: Gee, thanks….
[After a time, Harry stops everyone]
Harry: Cool! You all stopped on my orders! Hehe…well, as you were.
Zacharias Smith: Sure, whatever.
[Harry eventually finds Cho]
Cho: Expelliarmious! Expellimellius!
[Marietta’s robe catches fire]
Marietta: Be more careful next time!
Cho: It’s not my fault! Harry’s breathing down my neck!
Marietta: What does he want?
Harry: Cho, you’re really good!
Cho: Oh, don’t flatter me.
Harry: …Damn, you got me.
Cho: It’s not your fault my friend’s angry, by the way—it’s my fault for making her come when her mother doesn’t want her to be involved.
Marietta: I’m right here!
Cho: Oops—sorry. Anyway, I just thought I’d learn how to fight so I can avenge Cedric’s death.
Harry: You’re…you’re still thinking about him? But…you have me now! [Cries and runs away]
Luna: I’m fighting to put Fudge in his place, after he assassinated all those goblins and other naysayers.
Cho: What are you talking about?
Harry: Oh, don’t mind her—she’s always like that.
Cho: I know that. She’s in the same house as me.
Harry: Oh, she is? Silly me….
Hermione: Harry, don’t you think it’s getting late?
Harry: [Glances at watch] Oh, would you look at the time! Well…we’d better all be getting back to our common rooms before we’re punished!
[Everyone agrees]
Harry: So…shall we meet at the same time and place next week?
Angelina: That won’t work—we need the time for Quidditch practice.
Harry: Why don’t we meet next Wednesday, then?
Angelina: That works.
Everyone else: Sounds good.
[They go back to their rooms….]
Hermione: I’m so much better of a duelist than you are, Ron.
Ron: You’re not that much better!
Hermione: Oh yes I am.
Ron: No you’re not!
Harry: I’ll just tune those two out by fantasizing about Cho.
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Date: 2014-10-25 01:05 am (UTC)Also, I doubt the Dementers handed out drinks for happy hour, and he probably couldn't acquire much as Padfoot in the cave. I don't think there's enough information to judge just how much he was drinking in OotP, but I don't think it helped...
Come to think of it, he seemed awfully happy to ditch that tropical island and live in a cave. Maybe the enforced relaxation and tropical cocktails had him in nearly as bad a place as in OotP, only we never saw it firsthand?