PS Chapter Twelve

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*The Weasley twins charm snowballs to bounce of the back of Quirrel's turban. I know this guy's going to turn out to be the bad guy, but how cruel is that? It's like Robert Duvall going after Michael O'Keefe in The Great Santini.

*Castles really aren't so comfortable are they? Still, better than those tacky Muggles with their central heating, which they've come up with in a pitiful attempt to simulate roaring hearth fires you can light with your wand.

*Malfoy has become even more unpleasant than usual, to bring you up to speed on the unpleasantness.

* Harry just had the kind of triumph that most kids never experience. But rather than enjoy that pleasure (like Ron endlessly going over his Quidditch game) it's dramatized through Malfoy's spite and jealousy. It just suddenly made me think of the kiss being more about the sight of Dean and Romilda (as opposed to the happiness of the kiss). And I don't mean that as a plea for Draco sympathy. It really does make me understand the reason Snape's at the center of everything, unable to really feel joy and always running on hate. Snape and Harry are better at anger; Malfoy's more sad.

*Ron isn't wanted at home this Christmas either, since the Weasley parents have decided to take a trip to Romania. Ginny will I guess clean the house while they're gone.

*Snape sees Ron attacking another student. Hagrid naturally thinks that "He was provoked" is going to make a difference. Because fighting in the hallways in school is never against the rules if the person has actually made you want to hit them.

*But anyway, thanks Hagrid. We can always count on you to act like another child in any situation. (Just balancing things out, I guess, since Snape's the other teacher involved.)

*Harry hates Malfoy and Snape both. Just so we're clear. Grrrr!

*Apparently, Wizards have also not yet invented a magical equivalent to a card catalog. If you want to look something up you have to just look at every book. Guess that explains the gillyweed in GoF.

*You need a special note to go to the Restricted Section and Harry knows he'll never get one of those. Because nobody would ever give him any special privileges. He'll just have to make do with anonymous gifts like super brooms and Invisibility cloaks, like your average joe.

*Naturally, once Ron and Harry have plenty of time to devote to their search for Flamel, they lose interest until Hermione returns. Got to stick to the schedule.

*Btw, I hope the Grangers enjoy their vacation with Hermione. They won't be getting many more of them.

*Ron and Harry plot ways to get Malfoy expelled just to pass the time. They might have fantasized about outdoing Malfoy over and over but Harry did that and it wasn't satisfying.

*Ron teaches Harry Wizard Chess, which is better than Muggle chess because the pieces are alive, so it's a lot more like having slaves you can murder many times over.

*Pay attention to this chess thing, btw. It's the closest thing Ron will ever get to a skill and he's only got one more book for it to translate into anything useful.

*The Dursleys send Harry 50p and I don't know why I find their presents hilarious. It's like a gift to the reader rather than Harry, who's already become so blasé about money he lets Ron have it.

*Btw, Ron's fascinated by the 50p, though he lives up the road from Muggles.

*Ron's told Molly Harry didn't expect any presents, and ever since then she's been plotting how she can claim him for the Weasley family. At this very moment she's instructing Ginny about how if she doesn't bag Harry by the end of his fourth year Molly will have to take her to a reverse exorcist and have her possessed by a demon from hell who's irresistable to men. RIP Ginny's soul.

*Dumbledore gives Harry an invisibility cloak. Because every 11-year-old needs the ability to go anywhere and do anything without anyone knowing.

*The twins can see Molly made more of an effort on Harry's jumper because he's Harry Potter he's not family.

*The Weasleys must be pretty intimidating if they're not all laughed at for those jumpers. Does no one suggest their mother's squirted out such a huge litter they have to be labeled so she can remember their names? Seems like the type of thing certain people would say.

*They're wrong about the effort Molly makes, of course. Just look at all the passive-aggression she put into Ron's gift with the color. That takes effort too.

*George make one of the Twins' worst jokes ever by calling themselves Gred and Feorge. For some reason people who actually like the characters run with it and call them Gred and Feorge.

*Wizard crackers are also much better than those feeble Muggle ones. If there's one thing everyone wants on their table at Christmas its blue smoke and live rodents in the food.

*Hagrid's getting drunk. Must be a special occasion.

*Harry has a nasty feeling that mean Mrs Norris might eat the white mice. Which can't be much more unpleasant for them than being trapped in a Christmas cracker, I'd think.

*And yet when all the superior Wizard stuff is opened, they've all got to go to the Common Room and play chess. Poor Dudley's at home with his video games. Pwned!

*Harry figures out that the note on the Invisibility Cloak, "Use it well" is Gryffindor code for "Just think of the trouble you can get into and cause with this!"

*Like any good nerd, Harry sneaks out with his Invisibility Cloak and goes straight for Restricted Section to look at porn.

*It is really cute watching ickle Harry run around worried about Snape. It's funny to imagine him replaced by increasingly surly Harry who never thinks he could be doing anything actually wrong.

*Harry sees Lily crying in the mirror. Oh my god, I'm having flashbacks to that theory about James raping Lily and keeping her prisoner-this is a clue in it. She's crying over being a sex slave.

*Speaking of clues, Harry says Ron sounds like Hermione. Watch out for that falling anvil!

*Harry sees his family in the Mirror of Erised. But nobody resembling the Dursleys. It's always been his greatest desire to see his non-fat, non-ugly family.

*I kind of like Harry the Erised Junkie. Ironically staying stuck on the mirror might have kept the stone from being stolen.

*First the Restricted Section and then the Mirror of Erised. This whole book is one missed opportunity for porn after another!

*So, Dumbledore. Not creepy at all to reveal how you've been following invisible!Harry around at night since you gave him the cloak.

*Nice hint there about the next time Harry sees the mirror. If there is a next time. Which Dumbledore is totally hoping there is. If Harry doesn't start facing Voldemort soon he might never come back to life so The Chosen One can kill him like Dumbledore plans!

*You don't need a cloak to be invisible, apparently. I think somebody's got some delusions of Aragorn here.

*Whenever I think of Dumbledore invisible I think of that H/D fic that wasn't finished…was it Artful Façade? Where Draco and Harry kill spying!Dumbledore accidentally? ::sigh:: Good times.





Designated Hero
Our heroes diligently begin working on breaking through all the security to the stone so that the villain can get at it later. Our heroes, ladies and gentleman.

Idiot World
Of course, the very fact that the 11-year-olds can break through the security to the stone is an issue.

Foley Work
Work that Foley in the dark library!

Informed Attributes
Is it me, or does Dumbledore seem to have far more sinister designs on Harry in this book than Snape does?

Final score: 4

Signs of things to come: Harry gets a present that helps him break the rules. Malfoy's jealous of Harry's great success, and needs to be punished. The investigation grinds to a halt not for any actual reason, but to make it fit the school timeline. Dumbledore both encourages Harry to do something dangerous and, twinkling, acts like he's keeping him safe.