POA: Chapter One

[kaskait.livejournal.com]

I've enjoyed all the snarks on HBP, PS and COS. So why not include POA into the mix? Here we go and enjoy!

Chapter One

*Harry hates the summer because he can't do his homework!

*Harry is doing homework without Hermione? I think Hades is experiencing some kind of Frost condition.

*He is extra quiet with his quill because the Dursleys might lock him in the cupboard again. Always looking to milk the "woe is me" angle, that Harry.

*There is some ridiculous example of a history lesson about witch burning. There is even a joke about a witch who liked it. But never mind the many innocent muggle women who were tortured and burned as witches. Helping them wouldn't have been the wizard way. HP Feminism, gotta love it.

*Harry declares the Dursleys are medieval about magic. Yes, living in a 21st century house and not a drafty castle is very medieval. How dare they not engage in siege mentality that the wizards have lived in since medieval times. The Dursleys should build a mini moat post haste so Harry can feel safe.

*The Dursleys are locking away Harry's spellbooks to hide his shameful talent in magic.

*Ummm...why is there summer homework? Isn't there a ban on children practicing magic away from Hogwarts? Maybe essays don't count. If they are left lying around, it doesn't matter if Muggles read them. Because muggles are too stupid to understand the essays anyway.

*Harry can't finish Snape's potion lesson! Darn those ebil Dursleys.

*The Dursleys have been crowing about their new company car. Evil they are and this is proof. No one normal likes to brag about their new cars.

*Ron tried to call him on the telephone. It was a disaster, of course. We can't have Ron looking suave and knowledgeable EVER. Heaven forbid, Hermione give him advice. And she has been communicating with Ron because Hermione hasn't called Harry. Obviously Ron told Hermione not to call!

* But isn't Hermione a clever muggle, thinks Harry. Aren't phones, even *gasp* mobile/cellular phones, a part of her everyday existence? She could have called and made up some silly story. Harry needs his homework completed by someone smarter, damn it!

*Harry just remembers that he is now 13. He had forgotten it for ONE WHOLE HOUR. That hour in which he seethed that Hermione had not called him with the homework answers.

*The Dursleys have ignored his birthday again for one whole hour. How dare they not get up and celebrate Harry at 1AM.

*We get yet another description of Harry's scar. Just in case we missed its significance in the last two books.

*Hedwig has returned with other owls to give Harry up-to-the minute news by wing. How can anything be faster than bird power? The internet is so medieval.

*The Weasely's have won a jackpot and then blow it all on an expensive trip to Egypt.

*If there is anything left over, Ron will get a new wand. I love Weasely family values!

*Harry actually notices Ginny in the Egypt picture! Its love! Harry already wants those sunlit days and lost years, even.

*Percy was made Head Boy. Harry notices that Percy is wearing his badge in the Egypt photo. Of course, Percy is looking so smug. Its not like Head Boy is any big deal. *Gasp* Its something the Dursleys would be excited about, if Dudley was made a Head Boy. Thats it, this is proof that Percy is evil

*Ron has given Harry a rather expensive birthday gift. I think a sneakoscope would be a pretty big splurge for a poor kid. Does Harry ever give Ron anything expensive? No. But he gives the Twins a big expensive gift. Poor Ron, maybe if he can finish Harry's homework he would get better gifts.

*Hermione admits, in her letter, that Ron told her not to call. But then she goes on to brag about her summer trip to France. In which she has discovered strange magic. But due to plot concerns, she doesn't tell Harry about her discovery. That will be saved for the last book.

*Hermione, ever looking to outdo Ron, gives Harry a better and more expensive gift. Harry goes into ecstasy over a broomstick cleaning kit. This is even better than being given the answers to homework..

*We get another description of Quidditch. Because we can't assume that we know everything about Quidditch, we will only embarrass ourselves.

*It must be mentioned again that Harry is the youngest Quidditch Player in YEARS. Harry never mentions who the last youngest player was, that isn't important. Because it is all about Harry, the ordinary, extraordinary, rich, handsome, powerful, loving, holder of Voldemort's power (but not evil) hero.

*That joker Hagrid, he gives Harry a schoolbook as a gift.

*Its a very dangerous, furry and nasty book that bites. Always putting children's safety first, that Hagrid. What better way to show good judgement then to put a biting book on the syllabus?

*The biting book even makes Harry nervous.

*McGonagall has sent an official letter about Hogsmeade trip privileges. Of course, Harry needs permission from the Dursleys. As if the Dursleys permission was needed for anything. I seem to recall that they did not give permission to Harry to attend Hogwarts. Hmmm.

*Of course, McGonagall, won't help out. Her help only extends to Quidditch brooms. But I mustn't say anymore, I will only embarrass myself with my lack of Quidditch knowledge.

*Harry is now happy that it is his birthday. Because he has lackeys *ahem* friends who know to give him gifts during the first hour of his birthday.

*The narrator states that Harry is also "extremely unusual" but in a good way.

Comments

[xerox78.livejournal.com]

It's true, out of all the kids Ron seems to slip out from Molly's radar until he becomes a prefect. I'm starting to believe the arguments about passive agression in the form of corned beef and maroon jumpers.

Yeah, IMO, Ron's place in the family is less secure than he realizes (and I'm not just talking about with Molly).