Harry Potter Abridged! DH Chapter 16
Jul. 13th, 2015 11:00 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
sweettalkeress.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
deathtocapslockHarry: Oh, woe is me! Ron has disappeared and abandoned me! Me! The Chosen One!
Hermione: I’m ignoring you.
[They move around a few more times over the next few weeks]
Harry: And Christmas is drawing ever nearer but still we have no leads!
Hermione: Harry, I found a strange symbol in Beedle the Bard.
Harry: A strange symbol?
Hermione: Right here. [Hermione shows Harry a symbol that Harry recognizes as the same one Xenophilius Lovegood wears]
Harry: Aha! That’s the same symbol Luna’s father wears!
Hermione: Great. So…what about it, then?
Harry: Well, that mark was worn by the Dark wizard Grindlewald!
Hermione: Grindlewald, huh? Then why is it in a book of children’s stories?
Harry: I don’t have the slightest clue! [Pause] But, anyway, I say we go to Godric’s Hollow. It’s the only lead we have.
Hermione: Sure, why not? We might even find the sword of Gryffindor while we’re at it.
Harry: What? What makes you think that?
Hermione: Well…Gryffindor himself was from there. Hence why it’s Godric’s Hollow.
Harry: Aha! Dumbledore and I share our birthplace with the great founder of Gryffindor! No wonder I’m the Chosen One!
Hermione: If I hear the words “Chosen One” one more time…!
Harry: You’ll what?
Hermione: [Thinks for a moment] Never mind. I was bluffing.
Harry: That’s not all! I remember Auntie Muriel saying Bathilda Bagshot lives in Godric’s Hollow!
Hermione: Wow, this place is looking more significant by the second! Let’s go!
Harry: Yes!
Hermione: But first we need to make sure we can disapparate under the Invisibility Cloak and procure disguises.
Harry: You’re no fun….
[But soon enough their affairs are in order, and they Polyjuice themselves and go to Godric’s Hollow]
Hermione: I just realized—it’s Christmas Eve, isn’t it!
Harry: That it is! And look at all this snow!
Hermione: Yes, apparently global warming hasn’t touched wizarding villages.
[In the center of town is a war memorial, which upon closer inspection contains a statue of Harry’s family]
Harry: Wow! They built an entire statue in tribute to my family and me!
Hermione: Harry, don’t do anything to attract attention!
Harry: I’m sorry, but…an entire statue dedicated to me and my family!
Hermione: Stay focused. Let’s start by searching by your parents’ graves.
[In time, they do find some important-looking graves]
Hermione: Harry, Harry! It’s the grave of Kendra and Ariana Dumbledore!
Harry: So it is! It looks as though Rita Skeeter got at least one thing right! Oh, why did my angel Dumbledore never speak of this?! Did he not love me after all?!
Hermione: Harry, stay focused!
[After a time, they come upon a very old, weathered tombstone]
Hermione: Could this be it? [Peels away some moss] Harry, Harry! Look at the symbol it’s got on it!
Harry: Symbol?
Hermione: It’s the symbol from the book!
Harry: Oh my fuck!
Hermione: It says Ignotus Peverell.
Harry: Never heard of him. Oh, well. Can we get back to looking for people I know?
[And after a time they do indeed come upon the graves of Lily and James Potter]
Harry: I see that these stones are made of pure white marble, as befits the family of the Chosen One. [Cries] Oh how awful, that my parents are dead! They’re pushing up daisies under the ground right now!
Hermione: Well…maybe they’re alive and well in some afterlife?
Harry: But they’re not here with meeeeeeeee! Only the suddenness and completeness of death is with me now!
Hermione: Harry, I’m right here.
Harry: Whyyyyyyyy did they have to die?! Why am I meant to face this alone?!
Hermione: Harry, if you keep this up you’ll attract attention.
Harry: But what am I supposed to do?! Here I am at my parents’ graves!
Hermione: Here’s something to lay on their grave. [Conjures up a wreath of roses]
Harry: Thank you. [Lays roses on his parents’ grave] Say, if you can conjure this thing, how come you can’t conjure food or money?
Hermione: What, you don’t like being a tortured martyr who endures all manner of hardships in service to the Great Dumbledore?
Harry: But still…!
Hermione: Come on, we’ve done everything we can here.
[So they leave the cemetery]
Hermione: I’m ignoring you.
[They move around a few more times over the next few weeks]
Harry: And Christmas is drawing ever nearer but still we have no leads!
Hermione: Harry, I found a strange symbol in Beedle the Bard.
Harry: A strange symbol?
Hermione: Right here. [Hermione shows Harry a symbol that Harry recognizes as the same one Xenophilius Lovegood wears]
Harry: Aha! That’s the same symbol Luna’s father wears!
Hermione: Great. So…what about it, then?
Harry: Well, that mark was worn by the Dark wizard Grindlewald!
Hermione: Grindlewald, huh? Then why is it in a book of children’s stories?
Harry: I don’t have the slightest clue! [Pause] But, anyway, I say we go to Godric’s Hollow. It’s the only lead we have.
Hermione: Sure, why not? We might even find the sword of Gryffindor while we’re at it.
Harry: What? What makes you think that?
Hermione: Well…Gryffindor himself was from there. Hence why it’s Godric’s Hollow.
Harry: Aha! Dumbledore and I share our birthplace with the great founder of Gryffindor! No wonder I’m the Chosen One!
Hermione: If I hear the words “Chosen One” one more time…!
Harry: You’ll what?
Hermione: [Thinks for a moment] Never mind. I was bluffing.
Harry: That’s not all! I remember Auntie Muriel saying Bathilda Bagshot lives in Godric’s Hollow!
Hermione: Wow, this place is looking more significant by the second! Let’s go!
Harry: Yes!
Hermione: But first we need to make sure we can disapparate under the Invisibility Cloak and procure disguises.
Harry: You’re no fun….
[But soon enough their affairs are in order, and they Polyjuice themselves and go to Godric’s Hollow]
Hermione: I just realized—it’s Christmas Eve, isn’t it!
Harry: That it is! And look at all this snow!
Hermione: Yes, apparently global warming hasn’t touched wizarding villages.
[In the center of town is a war memorial, which upon closer inspection contains a statue of Harry’s family]
Harry: Wow! They built an entire statue in tribute to my family and me!
Hermione: Harry, don’t do anything to attract attention!
Harry: I’m sorry, but…an entire statue dedicated to me and my family!
Hermione: Stay focused. Let’s start by searching by your parents’ graves.
[In time, they do find some important-looking graves]
Hermione: Harry, Harry! It’s the grave of Kendra and Ariana Dumbledore!
Harry: So it is! It looks as though Rita Skeeter got at least one thing right! Oh, why did my angel Dumbledore never speak of this?! Did he not love me after all?!
Hermione: Harry, stay focused!
[After a time, they come upon a very old, weathered tombstone]
Hermione: Could this be it? [Peels away some moss] Harry, Harry! Look at the symbol it’s got on it!
Harry: Symbol?
Hermione: It’s the symbol from the book!
Harry: Oh my fuck!
Hermione: It says Ignotus Peverell.
Harry: Never heard of him. Oh, well. Can we get back to looking for people I know?
[And after a time they do indeed come upon the graves of Lily and James Potter]
Harry: I see that these stones are made of pure white marble, as befits the family of the Chosen One. [Cries] Oh how awful, that my parents are dead! They’re pushing up daisies under the ground right now!
Hermione: Well…maybe they’re alive and well in some afterlife?
Harry: But they’re not here with meeeeeeeee! Only the suddenness and completeness of death is with me now!
Hermione: Harry, I’m right here.
Harry: Whyyyyyyyy did they have to die?! Why am I meant to face this alone?!
Hermione: Harry, if you keep this up you’ll attract attention.
Harry: But what am I supposed to do?! Here I am at my parents’ graves!
Hermione: Here’s something to lay on their grave. [Conjures up a wreath of roses]
Harry: Thank you. [Lays roses on his parents’ grave] Say, if you can conjure this thing, how come you can’t conjure food or money?
Hermione: What, you don’t like being a tortured martyr who endures all manner of hardships in service to the Great Dumbledore?
Harry: But still…!
Hermione: Come on, we’ve done everything we can here.
[So they leave the cemetery]
Tags:
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2015-07-23 02:04 am (UTC)The House-Elves prepare the food for Hogwarts, but we are never told where they get it.
Wizard seem to be parasites living off muggles.
For students in their last year of school, about to become legal adults, Harry and Co. are really clueless about how to take care of themselves.