[identity profile] radicalhighway.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] deathtocapslock
I've been a lurker of this place for so long! I've decided to post my first entry... I hope it's enjoyable.

The old Pottermore was scrapped and another one is going to take its place. Here I thought it couldn't get any less interesting, but it did. Supposedly, there's going to be something similar to the old thing that will be added. I found the FAQ page to be absolutely hillarious, so I thought it would be funny to share a few snippets.

  • This is where you’ll be able to read brand new writing by J. K. Rowling (yes, it’s canon!), check out magical characters, objects, spells and places, reminisce about the first time you read the books, ruminate on advice from the great Dumbledore, speculate about Newt Scamander, try to guess the identity of the Cursed Child, fall in love with the stories all over again and SO MUCH MORE.

So yes, these thing is canon and it's very important that we all know this. JKR really likes to tell people what to think, there's no such thing as readership interpretation, and she's a real hack, because she didn't include any of this in the series and instead chose to spend her time writing about nonsense.

The good thing about it is that there's more "canon" stuff to spork. It's amazing how I used to love this series until a certain point, but then it became so bad I get entertainment out of mocking it, for years too. Pottermore was really slow in the updates by the end tho, so expect it to go exactly like the books. Really fun when it starts, bland and lazy after awhile.

The Cursed Child... Uhm... Must be every Slytherin that has ever existed... Remember though, choices make you who you are. Except if you're Tom Riddle. That one was rotten since conception. Oh no, I know, the Cursed Child is Tom Riddle. Such a pair, the Cursed Child and the Boy Who Lived.

Also a moment of silent for the great Dumbledore. I almost cried but I'm over 20 so I managed to hold myself. Imagine if I cried, I'd be classified as a Cho Chang, not a Ginny Weasley.

  • From the bottom of my Hermione-loving heart, welcome to the new and improved Pottermore.

The Cho Chang badge of tears belongs to me after all.

  • We have so much more to give you; writing, movies, plays, books, characters, places, backstories, and it’s rumoured that discovering your very own Patronus is also in the works...And the icing on the cauldron cake? The new Pottermore logo is in J.K. Rowling’s own handwriting.

The icing on the cake of the website is JKR writing a word in her own handwritting. There's setting the bar low and then there's this.

Now onto her lovely backstory about the Potter family.


The Potter Family by J. K. Rowling

The Potter family is a very old one, but it was never (until the birth of Harry James Potter) at the very forefront of wizarding history, contenting itself with a solid and comfortable existence in the backwaters.

Potter is a not uncommon Muggle surname, and the family did not make the so-called ‘Sacred Twenty-Eight’ for this reason; the anonymous compiler of that supposedly definitive list of pure-bloods suspected that they had sprung from what he considered to be tainted blood. The wizarding Potter family had illustrious beginnings, however, some of which was hinted at in Deathly Hallows.

In the Muggle world ‘Potter’ is an occupational surname, meaning a man who creates pottery. The wizarding family of Potters descends from the twelfth-century wizard Linfred of Stinchcombe, a locally well-beloved and eccentric man, whose nickname, ‘the Potterer’, became corrupted in time to ‘Potter’. Linfred was a vague and absent-minded fellow whose Muggle neighbours often called upon his medicinal services. None of them realised that Linfred’s wonderful cures for pox and ague were magical; they all thought him a harmless and lovable old chap, pottering about in his garden with all his funny plants. His reputation as a well-meaning eccentric served Linfred well, for behind closed doors he was able to continue the series of experiments that laid the foundation of the Potter family’s fortune. Historians credit Linfred as the originator of a number of remedies that evolved into potions still used to this day, including Skele-gro and Pepperup Potion. His sales of such cures to fellow witches and wizards enabled him to leave a significant pile of gold to each of his seven children upon his death.

Linfred’s eldest son, Hardwin, married a beautiful young witch by the name of Iolanthe Peverell, who came from the village of Godric’s Hollow. She was the granddaughter of Ignotus Peverell. In the absence of male heirs, she, the eldest of her generation, had inherited her grandfather’s invisibility cloak. It was, Iolanthe explained to Hardwin, a tradition in her family that the possession of this cloak remained a secret, and her new husband respected her wishes. From this time on, the cloak was handed down to the eldest in each new generation.

The Potters continued to marry their neighbours, occasionally Muggles, and to live in the West of England, for several generations, each one adding to the family coffers by their hard work and, it must be said, by the quiet brand of ingenuity that had characterised their forebear, Linfred.

Occasionally, a Potter made it all the way to London, and a member of the family has twice sat on the Wizengamot: Ralston Potter, who was a member from 1612-1652, and who was a great supporter of the Statute of Secrecy (as opposed to declaring war on the Muggles, as more militant members wished to do) and Henry Potter (Harry to his intimates), who was a direct descendant of Hardwin and Iolanthe, and served on the Wizengamot from 1913 - 1921. Henry caused a minor stir when he publicly condemned then Minister for Magic, Archer Evermonde, who had forbidden the magical community to help Muggles waging the First World War. His outspokenness on the behalf of the Muggle community was also a strong contributing factor in the family’s exclusion from the ‘Sacred Twenty-Eight’.

Henry’s son was called Fleamont Potter. Fleamont was so called because it was the dying wish of Henry’s mother that he perpetuate her maiden name, which would otherwise die out. He bore the burden remarkably well; indeed, he always attributed his dexterity at duelling to the number of times he had to fight people at Hogwarts after they had made fun of his name. It was Fleamont who took the family gold and quadrupled it, by creating magical Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion ( ‘two drops tames even the most bothersome barnet’ ). He sold the company at a vast profit when he retired, but no amount of riches could compensate him or his wife Euphemia for their childlessness. They had quite given up hope of a son or daughter when, to their shock and surprise, Euphemia found that she was pregnant and their beloved boy, James, was born.

Fleamont and Euphemia lived long enough to see James marry a Muggle-born girl called Lily Evans, but not to meet their grandson, Harry. Dragon pox carried them off within days of each other, due to their advanced age, and James Potter then inherited Ignotus Peverell’s Invisibility Cloak.

It's time for rejoicing! JKR’s speciality of having the cake and eat it is also present on the new Pottermore!

The Potters like to hang out in the background of the wizarding world (amazing that in contrast James and Harry are both such attention whores) and have no real ambitions whatsoever (how dare I mention that slytherin sin). On that same breath, they are respected and accomplished, including genius potion masters whose inventions are still used today and wizegamot members who'd have their influence on society. They also love Muggles and defend Muggles staunchily, but I guess doing them justice is the only exception that confirms the rule about their penchant for staying in the background.

They even marry Muggles, can you imagine it? Yet they are still considered to be purebloods and JKR mentions that they should have been included in the pureblood list. I don't... It’s either one thing or the other thing. At this point, the pureblood status is as vague as a definition as curses or dark magic.  On another hand, while the surname is a common muggle name, most of the first names are weird: Linfred, Hardwin, Ralston, Fleamont, etc. The unfortunate implications of this is that while their surname was "muggle" their first name was "magical". JKR not noticing the unconscious compensation she made here, almost as obvious as her mentioning that the Potters should have been on the Sacred Twenty Eight multiple times while dissing the list in the same breath.

Anyway, the Potters are just another Weasley family, old wizarding family that doesn't care about ambition, previlege or blood purity (lol), loves the Muggles, helps the Muggles, defends the Muggles, even marries the Muggles; while having weight in society anyway and remaining pureblood until recently (whatever that means). The only difference between the Potters and the Weasleys is that the Potters have money while the Weasleys are perpetually poor. Harry > Ron, always and forever, no matter what. Ron, always second best to Harry, even in the families they were born into. The Potters are the exact same epicness of goodness as the Weasleys (nice ripoff there, no imagination whatsoever), but with accomplishments and money (ooooh, that's differeeeeent!!).

Another thing about the family is that they're old. There is no reason given and one has to assume its because the surname has survived until now. That's so nondescript (because there's nothing substantial about it since they married muggles anyway) and sexist, GG the wizarding world has equalness of genders according to JKR my arse ... Amusingly, one of the reasons why the Potters didn’t make the Sacred Twenty Eight is because Potter is a common muggle surname. This generates other two amusing things. The first is the bad damage control because Black and MacMillan is a muggle name too, even more so than Potter. Maybe this is going to be the excuse as to why the Blacks were so obsessed with being purebloods, their surname was so muggle, ew. The second is hypocrisy because some unnamed Potter lady didn't want her surname to die out, but why would this be an issue when the surname is common by the text's own admittion, unless 'BLOOD PRIDE' exists in the Potter family after all. By the way, according to this, the Potters have their roots in the 12th century, which matches the Blacks claims of the oldest families as well. Just to add up to how Harry > your favourite.

The Potters have a least two potion masters under their belt and several of the useful potions that are still being used in the universe were made by them. Skele-Gro, Pepper-Up Potion, Sleakeazy... Yet, they liked to stay in the background, uhm sure that's believable (remember, them trying to help the Muggles is just from the good of their hearts, the money they earned was just what they deserved, and not something as dirty as ambition, ew). Anyway, the first Potter was an absent-minded potion genius. You let that sink in, considering Snape and Neville. There are also several cases of ingenuity and hard-work down the line, which have added to the fortune of the family and blah blah blah. Isn't so sad Harry had such people in his family (but Slughorn didn't mention about any of these potion geniuses to Harry when he should know and chose to talk about his mother instead) and his own mother was supposedly this genius at it (still convinced she leached off Snape), yet he fails so miserably at the subject and has no other skills besides a spell he learnt in his second year? :( I understand though, our great hero can’t be perfect, he must have some flaws therefore he's mediocre at schoolwork.... Another reason why Harry is so much better than everyone else.

ETA; Regarding Sleakeazy, get it? How James and Harry have hair issues, so it must be a family thing, so his grandfather made hair products to counter it? How Snape hated James, by consequence he hated the Potters, and that's why he doesn't wash his hair because all there is Potter products? I'm giving this too much credit.

A bit of a tangent, but how slow is the uptake of the wizarding world? They're still using the same medicine they came up with in the 12th century. There's a distinct lack of knowledge effort and search, yet they're always portrayed as better than Muggles..

Another tangent is that in the middle of the Linfreds and Rlstons there's an Harry, who so just happens to be mentioned as champion for Muggles. And yes, his defence of Muggles in WWI wasn't because the war sucked in general but because the muggles needed the mighty wizard's help. Maybe he'd offer his 12th century medicine to us in the barracks. LOL. Can you imagine them trying to help in WWII and being confronted with the A-bombs? Oh my. I'd make a joke but then I'd be called insenstive.

There's also some weirdness about how James' parents were childish. What I get from the paragraph was that they almost lost the chance of having kids because they were too busy doing things such as hair potions. Just for the good of the people of course, hair potions are so important (Hermione will tell you, while still being upset that Ron only cares about the beautiful girls). It wasn't because of money, there's no slytherin ambition here, James' father was a Gryffindor remember, ew. So my conclusion is that focusing on a career instead of procreating is childish according to JKR. No wonder there are so many parents shy of twenty in the series.

The Potter parents witnessed James marry (but ofcouse, they had to give their blessing to Lily deeming her worthy or were they blessed by Saint Lily instead, one will never know about this, such two strenghts vs each other here), but they didn't see the Chosen One being born (such a tragedy). They're not the ones on the Black tapestry. JKR probably forgot she had done that. Good news though! Harry isn't related to Draco after all!

James only inherited the cloak after his father died, so either A) he "borrowed" it (lets use borrow, not stole it really! just like the marauders map has some questionable spells but no dark magic, honest!) B) his father gave it to him (which would be stupid, especially after receiving so many letters complaining about his behaviour), Then again, Dumbledore gave Harry the Invisibility Cloak when he was eleven too. Common sense isn't wizard-like trait. None of that is listed in Hogwards House traits.

It's amazing how there's not a single bad apple on this batch. Not a single one. It's also not explicitly said, but I'm assuming they were all Gryffindors, even though there's plenty of Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin traits sprinkled in this text. Much like dark magic and pureblood status, Hogwarts Houses are also entering that vague "whatever that means" territory.

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