POA - Chapter 6

[kaskait.livejournal.com]

Talons and Tea Leaves

*Malfoy is very popular with his Housemates and talks with all of them. They laugh at his jokes. Apparently this is supposed to reflect badly on him. Because having more than 2 friends is a sign of EVIL!

*I'm now marveling at the wealth of information that the reader would have been given if Malfoy had been the hero of the books.

*Harry mutely watches Draco fake fainting spells. That is all he does. There is no anger or embarrassment. None that the narrator notices and chooses to tell us. Harry throughout most of these books is like a lump on a log. He is just there, taking up space and breathing.

*Hermione tells Harry to ignore them. Which is why we have her around. How will Harry know what he is feeling without Hermione to interpret it for him?

*Pansy is fugly just like Aunt Petunia and she bears the face of a pug. Strangely that makes me think more of Malfoy. He took this girl to the Yule Ball even though she was unworthy. Contrast this with Ron and his brothers just looking for the hottest girls to take.

*The Twins state that Draco came running into their compartment, shaking with fear, when the Dementors were inspecting the train. Who does that remind me of? Hmmmmmm. Who else went running into a compartment, whimpering with fear? Could it be Ginny, The WONDERFUL, MUNIFICENT, FEARLESS and EVER-COMPASSIONATE?

*This must mean that Ginny and Draco are soul-mates. Therefore Harry/Ginny is like Harry/Draco.

*If Ginny prevents the Trio from killing her man Draco in book 7, I will laugh the laugh of the truly satisfied.

*The Twins reveal that Arthur went to Azkaban but they don't reveal the circumstances. So what was it boys? Did Arthur go for business, pleasure or Incarceration? Maybe a little of each.

*Any normal person would inquire after this interesting tidbit. But does Harry follow up? Nope. What about his interpreter? Hermione? Silence.

*The thought of Malfoy getting hurt in the Quidditch game last year makes Harry feel cheerful and very, very hungry. He helps himself to a large breakfast. Am I the only one getting Hannibal the Cannibal vibes from this?

*But this is another example of Harry's love and compassion for his fellow man. Harry is going to save the world with that kind of love! He will hold the whip of compassion over everyone and for all to worship. Yes, Harry Sir, may we have another?

*While Harry eats with Gusto at the thought of Draco being beaten and lying senseless on the Quidditch pitch, Ron and Hermione fight over Hermione's class schedule.

*Hermione says that Professor McGonagall fixed it all for her.

*Apparently even in Hogwarts there is a secret course for study for the truly special. They pick out their next overlords and ladies as early as year three in the WW. Nice.

*I'm amazed that for someone who has brothers who took this excellerated program, Ron is in the dark about it.

*By all that is good, help us, Professor Hagrid appears to gather his students for their first lesson.

*"Me, a teacher...Hones'ly" Honestly...is Fumblefumble serious is right.

*I'm sure every parent in the WW wants a teaching staff filled with school dropouts just like Hagrid.

*The trio gets lost trying to find the North Tower. Yeah, right, is the narrator trying to get me to believe that Hermione allows herself to be lost for classes?

*We get nice, useless filler about a picture knight who leads the kids to classes. Bulking up that page count, hey JK? Snore.

*They all climb up an enchanted ladder into a fancy tea room.

*This tea room is filled with a sweet, druggy smoke. Apparently, Trelawney likes to burn the Peyote to get everyone in the mood.

*I think I love this woman. Rock on, Peyote Mama. Get those kids HIGH.

*Trelawney, high on whatever she is inhaling all day, goes into her Divination shtick and gives out vague advice.

*Of course, stock characters Lavender and Parvati fall for it hook, line and sinker. If something stupid is afoot, you can be assured that Par and Lav are all over it. Who needs proper characterization anyway?

*The smoke is getting Harry high. Maybe it will make him a more interesting person. I decree that Harry's next detention should be spent with his head next to Trelawney's fire.

*Of course, Trelawney forecasts certain doom for Harry when she sees the Grim in his teacup.

*Quite frankly, Trelawney is so high she will see just about anything in her cups.

*Oh no, in the cups, get it? Heh, heh, grrrr.

*Apparently the dog Harry saw is the Grim. Hmph, I think Snape would agree with Trelawney about this one.

*Apparently, Hermione is impervious to peyote. She talks back to Trelawney. Hermione must be hiding a face mask somewhere on her person.

*Live a little Hermione, breathe in the smoke.

*In the next class, McGonagall is showing off her talent for turning into a pussy cat.

*I find it strange that she is teaching something that seems to be highly restricted.

*I wonder if Tom can turn into a cat too? Tom Cat and Minnie Tabby 4eva!

*If Minnie stops the trio from her killing her man, Tom, then I will roll on the floor laughing the laugh of the truly vindicated.

*Divination makes Minnie breath really hard and her face turn white with RAGE. Minnie basically tells the class that Sybill is a fake even though she never likes to talk crap about fellow colleagues.

*But you're doing such a good job making Sybill look like an idiot, Minnie, do go on. And tell us true, did you hook up with Tom before the chamber of Secrets was opened or after?

*Maybe the chamber is really Minerva's womb.

*Ron and Hermione fight over Harry's Grim at lunch. Harry sits beside them, mute, as usual. He is a like a rock, literally.

*Hagrid's first class with the trio. Oh no.

*Oh yes, apparently no one was able to read their books because the books were trying to eat their hands.

*Hagrid is like, stroke them!

*Malfoy gets sarcastic on his butt. I'm with Draco. Why couldn't Hagrid send a note to everyone with special instructions? Or at least tell the booksellers what to do with those books instead of letting them lose money on books that have been ripped apart.

*Hagrid thought they were funny. Yes, Hagrid, I'm sure Flourish and Botts shares in your joke too.

*Malfoy screeches that he is going to tell his father that Hogwarts employs school dropouts now.

*Harry reanimates himself out of his rock existence and snarls at Malfoy.

*And Behold the Hippogriffs. Apparently Hagrid has a whole corral of them.

*They are nasty too and that is the reason why Hagrid loves them so. Anything nasty has Hagrid's whole hearted love.

*Harry stands in class like a rock. The rest of the class volunteers Harry to handle the hippogriff. They are all hoping to test out Sybill's theories.

*Of course, Buckbeak the hippogriff, senses Harry's awesomeness and lets him get close.

*Hagrid decides to live dangerously with someone else's life and tells Harry to get on top of Buckbeak.

*POA will now forever be associated with Radcliffe's role in "Equus". I wonder, has anyone photoshopped a picture of Radcliffe sitting on Buckbeak in the Equus promos yet?

*We get a very vivid description of how Buckbeak feels between Harry's legs. Yep, its very vivid. Not even Harry could remain mute and dumb about this experience.

*Malfoy, of course gets ripped apart by a Hippogriff because it sensed his inner evil.

*Malfoy screams because he is just an actor like that. There is just no way all that blood is causing him real pain.

*Hagrid rushes Malfoy to the school nurse. Pansy blames Hagrid but Gryffindor's blame Malfoy.

*Remember, if your child ever gets hurt while being exposed to dangerous animals in school, it is YOUR Child's fault if they are injured.

*Harry is excited by all that Draco blood. He spends dinner watching Goyle and Crabbe talking to one another.

*I'm sorry just who is supposed to be the psychopath in the books? Harry or Tom?

*Later that night the kids sneak out of Hogwarts to comfort Hagrid while Draco lies in the school infirmary covered in bandages.

*Harry declares that Draco is just an actor and is milking it. Hermione decides to accept Harry's worldview like the ass kisser she is.

*Hagrid cries like a half human hosepipe. He isn't fired yet. Damn it, close but no cigar. Hermione takes away Hagrid's alcohol.

*Hagrid then runs out of his hut and sticks his drunk ass head in a barrel of water. Nice. I want about 10 of Hagrid in my kid's school.

*But wait, the drink seems to have given Hagrid a brain cell. He yells at the kids for sneaking out of school late at night.

*"I'm not Worth it." Hagrid, you are so right. You are not worth any of it. Not the teacher position nor the space you take up in these books.

Comments

[rayerai.livejournal.com]

*This must mean that Ginny and Draco are soul-mates. Therefore Harry/Ginny is like Harry/Draco.
You made my inner D/G fan squee mightily. Yay!

*If Ginny prevents the Trio from killing her man Draco in book 7, I will laugh the laugh of the truly satisfied.
Oh, you will hardly be alone.

Oh man. POA and Equus? Maybe that scene was what made Radcliffe want to do Equus. And I'm finished thinking now.

*I'm sorry just who is supposed to be the psychopath in the books? Harry or Tom?

Seriously, Harry creeps me out almost as much as Dumbledore does. Good question.

[kaskait.livejournal.com]

POA and Equus? Maybe that scene was what made Radcliffe want to do Equus.

Of course, Radcliffe probably used it for his imaginative work in Equus. Its like Harry on Buckbeak, only naked.

[j-lunatic.livejournal.com]

*In the next class, McGonagall is showing off her talent for turning into a pussy cat.

*I find it strange that she is teaching something that seems to be highly restricted.

The plot requires that the Trio be aware of the existence of Animagi in this book, but it does seem strange for McGonagall to be demonstrating it now when they won't be covering human Transfiguration until sixth year.

*Hagrid thought they were funny. Yes, Hagrid, I'm sure Flourish and Botts shares in your joke too.

Hagrid has the impulse control and the sense of humor of a six-year-old. While Dumbledore gets a +2 for finding Hagrid a job with animals and away from the general public, he also gets a -73 for letting him come into contact with students.

[kaskait.livejournal.com]

Hagrid has the impulse control and the sense of humor of a six-year-old. While Dumbledore gets a +2 for finding Hagrid a job with animals and away from the general public, he also gets a -73 for letting him come into contact with students.

Totally. The man should have disasters all day but it only happened in Harry's class? I guess, like Ginny, being near the Chosen One makes Hagrid act doofy-er.

[papier.livejournal.com]

Pansy is fugly just like Aunt Petunia and she bears the face of a pug. Strangely that makes me think more of Malfoy. He took this girl to the Yule Ball even though she was unworthy. Contrast this with Ron and his brothers just looking for the hottest girls to take.

But Harry is just so much less shallow and full of love and equality because...he just IS, dammit!!

Who else went running into a compartment, whimpering with fear? Could it be Ginny, The WONDERFUL, MUNIFICENT, FEARLESS and EVER-COMPASSIONATE?

YOU LIE! D:

Later that night the kids sneak out of Hogwarts to comfort Hagrid while Draco lies in the school infirmary covered in bandages.

The chosen one certainly has his priorities right. It's like leaving Frank and Alice Longbottom on the floor twitching and telling Bellatrix that she musn't blame herself, it just happened...

Hagrid cries like a half human hosepipe. He isn't fired yet. Damn it, close but no cigar. Hermione takes away Hagrid's alcohol.

If it'd been my school he would've been fired and convicted of negligence, and banned from working with children or dangerous animals again.
Dumbledore, on the other hand, is probably wondering how he can turn this all around and use it as an excuse to give Gryffindor 100 house points.

[kaskait.livejournal.com]

If it'd been my school he would've been fired and convicted of negligence, and banned from working with children or dangerous animals again.

Seriously. Not to mention that he seems to be drunk in every book.

Dumbledore, on the other hand, is probably wondering how he can turn this all around and use it as an excuse to give Gryffindor 100 house points.

Yes, he'll say,"Hagrid went to Alcoholics Anonymous, Harry picked lint from his belly button and Hermione got 120% yet again. Well Done! Take 200 points Gryffindor!"

[papier.livejournal.com]

Yes, he'll say,"Hagrid went to Alcoholics Anonymous, Harry picked lint from his belly button and Hermione got 120% yet again. Well Done! Take 200 points Gryffindor!"

"Malfoy, your cut is in the useful shape of the A20 motorway, so stop complaining. Minus 400 points for Slytherin!"

[kaskait.livejournal.com]

LOL.

Dumbledore further states, "I put Slytherin on double, secret probation points for as long as Slytherin remains a house at Hogwarts. Really, all of you should have left with Salazar."

[papier.livejournal.com]

"Here Harry, have the Quidditch cup just for shits and giggles."

[teratologist.livejournal.com]

Divination makes Minnie breath really hard and her face turn white with RAGE. Minnie basically tells the class that Sybill is a fake even though she never likes to talk crap about fellow colleagues.

She's just frustrated because she gave Dumbledore a copy of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Headmasters more than a decade ago and he STILL hasn't read as far as chapter 5, "Ten Teachers Not To Hire":

1.) The guy with the Evil Overlord in the back of his head.
2.) The good buddy of the Evil Overlord who is successfully posing as a good buddy of yours.
3.) The guy who forgets to take his meds.
4.) The guy who doesn't wear pants.
5.) The guy who still has major trauma relating to your Headmastering decisions back when he was a student.
6.) The drunk.
7.) The other drunk, who likes dangerous animals more than he likes children.
8.) The guy who plagiarized all his research on the subject you want him to teach.
9.) The guy who virtually has 'pedo' painted on his forehead.
10.) And of course, most horrifying of all, the woman who likes PINK.

[kaskait.livejournal.com]

You have to add

Teachers who like to burn or brew hallucinogenic substances in class.

[strangemuses.livejournal.com]

But that's what makes Trelawney's classes so much fun!