01 HP:Philosopher’s Stone
Feb. 23rd, 2018 12:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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deathtocapslockHey guys, I hope you don’t mind me posting yet another chapter commentary.
Just for fun I decided to count some things during this commentary:
Crime Count: Times when the supposed good guys break rules/law
Death Count: When our protagonist could die.
Freud Would Be Proud: The text is suggestive in some way or this commentator’s brain managed to connect perfectly innocent sentence with less than innocent image.
Leap of Logic: The character’s actions/plans/’deductions’ don’t make sense to the point where it hurts to try analyse it
Uncovered: There is this secret society/organisation/plan that is supposed to be hidden, but due to actions of certain characters it’s miracle that they remain secret.
Spell Count: This book is supposed to about boy learning how to do magic, so let’s count who and how many spells casted.
Most of this is highly subjective. *Shrugs*
Ch1 The Boy Who Lived
>Durslays are family of, what appears to be, post-nuclear-fallout mutants. As such I approve their struggle to lead normal life.
>”...[Potters] were as unDursleyish as it was possible to be.” By which author means that they were vicious bigoted pair of bullies who hated anything that... Oh...
>If I was Lily’s sister I also wouldn’t want to own up. Heck, If possible I would move to other side of globe, just to avoid her.
>The story starts on Tuesday. One has to wonder if Rowling is Buffy fangirl.
>Vernon, who is director in his company, picks the most boring tie for work as opposed to Albus who, as a teacher went to meet his student’s guardian, wearing ensemble worth of a pimp. I didn’t catch it back when I first read the series, but criticising people who look and act competent was there from the start.
>Vernon acts like a normal human being all while the narrative ridicules him for not falling for plot hooks. It’s like sitting in brain of annoyed GM. ‘How can you ignore this odd cat?? How about those funny people in cloaks? No? Have some owls and rumours! God damn it, pick up the friggin quest!!’
>Also in this chapter, one of the biggest inconsistencies of the books starts: Wizards must stay hidden from non magical humans, but are too stupid to live. Stay tuned for more! +1 to Uncovered
>Woah, James and Lily had to make a really strong impression on Vernon, if upon hearing last name that 0.05% of the British Isles population bear, his first thought is to rush back to his workplace and check on his wife. Also, it’s so sweet of him that he doesn’t want to pointlessly worry Petunia.
>+1 to Uncovered, for this crazy elderly wizard who cannot stop himself from blabbing.
>Narrative is pretty judgemental about Dudley learning how to say ‘won’t’, but all I can imagine is little Harry who learnt ‘woe me’ a few days earlier.
>So Minerva spend about 12 hours sitting near Privet Drive 4. No sleep, no food and no water. Just sitting stiffly on cold concrete all day. And she is over 50 here?
>Apparently Privet Drive was never visited by retired pimp with very long beard. I can believe that.
>Albus has long broken nose, because he stuck it where it doesn’t belong. I bet Harry envies it.
>Dumbledore turns off all street lights in Privet Drive. Meanwhile those silly muggles start to phone every possible alarm number to get someone to check this out.
>Dumbledore didn’t know for sure that the cat was Minerva? Now I’m imagining a police patrol car stumbling upon Albus who is talking to random tabby in complete darkness.
>A reasonable and smart (for a character of this book) McGonagall? Dear god did I fall into mirror world? Even with her talking about Muggles like they are brain addled toddlers, I cannot believe she is the most reasonable character in the scene. Then again the only other characters in this part of the chapter are Albus and Hagrid... so...
>I cannot stop myself from noticing that in my version of ebook it says ‘his proper name: Voldemort’. Not his true name. Not his real name. No, it’s ‘his proper name’, as in fitting or suitable. Quite sly of Albus.
>How exactly did everyone know that Voldie went to visit Potters? Their house was blown up and there was no Dark Mark hanging over it- not usual modus operandi of Voldie and his bros. Then there is Hagrid and Sirius. Sirius went chasing after Peter and had mental breakdown-so not really in a shape to talk or contemplate about how his best friend died. Hagrid on the other hand shouldn’t know much about what exactly happened at that house, unless somebody told him...
>”’We can only guess.’(...)’We may never know’” Well that is not the song you will sing in a decade Albus.
>While Minerva’s dramatics are eye-roll worthy, I kind of agree, leaving Harry on Durslays’ doorstep with only letter is horrible idea. Telling someone that their sister is dead and that they have to take care of their nephew or else, through a letter is not only callous, but borderline sociopathic.
>Yes Albus, because throwing eleven year old into world where he is celebrity is so much better than gradually teaching him how to handle this kind of situation from the start.
>Who is running Hogwarts right now? Dumbledore spend last 24 hours avoiding his responsibilities and Minerva spend whole day uselessly sitting in middle of muggle neighbourhood.
>Hagrid was trusted with bringing Harry to Privet Drive. If it weren’t for Plot Armour, Harry would die via falling from flying motorcycle. +1 to Death Count
>The rumble of the engine would suggest that the said engine is vital for flying, yet we never learn how this is supposed to work. Probably for the best *still shudders from magic-is-genetic-trait explanation*
>Also +1 to Uncovered for flying on giant motorcycle here.
>Hagrid grabbed Harry from the house before any kind of authority could investigate. Without permission of his legal guardian? Well I would call it kidnapping. +1 to Crime Count
>Scars can come handy, Minerva! This one, for example will give me a good excuse to send a young man on suicide march!
>Hagrid acts like a savage he is- I mean he acts in very rational way! Howling like a ‘wounded dog’ in middle of a night is perfectly normal.
>”Good luck, Harry.” Said Dumbledore as he left a toddler on a doorstep on November night, protected only by a blanket. For that alone I should give million Death Count points for every possibility of what could go wrong during next few hours. Also leaving toddler like that could be called negligence... +1 to Death Count +1 to Crime Count
>Do you think that Albus included Harry’s birth certificate in that letter? I don’t think so. +1 to Crime Count
Crime Count: 3
Death Count: 2
Uncovered: 3
Spell Count: so far 0
Also is that me or does Hagrid sounds normal, as in his accent isn’t that horrible?
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no subject
Date: 2018-02-23 03:23 pm (UTC)/they were vicious bigoted pair of bullies who hated anything that.../
Was weird, wore ill-fitting clothes, and had the nerve to exist while having those traits. Like, say, Severus Snape. Whom Vernon and Petunia would be just as disgusted by as Lily and James were.
/Wizards must stay hidden from non magical humans, but are too stupid to live/
I know that it's supposed to be comic relief, but now I'm wondering if the reason why a lot of wizards don't bother to learn basic Muggle customs to fit in is because they think that the Ministry will just swoop in and Obliviate the Muggles anyway if an issue should arise.
/‘his proper name: Voldemort’. Not his true name. Not his real name. No, it’s ‘his proper name’, as in fitting or suitable. Quite sly of Albus./
Did JKR plan for Tom Marvolo Riddle to be his real name at this point?
/Telling someone that their sister is dead and that they have to take care of their nephew or else, through a letter/
I wonder if there's a fanfic where, instead of leaving Harry on the Dursleys' doorstep, Minerva and Albus wait for the Dursleys to answer the door and they explain the situation to them.
/Yes Albus, because throwing eleven year old into world where he is celebrity is so much better than gradually teaching him how to handle this kind of situation from the start/
From a narrative standpoint, it's so that Harry can be surprised along with the reader and to be another example of the mythic trope where the humble hero learns that he's special at a specific moment in his life, not from birth. But, yes, the reason that Albus gives still doesn't make sense. He doesn't want Harry to be a spoiled prince, but he'll allow Harry to buck the rules at Hogwarts.
/Hagrid acts like a savage he is- I mean he acts in very rational way! Howling like a ‘wounded dog’ in middle of a night is perfectly normal/
Has anyone written an essay comparing Hagrid with Sirius?
/Good luck, Harry.” Said Dumbledore as he left a toddler on a doorstep on November night, protected only by a blanket/
A blanket that will inexplicably receive plot importance in "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child" when Harry randomly gives it to his son as a gift.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-23 04:21 pm (UTC)I'm honestly not sure. On one hand we get Arthur who is supposed to know how muggle money and clothes works, because his job depends on it yet he constantly fumbles. On the other hand we have Crouch Sr. who is perfectly capable to figure out all those details, while not needing it.
I think that a lot of such conflicting information and situations come from how Rowling sees her characters. I already finished writing out commentary for whole book and now I'm just editing it, but by the end of it I came to conclusion that a lot of characters are stand ins for various ideas and things. We see just characters and expect them to keep to their characterisation, Rowling on the other hand seems to (at very least subconsciously) use them as symbols. That is why non-magical people get stupider and stupider as series continues and why you are chosen for Gryffindor and end up in Slytherin.
/Did JKR plan for Tom Marvolo Riddle to be his real name at this point? /
I would say no. She might have some idea about his true name, but I get feeling that here proper stands in for 'he deserves such vile name'.
/I wonder if there's a fanfic where, instead of leaving Harry on the Dursleys' doorstep, Minerva and Albus wait for the Dursleys to answer the door and they explain the situation to them. /
I think I saw one or two over years, but they were bashing ffs. No matter how much Albus annoys me in the books, I don't get any satisfaction from outright bashing ffs.
/From a narrative standpoint, it's so that Harry can be surprised along with the reader and to be another example of the mythic trope where the humble hero learns that he's special at a specific moment in his life, not from birth. But, yes, the reason that Albus gives still doesn't make sense. He doesn't want Harry to be a spoiled prince, but he'll allow Harry to buck the rules at Hogwarts. /
But it doesn't even make sense from narrative point. Reader already knows that Harry is famous and what happened to his family. You could easily trash this chapter and add small intro to chapter 2 that says something about Petunia finding him on doorstep etc. and you would be golden. Heck chapter 2 and 3 would be less annoying to read if that was the case.
/Has anyone written an essay comparing Hagrid with Sirius? /
If such exists, I would love to read it :)
/A blanket that will inexplicably receive plot importance in "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child" when Harry randomly gives it to his son as a gift. /
I remember when I heard it I was "Really Jo? Really?". I would love to observe Rowling working on a book. Not necessary HP book, but it might give me some better insight on whys and hows of her creative process.
Also I'm happy you enjoy the commentary :)
no subject
Date: 2018-03-10 01:01 am (UTC)No idea, but if every British witch and wizard passed through Hogwarts, then he must have had an older name.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-25 04:34 am (UTC)(1) Hagrid kidnapping Harry, although if he had taken Harry to the proper legal authorities we could count it as rescuing rather than kidnapping.
(2) Dumbledore (aided and abetted by Minerva and Hagrid) leaving fifteen-month-old Harry alone on a doorstep overnight, which is reckless endangerment. Reckless endangerment might well be the most common crime in the series, and could possibly use a special count of its own, with modification for those times when it is committed by children who don’t know better.
Also: will the death count confine itself to those times Harry could die, or will it include other people as well?
As for who is running Hogwarts right now: It must be Flitwick and Sprout, since Snape is currently (1) too new to his position, and (2) too traumatized by Lily’s death.
For stories in which Dumbledore chooses a more sensible way of handing over Harry to Petunia, I highly recommend:
‘To Make An End’ by JackieJLH: Minerva persuades Albus that it is cruel to inform Petunia of her sister’s death via a letter on her doorstep, so Albus sends Snape, as someone who also knew and loved Lily, to deliver the information (and baby) in person the next morning. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6986610/1/To-Make-an-End
Another favorite of mine is:
‘Smiley’s Potter’ by Rumour of an Alchemist: George Smiley, whose organization knows all about the Wizarding World, watches the man he has nicknamed ‘the Elderly Hippie’ leave a baby on a doorstep, and takes over from there. I wish this story had been continued beyond two chapters. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9243512/1/Smiley-s-Potter
no subject
Date: 2018-02-25 11:02 am (UTC)I considered splinting Crime count into Rule and Law counts, but wizards have very strange attitude towards law. Consider this: in chapter 13 Draco fuses Neville's legs with spell and poor guy has to bunny-hop back to Gryffindor tower. When Neville enters the tower "everybody" starts to laugh until Hermione fixes him. The trio makes some fuss that Neville should tell teacher, but doesn't really pushes for it and the whole incident is treated as case of bulling. There is a lot of situations where what we would treat as law breaking (even if it's reversible) is either dismissed by wizards or at most treated as bullying. This and the Blood feuds make me think that main job of the Ministry and Aurors is not keeping order among population, but keeping wizards hidden from non-magical people.
Besides I don't want to make the commentary too cluttered. As it is I considered hiding some counters and just adding them to the final post.
The Death count works only for Harry. If I had to count every instance of what could happen for every character I would start to bite walls :P
As for what call what Hagrid did, yeah I know the difference, but last I checked Albus had yet to gain title that in any way gives him authority to leave Harry at the Durslay's so I left that out. Well that and I don't want to make the commentary too dry. I'm writing it as my self-appointed homework, but others don't have to suffer while reading it.
I don't think that Albus cares if somebody is too traumatised. As we see later in the series he has absolutely no qualms to use trauma to get what he wants, but yes Severus probably is not running Hogwarts.
As for recommendations, thanks :)
I'll read them once I get some time to properly enjoy them.
no subject
Date: 2018-03-10 01:04 am (UTC)‘Smiley’s Potter’ by Rumour of an Alchemist: George Smiley, whose organization knows all about the Wizarding World, watches the man he has nicknamed ‘the Elderly Hippie’ leave a baby on a doorstep, and takes over from there. I wish this story had been continued beyond two chapters. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9243512/1/Smiley-s-Potter
~*~
OMFG I am go going to read this. I *love* the way John le Carre writes his characters.
(And I think there was a fic that centered around British PMs meeting the Ministers For Magic, Churchill was a blast to read in that. but i forgot the title sorry.)
no subject
Date: 2018-02-25 12:08 pm (UTC)please continue - i am so entertained!
no subject
Date: 2018-02-25 02:31 pm (UTC)As I already said in one of earlier comments, I have whole thing already written, but it still needs some tender love from my editing pen. Well that and I'm struggling with the final post about PS :/
I'll probably post the next chapter on Friday, because I don't want to spam the community.
no subject
Date: 2018-03-01 03:01 am (UTC)And James & Lily's death certificate. I've wonder how the Dursleys managed the documents needed to enroll Harry in school?
no subject
Date: 2018-03-02 12:31 am (UTC)