deathtocapslock | 06 HP Chamber of Secrets (Reply)

Ch6 Gilderoy Lockhart

>Food Porn. I wasn’t missing you.

>So Molly sends a letter bomb with owl prone to collapsing and flying into objects? Bravo Madam, you are almost as good at animal abuse as your sons! +1 to Leap of Logic +1 to Crime Count

>What is with wizards and publicly airing out their family matters? First Lucius scolds Draco in presence of strangers, now Molly uses magical voice mail to shout at her son in middle of breakfast...

>”… STEALING THE CAR, I WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN SURPRISED IF THEY’D EXPELLED YOU, YOU WAIT TILL I GET HOLD OF YOU, I DON’T SUPPOSE YOU STOPPED TO THINK WHAT YOUR FATHER AND I WENT THROUGH WHEN WE SAW IT HAD GONE …” Ladies and gentlemen, Molly just pretty much admitted that the car belonged to Arthur. The same man that apparently wrote law forbidding enchanting muggle objects. In presence of whole faculty and probably majority of students. It’s like Molly wants her husband to lose his job. +1 to Leap of Logic

>I’d like to imagine that Lucius started his day with good cackle.

>”… ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED, YOUR FATHER’S FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK, IT’S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT AND IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE WE’LL BRING YOU STRAIGHT BACK HOME.” So it would be entirely Ron’s fault, if Arthur loses his job? Arthur is not at fault for breaking law. Molly is not at fault for potentially making this situation worse by this voice mail. Harry and twins are not at fault for being horrible influence. Just Ron. +1 to Crime Count for emotional abuse.

>+1 to Spell Points for Hermione for buttons

>Ron puts a wand that makes suspicious noises into his bag… I’m just waiting for his bag to erupt into flames. +1 to Leap of Logic

>If Lockhart constantly tries to show off knowledge he doesn’t possess, how the heck he managed avoid allegations of being fraud? +1 to Leap Of Logic

>Once again Harry admires his new DADA teacher. +1 to FWBP

>Lockhart: “Harry! I’ve been wanting a word – “
Harry: Please professor Sprout, don’t leave me with this paedophile! Please!

>For all that narrative tries here to frame Lockhart as disingenuous attention seeker, he comes across as if he genuinely wants to mentor Harry. Huh.

>”Harry stood stunned for a few seconds, then, remembering he was supposed to be in the greenhouse, he opened the door and slid inside” I like to pretend that Harry is stunned here, because he cannot understand how somebody can be recognised for something they worked for.

>Mandragoras sound like something that would be often used in Hogwarts, so why there were no mature ones during Basilisk attacks? +1 to Leap of Logic

>I’m amazed that Harry never heard of Mandrakes. They even appear in the Bible!

>Eh, Sprout doesn’t check if everybody put on their earmuffs correctly…+1 to Crime Count

>I’m not expert when it comes to plants, but this repotting process sounds incorrectly to me.

>You know, even though Lockhart’s stories are stolen/made up, they are still more interesting than HP books. Being cornered in telephone box by werewolf sounds like something out of Supernatural or Dresden Files.

>Justin, just like Hermione, picked the worst method to befriend Harry. Sadly he is not author’s self insert, so he doesn’t get another chance.

>I have odd feeling that Justin’s parents didn’t send him to Hogwarts out of their free will.

>Justin is naive enough to believe that any muggleborn wizard would help their family.

>You would think with all those chores Harry supposedly had to do, he would know how to treat plants.

>”Everything Harry had learned last year seemed to have leaked out of his head during the summer.” After all it’s not like he could do quick study session during his stay at Weasley’s!

>The whole Ron’s-wand-drama instead of making Weasleys look poor, makes them and Hogwarts’ staff look like bunch of irresponsible dicks.

>It’s good that Albus cancels exams or Ron might not pass them with his deathtrap of wand.

>Seriously, if Jo wanted to set up things for Lockhart’s memory wipe, she should either break the wand a week before that scene or just before it. In fact chapter fifteen is perfect occasion for this.

>Hermione is cute with her crush. Shame that in Potterverse you are allowed to have only one crush.

>Colin is competing with Dobby for “The cringiest character in the book” award. I think we need to do a pool for that competition.

>I hope that is not how Jo sees her fans.

>”Be careful, Weasley,’ sneered Malfoy. ‘You don’t want to start any trouble or your mummy’ll have to come and take you away from school.’ He put on a shrill, piercing voice. ‘If you put another toe out of line –” Draco has a career ahead of him. Be it politician or actor, he will do well.

>Awww, Harry is blushing after his 1 on 1 talk with Lockhart. +1 to FWBP

>How the heck Lockhart became “Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League” while being fraud? Is this another anti-intellectual message from Jo? +1 to Leap of Logic

>My biggest problem with how Jo writes Lockhart is this: he tries to rub his elbows with academics while being fraud. Real frauds and con artists know that hanging out with experts is the quickest way to being discredited.

>I would complain about Lockhart bringing to class dangerous magical creatures that he has no way of controlling/containing, but then I realise that Hagrid and Lupin exist in this verse... +1 to Leap of Logic +1 to Crime Count (for negletful behaviour from teacher)

>There were no true Gryffindors among those scared cats who ran from the classroom!

>I wonder from what height Neville fell this time.

>Ladies and gents, we are at the end of chapter 6 of the second book and Harry still doesn’t even try to use magic! This is glorious!

>Good thing that Hermione does use magic! +1 to Spell Count.

>”Rubbish,’ said Hermione. ‘You’ve read his books – look at all those amazing things he’s done …” Honestly I find it refreshing that for once Hermione is wrong.

Crime Count: 4

Death Count: 0

Freud Would Be Proud: 2

Leap of Logic: 7

Uncovered: 0

Spell Count: Hermione:2