deathtocapslock | GoF Chapter Twenty-Seven

*For anyone lacking at least half a brain, when Sirius asked Harry about the next Hogsmeade weekend, he was planning to meet him during it. You can see why any code used in OotP had to be simple for Harry.

*Oh, Ron. It's so amusing for Harry listening to you common children have to make up stories to make your life interesting. Harry never has to do that, of course, because his life is exciting just the way it is. He always tells the truth, leaving out the bits where he's helped by all and sundry every step of the way.

*Padma likes Ron better now, because girls are really all shallow and are only interested in celebrities and hotties. Except Ginny, who fangirled Harry's inner ordinariness, proving she's the only girl who could handle the total awesomeness of being Harry's girlfriend. Really.

*And now we move onto phase 2 of Hermione and her Men of Convenience. First she flaunts her dates with them in front of Ron, then she gets annoyed when they hang around after that and make a scene. It's just so hard being the most attractive girl in school besides Ginny-to-be.

*Would the Slytherins really be the only people who thought the article in Witch Weekly was funny? And btw, Pansy's pug-faced. Nobody would go under a lake to rescue that, I'm sure!

*LOL Pansy. And, um, again Rita's not really lying in the article. Harry's not in love with Hermione, but the Krum part isn't false, and she got the Hermione stuff from Colin. Seriously, Stalker!Krum would be nice in Book VII, especially since it would prove Hermione right about people from Durmstrang, thus putting everything right in the world. ETA: Turns out Durmstrang in fact just really doesn't matter. England's pretty much got both Good and Evil covered.

*I'm sure somebody considers Ron's use the term “scarlet woman” a sign of future abuse.

*Go Snape go! Read the article out loud! Dear, dear Potter, what's ailing you now? Oh, I wish I had a tape of Book!Snape reading this. I'll bet Malfoy went back to his room and practiced reading the article sounding like Snape.

*Heh, now I'm picturing Snape trying to get through to Draco sixth year and beyond. "C'mon, Draco…remember the Witch Weekly article? I'll read it to you again if you tell me what you're up to…” ETA: Make that sixth year, the year Snape was trying to get to Draco as part of his plan to make it up to Lily, of course.

*"Do you know what this is, Potter? It's a Potion that will be important in upcoming scenes. And I think this is just the time to give you exposition about it. Mwahahaha!"

*Harry wouldn't put it past Snape to slip him some Veritaseum, though in fact Snape refuses to slip him some in the next book. Score a point for Snape.

*Harry really shouldn't think about being slipped Veritaserum, because it just reminds us of all the times stuff like that should be but isn't used. Like when Bellatrix insists on torturing Hermione at Malfoy Manor instead of just reading her damn mind, which she should be able to do.

*Okay, half a point since Harry's not being given Veritaseum then could be considered good for Voldemort.

*Harry can't take Veritaseum. People might find out he's been cheating his way through the contest, that he's going to meet Sirius, that he likes Cho's hair, that he's attracted to boys…oh no, no Veritaseum for Harry!

*Again proving he's the most intelligent person in canon, Snape hisses at Karkaroff for talking about his Dark Mark with SuperAuror!Harry right there, obviously spying on them. ETA: Not that Snape's intelligence means much in the end.

*Good thing they all remembered to bow to Buckbeak. Would have been funny if they forgot and just petted it, and then got slashed for their trouble.

*Hermione runs up to stroke Buckbeak's neck. H/Hr OTP!!

*Sirius is gnawing the chicken in a dog-like way. So I guess he's holding the bottom between his hands on the ground and chewing with the side of his mouth?

*Don't worry Harry, Sirius can take care of himself against Aurors and Dementors and Death Eaters. That is, until he has to save your arse. Then he gets killed by a curtain.

*Harry says Crouch looked ill the last time he saw him. Yeah, he looked like he had a touch of Evilitis.

*Hermione thinks Crouch's apparently deathly illness is comeuppance for freeing his house elf. Yeah, cause that would be great if the world worked like that. Fire a housekeeper and die of leukemia. That's fair. Don't strain yourself with that compassion there, Hermione.

*And also…aren't you, in fact, trying to free all the house elves yourself? What's the comeuppance for that? A plague upon the firstborn?

*Hermione quickly defends Winky, saying she didn't steal the wand. Not that Hermione actually knows Winky or whether or not she'd steal a wand, but she speaks for all her friends in the animal kingdom. They're simple and good and would never betray her by stealing a wand.

*Sirius earns my affection by asking why Bagman would be helping Harry win the Tournament. Hagrid would no doubt think anyone would want to do so. It's Harry the Halfblood Hero!

*That chicken of Sirius' is making me really hungry. I think I'll have chicken for lunch.

*Yeah, Sirius is right in measuring a man by how he takes his equals, but he's wrong ascribing anything to Hermione but her own ego.

*Note how Sirius, and everyone else, totally agrees that we all have inferiors, and I doubt they would disagree on who those inferiors are. Let's take a moment to mourn the death of that class system that is alive and well in the WW.

*No, Hermione didn't know Crouch used to be Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Nor did she know he sentenced Sirius to jail, or that gillyweed gives you gills. Yet she will know any number of more obscure facts that have nothing to do with people she actually knows when it serves the plot.

*Oh Sirius, believe me. We understand how people who are against Voldemort's side can still be sadistic, power-hungry idiots. I understand the working title of Book VII was Harry Potter and the Sadistic, Power-Hungry Idiots Who Are Against Voldemort.

*Imagine, if you will, a past where Voldemort and his gang were somewhat effective. You can see why everyone assumes our heroes will not be able to picture it.

*Times like that bring out the best in some, the worst in others. Yeah, we noticed. This is why some of us shudder to think what will happen when Voldemort's gone and circumstances stop making everything our main characters do get described as “the best in them.”

*I love Barty Crouch, Jr.!!!

*Sirius says he thought Hermione “had the measure” of Crouch. Sirius apparently still doesn't have the measure of Hermione. She doesn't get the measure of people except as they conform to her own ideas.

*So…think Sirius sort of identifies with Barty, what with the whole “blasted off the tapestry thing?” I'm pretty sure he doesn't see any connections between himself and Crouch, since Sirius knows his own family so well and would never not give them a chance they deserved. Right, Regulus?

*Barty screaming for his mother. OMG, Bart is totally becoming my next-favorite character in canon!

*Also, I appreciate the deadened look in Sirius' eyes.

*Props to Harry here for coming to a logical, if mistaken, conclusion about Crouch. I like to encourage all such attempts at thought in Harry.

*Ron protests that a really clever Dark Wizard could fool Dumbledore, though Snape isn't really clever that way. I mean, if he was really clever shouldn't he be fooling Harry about his intentions? Where does the fooling part come in?

*That said, is it really that hard to fool Dumbledore? This is the fourth book.

*Just want to say right here that I think Sirius' story about Snape is accurate. He's got no reason to lie about him being in a gang of Slytherins. People in gangs can still occasionally be caught out alone under a tree during their OWLS.

*Hmmm. Sirius doesn't mention Lucius Malfoy as being friends with Snape at school. Did they become friends later? Next book he flat-out calls him his lapdog, and in this book Snape makes that sudden movement at the end. Is he just forgetting the obvious because JKR doesn't want to have to have the kids jump on the Lucius angle? More info on Snape/Lucius dammit! ETA: Silly me for thiking that relationship was important. It had nothing to do with Harry.

*No wonder Harry and Sirius get along so well. We've had like five references to Sirius' filthy hair in this chapter.

*Sirius does not know about Dark Marks. Just thought I'd mention. I guess people somehow didn't know about them?

*Sirius can't imagine Dumbledore letting Snape teach at Hogwarts if he'd ever worked for Voldemort. I mean, if he was just incompetent or dangerous or publicly drunk all the time or maybe a pedophile yeah, but not if he worked for Voldemort.

*Moody never descended to the level of the Death Eaters-well, until earlier this year when he turned that kid into a ferret, but Sirius doesn't know about that. I have to say that Harry and his friends seem more in Crouch's mold than Moody's.

*Ron explains that if Percy were told that Crouch allowed his own son to go to prison after a trial, he would admire him for not playing favorites with his family. He says this like it's a bad thing to expect laws to apply to your friends and family. Is Percy a changeling or what?

*Ron also thinks Percy would throw someone in his family to the Dementors if he were standing in the way of his career because he's so ambitious. Unlike the twins, who are…very ambitious and probably equally likely to throw a family member to Dementors if he gets in their way. I'm so happy Percy apologized to his family.

*They enter the school to the smell of a good dinner, which must be nice after being stuck in a cave with Buckbeak, Sirius and Harry.

Designated Hero
It's hard being Harry. We get it.

Idiot Picture
Hey Karkaroff, seriously. You don't want to have this conversation in front of a room full of kids. Even if Harry wasn't obviously crouching behind the desk, you don't think the Malfoy kid doesn't want to hear what you're saying?

Idiot World
Criminals should be punished to the full extent of the law. But only if they're not related to you.

Informed Attributes
Hermione has the measure of…anyone, really.

Final score: 3