OotP Chapter Twenty-Eight

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

*How long are Parvati’s eyelashes that she can curl them around a wand? Or how skinny is her wand?!

*Note that Parvati’s smirk is accompanied by her doing something vain. Any girl who would curl her eyelashes obviously doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

*There’s been a lot of discussion about Hermione’s line about not liking horses, and I’d always remembered the line wrong. I had some idea that Parvati and Lavender were going on about loving his horsey-ness (like how lots of girls are horse-crazy) and Hermione was making fun of them with her line, but no, Hermione’s just out of nowhere making a strange remark and Parvati and Lavender are shocked by it. I have to admit reading it now that I don’t see how Hermione’s line isn’t just the kind of insult she’d be looking furious about if it was directed at someone else. (For instance, "I don’t care Lupin’s been fired. I’ve never really liked wolves." Lupin's not a wolf and Firenze isn't a horse.) Not that this stops her from reminding us how awful Umbridge is for the way she hates part-humans.

*"Not very good, poor thing," said Lavender sympathetically. I call unnecessary adverb.

*Divination is now in one of those classrooms not used regularly. I hope whoever had sex in there last cleaned up.

*You know, call me cynical but I find Parvati and Lavender’s response to a different species refreshing after the constant swings between EVIL RACISTS and TEDIOUSLY POLITICALLY CORRECT WARRIORS. They seem to just think Firenze is a sexy guy while thoughtfully noting his different needs (Realizing he can’t go up a ladder.)

*Firenze, being a martyr for political correctness himself, bruises.

*"Did Hagrid breed you?" Go Dean. You can see more and more why he’s cool enough for Ginny.

*As impossible as it is to believe that Hagrid would breed anything halfway intelligent except by accident, it’s a little disturbing that Dean has no trouble believing that Hagrid is breeding horses with humans out there in the forest. Either Dean doesn’t know what breeding entails (in which case Ginny'll learn him soon enough), or Hagrid shouldn’t be teaching. He really is better suited to be the pervy groundskeeper.

*Here is written the fortune of our races, for those who can see. Harry, would you care to tell us what it says? Because if something’s written for only special people, obviously you should be able to read it.

*Parvati is offended by Firenze’s tone and his insults to Trelawney, but appears to listen nevertheless. Parvati doesn’t seem to resent the more competent teacher the way Harry would resent Hagrid’s replacement. I guess that’s because she’s shallow.

*Firenze’s main point is that knowledge is not foolproof. While on the surface one might expect that to be a good lesson for Hermione because she's the grind, I don't think Harry and his friends need yet more proof that knowledge is untrustworthy and they’ll need to go with their heart. Just the fact that Harry is intrigued by it makes me suspicious. He always knew actual knowledge and logic was too flawed!

*So again Divination is a waste of time, but necessary given that the main character is at the center of a super secret prophesy and all. ETA: It's not like anybody's going to think, "Hey, what if we pretend the non-Chosen part of the WW could potentially have the power to bring down Voldemort?"

*Firenze makes a point of how day-to-day things are too trivial for centaurs to read in the stars. Of course he knew about Harry. Nothing about Harry is trivial!

*Hagrid has earned Firenze’s respect for the care he shows all living creatures. Boy do I now feel ashamed for not respecting Hagrid for being one of those overly-sentimental, irresponsible pet owners who buys inappropriate wild animals to coop up and loves them above people because he gets to speak for them and sees no reason he should care if others are hurt by them.

*Also, releasing populations of new animals into an ecosystem when they get too much for you to handle is always a great way to care for an ecosystem.

*Harry’s happiness over the Quibbler article has long since evaporated, so if you’ve stopped feeling sorry for him for even a second you’d better start again right now because his life is one long series of worries and problems. Jerks.

*There are more important things than keeping a job, says Hagrid. Like tying up one’s brother like an animal, for instance.

*If not for the DA lessons Harry thought he "would be extremely unhappy." As opposed to being awfully unhappy, which we just spent several paragraphs hearing that he is now.

*Harry knows the DA is going to receive outstanding on their DADA owls. How does this work, exactly? Is he following the lesson plan for things that are supposed to be on the OWLS? Because it seems like he’s teaching them how to duel, not how to deal with various dark creatures and magics. They should already know most of these spells. Harry isn't actually ahead of them academically in the subject.

*ETA: LOL! The DA did *not* receive outstanding on their DADA owls of course. Even Hermione only got an E (her only non-O). Harry remains head and shoulders above everyone else in DADA even after teaching them everything he knows.

*Finally we know Seamus is actually good since he’s calling to Harry to look at his Patronus like a happy kindergartener. I suppose telling other students about the DA is okay, is it? Because Dean told Seamus? Too bad Marietta didn’t just tell Millicent Bulstrode and tell her to tell Umbridge.

*If I didn’t know that JKR’s favorite animal is an otter, and therefore one of the best Patronuses one could have, I would be completely confused by Hermione’s. Her personality is about as un-otter like as one could get and it doesn't seem like she knows too many otter-like people either.

*Why is Dobby still banging his head against the wall when he disobeys an order since he’s free now? Force of habit? Not to mention, why be afraid of Umbridge when you knocked Lucius Malfoy on his arse?

*Harry runs towards the boy’s bathroom—well, there’s a first. The boys do have bathrooms!;-) ETA: More on that in the next book!

*Trip jinx, Potter. ‘Nuff said. :-D

*Fudge says he’ll tell Lucius his son caught Potter. I’d almost like to see Lucius’ face when he heard that. He'd probably be waiting for the other shoe to drop--he caught Potter and then what? He was mounted against his will by Hagrid's rampaging Snoopleox? He was pushed into a tub of warm snot? The castle fell on him in protest?

*Let’s just be clear about the usefulness of Hermione’s curse, shall we? It didn't alert the DA they’d been outed, it didn't keep them from being outed. It didn't alert the DA as to who outed them. Fudge himself brings Marietta into the room as "the informant," so Harry doesn’t need to see her face to know she’s the one--and I don't think she's even got the pimples at that point when the damage is done. What it does do is spitefully punish and mark Marietta, which shows where everyone's priorities lie, if there was any doubt.

*I’m always kind of surprised by the satisfaction some people feel in this scene just because we don't know the character at all. Also I just naturally picture her having been genuinely uncomfortable with the DA and thinking she was doing the right thing by telling, rather than assuming she's a cowardly person of no character. She's just kind of there because somebody has to do it.

*Too bad Tom Riddle’s little group didn’t have a Marietta.

*Naturally, Hermione’s hex will not cause the entire DA to be angry that Hermione didn’t tell them they were signing up to be punished that harshly if they ever disagreed with the complete stranger who casually asked if they’d like to work on DADA together.

*Btw, Marietta? Not much of a sneak, really, is she.

*Ah, here’s the evil reason why Willy wasn’t prosecuted for evilly hexing toilets. Yeah, I’m so buying that people are horrified by this "blatant corruption" when they don't hesitate to use this sort of thing to their own advantage. Also it's funny to think cutting deals with petty criminals is what’s considered blatant corruption (when that’s fairly common in the justice system where I live, at least, and the order works with petty criminals itself) and not any number of other things done in the WW.

*Seriously, the level to which the good character's personal feelings dictate what should be the law is kind of staggering. That must be some Ministry after the Trio reforms it. Those guys wouldn't be able to genuinely do anything wrong if they tried: "I wiped out a town full of children, but they refused to get out of my way so I'm afraid I can't in good conscience find myself guilty."

*Funny the way this is all about Harry recruiting people for a group when Hermione did it. It would totally damage morale if anybody thought anyone else had any good ideas or use except Harry.

*Good job on that memory charm Kingsley, and with Dumbledore’s blessing too. Hey, here’s a thought. Why not memory charm frigging UMBRIDGE, FUDGE OR PERCY? Jesus, if you’re going to give people these magical re-set button powers why do they never use it where it would do the most good? Clearly it’s not corruption or anything to have an Auror tamper with a witness that way to cover up the truth when it's the right truth.

*And btw, there are a dozen other kids in the group and there’s this thing called Veritaseum...

*Nice of Dumbledore to not let anybody manhandle his student after he her mind's been safely tampered with. Of course, he doesn’t have much trouble with the Dursleys manhandling Harry...oh, who am I kidding? If Dumbledore is saying something an honorable, responsible teacher would say you know he’s got some ulterior motive and he’s probably doing it to bug somebody else.

*Don’t suppose Mr. Super-Powerful Dumbledore could undo Hermione’s spell on Marietta, huh? Yeah, didn’t think so.

*Ah, the parchment. That lists everybody's names. And so actually helps the DA get caught rather than hinders it at all. Nevertheless, Hermione's awesome pustule curse was really the only thing between the good students of Hogwarts and years of torture. Really.

*Dumbledore sees the title on the parchment and smiles. HE IS SO TOTALLY LOVED BY EVERYBODY BECAUSE HE'S GREAT AND TWINKLY! LOOK HOW CORRECTLY LOYAL THEY ARE TO HIM! IT'S ALL GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN!

*And while we’re at it, if Marietta can be reduced to a docile sock puppet of Dumbledore’s with an easy spell, why not just zap the Slytherins that bother everyone so much too?

*Good thing Fudge is too stupid to notice that Dumbledore’s not even concealing the fact that he’s doing exactly what he wants. Was the focus on Harry just a cover for focus on Dumbledore all this time?

*I still fail to see why Dumbledore doesn’t tell Harry why it’s so important for him to practice Occlumency now that he’s on his way out. Well, maybe I do. It seems the important thing is almost always to prove you’re loyal to Dumbledore on faith. If you ask for an explanation you’re a bad guy. (This gets uncomfortably close to some bizarre--to me--explanations of how the Christian God works that I've heard, and I'm not sure Dumbledore isn't supposed to reflect that here.)

*Evil!Minerva theorists: note that McGonnagal asks Dumbledore where he’s going. ETA: ::sigh:: I loved ESE!McGonnagal.

*Note also he’s not going to Grimmauld Place because dude, who would want to live there? It might interfere with Sirius’ life of quiet (or not so quiet) desperation.

*Phineas disagrees with Dumbledore on many counts. Well, yeah. Phineas is a bigot.



Designated Hero
Go Dumbledore, using those kids like chess pieces. And it’s nice to know Kingsley can be counted on as well.

Exploitation Filmmakers’ Credo Idiot Picture Idiot World
Um, Fudge? How long is it going to take you to figure out that when Dumbledore is smiling and being nice it means you’re doing what he wants?

IITS
Hold on, lads. We can do memory charms! All we have to do is zap Fudge, Umbridge, Percy and those few kids from Slytherin who’ve only got one brain between them anyway. C’mon, let’s...wait, why aren’t we doing that?

It’s almost like the Monster Death Trap proviso, only the trap actually worked and they still can’t use it twice.

Veritaseum? Anybody do Legilimency? Pensieve? If only there were some form of magic in this world we could use to find out what actually happened at any time! Dammit!

Informed Attributes
The kids are going to do great on their DADA OWLS, even though they appear to have spent the year learning wizard boxing as opposed to learning about the kinds of things that have been taught in DADA thusfar, except the Patronus, which Harry will impress everyone by knowing but no one else will be asked to display.

Light Bulb Moment
Everybody catch how Dumbledore got the idea to sacrifice himself when he read the parchment? Good.

Whooshing Powder
Phineas calls it "style." Personally, I love the idea of everybody running out in the hall and finding Dumbledore trying to sneak away after the flashpot effect.

Final Jabootu score: 7