deathtocapslock | OotP Chapter Twenty-Nine

*AKA, "The chapter where Harry proves his mature, compassionate nature by making quick judgments of others while reiterating how wonderful he and his friends are in comparison, just like me!"

*Best careers advice: Be Harry Potter. You'll be top in your field by 27.

*Hermione spent the large part of the day drawing up timetables for the three of them, as is her custom. When I was in college we had this one type of student (Ada Comstock Scholars) who were women above regular college age who had come back at school, and they were notorious for doing stuff like this. One woman in my class made little color-coded tabs to tape into a book of short stories so you could flip open to the one you wanted without having to just look at the ToC and go to it. We only read one or two short stories in the book for class. The time consumed in this pointless exercise far outweighed the time saved by being able to skip the ToC. This kind of stuff has about as much to do with studying or being a good student as Quidditch.

*Ron says they’ve got as much chance of winning the Quidditch cup as Dad’s got for becoming the Minister of Magic. Oh dear god. Is Arthur going to become MoM one day because this is one of Ron’s Accidental!Psychic moments? ETA: One bullet dodged. But a small one and we're still lying in a pool of blood.

*Hermione’s such a good friend to be sympathetic about Cho. "Have you two had a row again? Awww, that’s a shame."

*Why, Harry’s absolutely right. The twins would never dangle anyone upside down unless they really loathed them or the person really deserved it, like Draco Malfoy. I certainly see a huge difference between Harry and the twins and MWPP and am offended by any suggestion that their painful and humiliating impulses are in any way the same. You don’t have to agree—if you want to be a dirty racist who loves genocide, it’s fine with me!

*Even though MWPP are tormenting Snape for exactly the same reason Harry would consider it okay, he still doesn't get it. "But I don't feel personally angry at Teen!Snape. So I can't follow it!" You can relax, Harry. You’d have adored your dad and his friends in school.

*Harry doesn’t even remember Snape calling Lily a Mudblood. That’s how deep that sort of thing cuts for him. Doesn’t seem to hold it against him at all. Yet there are people insist that Harry is driven by a purely objective hatred of intolerance of all kinds, just like they are, and won’t tolerate anyone who doesn’t exist on their own sensitive, spiritual plane.

*Nope, Harry’s just thinking how his mother "clearly loathed" James and so her marrying him is a mystery. (Here's a tip Harry--don't think about how your parents came to be married. It's not really your business anyway.

*Harry does not have the maturity or knowledge to correctly understand what’s going on here, and how people operate. Since he gets this part completely wrong, maybe let’s think he might have gotten the whole "Snape didn’t deserve it like the people I hate" thing wrong too, huh? ETA: Harry? Wrong? Not really.

*Oh no, it’s Ginny. And she’s windswept. I get this picture of the library doors opening while Ginny enters with a wind machine effect.

*ETA: Sadly the wind would sweep her on through the library and out the window and spare us from her in the next book.

*One of the Gryffindor players knocked himself out with his own bat. Telling us the team is laughably bad every few chapters does not turn their final victory into Rocky II. And when I say the team is bad I of course don’t mean Ginny.

*Harry feels a lump in his throat when he gets his Easter egg because he wants to talk to...Sirius. (Even though Molly sent the egg.) Cause Sirius is somebody he really loves. I guess. I mean, I’d think he just wanted information about his dad but I guess the lump is supposed to indicate he, like, misses him. I must try to remember this when Sirius dies.

*Ginny watches Harry thoughtfully. Do you see how sensitive she is, how she arrives when Harry is really down, and noticed how he’s been feeling, and gives him an egg and helps herself to some while suggesting he talk to Cho to show how she’s not interested in him as a girlfriend and so is just a good friend? Do you see? DO YOU?!! ANSWER ME!!!

*Ginny says damn. OMG she is SUCH badass! I don’t think any other kid has EVER said damn.

*In less than two pages Ginny has been sensitive, cool, smart, sassy and tough. No wonder Harry feels better. She’s better than chocolate. H/G here we come!

*Nice to see that Muggle relations requires "patience, enthusiasm, and a good sense of fun." Sort of like working with children in a non-responsible capacity. That sense of fun’s got to be a killer—perhaps Fred and George can go into this if their joke shop fails. They love having fun with Muggles.

*Hope Hermione isn’t thinking of doing Muggle liaison work. She’d bring back the burning times all over again. Luckily she has so little interest in liaison-ing with Muggles she doesn’t even talk to her parents.

*Banking=finding treasure=tomb robbing. Seems like the banking system rests, at base, on thievery. Wizarding society is quite parasitic, really.

*Ginny has dispatched the twins to help Harry.

*Harry needs to speak with Sirius. Harry does not remember Sirius gave him something specifically described as a way of communicating with him, should he ever be needed. Not even when he remembers that LAST Christmas, Sirius gave him a knife that opened any lock, which you might have thought would make him remember this years’ present.

*I like the way Ron is watching the conversation warily. Ron seems smarter here. Don't see that a lot.

*I don’t like the way Hermione appeals to Ron in a way reminiscent of Molly and Arthur. For many reasons: a)I really don’t like to think of Ron and Hermione yoked together in years to come; b)I don’t like that kind of appealing; c)I suspect this may be considered a sign of true love.

*Ron is alarmed to be asked an opinion. It really must be strange to be Ron. You’re basically ignored, but then when someone wants you on his or her side you're supposed to perform on cue.

*Ron gives an opinion: if Harry wants to do it it’s up to him. Ron’s a big one for letting people decide things for themselves. Perhaps Hermione will cure him of that, or decide he’s cured of it for him. ETA: Or perhaps she'll forget that and pretend it's a big change and kiss him for it in DH.

*Fred seems to judge Ron’s opinions the same way: he sided with us, and that makes him "a true friend and Weasley." This would be just funny if we didn't have Percy as an example of what you are when you disagree with them.

*Harry Potter: man on a mission. His quest? To find those "mitigating factors" that turn bullying for fun into Rough Justice!

*I think Harry is worried about seeing Snape because he feels he’s the one who’s been humiliated. Now that Harry knows his dad was a jerk, Snape has something to use against him.

*Harry notes Hagrid limping to his cabin, and is relieved when smoke comes from the chimney indicating that Hagrid was at least "not unequal to starting a fire." Since presumably Hagrid starts fires by pointing his umbrella at it and saying, "Incendio," I don’t know if that necessarily means he's not bleeding internally.

*Still, Hagrid...limping...sympathy...pain...good guy...so not funny.

*Ron tells Hermione to shut up--again, the one thing Ron seems to be able to rouse himself to defend is a person’s personal decision about his own life. It’s what roused him to uncover the hats in the common room as well. He didn’t take them away, but wanted the elves to make their own decision about whether they wanted to take them.

*Hermione yammers on all through Potions. Because when she’s got something more important on her mind, it’s okay to disrupt the class. Especially this class, where Harry's in no danger of getting in trouble for not paying attention.

*I’m sure Snape only dropped Harry’s potion to trick Malfoy into thinking he liked him, in order to maintain his cover as a spy for the DEs. And I’m sure Malfoy only laughed at Snape’s mean trick to suck up to him. These two aren’t at all friends. ETA: I still scratch my head over this relationship.

*Nice to know that even after Snape does this Harry doesn’t think to taunt him about being a wimp who got humiliated at school. Nice...and totally unbelievable.

*You know, I always remembered Hermione’s part in this scene. I can see she’s just a convenient way to have Harry’s potion be gone, though JKR could have had Harry clean up his own potion before taking up his phial. But after a whole DAY where she’s hissed at Harry for two classes straight, I’m honestly surprised he doesn’t snap at Hermione for getting rid of his potion for him. Since Harry has a habit of lashing out at the nearest convenient people when angry, and finds it hard to be patient and understanding when things work out against him, it’s surprising he doesn’t thank her for always deciding what must be done for other people and doing it.

*ETA: I wonder if JKR saw Hermione that way, though, or if it's just such a forgivable part of being altrustic and caring she didn't. After all, she honestly seems to think Ron's changed his mind about House Elves in DH.

*Auror’s a difficult career and they only take the best. Why does Harry have to do exams at all? Don’t we know he’s the best? Maybe Firenze could just look to the stars and tell us what Harry’s grades would be.

*ETA: Why no, Harry really doesn't have to do exams at all. We really WILL just look at him and know he's the best and make him an auror! Then we'll make him head of the aurors!

*Harry’s only doing Acceptable work now, so when he gets an E or an O we’ll know he really deserved it because there was a chance he might not have. Really. Sort of like we'll be shocked when the Quidditch team wins. Again.

*I wonder what the character tests for Auror are like:

When I cast Crucio, I cast it out of
a)pure sadistic pleasure
b)a wicked sense of humor
c)loyalty to my dark lord
d)righteous anger

I only cast it on people who
a)are not Purebloods
b)can’t cast it themselves
c)don’t think I’m funny
d)really deserve it (list of candidates with personal addresses attached)

*Oh good, McGonnagal will personally assist Harry in becoming an Auror, even if she has to give up her evenings. For a second I was worried Harry might go five minutes without a teacher offering him private tutoring.

*So most of what happens to Harry in this book has nothing to do with Voldemort, but people not liking Dumbledore and taking it out on Harry because everybody knows he’s Dumbledore’s favorite, while Dumbledore himself ignores him so no one will know there’s any connection between them. Good plan there.

*Chapter thirty-four of Umbridge’s DADA book is: "non-retaliation and negotiation." Okay, I’m really beginning to think this book considers it evil to not retaliate against violence and negotiate with your enemies. Because anything like that is clearly collaborating or appeasement? A negotiated peace is a peace without honor? You have to crush your enemy or be crushed? There was a thread at FAP recently about how JKR does feel she’s woven her Christian beliefs into the narrative. Apparently she’s just fonder of the Old Testament "eye for an eye" (or better yet, “brain damage for house points”) than she is of that pansy-assed "turn the other cheek" crap. Jesus deserved whatever he got, really, with that Pinko talk.

*ETA: Harry makes a much better Jesus, really. He gets to kick ass, cast Crucios and still be super brave and offer his awesomeness up to magically save everyone else.

*Though at least I can see why Harry’s failing Umbridge’s class now. If there’s one thing he and his buddies suck at, it’s non-retaliation and negotiation.

*Oh Harry, of course you're feeling better about the fact that your dad embarrassed you and seeking justification for his actions is more important than getting expelled from school. How else could you reconcile yourself to the idea the people you like are always in the right? If you start cultivating humility you’re halfway to non-retaliation. Really, it’s your duty to risk it all so your dad’s buddies from high school can assure you he was a great guy.

*Wow. Ron is really committed to this giving free choice to others and letting them make their own mistakes and follow their own desires thing. Go Ron.

*You know, it’s not kittens’ fault they’re cute and like to frolic. If Hagrid can get soppy over whatever fanged thing’s getting ready to munch on a Slytherin Harry can lay off Umbridge’s kittens.

*Lupin’s alone without Sirius at the table when Harry comes by fireplace. I’m surprised he didn’t find both men in the kitchen, with Sirius bent over the kitchen table as Lupin took him from behind. They must have just finished. Remus is now looking over his homoerotic poetry as Sirius showers.

*ETA: Sorry, after they have sex Remus reads hetero-erotic poetry he's writing to Tonks and Sirius goes upstairs to look at his girls in bikinis!

*Either that or Lupin was going over his list of “100 things I will do when all these idiots kill themselves and I rule the WW.” ETA: Tough break, Remus.

*"I’m fifteen!" Harry yells. I half-expect somebody to say, "Exactly, Harry. And you’re a little bitch. I rest my case."

*James hated the Dark Arts, Harry. There’s your reason. And it’s one you find perfectly acceptable.

*Too bad Harry still doesn't know enough not to trust Sirius’ explanation of why James and Snape hated each other right off (that Snape was just jellus and poor James suffered from Toodammus Talentedus syndrome).

*James apparently hexed people "just for the fun of it." Unlike the twins, who hex people because it will be funny and that brings joy to the good side in their dark times of having to share the world with people they don’t like. What do you mean you don’t see a difference? Either you want to make the good guys out to be evil, or you’re a bigot who loves genocide. Well, which is it?

*ETA: Okay, if you don't see the difference there, surely you see the difference between James and Harry hexing people randomly in the next book?

*Okay Harry, Lupin just told you Snape never missed an opportunity to hex James. Are you honestly pretending you don’t consider that justification when applied to anybody living in this decade?

*James kept his continued feud with Snape a secret from Lily. Good practice for all the cheating he did during their marriage.

*Sirius says James was "a good person." Ah, the ultimate trump card in any moral debate. He’s a good person, so Harry is just being churlish trying to criticize his behavior. That must be the real reason he would have done well in Slytherin! He doesn’t know good people when he sees them!

*ETA: Just kidding, of course. Harry only would have done well in Slytherin because the hat was reading the piece of his brain that belonged to Voldemort. It's probably that piece of soul that's making him question MWPP now.

*Filch comes in looking for an approval for whipping. I don’t know why anyone’s looking askance. The wizarding world is just very rough-and-tumble and violence isn’t bothered about. Getting slashed by a hippogriff’s claws is like breaking a fingernail so being whipped is probably like getting hit with silly string in our world.

*If there was any doubt that the Inquisitor Squad is evil, they’re all looking very pleased at seeing Fred and George cornered.

*I am incapable of applauding Fred and George’s exit the way the way many people do, simply because of parental conditioning. I can’t help but say, "But you had like five weeks left of school before your NEWTS! What a waste not to take them! You’re hurting yourselves here! Who drops out of school a month from graduation?!"

*ETA: Just as well Fred's leaving, I guess. He won't need NEWTS.

*Anyway, if two students were going to have to leave school (and be unable to help later) at least it was for something important, like Harry getting to whine about something that happened 20 years ago to his dad’s friends. Not that I’m complaining; it’s a blessedly interesting scene.

Foley Work
Nice footstep work there in the Pensieve scene.

IITS
And while I’m thinking about Christmas presents from Sirius, I don’t think I will think of the Christmas present he gave me a few months ago that he said would come in handy in exactly the kind of situation I’m in now.

Idiot Picture
See same.

One Radio Rule
Hagrid thinks Muggles can’t know about magic, because that would make them want to use magic to solve all their problems. Yet Muggles seem to have pulled far ahead in the communications department, so they don’t have to break into the headmistress’ office to use the only means of communication with the outside world.

Final score: 3.5