OotP Chapter Thirty

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*Aw, can we skip Grawp? No?. All right. On we go.

*Harry suspects that although Umbridge and Filch can’t remove the swamp, teachers like McGonagall and Flitwick could, but choose not to do so. Despite Harry's bad track record at knowing what's going on, when he says thinks like that it's the author cleverly working around the limited pov to tell us it's true.

*A troll is now guarding Harry’s broom. This broom will have quite the tales to tell when it retires. It is the Edmund Dantes of brooms.

*Odd things are happening to the Inquisitorial Squad when they try to help Filch stop students from setting off dung bombs, etc. The IS seems to be remembered for enforcing Umbridge’s rule with an iron fist, but really they strut around for the first day, then get stuck having to try to help Filch keep people from making the messes he’s got to clean up. That's the glamour of helping Umbridge, guys. You get to be assistants to Filch.

*Hermione is particularly delighted when Pansy sprouts antlers. Is there some personal story going on between these two we don't know about, or is it just the way of things that naturally they hate each other?

*ETA: Well, at least I finally get that now thanks to JKR's interviews. Hermione's probably also pleased that Pansy didn't get to marry Draco.

*Also, I know I'm totally a bad audience for this book when McGonagall proves she's cool by telling Peeves how to unscrew that chandelier and I think, Is that going to come down on someone's head?? I so do not like practical jokes.

*Btw, I’m sure this whole period will do wonders in making Filch nicer to students in future. ETA: As will Harry's light-hearted japes in the next book.

*Umbridge, for all the hints that she is Big Brother, really doesn’t have much in the way of intelligence (of the espionage kind) at all. She doesn’t even know about the Skiving Snackboxes. Do none of the Slytherins know about these?

*On second thought, I’m glad we didn’t miss this chapter, as it contains that great example of the cold, black heart of our heroes:

To cap matters, Montague had still not recovered from his sojourn in the toilet (note: toilet, not vanishing cabinet is mentioned); he remained confused and disorientated and his parents were to be observed one Tuesday morning striding up the front drive, looking extremely angry.

'Should we say something' said Hermione in a worried voice (the worried voice has convinced me: she's the heart of compassion!), pressing her cheek against the Charms window so that she could see Mr. and Mrs. Montague marching inside. 'About what happened to him? In case it helps Madam Pomfrey cure him?’

'Course not, he'll recover,’ said Ron indifferently. (This is coming from someone who spent Christmas on the closed ward and met no less than three examples of people who didn’t recover.).

'Anyway, more trouble for Umbridge, isn't it?' said Harry in a satisfied voice…."

'That’s all very well, but what if Montague's permanently injured?'

'Who cares?' said Ron irritably….' Montague shouldn’t have tried to take all those points from Gryffindor, should he? (Can't argue with that logic.) If you want to worry about anyone, Hermione, worry about me!' (ETA: And that line pretty much sums up their marriage.)

*Then we get back to what's really important, that Ron might get a Howler because he'll be blamed for the twins leaving.

*Harry nobly confesses he gave the twins money for their shop to stop anybody from thinking their criminals (errr…) and Ron thinks this is great because he can blame Harry. It doesn’t occur to him that he could already blame Harry, since this all happened because the twins were creating a distraction for Harry, who wanted a chat with Sirius about those ten minutes back in 1976.

*By the way, said Howler never appears.

*From this exchange we get...wow—-every line gets an acting tip: Hermione speaks in a worried voice, Ron speaks indifferently and Harry speaks in a satisfied voice. Ron says something irritably. Also, I cut out Hermione saying something quickly (as she repairs Ron’s teacup-I wonder if she sits ready with a napkin at dinner in case either boy dribbles on his chin?) and cut right before Ron says something bitterly and then speaks darkly. WOW!

*All the stage directions make the Trio sound even harsher than they might have otherwise. ETA: Sadly, I once thought that, too, was part of the non-existant build-up to the kids realizing they were becoming a lot like the very thing they claimed to despise. Actually it's just showing them being cool and badass--if that's building up to something it's probably just Harry's gallant Crucio.

*Hermione, who has continued to knit house elf hats every minute despite disagreement, who handed Harry’s firebolt over for testing because she was afraid it was hexed back in book 3, and who continues to nag Harry about taking Occlumency, is easily quieted on the subject of Montague. She can barely hear that voice in her mind reminding her of that thing somebody taught her once, probably at Muggle school, about the right thing to do in this sort of situation.

*ETA: It's really strange the way Hermione is a totaly nag, yet a totally ineffectual nag. For all her yammering about ridiculous things (like not wanting to use the directions that actually work for Potions in HBP) she usually backs down about stuff where she should stand her ground. Handing over the broom in PoA was her best moment. Did she get so traumatized by the fall-out from that she never did it again?.

*It’s not even like she’d have to worry about the one thing they usually worry about, getting somebody in trouble, as the twins have already left. If the Montague story is never brought up again, or if he never recovers, we'll be left with the idea that Fred and George have permanently disabled someone for taking house points and got away with it. Good show, boys!

*ETA: I guess Draco's telling us that Montague told the other Slytherins what happens meant he did get better at some point. The only reason he's really being mentioned here is to set up how Draco knows about the Cabinet.

*Being 15 and continually called a nag is not a good sign.

*I love the way Harry starts to snap at Hermione to get over the twins, and she gets offended, not because she wasn't going to nag, but because she was switching to an alternate nag. It’s like she just has a file box in her head of all the storylines she needs to shove along (god knows nobody else will make the book happen) and flips from one to the other.

*Not only does Harry come up with a clever cover for his DoM dream (he was saying "just a bit further!" in his sleep because the was trying to help Ron finally reach a Quaffle) but he feels "vindictive pleasure" in making Ron's ears go red. Because Ron deserves to be humiliated over being a worse player than Harry, since he mentioned to Hermione that Harry muttered in his sleep. Harry's being vindictive in self-defense!

*ETA: Remember that's Voldemort making him do that sort of thing. Looking back it's totally not like Harry's real personality, right?

*Hermione is very "beady" in this scene. She has a beady eye and looks beadily at Harry. ETA: Clearly foreshadowing her beaded bag. Okay, not. I just wanted to write that. "Beady beadily beaded beads," said Beedle the Bard.

*In case we're keeping score, Harry's openly welcoming the dreams now. Usually I'm wary when people pass over Snape's shirking his own responsibility by refusing to teach Harry the subject by saying Harry wasn't even trying, but there really was no hope Snape could have succeeded regardless. The main reason Harry doesn't learn Occlumency is because Dumbledore refuses to give him a good reason to do it. I'm sure if he found himself in a situation where using Occlumency would be totally brave he'd do it fine.

*Ron says if Montague doesn't recover by the time they play Hufflepuff Gryffindor will get in the finals. Isn't that convenient that it works that way?

*The first time I read the book I thought this whole Quidditch story was supposed to symbolize the pointlessness of House rivalry: Gryffindor and Slytherin BOTH lose their important players and ability to win by trying to get at the other. Only then the whole thing was ruined when I realized Gryffindor did not have to suffer the consequences of their actions the way Slytherin did. When they lost important players the other teams just obligingly played worse so they could still win.

*Hermione blames Fred and George for Ron's lack of confidence. Another suggestion that perhaps the twins actually do have negative effects on people. You can see why Hermione would notice they never gave Ron confidence. Why, it’s all she and Harry can do to make up for it by treating him like they all know he's a loser, calling him stupid at every turn and taking vindictive pleasure in reminding him he sucks.

*Also, not surprising they seemed embarrassed by Ron's confidence when he finally realized it really didn't matter so why worry? It's weird when ordinary people aren't properly ashamed.

*I’m sorry, why is Harry suddenly acting like he and Cho have a relationship? He doesn’t want any more rows?

*Lee is terribly sad without the twins leaving. Does anybody right F/L/G? It seems like a natural. Lee could also do commentary.

*Oh no, Hagrid's here and he won't go away. He's come to bring Harry and Hermione someplace dangerous.

*Hagrid protected Firenze from the rest of the herd blah blah blah such a good heart instinct bullying, outnumbered blah blah blah.

*Hermione is shocked the centaurs attacked Firenze. Shocked, I tell you! Haven’t they read the chapter on non-violent retaliation and negotiation? Hermione is appalled at the idea of physical violence.

*'Don' worry abou' me, [if I get the sack]' Hagrid said hastily…’ I wasn't, actually, Hagrid. Go ahead and get sacked. Don' worry abou' me either.

*I love the way Hagrid gets Harry and Hermione to promise to help him without telling them what they're doing and then is all, 'Weep Weep. I knew ye’d say yes!' like they've actually agreed to what he wants. Laying on the guilt right away, Hagrid is.

*Because Grawp hurt Hagrid, he assumes he doesn’t know his own strength—um, why? Seems to me he’s using his own strength exactly as much as he wants to use it. It's a great metaphor for the way so much seems to be viewed here: Grawp is good, therefore he must secretly have good intentions even when he's bashing your head in.

*Hagrid, really, please don't tell us more of your family history and make us picture your human father mounted by a semi-retarded, lumpen female the size of a mountain again.

*Hagrid took Grawp away from the giants because they were BULLYING him. Because he was small! But I happen to know that Grawp was merely the beloved target of many a practical joke by those lovable giant twins, Schlump and Blop. They didn’t mean any harm in hurting him, they were just lightening the mood and didn’t know their own strength.

*Besides, Grawp actually deserves being bullied. He has a dreadful mother and a big mouth. Right before his last beating he was heard to tell two larger giants their mommas smelled.

*For all their bullying, the other giants did apparently draw the line at kidnapping and long-term bondage. It took a wizard to think of that!

*"Well, now—violent--tha's a bit harsh," says Hagrid about violent Grawp. Violent is only a word you use for people you don’t like.

*You know, I know the whole defense of Hagrid is that he just doesn’t get stuff because he’s so innocent, but I believe there's a point where good but ignorant intention becomes passively bad intention and Hagrid crossed it a long time ago. He’s not innocently naïve about what his creatures can do, he’s willfully indifferent so he can do what he wants.

*Harry is uncomfortably aware that he and Hermione have already been tricked into promising promised to do what Hagrid asked. I so can't understand this third grade kind of honor—you promised, so you have to do it. Um, no I really don't.

*Granted, I would never promise Hagrid anything unless I knew what it was, but I think it would be perfectly in order for Harry or Hermione to tell Hagrid they did not agree to this. But then, I would have signed up for the DA fully reserving the right to do what I thought was right there too. At least the Gryffindors let themselves be bound by their own sorts of stupid traps. That’s something.

*Note there's no hint how long one would take care of this giant, or what one would do when, not knowing his own strength, he got out of the ropes. Perhaps he'd go live with Aragog.

*Hagrid, don’t wake Grawp up. This chapter's already long enough as it is. ::sigh:: Hagrid calls Grawp a big buffoon. Luckily he's not a hippogriff, so this isn’t animal abuse and he doesn’t deserve to be hurt.

*Despite how ridiculous this is, we all know that Grawp will indeed wind up with his heart softened by the kindness shown to him by his captors. There's a word for this kind of heart-warming breakthrough. I believe it’s Stockholm Syndrome. It certainly doesn't remind me at all of that fountain at the MoM.

*ETA: Yup, Grawp will be showing up at the funeral dressed up in people clothes and a diaper like a trained chimp later on, being all affectionate to Hagrid for tying him up and teaching him to be civilized. Of course, he was supposed to have come from a civilization to begin with, but once he was in the big city he realized his own people were animals.

*Grawp reaches out for Hermione and later calls her Hermy…is this some sort of twisted female thing here? Like he’s King Kong and she's Fay Wray? Or he wants his mother? Between this and the twigs in Umbridge’s hair, this forest is turning really weird…

*Hermione's all whimpering and clinging to Harry here, but presumably this is one of those times when it's brave to do that.

*Grawp rips the pine out of the ground with a look of "detached pleasure," similar to the "detached satisfaction" Harry gets looking at the site of Malfoy’s pale, pointed face contorted with rage when his father has been arrested. And a bit like the "vindictive pleasure" Harry feels looking at Ron's ears going red after he taunts him about his Quidditch playing.

*Even Harry says flat out that Hagrid has "an immense capacity to delude himself that fanged monsters were loveably harmless." Though as I said, I don't think he bothers deluding himself. If he wants something to be true it just is.

*Firenze’s "defection" from the centaurs was rather pointless. If he’s peddling the secrets of his people in class, then the secrets of his people seem to be pretty much encapsulated by three words: Humans are stupid. Which Bane also seems to give away for free. If Bane's worried people have profited by his secrets, I don't think they have.

*Hagrid brushes off Hermione's concerns about going into the forest by telling her they don't hurt foals. Pretty consistent of Hagrid to say things are safe when they aren't if danger interferes with what he wants.

*I found out something to appreciate Grawp for—apparently it was because of him we were Hagrid-less as long as we were this year. Go Grawp!

*Even Hermione says Hagrid deserves to be sacked, though why she's crying and saying she didn't mean it is beyond me. Well, no it's not really. Hermione hates it when she can't make things work. This is probably one of the best examples of "leaving childhood behind" in the book, admitting that it's possible that an adult you like is unsuited for a job. For goodness sake, it's not like he won't have a job waiting for him from Dumbledore anyway. Just cut him loose already.

*ETA: Not that the universe will actually make them experience this. Hagrid will be settled happily in his place for years to come...for some reason. So we actually don't have to grow up as usual.

*Ron yells to Harry and Hermione that they won the match, like he knows that they weren't there and that's fine with him. Why would he think he had to tell them they won the match? Wouldn’t he, realistically, have run to find them right afterwards and been disappointed they weren't there? God knows if this had been Harry we would have gotten one of the famous mood swings here—happy to win, plummeting to sadness and resentment that his friends weren't there for him.

*Naturally I'm glad we didn’t actually have to watch the match, but it does feel like having this happen off-screen, besides being quicker, is practically an admittance of, "Oh come on, you know they won. They won because Ron had to get a happy ending in the book. But it's not like we really care if he finally manages to catch a ball or not and you know the closest we can come to making a Quidditch game "exciting" is to set one Seeker against each other. Just pretend it makes sense."

*My confession, which I hinted at earlier, is that when I read this book the first time I assumed Gryffindor lost the cup, but that Ron himself had proved himself so well they congratulated him. I know it’s silly given that Ron literally says they won the cup, but I somehow thought they hadn't, I guess because in my mind, according to the story logic, the Quidditch cup should have backed up the Sorting Hat and proved that the personal, petty fighting between Gryffindor and Slytherin kept them both from succeeding so that Hufflepuff won. Instead Gryffindor really needs nobody else. Nothing they do can really come back to hurt them because they are inherently so good that always wins through.



Designated Hero
Everybody’s so heroic in this chapter it’s hard to pick!

Exploitation Filmmakers’ Credo (n): "Come on, these dummies can’t remember what they saw five minutes ago!"
Psst! Hey Ron, remember why the twins were creating a distraction? Remember how you said it was Harry’s decision? You can already fob the blame off on him.

IITS
Isn’t Harry a little old to think he’s bound to do something dangerous because he promised Hagrid he’d do him a solid?

Don’t ask how the goalie won the Quidditch game for us. It was Ron. He’s been all sad. He got some confidence. And so the Quidditch gods smiled upon him.

Informed Attributes
Remember how Gryffindor was so bad it was embarassing? Well, in this chapter Ron informs us that in fact they are in the running for the Quidditch cup. And apparently it’s only Ron that needed to improve at all. Ron who was already on the team.

Final score: 4.75