HBP Chapter Fourteen
Oct. 31st, 2008 09:27 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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deathtocapslock*Omg, this is the worst chapter ever in the whole book I swear. And what a surprise, it’s the one with all the Ginny.
*ETA: Wow, totally didn't remember anything particular about this chapter but reading that first note from last time I'm looking forward to it!
*There’s weird mist on the way to the greenhouse, a token reference to the horrible war that’s going on and affecting everyone’s lives a lot, really. Ask your parents or grandparents about WWII and the thing they really remember was that horrible mist.
*ETA: Of course this is only the beginning. By next year the horrible mist will lift to reveal...things not really all that bad compared to Muggle wars. Mostly people sitting around waiting for that teenager to save them.
*ETA:I never thought about it, but is Quidditch a metaphor for life or what? There's all these other people on the field who fly around aimlessly bashing each other for the crowd's entertainment but the actual game is just waiting for the Chosen One in Gryffindor to catch the Snitch and win the game.
*Ron thinks "the boy You-Know-Who" is a scary thought, proving he didn’t read the last chapter.
*However Ron still manages to come to the same conclusion as me which is: "What’s the point? Why is Dumbledore showing you all of this?" It’s the return of Seer!Ron!
*ETA: Really it's probably a foreshadowing of traitorous!Ron from the next book. How dare you suggest something Dumbledore came up with had no point?!
*Hermione claims the whole thing is fascinating and that Harry will need this stuff to know Voldemort’s weaknesses. You know, you can give it up Hermione. Kissing Dumbledore’s arse even when he’s not present won’t get you any more attention from him than you already have, which is none at all.
*ETA: No, Harry won't need this stuff to know Voldemort's weakness. He won't at all. The only weakness Harry needs to exploit hasn't occurred yet. It comes in the chapter towards the end of the book where Draco disarms Dumbledore.
*To console herself for not being chosen by Dumbledore Hermione brags about Slughorn’s party. This makes her nothing like Draco Malfoy. It's not snobbery when our people are chosen.
*Is Neville working alone in class while the Trio work together? Do they get special privileges or are all the classes set up to reflect popularity?
*ETA: That would make sense. After all in this world your position in school is going to be your position in life and there's no use in the school trying to affect things in any way. That wouldn't be in keeping with the gritty realism of the series or Dumbledore's style of totally not sheilding kids from the harsh facts of life.
*Shockingly it’s Ron who gets compared to Malfoy when he jeers about the incredibly stupid name "The Slug Club" and not Hermione who doesn’t seem to see how pathetic it is.
*ETA: Because The Slug Club does offer two different ways to be like Malfoy, either by getting validation from it or by putting it down because you're not in it. It really doesn't seem like the book is suggesting that both Ron and Hermione are equally Malfoy-like here.
*ETA: I'm sure if it's really a problem then Hermione's only pretending here to make Ron jealous; all part of the Grand Marriage Scheme that dominates all women's lives.
*Hermione turns all red and tells Ron she was going to do him the great honor of asking him to the party that they all know he’s not good enough to go to on his own, but now she won’t. Okay, I know the two of them are supposed to be able to hurt each other equally (can't wait until they get married!) but it seems kind of OOC for Hermione to be so vulnerable on this. I mean, it *shouldn't* be OOC at all--Hermione really should be vulnerable to this kind of flattery since she loves being complimented for being smart etc. Only in the past it's usually been her job to see through this stuff.
*You'd think she'd have noticed by now that the only way Ron can ever express interest in her is by accusing her of going after some other guy, just as the only way Hermione ever expresses interest in him is by telling him he’s just blown it with her without realizing it. Anything to avoid just, you know, taking five minutes out of the 18 hours a day they spend together bickering and fussing over Harry to kiss.
*You know what was missing from Romeo and Juliet? It needed more passive-aggression.
*At least Harry’s got his priorities straight: if Ron and Hermione get together, how will it affect him?
*The rest of the class ends with no more mentions of Slughorn’s party. Even though Ron pretty much made it clear that he would like to go with Hermione, he can't say it outright and she can't ask him to the damn thing. I know, I know. It's just a brilliant satire of the way men and women behave in love. It's like a classic 30s screwball romantic comedy.
*Harry decides to give Ron and Hermione’s sex life up to butterbeer and dim lighting, almost as if last we checked his own romantic ideas hadn’t hovered around the level of a third-grader. What on earth would he do with dim lighting and butterbeer?
*ETA: No, no, Harry. You forgot the secret ingredient: House Elves!
*Harry reluctantly asks Dean to play Chaser because although Dean’s the best flyer, he doesn’t like the idea of him spending time with Ginny. Seamus, overhearing, slams his book and looks sour. Harry knew Seamus wouldn’t like it if he asked Dean to play because
*ETA: Is there anyone besides Neville and Luna, the two characters who define themselves as inadequate from birth, who are gracious losers about anything at all?
*ETA: Come to think of it, Dean's being the best flyer? Totally, totally random. When do any other kids besides Quidditch teams ever get to fly since that one class? And Dean's a Muggleborn from a city who doesn't have a handy broom shed at home to spunkily break into to spunkily practice in spunky secret.
*Harry and Seamus have an uncomfortable moment made more uncomfortable when a bird poops on Seamus’ head. This book really delves into the difficulties of being The Chosen One. No matter where Harry turns he’s faced with inferior people he can’t help but make feel badly by his mere presence.
*ETA: But then, it's really just a metaphor for growing up. That's totally what you need to do as an adult is learn to shoulder the burden of being special.
*Btw, I’m sure the bird poop is punishment for sticking up for his mother against Harry last year. He really got off a little too easily for that in OotP.
*The pressure is increasing to win against Slytherin. Do you think they’ll do it? The suspense is killing me.
*Ron’s having a terrible time at practice. It’s difficult for Harry to watch, though not so difficult that he misses a chance to note that most of the goals Ron misses are scored by Ginny—isn’t she the best?!
*Ron, proving once again why he’s not as cool as Harry, gets even more flustered, loses all control and punches Demelza and not Ginny. Damn.
*Btw, yes, I do think that Ron’s pathetic performance at Quidditch is a metaphor for him sexually. He’s not like Harry, who just gets on a broom and is the best flyer ever. (Yes, I said broom. The stiff piece of wood that Harry rides well when it's between his legs.)
*Ginny calls Ron a prat because Harry was too busy to do it and she thought someone should. If I weren’t so busy doing this recap I’d be happy to shove a broom up Ginny’s arse. Anyone care to take care of that for me? Because someone should.
*Harry forces himself not to laugh. Me too, Harry. I’m physically restraining myself from laughing. That’s what every day is like with Ginny. What a miracle girl.
*ETA: Trying not to laugh shows what a great captain Harry is. A bad captain would notice that teasing Ron just makes him worse (probably would have noticed that years ago) and find some way to calm him down.
*First Ginny spends the whole practice showing how irresistible and cool and perfect for Harry she is, and then she glues her mouth to Dean’s in the hallway. Mmmm. That sounds attractive. Very sexy.
*ETA: If there's one good thing about Harry and Ginny getting together it's that once she belongs to him no other boy will ever touch her again, even while she and Harry are broken up.
*Harry feels a scaly monster in his chest rise up at the sight. The monster is a clever metaphor for Harry’s homosexuality, raising it’s head and growling, “Ewww! Het!”
*It’s obviously been a while since I forced myself to read this wretched chapter, but why does Ginny pick a fight with Ron? I had thought surely he must have opened their altercation with the "I almost said slut but didn’t because I can't call my sister that even if I do of course believe old-fashioned rules about girls and sex because they're true" line, but in fact he just says he doesn’t want his sister snogging in public which is stupid but nothing to get that angry about. Unless, of course, you’re a bitchiwitch Sue seeing her cue to put the boys in their place.
*Ginny then goes, well, a bit insane. We’ve yet to see Ron say anything particularly bad about her sex life yet you’d think he’d been leaving Chick tracts under her pillow. Is the rest of the girl calling her the school broomstick? Why so sensitive about this, oh liberated sassy one?
*Her real anger seems to actually come from the fact that she hates watching Ron like Fleur. Why hasn’t anyone ever pointed this out in all the tiresome Ginny defenses in this scene?
*Now that Ginny’s completely emasculated Ron, she gets close to tears. Um, again, wtf? He’s the one who’s being humiliated. She started the scene being the cool one with the boyfriend and then went straight into using his lack of experience against him. Why is she crying? I didn’t realize it was so upsetting making other people look stupid.
*Ginny also announces it’s "only Ron" who acts like snogging someone is disgusting. There must be some bizarre Puritan!Ron story we’re not seeing here? It's Ginny who finds snogging disgusting when Bill and Fleur threaten to do it. Granted it's obviously not the snogging that's disgusting, but still. Ron doesn't say anything.
*ETA: Is Ginny supposed to be embarassed in front of Harry? I think some have suggested that but it doesn't make much sense given that it's all part of the "I'm totally over you" show. Does she change her mind upon seeing Harry watch her with another man and suddenly get properly scared that she'd sullied herself for him or something? Like he'd have good reason to reject her now that's had to actually see her being sexual?
*Ginny reveals that Hermione’s snogged Viktor Krum and, even more surprisingly, that Harry snogged Cho Chang. I think Harry’s reputation as a lothario may have gotten a little exaggerated in that rumor mill, Ginny.
*Ginny tells Ron his problem is that he’s got as much experience as a 12-year-old. It’s no wonder he’s jealous of her own racy sex life—she’s touched a boy’s lips!!
*Ron is unfortunately not allowed to ask if Ginny is referring to her own experience as Voldemort’s 12-year-old girlfriend.
*Seriously. Ron says, like, absolutely nothing in this conversation. Where do people get the idea that mean Ron comes up and calls Ginny a slut and she defends herself?
*ETA: I mean, her getting that upset at his implying she'll get a reputation as a Scarlet Woman seems she has the same bizarre sexual hang-ups (courtesy of Mum), which makes her dating kind of disturbing. If she really thought Ron's just a pathetic lip-virgin and all the cool kids snog she wouldn't be upset, she'd be amused.
*ETA: Perhaps we should look at her lists of snogging not as proof that people actually kiss but that hey, if Hermione's allowed to kiss one other boy before her true love, and Harry's allowed to kiss one other girl before his true love why should Ginny lose Harry forever because she kissed Dean? Is it that she went over her limit already with Michael?
*Harry goes back over his summer with Ginny. At least this part’s accurate: they played Quidditch, teased Ron and had a laugh over Bill and Phlegm. Yup, they really were a couple of pills. Good times.
*Harry tells himself Ginny, as Ron’s sister, is out of bounds, even though Ron seemed planning to throw Ginny at him in the last book. It’s not romance without lots and lots of fake complications.
*Also it's not romance without women being divided up like property and men having even more creepy hang ups about girls and sex. Of course I can't date a friend's sister. That would imply she's a whore instead of a madonna!
*Hermione’s hurt and bewildered by Ron’s sudden coldness. But I’m sure her BFF Ginny will explain to her why Ron’s being mean to her. Or Harry will. Um, anybody? Oh, I forgot. You never talk to another person when it would make the action go more smoothly.
*Ron’s problems get worse and worse; until really the only thing left is for him to ejaculate all over the breakfast table. Thankfully we are spared this and the stupid nickname Ginny would undoubtedly make up in its honor.
*And of course it wouldn’t be a Ginny chapter without a reference to her being an accomplished caster of the bat-bogey hex.
*ETA: Why didn't Harry use that on that DE instead of the Crucio? It would have been far more impressive. Oh right, it wouldn't give Harry that slightly darker edge and a chance to cast a spell nobody else has.
*Harry assures Ron he’s not pathetic, which must be hard to do, what with Ron being completely pathetic.
*The rest of the team seems to agree, muttering and casting angry looks in Ron’s direction. I don’t know about anyone else but I’m so glad Rowling decided to give Ginny a bigger part in the books. She has such a wonderful effect on everyone with her sassiness and the way she tells it like it is.
*Plus it’s about time someone put Ron in his place, he’s always been so over-confident.
*ETA: Also it really makes me root for Ron/Hermione. Who wouldn't want a man like this! Especially when you're an over-achiever yourself. He's sure to feel better by tearing you down!
*Percy and Ron could have a really good relationship if Ron would admit it and got the courage to vent about how the twins and Ginny are horrible to them both.
*ETA: But no, it will be much better if Percy and Ron both acknowledge the awesomeness of the twins. Then the twins won't have to torment them so much!
*ETA: How long until one of those two dies again?
*Thankfully Harry goes to bed the next night thinking about something more pleasant than Ginny, Draco Malfoy. Yes, in this book Draco Malfoy really is the more pleasant of the two.
*Unfortunately Gryffindor’s choices of winning with Ron are pretty slim. Wait, no they aren’t. They’ll win just the way they always do.
*ETA: Seriously--Jesus. You already did the Bad News Bears (minus everything awesome about the BNB) last year when you cut all the "best players" and had to do with misfits. And they, unlike the Bears, still won. So why would I be worried they wouldn't pull through with Harry actually on the team?
*Lavender says she knows Ron will be brilliant. And she sounds like she means it. Phew. Good thing Ron breaks up with her. Really dodged a bullet. Who wants a girlfriend who believes in you when you’re not the Chosen One?
*ETA: You can so already see the Ron of the epilogue who Confunds his driving teacher and doesn't want Hermione to know. Unfortunately I can't help but imagine a far happier and less pathetic Ron with Lavender. It's not that I ship them, particulary, or am interested in them as a couple, but it seems like this type of relationship would make him happier and therefore less of a loser. Only unfortunately he just *has* to go for the girl who's "better." Honestly, sometimes it's *not* best to marry the girl who's your mother.
*Hermione tells Harry he should be expelled for putting Felix Felicis in Ron’s drink. Yes, Hermione is indeed the same person who disfigured another student for telling on her secret illegal club, and knocked out two other students so she could steal their bodies. So she ought to know from expelled!
*Harry at least points out that Hermione Confunded McClaggen and she storms away. Dear lord, spare me from these heavily-Gryffindor chapters with everyone always storming, fuming and hexing. The drama queendom of Slytherin is literally like a cool glass of water.
*Turns out Ginny knows the Slytherin replacement Seeker, Harper. Well, if Ginny knows him she must have some insulting judgement of him, right? *checks* Yup, he’s an idiot. Thanks Ginny! Moving on…
*Many Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws have taken sides on the match. Um, surely that means they’re all siding with Gryffindor? Could they honestly be siding with Slytherin? As if Slytherin’s part of the school too? Surely we're not supposed to actually believe everybody doesn't hate Slytherin by now.
*Zach Smith is doing the commenting and Harry heartily dislikes him! For…really not much good reason. But reason enough! Get rid of him! How dare he suggest that the guy nobody thinks really belongs on the team doesn’t belong on the team!
*ETA: In case anyone has forgotten, Ron got on the team last year because of his brothers, and this year Hermione Confunded his opponent.
*ETA: Did I say no good reason? If Harry dislikes the guy you can be sure the text will show a good reason by the end. *checks Zach's one appearance in DH* Yup, Harry was right again.
*Btw, narrator, the many many suggestions in this book that people are crazy for thinking Gryffindors play favorites actually doesn’t disguise all the blatant favoritism.
*Half an hour into the game we hear the important stuff: Ron’s made great saves, because he thinks he’s taken a luck potion and that’s part of the plot. Ginny’s scored lots of goals because she’s still perfect. Harry awaits his big Snitch-catch. Does anyone else really need to play?
*Ginny and Ron’s spectacular performance makes Zach stop wondering if they should be on the team. Apparently Zach is able to change his mind based on evidence so I guess he really is evil. Good people think with their hearts.
*ETA: Really Zach's just being resentful and cowardly in shutting up. If the good guys actually earned his respect and he said so he couldn't be as much of a hate object.
*Harry orders a bludger smacked at the commentator. ‘Nuff said.
*I like Harper. His cold voice is kind of cool in the middle of all this red and gold. Cold drink of water.
*Hilariously, Harper knocks into Harry hard in the air and it’s played like some really dirty trick with attention called to the way McGonagall’s back was turned. As if had she seen it she would have called penalty on that horrible cheating Slytherin who was just smacked with an iron ball by a Gryffindor player. I wonder if it’s in the actual rules of Quidditch that they appear totally biased for Gryffindor?
*ETA: Well, at least the rules are consistent. From the very first book Quidditch seemed to be about knocking other players off their brooms or keeping them from flying where they wanted to go, except if it's the Gryffindor Seeker, in which case that's dirty cheating.
*Harper sees the Snitch first. Luckily Harry’s on a much faster broom, right? So he’ll catch it.
*No, instead Harry tries a Slytherin trick by asking how much Malfoy paid Harper to substitute; reminding us that somewhere out there in the book there is a plot worth reading about while we’re stuck here in a Wizard Archie Comic. Probably not the best time to remind me of that now.
*This works like a charm, of course. Slytherin tricks hardly ever work on the Gryffindors, but when Gryffindors use them they’re so cool they always work. Harper totally fumbles!
*Gryffindor wins. For what, the 17th time in this series? *Yawn*
*If only there could be some extra special victory for them. Like, maybe if Ginny could fly at the commentator who was less than fawning over the team. Yeah, I think what this chapter needs is one more reminder that Ginny is a cunt. Ah! There we go.
*What a shock Harry doesn't remember that without Zach's commenting he might have actually lost the game.
*Hermione claims she never said Ron couldn’t save goals without help. Um, actually Hermione you’ve done everything but tattoo that on his face. Something I’m not putting past you in future.
*ETA: I'm sure she never said he couldn't pass a driver's test without help either.
*Harry refers to this latest fight between Ron and Hermione as his FF plan backfiring, but I really don’t think it had anything to do with it. It’s not like Ron’s wrong in thinking Hermione thinks he’s inadequate and she’s not exactly hiding it. Harry could have given Ron a pancake at breakfast and it would still have ended in the two of them fighting.
*Harry does not see how he can explain to Hermione that the problem is that she kissed Viktor because it was so long ago. Erm, I’m not seeing how that makes it impossible to explain. You just say: Hermione, Ron's problem is he found out you kissed Viktor in fourth year.
*ETA:Harry, you live in a world where the main motivation of men in their 40s is stuff that happened sophomore year. How could you possibly think the Yule Ball was "too long ago" to explain?
*The real reason Harry can’t tell Hermione Ron’s mad at her is because the only actual story going on in the book this year is in Slytherin and Harry can’t go there so he has to make sure Gryffindor spends the year killing time with one misunderstanding after another in an attempt to fool the reader into thinking it’s a plot.
*ETA: By next year we'll just give up completely and have sentences like "It took Harry and Hermione an entire month to learn to Apparate at the same time, which made it Christmas Eve when they went to Godric's Hollow and it was very sentimental. Or: What with living together in a tiny cottage, it took them weeks to speak to each other alone and work out a plan to break into Gringotts, which made it the end of the school year when they went back to Hogwarts.
*Harry finds Ginny at the party with Arnold on her shoulder and Crookshanks mewing hopefully at her heels. A group of bunny rabbits also vies for her attention, bluebirds perch on all her fingers and a unicorn flies in and asks her, as the only girl at Hogwarts with the gift of Corntongue (the ability to speak Unicorn), to help him find a special necklace that marks him as prince of the unicorns.
*Ginny dismisses Ron as “improving his technique” with Lavender. He looks like he’s eating her face, unlike sexy Ginny who daintily glues herself to her boyfriend at the mouth.
**snort* Improving his technique indeed. A good man would be kissing Lavender to make Hermione jealous.
*Btw kids, Ron really is improving his technique with Lavender. It’s imperative that he do this before he moves on to his true love, Hermione. You see kids, you can’t be worthy of love unless you’ve used others for practice. So if you like a girl or a boy, take advantage of someone who sincerely likes you as soon as you can. Your future husband or wife will thank you for it!
*ETA: Oh my gosh, I just realized: Did Lupin and Tonks practice on other people? No wonder their relationship didn't work out!
*ETA: Perhaps Lupin forgot to practice on someone before Sirius, which is why the two of them couldn't be together in wedded bliss until after death.
*You know, given that Hermione clearly is hurt by Ron making out with Lavender, perhaps, Harry, you could explain to her that he’s been angry with her because she apparently did the same thing with Viktor. No, what am I thinking? What would that solve? Except everything.
*And then Hermione attacks Ron with the birds and they claw at his flesh blah blah blah and—oh noes! Hermione is crying! See, it IS upsetting to hurt other people when they deserve it!
*What’s this chapter called again? Felix Felicis? Was "Don’t You Desperately Wish Hogwarts Was An All-Boys School?" reserved for Book 8?
Designated Hero
Iow, "Gryffindor Hero."
Hero’s Death Battle Exemption
Last used this way in OotP iirc, one tiny mistake is all it takes to lose if you’re Slytherin. Harry can get caught with his pants down and still catch the Snitch.
IITS
So Harry knows what’s going on with Ron, and could explain it to Hermione, but he just can’t. IITS.
Informed Attributes
Zacharias Smith is the worst commenter ever! Also Ginny is an "accomplished" caster of the Bat Bogey hex. Which apparently means she does it incessantly.
Misdirected Answering
Should I be worried this chapter lifts right out without affecting the actual plot at all? Yeah, I should.
Final score: 5
H/D cliche list:
The one where Malfoy begs of Quidditch and Harry is suspicious and also notices his absence.
The one where Harry thinks about Malfoy before bed.
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Part 1
Date: 2008-10-31 07:23 pm (UTC)Back in the olden days when we all thought there was something deeply philosophical about this series, there really was that interpretation around with Harry as seeker sort of like the medival quest for the blue flower or the grail or something. Alas...
Hermione claims the whole thing is fascinating and that Harry will need this stuff to know Voldemort’s weaknesses. You know, you can give it up Hermione.
In defence of Hermione, I've got to say, that was a reasonable thought from someone who is used to books and how they usually work. Maybe she knew how Poirot always deduces something from stories of the past.
You know what was missing from Romeo and Juliet? It needed more passive-aggression.
The improved balcony scene:
Juliet (sitting in her chamber, listening to Romeo doing a serenata outside for an hour before giving up): Ha, I totally would have gone out in five minutes, but now you've torn it!
Romeo: Pffft, who do you think I was singing for? I totally meant your nurse when I talked about the sun eclipsing the moon!
Come to think of it, Dean's being the best flyer? Totally, totally random.
Oh no, totally necessary. Ginny judged him good enough to be used by her, after all. I guess we only missed the information according to which Michael Corner was the best caster of Tarantallegra in the last three centuries.
But then, it's really just a metaphor for growing up.
I also suspect the bird poop incident is a metaphor for an author's ability to express her inner nastiness to the fullest without punishment.
Btw, yes, I do think that Ron’s pathetic performance at Quidditch is a metaphor for him sexually. He’s not like Harry, who just gets on a broom and is the best flyer ever.
OMG yes. As additional evidence, I'd like to remind you that it was his wand which got broken in second year, causing him to have to stay behind when Harry explored dark tunnels and encountered a big snake, to find a helpless girl at the end of it. Can't you just imagine Ginny and Hermione talking about their respective husbands' prowess in ten years' time with Ginny hardly able to walk and Hermione sighing enviously because with Ron not even viagra helps?
Re: Part 1
Date: 2008-10-31 07:48 pm (UTC)In defence of Hermione, I've got to say, that was a reasonable thought from someone who is used to books and how they usually work.
Oh, don't get me wrong. I think the idea that Harry would need this stuff the following year makes perfect sense. It not being true doesn't reflect badly on Hermione at all--it reflects badly on Dumbledore. Unfortunately Hermione also winds up always having to say Dumbledore's right all the time just because he's Dumbledore.
Re: Part 1
Date: 2008-10-31 08:36 pm (UTC)***Hermione and 99% of all British Wizardry, I'm afraid. Yes, even the Slyth's.
Re: Part 1
Date: 2008-11-03 03:59 am (UTC)Word. Hermione would probably also nag Ron about his lack of sexual prowess and boss him around in bed.
The improved balcony scene:
Juliet (sitting in her chamber, listening to Romeo doing a serenata outside for an hour before giving up): Ha, I totally would have gone out in five minutes, but now you've torn it!
Romeo: Pffft, who do you think I was singing for? I totally meant your nurse when I talked about the sun eclipsing the moon!
Bwahahaha!
I also suspect the bird poop incident is a metaphor for an author's ability to express her inner nastiness to the fullest without punishment
It's disturbing that many people like the HP series despite JKR's immaturity and the shabby way of treating characters who don't bow down to the Trio or Dumbledore.