HBP Chapter Two

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

HBP Chapter Two



*Many people think Spinner’s End is Snape’s childhood home. In fact he only recently moved to Spinner’s End from his old place at Red Herring Antagonist Curve. Snape would like to thank Kathy at Meta Realty, for finding him his new house. Meta Realty: Where you are, and where you’re going!

*I must remember to post that essay explaining why Spinner’s End is actually located in Bayonne, New Jersey, off exit 14A on the Turnpike.

*Aww. I love the fox. In my head he’s the descendent of Tolkien’s fox who sniffed at the hobbits. Industry has made him sickly and reduced to nosing at fish & chip wrappers.

*Bellatrix makes a louder pop—that’s bad, right? Like her craziness makes it harder to Apparate, or she’s just upset.

*Cissy—how much do I love that Narcissa is called Cissy. I wonder if when she calls her Narcissa she’s trying to be nice.

*Bellatrix is horrified that Snape lives in a Muggle dunghill. Actually, Bella, Bayonne homes are among the best urban housing stock in the state, with residents actively maintaining and improving their homes and property. The city is set to begin a new era of economic development with new technology, new shopping malls and a civilianized ocean terminal.

*Also, since wizards have only ever managed to produce one village in all of England you can step off, bitch or we’ll turn off all the streetlamps and you can stumble around in total darkness.

*See the towering Dickensian Mill Chimney! Narcissa knocks aside two flower sellers and a chimney sweep in her mad dash to get to Snape.

*Hee! I love the idea of Snape opening the door a little and peeking out. Is it the pizza he ordered, or something more sinister?

*Does anyone else imagine when Snape and Bellatrix greet each other (“Snape.” “Bellatrix.”) they sound like Jerry and Newman on Seinfeld? Helloooo Snape.

*We’re told the place looks like a padded cell, but it seems quite cozy, though apparently without any modern conveniences. (Perhaps Snape literally lives in the 19th century?)

*On November 13th Peter Pettigrew was asked to remove himself from his place of residence. That request came from his Dark Lord…. Can two Death Eating men share a house without driving each other crazy? Doo doot doo doot do dooooooo doot doo doo doot doo doo dooooo

*We will now pause while I hum the entire Odd Couple theme to myself and imagine Snape and Peter acting out the opening credits.

*Sometimes you totally have to remind yourself that Peter was supposed to be the Gryffindor’s friend and not just another Slytherin.

*Elf-made wine. Now I’m seeing Dobby and Kreacher wrestling in a vat of grapes. Ew.

*Snape pours out three glasses of blood red wine. I’m just going to say it: Slytherins have style. No matter what they’re doing, they’ve always got an eye towards the aesthetic. Snape’s sallow-skinned greasy-haired look is daring, but it’s intentional.

*Death Eater Snape is amused and cool. Much cooler than Sirius was, much cooler than James would be had he lived—and I like James and Sirius.

*Snape might as well turn to the camera at this point and say, “I’m sure you in the audience have all been wondering about exactly what I’m supposed to be doing here. With the help of my friend Bellatrix, I will now give you a quick overview of Severus Snape and the Philosopher’s Chamber of Secrets Stone of Azkaban’s Goblet of Fire, featuring the Order of the Phoenix."

*I love Snape’s line about Bella’s Azkaban gesture. You know he’s thought it to himself about every stupid Gryffindor stunt since the beginning of time. Yes, your death was wonderfully dramatic. Now I’ll go back to trying to do some actual practical good, shall I?

*What useful information has Snape passed, Bella wants to know. As this information doesn’t really exist, it will just have to remain vague and important sounding, just like all the stuff Snape does for the Order, and all the stuff the Order does when they’re not guarding Harry.

*I love Narcissa sticking up for Lucius. Oh Narcissa, if you only knew what an idiot your sister was at the MoM…

*Which reminds me, what happened to that Bellatrix? She’s surprisingly lucid in this chapter. Did she forget to take her medication before going to the MoM?

*Snape mentions Dumbledore “noticing” if he’d joined forces with the DEs against the Order of the Phoenix. Seems the same could be said on the Tower, where many people think Snape should have gone Matrix on all the bad guys at once while also curing Dumbledore of the poison.

*Speaking of dangers, you were facing six teenagers, were you not? Ooh, burn!

*Yes Snape, Harry Potter. You could have killed him at any point in the past five years. You have not done it. Why? And after that, why didn’t the Fellowship just get the eagles to fly the ring to Mount Doom and drop it into the Volcano. Hmmmm?

*I’d love to know the Dark Wizard Harry stories. I’m surprised they haven’t just gotten stronger over the years as the kid’s temper revealed itself.

*Just for the record, to me it seems like Snape’s clearly avoiding all the important truths that we know. Not seeing ESE!Snape here.

*Snape turns to Narcissa—finally, we can go on with the story we’re actually in. We’ve already had TWO recaps of the previous books from different points of view.

*This is what bugs me about the “Snape doesn’t know what Draco’s task is, he takes the vow to trick the information out of Narcissa.” She’s about to tell it to him and he stops her. He doesn’t have to trick it out of her. And btw, he doesn’t trick it out of her because once she thinks he knows the task she never mentions it.

*So, to tally up the water imagery so far, we’ve got the dirty river you can smell at Snape’s house, Narcissa looking like a drowned person and now Snape’s words making her react as if she’s been doused in cold water. Also she’s got tears sliding down her face. Oh, and they’re drinking wine that looks like blood. If Gryffindors were half as enamored with their element as Slytherins are they’d all have spontaneously combusted by now.

*Bella is so 8 years old. I guess it’s not that surprising she can be beat by teenagers. You know about the plan? You? Nyuh-uh!

*I love how Bella couldn’t care less if Narcissa’s son dies. She’ll get her a puppy. Cheer her right up.

*Awww. When Narcissa says Snape’s always been Draco’s favorite teacher I can’t help but think of CoS!Draco—Why don’t you apply for headmaster sir? You’d be the best! And Snape not being able to hide a smile.

*Gasp! It doesn’t matter to the Dark Lord whether Draco is killed! Honestly, what kind of people are they letting become Dark Lords nowadays if they don’t care about the Draco Malfoys of the world?

*Bellatrix offers up her nonexistent sons to the Dark Lord’s service. It’s very touching.

*More wine, more tears, both spilling on Narcissa.

*Okay, I’ve been reading lots of stuff about Snape being trapped into the bond by Bellatrix. Coming to the close of the chapter I’m seeing Snape completely in control where Bellatrix is concerned. No way he agreed to a vow to get her off his back.

*It also seems like Snape knew what was coming with that third vow, and was already prepared to take care of that twitch.

*Also, I knew what Draco’s task was the first time reading this scene. Didn’t seem like there could be anything it could be besides kill Dumbledore.



Cricket Rule
Day-for-Night
This scenes cry out for this stuff, even in a city.

Hero’s Death Battle Exemption
A lot of Snape’s exposition about his plans could boil down to this one. Harry’s not dead because of the Hero’s Death Battle Exemption.

Idiot World
Now that we’ve seen Voldemort’s biggest supporter, is there any doubt this is an idiot world? When they talk about the DEs it sounds like they’re talking about the bunch of people they used to share a cabin with in the mountains or something. Therefore…

Informed Attributes
We’ll just have to take the book’s word for it that they’re scary.

James Bond Exposition Rule
Oh man, now we have to hear the exposition before he’ll even start the plan, much less finish it! I’m giving a pass on the Plot Hole one since we haven’t really seen the end of things yet.

Misdirected Answering
I don’t know about anyone else, but I kind of got the whole “Snape returned to Voldemort a little late” thing at the end of GoF when he made his dramatic exit. There are a lot of things I’d really rather know in this story other than that.

Nut O’ Fun
Confession: I spent most of the time Snape was telling his story of the past five years checking out the bookcases. Big Anne Rice fan, is Snape.

Final score: 8

Water level: Tears, a river, drowned people, cold water, spilled wine that looks like blood.

Comments

[shadefell.livejournal.com]

Thanks for pointing out the water imagery. That's really cool. I hadn't noticed it. Actually, all of this is good.

I love slick, cool, and collected Snape so much. Seriously. He's portrayed as kind of a greasy bungler so often, it's nice to see him in his own element.

[anehan]

I snickered practically all the way through this chapter. I just couldn't get past the fact that suave!Snape had become canon. Up to that moment I had considered him part of certain type of Hermione/Snape fanfiction.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

"Oh, Wormtail!" *clap clap* "Bring me some wine from my extensive cellar collection. The 1888 Pixie Burgandy with the delicate bouquet."

[anehan]

There was the one fic in which Snape had a wine estate in France. I rather liked it.

[lynkemma.livejournal.com]

Yes, your death was wonderfully dramatic. Now I’ll go back to trying to do some actual practical good, shall I?

So, so true. Is it just be, or are Gryffindors generally useless?

I’d love to know the Dark Wizard Harry stories. I’m surprised they haven’t just gotten stronger over the years as the kid’s temper revealed itself.

Potential Dark Lords aren't supposed to whine quite so much, I think.

If Gryffindors were half as enamored with their element as Slytherins are they’d all have spontaneously combusted by now.

But they do! At regular intervals!

[q-spade.livejournal.com]

I must remember to post that essay explaining why Spinner’s End is actually located in Bayonne, New Jersey, off exit 14A on the Turnpike.

HEE!!!! :D

Only a New Yorker would write an essay like that. (And of course this New Yorker wants to read it!)

[j-lunatic.livejournal.com]

*I’d love to know the Dark Wizard Harry stories. I’m surprised they haven’t just gotten stronger over the years as the kid’s temper revealed itself.

Seconded. Supposedly OotP was to contain a bit between Draco and Theo Nott about the versions of the Harry Potter story to be heard in DE households, but this was cut due to length. I challenge you to find me a reader who wouldn't have happily sacrificed the Grawp storyline to make room for this.

[anime-babble.livejournal.com]

So glad you are doing HBP, and cross-posting them to this comm, since I'm not a member of snarkery and wouldn't know you were doing these otherwise!

I have nothing intelligent to add at the moment, except even in HBP's suckage (suckery?), I still <3 Snape.

And you owe me a keyboard for the Dobby, Kretcher "vat of grapes" comment. XD

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

Goodness, JKR's writing's never particularly accomplished, but I think it stands out here as particular off. Peter says something in a 'squeaky' voice, then 'squeaked', Snape's described as having a tone of voice that implies he doubts Bella when his words should be evidence enough of this...

Anyway...Bella for Gryffindor! She outright announces her distrust rather than conceal it, she's got a temper, her Apparation is louder and more attention-grabbing (what do you want to bet that Harry can do his with gold sparks and streamers flying?) she detests cowardice: even going so far as to criticize Snape for 'slithering' - dude, that's your house!; the Azkaban 'dramatic gesture'; plus her's and the rest of the DE's relationship to Voldie reminds me of the Orders and Dumbledore: the word of the leader as to who is trustworthy is viewed as something that should be unquestionable, and the leader is under no obligation to share any information about potential spies with those risking their lives for him.

I also found it nice that in yet another example of the baddies apparently showing more potential for love than the baddies, Bellatrix assumes that Narcissa wouldn't harm her own family physically. Tell that to the Weasleys.

And two interesting bits are Wormtail (I really liked him here, btw.)'s having 'taken to listening at doors' (wonder if anything he's heard will come up in the last book? And I never predict things, so it'd better.) and Snape referring to himself indirectly as '(Dumbledore's) man'.

Plus my favourite part of all:

'Of course, it became apparent to me very quickly that he had no extraordinary talent at all. He has fought his way out of a number of tight corners by a simple combination of sheer luck and more talented friends. He is mediocre to the last degree, though as obnoxious and self-satisfied as was his father before him.'

We’re told the place looks like a padded cell

Crazy!Snape? Probably not, but it's a neat idea.

I love Narcissa sticking up for Lucius.

Yes, and it reinforces how emotionally retarded Bella is. She might be married herself (where is Rodulphus anyway, and why did JKR write him at all?) but she's still in the 'Immediate Family and Siblings are priority one' mindset of a kid, whereas Narcissa's family is now her husband and son rather than her sister.

I’m surprised they haven’t just gotten stronger over the years as the kid’s temper revealed itself.

I hear that.

We’ve already had TWO recaps of the previous books from different points of view.

Still, we've managed to put off returning to Harry's POV for one more week...

I love how Bella couldn’t care less if Narcissa’s son dies.

I suppose to say the least for her, she probably hardly knows her nephew, if she's been imprisoned all his life.

Awww. When Narcissa says Snape’s always been Draco’s favorite teacher

I know! ♥

Bellatrix offers up her nonexistent sons to the Dark Lord’s service.

I swear there've been essays on Bellatrix's evil as relates to her childlessness. I should get around to reading them. I think zerl did a great one? http://zerl.livejournal.com/22547.html

Honestly, what kind of people are they letting become Dark Lords nowadays if they don’t care about the Draco Malfoys of the world?

Exactly! Oh, wait, that was sarcasm, wasn't it? *embarrassed*

[(Anonymous)]

Bella for Gryffindor!

Hee. My sentiments exactly. There's no rule that says Slytherins can't be dumb as a box of rocks and subtle as a brickbat to the head, but I think they'd be less gung-ho about it. Plus, her tendency to cut off her nose to spite her face reminds me of St Harry the Martyr getting detention with Umbridge, convinced that he was taking a firm stand against his evil teacher by doing precisely what she wanted.

"mediocre to the last degree, though as obnoxious and self-satisfied as was his father before him"

This is why Snape doesn't really need to reevaluate his view of Harry. Sure, he only sees Harry's negative qualities, but he's got those pretty well pinned. Particularly I think he'd have sussed it if Harry is potentially powerful. So, either he's spouting the official party line or Harry really is "mediocre" as to talent.

it reinforces how emotionally retarded Bella is

Yup. One of several reasons why the Skilled!Domme!Bella of fanon, who gets almost as much action as Snape the Slytherin Sex God, seems less than plausible to me.

-L

[violaswamp.livejournal.com]

This one too! *chants* Write it, write it...

[anehan]

The Finnish translation of HBP was published a week ago. My mother told me my 12-year-old sister, an avid fan of HP and generally a lover of books, has been pretty meh about reading it. She had commented that the quality of the writing deteriorates the further the series progresses (except that she probably didn't use quite those words). Apparently, in her opinion, HBP is boring.

Goes to show.

[anehan]

She might be married herself (where is Rodulphus anyway, and why did JKR write him at all?

So that we could have the OMG SO TRAUMATIC discovery that Bella is related to Sirius no earlier than in OotP. Yeah.

[violaswamp.livejournal.com]

*Many people think Spinner’s End is Snape’s childhood home. In fact he only recently moved to Spinner’s End from his old place at Red Herring Antagonist Curve. Snape would like to thank Kathy at Meta Realty, for finding him his new house. Meta Realty: Where you are, and where you’re going!

Hee! Snape's just slumming it in Spinner's End because he doesn't want the DEs to know about the ancestral and glorious Snape Manor. Or Prince Manor. Whatever, you know?

On November 13th Peter Pettigrew was asked to remove himself from his place of residence. That request came from his Dark Lord….can two Death Eating men share a house without driving each other crazy?

There needs to be a Sevvie and Wormtail reality show, there really does. Actually the impression I get from their situation is a very prison-cell type of vibe, like they're cellmates and Wormtail's the "wife." Is somebody writing Snape/Pettigrew slash?

*Sometimes you totally have to remind yourself that Peter was supposed to be the Gryffindor’s friend and not just another Slytherin.

You have to wonder how dumb MPP were to not notice the big flashing neon sign on Peter's head that said "TRAITOROUS SCUM OVER HERE! I'M GOING TO BETRAY YOU!" To be fair, it can be easy to confuse servility with loyalty, particularly if you've got a big ego like James, but even so.

Snape pours out three glasses of blood red wine. I’m just going to say it: Slytherins have style. No matter what they’re doing, they’ve always got an eye towards the aesthetic. Snape’s sallow-skinned greasy-haired look is daring, but it’s intentional.

Yeah, it's interesting how JKR is so surprised at people liking Snape when she does so much to encourage this liking. Unintentionally, but she does. How can you NOT like a guy with such good taste?

I love Snape’s line about Bella’s Azkaban gesture. You know he’s thought it to himself about every stupid Gryffindor stunt since the beginning of time. Yes, your death was wonderfully dramatic. Now I’ll go back to trying to do some actual practical good, shall I?

It seems like there are so few in the wizarding world who take this view of things. Everyone, even Voldemort, seems to believe in grand gestures and symbols and theatrics over practicality. It's a wonder they haven't disappeared thanks to natural selection.

Which reminds me, what happened to that Bellatrix? She’s surprisingly lucid in this chapter. Did she forget to take her medication before going to the MoM?

Her insanity, like so many other things in HP, comes and goes according to what's needed for the plot.

Yes Snape, Harry Potter. You could have killed him at any point in the past five years. You have not done it. Why? And after that, why didn’t the Fellowship just get the eagles to fly the ring to Mount Doom and drop it into the Volcano. Hmmmm?

LOL!!!! (My theory about the Eagles was that THEY would have taken the Ring and Gandalf knew it).

I’d love to know the Dark Wizard Harry stories. I’m surprised they haven’t just gotten stronger over the years as the kid’s temper revealed itself.

Harry would make a hell of a Dark Lord. Actually, wait, he'd have to fight Hermione for the privilege. Harry's more powerful but Hermione's more ruthless. Tough call. Hopefully Ron will move to Tahiti before this happens.

I love how Bella couldn’t care less if Narcissa’s son dies. She’ll get her a puppy. Cheer her right up.

*nods* A golden retriever puppy.

Awww. When Narcissa says Snape’s always been Draco’s favorite teacher I can’t help but think of CoS!Draco—Why don’t you apply for headmaster sir? You’d be the best! And Snape not being able to hide a smile.

I think both Draco's comment and the smile were utterly sincere. Which is so CUTE. Why do the bad guys do genuine liking of each other better than the good guys? I'm convinced that Hermione, for instance, is only valued by the boys because she does their homework for them.

[anehan]

St Harry the Martyr getting detention with Umbridge, convinced that he was taking a firm stand against his evil teacher by doing precisely what she wanted.

I'm endlessly baffled by people who choose this as an example of Harry choosing what's right over what's easy (to paraphrase DD). I mean, sure, it might have been the right thing to do (although it certainly wasn't prudent), but as for it not being easy? Puh-leeze. What difficulties does Harry have of saying the first thing that pops into his mind? None, that's what. It's what he wants to do--it's practically his modus operandi. Now, if he'd manage for once to keep his temper in check...

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

That's always the problem I have with that line in the series. It really does seem like we're not supposed to notice that the Gryffindors are always doing just what comes naturally to them, not what's "right."

[galaxianomiko.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to see there are other people who don't think that this chapter is the most beautiful thing ever. There were some...wonky character things going on in that scene (and some long-windedness, but that's par for the course now with Rowling).

*winces at the use of 'Cissy'*

[gillieweed.livejournal.com]

Best. Post. Evar.
It's going to take me days to stop laughing enough to respond to this!

[t0ra-chan.livejournal.com]

I suspect that's true, but it seems rather unnecessary. I mean, none of my cousins has the same last as I and not one of them is married.

[courtaud.livejournal.com]

*Aww. I love the fox. In my head he’s the descendent of Tolkien’s fox who sniffed at the hobbits. Industry has made him sickly and reduced to nosing at fish & chip wrappers.

And further evidence that hate is not required to cast an Avada Kedavra. In the MOM Bellatrix was mad as an hatter but still able to deceive Harry.

*Snape pours out three glasses of blood red wine. I’m just going to say it: Slytherins have style. No matter what they’re doing, they’ve always got an eye towards the aesthetic. Snape’s sallow-skinned greasy-haired look is daring, but it’s intentional.</>

I got the impression that he was trying too hard to be suave. He is the kind of man who spit on the ground when he is angry, after all. Re. the greasy hair: in this chapter it is not greasy. The grease is in the eye of the beholder, maybe?

*Which reminds me, what happened to that Bellatrix? She’s surprisingly lucid in this chapter. Did she forget to take her medication before going to the MoM?
She was just out of Azkaban. Sirius was not better off.

*Speaking of dangers, you were facing six teenagers, were you not? Ooh, burn!
Six _armed_ teenagers can be quite dangerous. One of them was casting Unforgivables.

*Bellatrix offers up her nonexistent sons to the Dark Lord’s service. It’s very touching.
On the other hand, she does not offer up her very existent sister, who is betraying the Dark Lord asking for Snape help.

*Okay, I’ve been reading lots of stuff about Snape being trapped into the bond by Bellatrix. Coming to the close of the chapter I’m seeing Snape completely in control where Bellatrix is concerned. No way he agreed to a vow to get her off his back.
Snape being trapped by _Bella_? It seems to me that he was trapped by Narcissa, if ever.

Big Anne Rice fan, is Snape.
Nah. He sniggers on every single page. I hope.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

But they do! At regular intervals!

Good point! I'm also thinking of that poor salamander and the firecrackers. They love their element violently!

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, I know about that scene. I think she tried to put it in twice, once in CoS and once in GoF. Instead we get Grawp. It's just so unfair.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Glad you're enjoying it! Snape just makes everything better. He's always so annoyed at having to appear in any chapter you've got someone with whom you can identify!

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Heh--yeah. HBP is especially hard since the story is literally going on where we can't see it. We're stuck with the Gryffindor's petty love squabbles.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

And further evidence that hate is not required to cast an Avada Kedavra. In the MOM Bellatrix was mad as an hatter but still able to deceive Harry.

Yeah, it seems like maybe you need this kind of thing to get it the first time, but after that it's natural.

Nah. He sniggers on every single page. I hope.

I can see him getting every one of her books just to point out to himself how dreadful they are and annoy himself with it.