PoA Chapter Five

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Harry’s woken the next morning by Tom and a cup of tea. Harry really does get to live the life of a Victorian gentleman, doesn’t he? What innkeeper in the Muggle world wakes customers with a cup of tea?

Percy’s still with Penelope here. Are we supposed to assume they got married and had boring babies in the epilogue?

Mrs. Weasley is telling Hermione and Ginny about a love potion she made when she was younger and they’re all very giggly. Because there’s never anything for girls to talk about with each other ever besides guys.

And by “talking about guys” I of course mean plotting and scheming for how to catch them, because that’s how true love works. Girls just have to wait around for a chance to conk a clueless male of the species on the head and drag him off to her cave by his hair. Where he’ll be in charge after that.

This year we’ll all be chauffeured to school by a guy in green velvet. Yup, you won’t find service like this in the Muggle world.

To Ron’s disgust, Percy gets into the car with the Trio. Wow, the Percy hate in this chapter is strong. As far as I can tell the only reason for it is to set up Percy being a terrible bad guy for two books, but all he’s done so far is be stiff. Oh, and accuse Ron of intentionally sabotaging his stuff. Can’t imagine where he’d get the idea that his brothers would ever sabotage his stuff, can you?

The ride is uneventful, but Harry makes sure to notice that the old-fashioned Ministry cars are better than Uncle Vernon’s company car. Muggles suck so bad.

The Wizard car is like the Firebolt to Vernon’s Nimbus 2001.

The chauffeurs touch their hats in salute to Mr. Weasley before leaving. Somebody could do a really interesting paper on the Weasleys, class and money.

Ginny catches Harry’s eye and they both laugh at Percy’s showing off for his girlfriend. It seems like Ginny’s just showing her personality to be basically good natured and finding amusement in her funny family. Looking back perhaps this is a sign of Ginny’s awesome true personality that entirely consists of mocking others. SOULMATES!

Let’s take a moment to reflect on our two central canon couples. One demonstrates true love by the way they act like they can’t stand each other, the other bonds over how superior they are to everyone else. That’s how we know which ones are the sidekicks. The one couple insults each other; the other insults everyone else.

Mrs. Weasley kisses everyone and gives Harry and extra long hug. Which makes Harry embarrassed but pleased. I’m sure I found that sweet for Harry the first time I read this.

Harry says he’s not scared of Sirius since he couldn’t be any worse than Voldemort. Actually Harry, almost anyone would be worse than Voldemort as Voldemort’s an idiot.

Heh. Wouldn’t it be great to see Harry wind up in the Muggle world in trouble? Like, facing some low-level thug from The Sopranos or The Wire or the bad guy from any episode of White Collar or Leverage or even Law & Order. He’d be all, “Well, I know I can handle myself. They can’t be worse than Voldemort.” And then he’d be robbed, framed for murder or dead.

Before putting Harry on the train Arthur is sure to plant the idea in his head that maybe he ought to be looking for Sirius. He is a Gryffindor, after all.

That Arthur knows Harry has a reason to want Sirius dead just makes me wonder once again why that story wouldn’t be all over the papers.

It’s another example of how somehow a society that’s exceptionally small and intimate manages to be exceptionally unacquainted.

Ginny again shows a personality in telling Ron, “Oh, that’s nice!” at being told to go away. The personality I liked, I mean. Not the one from later books.

Neither Harry nor Hermione are apologetic about Ron’s very rude dismissal of his sister. Maybe if you all had treated the first Ginny nicer we wouldn’t have been subjected to the improved version!

The kids find Lupin sleeping in the compartment, looking worn and grey. Let’s not wake him up right away. Let us enjoy him while he’s still a cool character!

Okay, so why does the guy have a battered case that has his name on it, calling himself a professor, exactly? It seems obvious JKR’s setting him up to be the excellent teacher stereotype, only it doesn’t actually seem like Lupin’s a teacher except for this year.

Azkaban is also a much cooler place in this chapter than it ever is again.

Hermione reminds us the Muggles are out looking for Black too. They’d probably catch him a lot more quickly than Wizards with the right information.

Ron apologizes for his cheap Sneakoscope, which went wild as he was tying it to Errol’s leg. Because Scabbers was there. Get it? Only they chalk it up to Ron using Errol when he wasn’t supposed to. So basically the Sneakoscope is another one of those objects that seems useful but is actually completely useless, like the Weasley’s clock.

Hogsmeade is the only entirely non-Muggle settlement in Britain. Because Muggles are awesome!

And to prove my point, the best thing in Hogsmeade is a candy shop. Look, I love candy as much as the next person, but there’s plenty of them all over the Muggle world. Maybe they don’t carry candy that physically injures you, but I consider that a plus.

Also, Ron, you’re 13.

The Shrieking Shack is the most “severely” haunted building in Britain. I like that it’s not really that it’s the best haunting, it’s just the most severe since yelling comes from it.

Harry and Draco have been enemies since they met on the train to Hogwarts. Um, they met before that. But I guess Draco didn’t know they were enemies until the train.

Crabbe and Goyle seem to exist to do Draco’s bidding. Unlike, say, Hermione and Ron who exist to do Harry’s thinking and laundry and make Harry look good by comparison, respectively. They don’t have to do Harry’s bidding, they just get yelled at and shamed if they don’t.

Not quite sure what the point of Draco’s entrance was there, except to introduce him to the story, I guess. The scene just made everyone look a bit silly, really.

The train stops to let on Dementors, and the rest of the cast conveniently stumbles into the car. Now we’ve re-met everyone, can we get on with the story, please?

Harry faints at the sight of the Dementor, which he’ll pretend is embarrassing but really just shows he’s suffered more than anyone because his parents died heroically protecting him. Even if he has no way of remembering that whatsoever. Harry’s like Batman, in a way.

Ginny was shaking like mad because she, too, has met Voldemort. SOULMATES!

They have no chance to speak to Hagrid. So we dodge that bullet, at least.

McGonagall calls Hermione and Harry as soon as they get in. Harry’s not happy, as McGonagall always makes him feel like he’s done something wrong. Unless he’s just thrown a torture curse, in which case she makes him feel gallant!

Apparently Lupin’s carrying around chocolate for Dementors is early proof of what a great teacher he is.

Hermione leaves her meeting with McGonagall looking quite happy. Like, “given power over time itself” happy.

Luckily the meeting means they miss the Sorting. I sort of love the way JKR sets up all these things and then has to spend the rest of the series trying to find ways around having to write them again and again.

Okay, I spoke too soon about re-meeting everyone. One more person to meet. Dumbledore. Are we all here? Can we get on with it now?

Dumbledore is often described as the greatest wizard of the age, but that’s not why Harry respects him. He respects him because you can’t help but trust him. Yes, you just can’t help but trust him even when he’s dead and even though his plans are completely stupid and nonsensical and by all rights should have gotten you all killed.

Seriously, Harry, that’s not a good reason to respect someone. That just means they’re good at manipulating people.

The candlelight shimmers on Dumbledore’s beard. Ew. That makes it sound like his beard’s greasy or sticky or something. Beards should not shimmer ever.

Damn. One more person. Snape. Snape’s here too, looking less shabby than Lupin. Now we’re all here.

Next to him we meet our new teacher, Hagrid. And he’s already crying and wiping his eyes on the table. I hate this guy.

The Trio knows how much being made a teacher would mean to Hagrid, what with him not really doing anything to qualify for such a job besides being a friend of Dumbledore’s and never indicating any talent or desire for the job. Yup, this appointment is a real triumph for…trusting Dumbledore.

Harry feels he’s home at last, in the dorm. And it only took him 60 pages to get there. Compared to the books that are to follow, that’s pretty speedy.

I have to say after these chapters, nobody in this book seems 13.

Things happening twice:
Harry and Draco becoming enemies on the train to Hogwarts—just like James and Snape.
First use of a Patronus so we see it before Harry uses it. Though we don’t actually ever see what Lupin’s Patronus is.
I believe one of the first mentions of love potions.
Grrr! Percy is already so awful he's clearly evil! Clearly! Evil!
Harry and Ginny bonding over other peoples’ flaws: SOULMATES!
Remember how Vernon got a company car earlier? Now Arthur’s got a better one!
Again the Sneakoscope goes off, making for the third time we’ve heard of it.


It’s a gun. No it isn’t! It’s Chekov! No it isn’t!

Percy totally seems like a bad guy, doesn’t he? Look at how all the good people dislike him.
Status: Fired, I guess. Percy’s got to be some sort of lesson in not being completely loyal to Harry or something. Or maybe he was just supposed to be some genuine family drama, even if he really wasn’t.

What’s that thing that came out of Lupin’s wand?
Status: Fired. That’d be the main spell we’ll be learning in this book.




Designated Hero
Dumbledore’s set up as this awesome headmaster here, but he’s really already just showing favoritism.

Misdirected Answering
Funny how when Harry tells his friends that Arthur told him not to go looking for Black none of them, including Thinking-Brain-Dog Hermione, wondered what Black obviously has or had done to make Harry go looking for him.

Don’t worry, if Lupin wakes up and he’s hungry he can go to the front of the train to get food from the trolley lady. Phew! Glad that’s cleared up, it was really distracting.

Nut o’ Fun
What’s with that briefcase, Lupin? It’s not like you’ve been teaching long enough to have a battered case. In fact, why do you have any case at all?

Jabootu Score: 4

Comments

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

Are we supposed to assume they got married and had boring babies in the epilogue?

As if JKR hasn't answered that! She might have never really gotten around to how the wizarding world worked or what happened to those unimportant other countries and species outside British wizards, or how Harry turned the imperfect WW into a shiny happy land of gumdrops; but let it never be said she hasn't figured out exactly who married who! Which everyone did. Being single or gay is only for evil people, and obviously Harry got rid of all the evil when he became an Auror.
Iirc, he married someone else. Really, he and Penelope were always doomed - an intra-house romance, and not even with a worshipful Hufflepuff!

Ginny was shaking like mad because she, too, has met Voldemort. SOULMATES!

While Draco's similiarly OTT reaction is just a sign he's a coward! (Or JKR's pushing for OT3!)

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Wow, Percy wasn't with Penelope? I'm surprised! But I guess I shouldn't be. Percy was just evil enough to not find his true love before leaving school.

But you know you don't have to be gay or evil to not be married! You can also just be distracted by some other interest like dragons or rebelling. We have to have some excuses for the single Gryffindors.

Heh. Yup, Draco's just a big coward. It's not like he's got anything to be nobly scared of, after all.

[go-back-chief.livejournal.com]

Percy was just evil enough to not find his true love before leaving school.

Evil or not, everyone needs one boyfriend or girlfriend for practice before they settle down with their one true love. Otherwise they'll be unworthy.

[oryx_leucoryx]

Where does that leave Arthur and Molly? And who was Neville's 'practice' girlfriend? His one time date with Ginny to the Yule Ball?

[lynn-waterfall.livejournal.com]

Also, where does that leave Severus?

I mean, he didn't end up with Lily, so in that sense he doesn't break the pattern. But the general idea is that you have one girlfriend/boyfriend/person you're attracted to before you find your true love, so it isn't entirely in keeping with the pattern.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Well, Snape was obviously pretty socially inept and some find him even stalker-ish. Unlike Ginny, he didn't put his early love-at-first sight crush aside to play the field. He had a true love, but it was unrequited. Though JKR suggested that Lily could have loved him if...he'd been a different person. I mean, I assume what she meant by saying that Lily could have loved him was that we shouldn't assume that Snape being homely meant nothing to Lily and she could see past his outer ugliness. But as he was a DE, that's what blew it. (Though personally I don't see her being attracted to him outside of that--I mean, James was no Death Eater but she was able to find him physically attractive while also seeing him as a jerk.)

[lynn-waterfall.livejournal.com]

(nod)

Mostly I find it interesting that the text tends to describe his initial attraction to her as creepy and his later loyalty to her admirable, but this pattern we see would tend to suggest that the initial attraction is normal, but that he should've moved on.

To be honest, in the abstract I like the fact that people in these books don't necessarily end up with the first people they're attracted to. If done well, that could've provided a counterbalance to the fact that they generally end up with people they got together with in high school. The problem I see is more when they *do* end up with the first people they're attracted to, and in the meantime they have "practice" relationships, as go_back_chief put it.

[jodel-from-aol.livejournal.com]

Percy supposedly married someone named Audrey and had a couple of daughters.

I'm not that astoniched that he didn't end up with Penny. Quarreling with his father and supporting the Fudge->Scringeour Ministry wouldn't have put her off, but his sticking areound and supporting Thickness once Dolores had started the Muggle-born Registration Committee probably would.Even if he worked for the Minister directly.

[eir-de-scania.livejournal.com]

Our Jo is damned whatever she does. If she tell us who everybody ended up with part of the fandom screams she should shut up and leave that to her readers imagination. But if she hadn't told us, other parts of fandom had complained just as loudly.

And it doesn't matter if her characters end up with their Hogwarts sweethearts or marry someone else - There Will Be Complaints.

[jodel-from-aol.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah. This one is a no-win position. But surely in that case the criterion ought to be; "is it *relevant*?" I honestly cannot see how it is.

I mean, Draco is a prominent enough character that there would be some degree of curiosity as to who he married. Particularly since Rowling went out of our way to show that he had.

That Percy is even on the platform at all suggestes that he did, too. But I doubt that anyone really cares as to whom. (While she tells us that George did too, and had kids, I don't recall seeing him on the platform. So evidently his kids are too young for Hogwarts yet.)

[eir-de-scania.livejournal.com]

That Percy is even on the platform at all suggestes that he did, too. But I doubt that anyone really cares as to whom.

*** In this fandom? I bet there are fans out there worrying about the giant squid's lack of a mate.

[jodel-from-aol.livejournal.com]

Point taken.

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

LOL, I'm surprised she never crammed in some mention of Charlie's heterosexuality, like she did Sexy Sexy Sirius and his bikini babes. (Not to mention Lupin! He and Tonks' "plot" almost works better if you assume she just doesn't want her young, sexy characters who might actually consummate their naughty desires getting thought of in that way. The idea of it being planned is just too sad...)