PoA Chapter Five

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Harry’s woken the next morning by Tom and a cup of tea. Harry really does get to live the life of a Victorian gentleman, doesn’t he? What innkeeper in the Muggle world wakes customers with a cup of tea?

Percy’s still with Penelope here. Are we supposed to assume they got married and had boring babies in the epilogue?

Mrs. Weasley is telling Hermione and Ginny about a love potion she made when she was younger and they’re all very giggly. Because there’s never anything for girls to talk about with each other ever besides guys.

And by “talking about guys” I of course mean plotting and scheming for how to catch them, because that’s how true love works. Girls just have to wait around for a chance to conk a clueless male of the species on the head and drag him off to her cave by his hair. Where he’ll be in charge after that.

This year we’ll all be chauffeured to school by a guy in green velvet. Yup, you won’t find service like this in the Muggle world.

To Ron’s disgust, Percy gets into the car with the Trio. Wow, the Percy hate in this chapter is strong. As far as I can tell the only reason for it is to set up Percy being a terrible bad guy for two books, but all he’s done so far is be stiff. Oh, and accuse Ron of intentionally sabotaging his stuff. Can’t imagine where he’d get the idea that his brothers would ever sabotage his stuff, can you?

The ride is uneventful, but Harry makes sure to notice that the old-fashioned Ministry cars are better than Uncle Vernon’s company car. Muggles suck so bad.

The Wizard car is like the Firebolt to Vernon’s Nimbus 2001.

The chauffeurs touch their hats in salute to Mr. Weasley before leaving. Somebody could do a really interesting paper on the Weasleys, class and money.

Ginny catches Harry’s eye and they both laugh at Percy’s showing off for his girlfriend. It seems like Ginny’s just showing her personality to be basically good natured and finding amusement in her funny family. Looking back perhaps this is a sign of Ginny’s awesome true personality that entirely consists of mocking others. SOULMATES!

Let’s take a moment to reflect on our two central canon couples. One demonstrates true love by the way they act like they can’t stand each other, the other bonds over how superior they are to everyone else. That’s how we know which ones are the sidekicks. The one couple insults each other; the other insults everyone else.

Mrs. Weasley kisses everyone and gives Harry and extra long hug. Which makes Harry embarrassed but pleased. I’m sure I found that sweet for Harry the first time I read this.

Harry says he’s not scared of Sirius since he couldn’t be any worse than Voldemort. Actually Harry, almost anyone would be worse than Voldemort as Voldemort’s an idiot.

Heh. Wouldn’t it be great to see Harry wind up in the Muggle world in trouble? Like, facing some low-level thug from The Sopranos or The Wire or the bad guy from any episode of White Collar or Leverage or even Law & Order. He’d be all, “Well, I know I can handle myself. They can’t be worse than Voldemort.” And then he’d be robbed, framed for murder or dead.

Before putting Harry on the train Arthur is sure to plant the idea in his head that maybe he ought to be looking for Sirius. He is a Gryffindor, after all.

That Arthur knows Harry has a reason to want Sirius dead just makes me wonder once again why that story wouldn’t be all over the papers.

It’s another example of how somehow a society that’s exceptionally small and intimate manages to be exceptionally unacquainted.

Ginny again shows a personality in telling Ron, “Oh, that’s nice!” at being told to go away. The personality I liked, I mean. Not the one from later books.

Neither Harry nor Hermione are apologetic about Ron’s very rude dismissal of his sister. Maybe if you all had treated the first Ginny nicer we wouldn’t have been subjected to the improved version!

The kids find Lupin sleeping in the compartment, looking worn and grey. Let’s not wake him up right away. Let us enjoy him while he’s still a cool character!

Okay, so why does the guy have a battered case that has his name on it, calling himself a professor, exactly? It seems obvious JKR’s setting him up to be the excellent teacher stereotype, only it doesn’t actually seem like Lupin’s a teacher except for this year.

Azkaban is also a much cooler place in this chapter than it ever is again.

Hermione reminds us the Muggles are out looking for Black too. They’d probably catch him a lot more quickly than Wizards with the right information.

Ron apologizes for his cheap Sneakoscope, which went wild as he was tying it to Errol’s leg. Because Scabbers was there. Get it? Only they chalk it up to Ron using Errol when he wasn’t supposed to. So basically the Sneakoscope is another one of those objects that seems useful but is actually completely useless, like the Weasley’s clock.

Hogsmeade is the only entirely non-Muggle settlement in Britain. Because Muggles are awesome!

And to prove my point, the best thing in Hogsmeade is a candy shop. Look, I love candy as much as the next person, but there’s plenty of them all over the Muggle world. Maybe they don’t carry candy that physically injures you, but I consider that a plus.

Also, Ron, you’re 13.

The Shrieking Shack is the most “severely” haunted building in Britain. I like that it’s not really that it’s the best haunting, it’s just the most severe since yelling comes from it.

Harry and Draco have been enemies since they met on the train to Hogwarts. Um, they met before that. But I guess Draco didn’t know they were enemies until the train.

Crabbe and Goyle seem to exist to do Draco’s bidding. Unlike, say, Hermione and Ron who exist to do Harry’s thinking and laundry and make Harry look good by comparison, respectively. They don’t have to do Harry’s bidding, they just get yelled at and shamed if they don’t.

Not quite sure what the point of Draco’s entrance was there, except to introduce him to the story, I guess. The scene just made everyone look a bit silly, really.

The train stops to let on Dementors, and the rest of the cast conveniently stumbles into the car. Now we’ve re-met everyone, can we get on with the story, please?

Harry faints at the sight of the Dementor, which he’ll pretend is embarrassing but really just shows he’s suffered more than anyone because his parents died heroically protecting him. Even if he has no way of remembering that whatsoever. Harry’s like Batman, in a way.

Ginny was shaking like mad because she, too, has met Voldemort. SOULMATES!

They have no chance to speak to Hagrid. So we dodge that bullet, at least.

McGonagall calls Hermione and Harry as soon as they get in. Harry’s not happy, as McGonagall always makes him feel like he’s done something wrong. Unless he’s just thrown a torture curse, in which case she makes him feel gallant!

Apparently Lupin’s carrying around chocolate for Dementors is early proof of what a great teacher he is.

Hermione leaves her meeting with McGonagall looking quite happy. Like, “given power over time itself” happy.

Luckily the meeting means they miss the Sorting. I sort of love the way JKR sets up all these things and then has to spend the rest of the series trying to find ways around having to write them again and again.

Okay, I spoke too soon about re-meeting everyone. One more person to meet. Dumbledore. Are we all here? Can we get on with it now?

Dumbledore is often described as the greatest wizard of the age, but that’s not why Harry respects him. He respects him because you can’t help but trust him. Yes, you just can’t help but trust him even when he’s dead and even though his plans are completely stupid and nonsensical and by all rights should have gotten you all killed.

Seriously, Harry, that’s not a good reason to respect someone. That just means they’re good at manipulating people.

The candlelight shimmers on Dumbledore’s beard. Ew. That makes it sound like his beard’s greasy or sticky or something. Beards should not shimmer ever.

Damn. One more person. Snape. Snape’s here too, looking less shabby than Lupin. Now we’re all here.

Next to him we meet our new teacher, Hagrid. And he’s already crying and wiping his eyes on the table. I hate this guy.

The Trio knows how much being made a teacher would mean to Hagrid, what with him not really doing anything to qualify for such a job besides being a friend of Dumbledore’s and never indicating any talent or desire for the job. Yup, this appointment is a real triumph for…trusting Dumbledore.

Harry feels he’s home at last, in the dorm. And it only took him 60 pages to get there. Compared to the books that are to follow, that’s pretty speedy.

I have to say after these chapters, nobody in this book seems 13.

Things happening twice:
Harry and Draco becoming enemies on the train to Hogwarts—just like James and Snape.
First use of a Patronus so we see it before Harry uses it. Though we don’t actually ever see what Lupin’s Patronus is.
I believe one of the first mentions of love potions.
Grrr! Percy is already so awful he's clearly evil! Clearly! Evil!
Harry and Ginny bonding over other peoples’ flaws: SOULMATES!
Remember how Vernon got a company car earlier? Now Arthur’s got a better one!
Again the Sneakoscope goes off, making for the third time we’ve heard of it.


It’s a gun. No it isn’t! It’s Chekov! No it isn’t!

Percy totally seems like a bad guy, doesn’t he? Look at how all the good people dislike him.
Status: Fired, I guess. Percy’s got to be some sort of lesson in not being completely loyal to Harry or something. Or maybe he was just supposed to be some genuine family drama, even if he really wasn’t.

What’s that thing that came out of Lupin’s wand?
Status: Fired. That’d be the main spell we’ll be learning in this book.




Designated Hero
Dumbledore’s set up as this awesome headmaster here, but he’s really already just showing favoritism.

Misdirected Answering
Funny how when Harry tells his friends that Arthur told him not to go looking for Black none of them, including Thinking-Brain-Dog Hermione, wondered what Black obviously has or had done to make Harry go looking for him.

Don’t worry, if Lupin wakes up and he’s hungry he can go to the front of the train to get food from the trolley lady. Phew! Glad that’s cleared up, it was really distracting.

Nut o’ Fun
What’s with that briefcase, Lupin? It’s not like you’ve been teaching long enough to have a battered case. In fact, why do you have any case at all?

Jabootu Score: 4

Comments

[oryx_leucoryx]

If Draco was so concerned for his family's prestige why didn't he become star of the day by capturing Neville and the rest of the DA? He knew how they communicated, and at least at first he knew more about the ROR than Neville (he managed to block it to Dobby, that's an achievement!). Instead he took the risk that the Carrows won't put two and two together (hey, Draco brought us to the castle through the ROR, how come he can't tell us how to get to the kids there?). If word had got to Voldemort that Draco wasn't doing his best to stop the resistance the three Malfoys would have been in real trouble.

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

Was blocking the RoR to Dobby such an achievement? All you had to do was wish for a room of privacy, a junk room, whatever, "in privacy", and the room would give it to you, wouldn't it?

I'm tempted to say that Draco's not dobbing in the DA in the last book was just another example of Rowling's "please don't go there, please stay within the yellow lines, go only where I want you to go" plot holes.

[oryx_leucoryx]

Was blocking the RoR to Dobby such an achievement? All you had to do was wish for a room of privacy, a junk room, whatever, "in privacy", and the room would give it to you, wouldn't it?

Considering Dobby's track record of getting into places where he wasn't wanted or which should have been protected from him and house-elves talent of Apparating where none else can I consider it an achievement. Especially as such a big deal is made of wizards ignoring or not considering house-elves. So whatever privacy request Draco made to the room, he made sure to cover all forms of beings, not just wizards.

I'm tempted to say that Draco's not dobbing in the DA in the last book was just another example of Rowling's "please don't go there, please stay within the yellow lines, go only where I want you to go" plot holes.

I'm pretty sure a lot of fan characterization that leads to sympathetic views of characters Rowling doesn't like and unsympathetic views of characters she does like is the result of those countless plot-holes and stuff she didn't consider or didn't realize. But the fact is she has Draco making a point in HBP that he made use of the DA's method of communication to contact Rosmerta and despite that the DA in DH uses the very same method without getting caught. I'm not going to start from her conclusion - that Draco was an unworthy evil sleaze - and based on that discard part of what I know about him because it's a plot-hole and only base my opinion of him on that part of the story that supports Rowling's conclusions.

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

So whatever privacy request Draco made to the room, he made sure to cover all forms of beings, not just wizards.

I don't think that's that much of a terrifically huge 'achievement', but yes, Draco was clever there to cover all the bases.

(House elves are one of the gimmicks Rowling dreamed up to solve a couple of plot problems but never considered their full ramifications. They can beat up or kidnap wizards with ease, but no-one except Harry (or Riddle, in one case) ever thinks of using them for the war. They have awesome magical powers eclipsing those of wizards ... but came out fighting with pots and pans in the Hogwarts battle. But I think we've had a thread about the elves here on deathtocapslock recently ... or maybe it was on another thread I've been posting in.)

I've just checked and I see that the DA were using the same coins all throughout the seventh year, so you've convinced me on that point. Well, I still think it's just another one of those things that Rowling never thought about, but yes, if she was a competent author then Draco did hold off on informing on the DA's communication mechanism, and that adds to the overall 'Draco was less evil' :-) argument.

I'm pretty sure a lot of fan characterization that leads to sympathetic views of characters Rowling doesn't like and unsympathetic views of characters she does like is the result of those countless plot-holes and stuff she didn't consider or didn't realize. ... I'm not going to start from her conclusion - that Draco was an unworthy evil sleaze - and based on that discard part of what I know about him because it's a plot-hole and only base my opinion of him on that part of the story that supports Rowling's conclusions.

That's really interesting, what you said there, and had me thinking.

One of the biggest 'injustices' in the fandom's history, I think, is how many man years - man millennia! - were spent by fans in trying to deduce Rowling's plan, how she was going to stitch everything together, solve all the puzzles, answer all the questions, in those years waiting for the last book. Fans who turned out to be so much brighter than Rowling herself. Who never realised that, in the end, Rowling's 'plan' would be so riddled with holes and errors. It's a crying shame, really.

Reading what you've said there ... as an intellectual exercise I applaud what you're doing ... (and your knowledge of the canon continues to astound me) ... and certainly I deplore subjective reasoning which places the desired outcome ahead of the evidence ... but aren't you making exactly the same mistake as all of those other fandom pundits? Only this time around you KNOW that you're putting all this effort, all this brainpower, into something that is fatally flawed! That simply isn't deserving of your industry!

[jodel-from-aol.livejournal.com]

In this respect Rowling's work is a veritable Room of Hidden Things. There are all kinds of disregarded treasures in there. And any number of people can do -- and have done --things with the stuff she just bunged into the collection, and forgot about, that are real works of art.

We cannot help owing her for throwing together the collection and turning it loose on the world. Because none of the works of art that the fans have based on it would exist if she hadn't done it. But that doesn't make Rowling an artist. It doesn't even establish that she has outstanding taste. It just capitalizes on the fact that she is a packrat. (Or jackdaw.)

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

Nice comment.

I guess I find it difficult to detach from the fact that a large part of her fame and fortune is unearned. That she's received universal acclaim for being an 'artist', despite the fact that she couldn't finish what she started.

And when the big pile of poo is staring you right in the face, why bother looking for any little gems that might be buried within (by accident)?

Well, maybe I've supplied the answer - the value of the 'gem', your 'disregarded treasure', merits the exercise. But you still have to shoulder past the failure of the bigger picture to get to it.

If the machine doesn't fly - if the way that Harry gets over the finish line just doesn't work - who cares if there's a fascinating bit of mislaid luggage in the cargo hold? :-)

Still, I understand what you're doing. I get the same fun from pulling the canon apart.

We've all managed to find ways to get our money's worth out of the series, one way or another! :-)

[jodel-from-aol.livejournal.com]

>We've all managed to find ways to get our money's worth out of the series, one way or another! :-)<

Isn't that the fact! Rising on three years and we're still having fun ragging on the horrid thing. On top of something like 13 years of enjoyment, fanfic, and theory fodder.

[lynn-waterfall.livejournal.com]

I can't speak for anyone else, but I just enjoy the analysis as a puzzle to be worked out. The text doesn't "deserve" the time, but I don't really care. I just enjoy the process.

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

I've certainly massively enjoyed the process of analysing the canon too, even if I have the opposite aim of using the errors to pull it apart.

(I dare say this other approach, of taking what was given and then extrapolating, is a more difficult exercise.)