PoA Chapter Five

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Harry’s woken the next morning by Tom and a cup of tea. Harry really does get to live the life of a Victorian gentleman, doesn’t he? What innkeeper in the Muggle world wakes customers with a cup of tea?

Percy’s still with Penelope here. Are we supposed to assume they got married and had boring babies in the epilogue?

Mrs. Weasley is telling Hermione and Ginny about a love potion she made when she was younger and they’re all very giggly. Because there’s never anything for girls to talk about with each other ever besides guys.

And by “talking about guys” I of course mean plotting and scheming for how to catch them, because that’s how true love works. Girls just have to wait around for a chance to conk a clueless male of the species on the head and drag him off to her cave by his hair. Where he’ll be in charge after that.

This year we’ll all be chauffeured to school by a guy in green velvet. Yup, you won’t find service like this in the Muggle world.

To Ron’s disgust, Percy gets into the car with the Trio. Wow, the Percy hate in this chapter is strong. As far as I can tell the only reason for it is to set up Percy being a terrible bad guy for two books, but all he’s done so far is be stiff. Oh, and accuse Ron of intentionally sabotaging his stuff. Can’t imagine where he’d get the idea that his brothers would ever sabotage his stuff, can you?

The ride is uneventful, but Harry makes sure to notice that the old-fashioned Ministry cars are better than Uncle Vernon’s company car. Muggles suck so bad.

The Wizard car is like the Firebolt to Vernon’s Nimbus 2001.

The chauffeurs touch their hats in salute to Mr. Weasley before leaving. Somebody could do a really interesting paper on the Weasleys, class and money.

Ginny catches Harry’s eye and they both laugh at Percy’s showing off for his girlfriend. It seems like Ginny’s just showing her personality to be basically good natured and finding amusement in her funny family. Looking back perhaps this is a sign of Ginny’s awesome true personality that entirely consists of mocking others. SOULMATES!

Let’s take a moment to reflect on our two central canon couples. One demonstrates true love by the way they act like they can’t stand each other, the other bonds over how superior they are to everyone else. That’s how we know which ones are the sidekicks. The one couple insults each other; the other insults everyone else.

Mrs. Weasley kisses everyone and gives Harry and extra long hug. Which makes Harry embarrassed but pleased. I’m sure I found that sweet for Harry the first time I read this.

Harry says he’s not scared of Sirius since he couldn’t be any worse than Voldemort. Actually Harry, almost anyone would be worse than Voldemort as Voldemort’s an idiot.

Heh. Wouldn’t it be great to see Harry wind up in the Muggle world in trouble? Like, facing some low-level thug from The Sopranos or The Wire or the bad guy from any episode of White Collar or Leverage or even Law & Order. He’d be all, “Well, I know I can handle myself. They can’t be worse than Voldemort.” And then he’d be robbed, framed for murder or dead.

Before putting Harry on the train Arthur is sure to plant the idea in his head that maybe he ought to be looking for Sirius. He is a Gryffindor, after all.

That Arthur knows Harry has a reason to want Sirius dead just makes me wonder once again why that story wouldn’t be all over the papers.

It’s another example of how somehow a society that’s exceptionally small and intimate manages to be exceptionally unacquainted.

Ginny again shows a personality in telling Ron, “Oh, that’s nice!” at being told to go away. The personality I liked, I mean. Not the one from later books.

Neither Harry nor Hermione are apologetic about Ron’s very rude dismissal of his sister. Maybe if you all had treated the first Ginny nicer we wouldn’t have been subjected to the improved version!

The kids find Lupin sleeping in the compartment, looking worn and grey. Let’s not wake him up right away. Let us enjoy him while he’s still a cool character!

Okay, so why does the guy have a battered case that has his name on it, calling himself a professor, exactly? It seems obvious JKR’s setting him up to be the excellent teacher stereotype, only it doesn’t actually seem like Lupin’s a teacher except for this year.

Azkaban is also a much cooler place in this chapter than it ever is again.

Hermione reminds us the Muggles are out looking for Black too. They’d probably catch him a lot more quickly than Wizards with the right information.

Ron apologizes for his cheap Sneakoscope, which went wild as he was tying it to Errol’s leg. Because Scabbers was there. Get it? Only they chalk it up to Ron using Errol when he wasn’t supposed to. So basically the Sneakoscope is another one of those objects that seems useful but is actually completely useless, like the Weasley’s clock.

Hogsmeade is the only entirely non-Muggle settlement in Britain. Because Muggles are awesome!

And to prove my point, the best thing in Hogsmeade is a candy shop. Look, I love candy as much as the next person, but there’s plenty of them all over the Muggle world. Maybe they don’t carry candy that physically injures you, but I consider that a plus.

Also, Ron, you’re 13.

The Shrieking Shack is the most “severely” haunted building in Britain. I like that it’s not really that it’s the best haunting, it’s just the most severe since yelling comes from it.

Harry and Draco have been enemies since they met on the train to Hogwarts. Um, they met before that. But I guess Draco didn’t know they were enemies until the train.

Crabbe and Goyle seem to exist to do Draco’s bidding. Unlike, say, Hermione and Ron who exist to do Harry’s thinking and laundry and make Harry look good by comparison, respectively. They don’t have to do Harry’s bidding, they just get yelled at and shamed if they don’t.

Not quite sure what the point of Draco’s entrance was there, except to introduce him to the story, I guess. The scene just made everyone look a bit silly, really.

The train stops to let on Dementors, and the rest of the cast conveniently stumbles into the car. Now we’ve re-met everyone, can we get on with the story, please?

Harry faints at the sight of the Dementor, which he’ll pretend is embarrassing but really just shows he’s suffered more than anyone because his parents died heroically protecting him. Even if he has no way of remembering that whatsoever. Harry’s like Batman, in a way.

Ginny was shaking like mad because she, too, has met Voldemort. SOULMATES!

They have no chance to speak to Hagrid. So we dodge that bullet, at least.

McGonagall calls Hermione and Harry as soon as they get in. Harry’s not happy, as McGonagall always makes him feel like he’s done something wrong. Unless he’s just thrown a torture curse, in which case she makes him feel gallant!

Apparently Lupin’s carrying around chocolate for Dementors is early proof of what a great teacher he is.

Hermione leaves her meeting with McGonagall looking quite happy. Like, “given power over time itself” happy.

Luckily the meeting means they miss the Sorting. I sort of love the way JKR sets up all these things and then has to spend the rest of the series trying to find ways around having to write them again and again.

Okay, I spoke too soon about re-meeting everyone. One more person to meet. Dumbledore. Are we all here? Can we get on with it now?

Dumbledore is often described as the greatest wizard of the age, but that’s not why Harry respects him. He respects him because you can’t help but trust him. Yes, you just can’t help but trust him even when he’s dead and even though his plans are completely stupid and nonsensical and by all rights should have gotten you all killed.

Seriously, Harry, that’s not a good reason to respect someone. That just means they’re good at manipulating people.

The candlelight shimmers on Dumbledore’s beard. Ew. That makes it sound like his beard’s greasy or sticky or something. Beards should not shimmer ever.

Damn. One more person. Snape. Snape’s here too, looking less shabby than Lupin. Now we’re all here.

Next to him we meet our new teacher, Hagrid. And he’s already crying and wiping his eyes on the table. I hate this guy.

The Trio knows how much being made a teacher would mean to Hagrid, what with him not really doing anything to qualify for such a job besides being a friend of Dumbledore’s and never indicating any talent or desire for the job. Yup, this appointment is a real triumph for…trusting Dumbledore.

Harry feels he’s home at last, in the dorm. And it only took him 60 pages to get there. Compared to the books that are to follow, that’s pretty speedy.

I have to say after these chapters, nobody in this book seems 13.

Things happening twice:
Harry and Draco becoming enemies on the train to Hogwarts—just like James and Snape.
First use of a Patronus so we see it before Harry uses it. Though we don’t actually ever see what Lupin’s Patronus is.
I believe one of the first mentions of love potions.
Grrr! Percy is already so awful he's clearly evil! Clearly! Evil!
Harry and Ginny bonding over other peoples’ flaws: SOULMATES!
Remember how Vernon got a company car earlier? Now Arthur’s got a better one!
Again the Sneakoscope goes off, making for the third time we’ve heard of it.


It’s a gun. No it isn’t! It’s Chekov! No it isn’t!

Percy totally seems like a bad guy, doesn’t he? Look at how all the good people dislike him.
Status: Fired, I guess. Percy’s got to be some sort of lesson in not being completely loyal to Harry or something. Or maybe he was just supposed to be some genuine family drama, even if he really wasn’t.

What’s that thing that came out of Lupin’s wand?
Status: Fired. That’d be the main spell we’ll be learning in this book.




Designated Hero
Dumbledore’s set up as this awesome headmaster here, but he’s really already just showing favoritism.

Misdirected Answering
Funny how when Harry tells his friends that Arthur told him not to go looking for Black none of them, including Thinking-Brain-Dog Hermione, wondered what Black obviously has or had done to make Harry go looking for him.

Don’t worry, if Lupin wakes up and he’s hungry he can go to the front of the train to get food from the trolley lady. Phew! Glad that’s cleared up, it was really distracting.

Nut o’ Fun
What’s with that briefcase, Lupin? It’s not like you’ve been teaching long enough to have a battered case. In fact, why do you have any case at all?

Jabootu Score: 4

Comments

[seductivedark.livejournal.com]

Your organs, at least your brain, remain yours. So, maybe, if the body is healthier, less cholesterol or something that would otherwise tax your heart, it could work.

Unless there's a risk to taking Polyjuice habitually that we don't know about. I've thought for some time that being a werewolf subject to change once a month would overtax the body and lead to an earlier than normal death...

Speaking of which, what if you Polyjuiced into a werewolf on a full-moon night? If your brain remains your own, then how would this affect the changed body? And, can you imagine someone changing into someone, say Remus, as a prank and doing it on the full moon, and finding out that way he's a werewolf? Or would the change affect the Polyjuiced form?

[jodel-from-aol.livejournal.com]

One of the theories that I was throwing around in the interval between HBP and DHs was the possibility that Albus had borrowed a little time from himself on the night they raided the Cave.

That, back in the summer when Tom's curse got him, once he had recovered as much as he was going to, he cut a lock of hair and had been polyjuicing back into that state during all public appearances, so no one knew just how far he had deteriorated and how little time he had left. He may have managed to keep himself going a bit longer that way, as well.

Ergo, the collapse in Hogsmeade was from the Polyjuice wearing off.

Admittedly, the whole Polyjuice theory was spun by other people first. Ones who were sure that that *wasn't* Albus in the Cave,

[seductivedark.livejournal.com]

...the possibility that Albus had borrowed a little time from himself on the night they raided the Cave. [...] Admittedly, the whole Polyjuice theory was spun by other people first. Ones who were sure that that *wasn't* Albus in the Cave.

I guess if Polyjuice was involved it could have been either theory. I remember that one reason people thought it wasn't Albus was the strong way he swam. That goes back to the musings about Polyjuice and the body it gives. If the body is that of a 100+ y.o. wizard, would even a much younger man (Snape in the theory) be able to manipulate it like it was actually the body of a much younger man?

Post HBP a theory could be floated that Albus used a Time Turner to go back in the past to get some of his hairs from before succumbing to the Horcrux but then, why wouldn't he warn himself about not tampering with the stone? I know, not afraid of death and all but he still had his part of the mission to perform and getting himself cursed threw a monkey wrench into things.

Just thinking in text, he could have raided his brush or comb, blankets, his pillow, etc., for the required hairs. He had very long hair, one would do triple or even quadruple duty compared to someone with much shorter hair and if he didn't appear in public too often - he was gone a lot of the time in HBP - he could string them out with enough left over for the surprising (given his condition) surge of strength at the cave.

But then, his hand was still withered so I suppose he must have just used hair from his strongest recovery. You know, all these useful devices that were introduced once just drive me crazy with what might have been.

Hairs

[terri-testing.livejournal.com]

Considering only the danger of Polyjuice (and I'm sure other potions and spells can also make use of a wizard's genetic material), I should think any security-conscious wizard ensures that stray hairs are incinerated on a daily if not hourly basis.

So if he'd not thought to keep a spare lock of hair in a secure location....

Re: Hairs

[lynn-waterfall.livejournal.com]

We're never told exactly how much hair or other genetic material you need per quantity of polyjuice, anyway. I can't help thinking that the potion literally just needs enough to get the pattern, and then replicates that pattern itself. Isn't that partially what polyjuice *does*? It might be that as long as you had a large enough container of the stuff, one hair might be enough for any quantity of polyjuice. For that matter, a small portion of completed polyjuice (with hair) might work as a substitute for a hair in another batch.

So yeah, any stray hairs could be *major* security risks, but he might not need much safely-secured hair.

One does wonder how on earth the person making polyjuice manages to avoid contaminating the potion with their *own* genetic material.

And what would happen if polyjuice had genetic material from two people.

Re: Hairs

[oryx_leucoryx]

When Dumbledore found Moody in his chest his hair was noticeably unevenly cut, so I think one hair can only last so long.

One does wonder how on earth the person making polyjuice manages to avoid contaminating the potion with their *own* genetic material.

Major problem when you do PCR, especially of human genes. You end up amplifying your own DNA or that of your labmates. Or whatever gene your lab worked the most on recently. Hence the need for controls. I have no idea how wizards solve this problem.

But fanfic has played a lot with other uses of polyjuice. Entertainment, especially of sexual nature. (Are there collections of hairs of historically significant people for the purpose of realistic re-enactment?) As an investigative tool - you want to know whose hair you found at the crime scene? You can be that person.

And what would happen if polyjuice had genetic material from two people.

Or the same person at different life stages. Are you going to end up as Moody with or without the end of his nose? With 2 eyes or one? 2 legs or 1?

Re: Hairs

[seductivedark.livejournal.com]

You'd almost expect Polyjuice not to reproduce physical injuries since it appears to operate on a genetic level. I'm beginning to wonder if it would, in a real-life situation where the stuff exists, merely turn the user into a replica of the donor at the same age as the user. It would have to interact with the genes of the user somehow.

Re: Hairs

[oryx_leucoryx]

Well, this is the Potterverse. Any expectation of logical rules should be very limited.

[lynn-waterfall.livejournal.com]

Your organs, at least your brain, remain yours. So, maybe, if the body is healthier, less cholesterol or something that would otherwise tax your heart, it could work.

Your brain probably does have to stay the same, if it's your consciousness and memories in someone else's body. OTOH, I would tend to think that none of your other organs would stay the same. There's really no need, and it would be bad enough trying to fit your brain neatly in someone else's skull, even for magic.

Now you've got me wondering about the possibility of polyjuice triggering organ rejection, and conflicts with blood type. Never mind. It's magic. Not spending time on that one.

But the transitions from shape to shape could easily be stressful. Harry certainly didn't find using it comfortable in CoS. If you stayed in one polyjuiced form long enough, you might avoid that, but considering that you have to take it every hour... well, it'd be impossible to get a good night's sleep. Which also wouldn't be healthy.

I wonder how Crouch Jr. managed that. I suppose he just locked his doors securely (which is certainly in character), and developed a trait for not getting up too quickly if someone woke him up. It probably wouldn't come up very often, anyway, since people wouldn't be likely to stop by his quarters to wake him up very often.