HBP Chapter Six
Apr. 21st, 2006 12:26 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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deathtocapslockHBP Chapter Six
*Ginny’s good at Quidditch. Thus the last bit of important information falls into place. Now Voldemort can be defeated.
*But first, a short quiz. Harry and Hermione play Quidditch against Ron and Ginny. Hermione is dreadful but Ginny is good. How does this make them reasonably well matched?
a)Harry is four times as good as Hermione, but Ron is twice as good as Harry.
b)Ginny is ten percent better than Hermione, but twenty percent as good as Ron.
c)Ron is twice as good as Hermione but Ginny is three times better than Ron.
d)Ginny is Harry’s ideal girl.
*If I were Hermione they’d find me stumbling down the road knocking on Muggle neighbor doors asking if they had teenagers and if so could I please watch TV with them?
*What does Remus Lupin do to his clothes that they’re always more worn and patched than ever? Especially when he can fix his clothes with magic? Is he riding the rails as a hobo? Is he undercover as a clown? I think the end of the series will reveal that as a child Lupin was bitten not only by Fenrir Greyback but Raggedy Andy as well.
*Remus is also gaunt. You’d think he’d be gaining weight what with all the eating people.:-D
*Regulus lived a few days after deserting the DEs. Go Regulus! Sprinkle that name around!
*Bill is being “plied with wine” by Fleur. Personally, to me that phrase has always suggested softening someone up so you can have your way with them, usually a man trying to get a woman drunk. I would expect Harry’s fiancé to maybe have to do that but not Bill’s.
*Florian Fortescue’s been kidnapped—omg, who’s going to give Harry free ice cream? You’d think giving The Chosen One free ice cream would get you some protection, but no. (Though later when we see what "protection" means in this world, maybe Florian did get it and this was the natural result.)
*Ollivander’s gone too. "The wand maker?” asks startled Ginny. "No, the Mexican jumping bean farmer," replies Arthur. Well, no, he doesn’t say that, but that’s what somebody would have said if Ron asked such a question.
*Oh, I see. Ginny’s startled because WHAT’LL PEOPLE DO FOR WANDS?? Glad she’s got her priorities straight, there.
*Remus reveals other people are capable of making wooden sticks too. You know, this is kind of indicative of the way this world works—realistically, there would be lots of wand-makers and different people would favor different makers. Each would have his own style and strength and there would be healthy competition. In HP, of course, we can’t have that. Ollivander must be The Chosen One of wand makers and once he’s gone wands will never be the same again.
*Harry receives a note saying he’s now Quidditch Captain. I picture the note including a little doodle of Dumbledore with big, sad, hopeful eyes and a single tear—are we okay about the Prefect position now, lad? I only did it cause I thought it was for the best! XOXO
*Speaking of priorities—HARRY GETS TO USE THE SPECIAL BATHROOM NOW! Hogwarts seems to have a lot in common with corporate culture of the early 1960s. People in movies and plays of that time are always trying to get a key to the executive washroom. Poor![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mike_smith was so excited about the prospect of this bathroom, and it never comes up once in the book after this.
*Ron’s supportive and gracious about Harry being Quidditch captain. Naturally Harry does not compare this to his own behavior last year when Ron was made Prefect.
*Ron later goes wide-eyed over Harry’s bag o’gold, which Bill took out for him. Um, I know Harry has far too muchnoblesse oblige an easy-going nature to ask, but when did the Weasleys get full access to his bank account? My own mother doesn’t know my PIN number but it seems like anybody can make withdrawals on Harry’s account. Maybe it "makes things easier" and Harry should "trust Bill," but would it have killed Bill to, you know, explain this beforehand and ask? Maybe have Harry fill out the bank slip? Does he not need any form of ID? Bill does ROB GRAVES for a living, iirc.
*Ginny mimes throwing up when Fleur strokes Bill’s nose and Harry finds this so hilarious he almost chokes into his cereal. Good thing Ginny didn’t say Bill and Fleur were sittin’ in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g. Harry might actually have died laughing.
*Yeah, it’s tough being the Weasleys, what with the chauffer and the company car. They’re so down to earth.
*Harry isn’t sure the Ministry knows about his invisibility cloak. Of course not. Dumbledore would totally keep that information to himself while invading Harry’s privacy in plenty of other ways. It’s exactly his style of keeping in control.
*Harry’s on Top-Grade Security Status. Top Grade apparently meaning you’re guarded by the big dumb ex-gamekeeper/schoolteacher who likes a drink or two. Excellent.
*And he’s wearing a beaver skin coat in August. I suspect the coat is the real security. It will keep people away for a considerable radius.
*Dumbledore once again overrides anything so silly as a professional agency by deciding how Harry will be guarded on a whim. Who needs any sort of governing structure in place when you can just rely on the Very Wise Man?
*Normally you’d think the vendor calling Ginny’s neck pretty would be just a sales pitch, but we’ll soon see that it’s no sales pitch. It’s true!
*Mr Weasley apparently can’t do anything like his job when he’s not on duty. Why am I not surprised that *this* would be the one way he’d try to be by the books?
*Hermione wants new dress robes…why, I’m not sure. Isn’t that like buying a new prom dress?
*Arthur says it doesn’t make sense for them all to go to Madam Malkin’s. Um, Arthur? It actually does make sense. You’ve got one security guard and are probably expected to be sticking together. As if to point this out, Harry immediately notices other shoppers sticking together in tight knit groups. Cowards.
*And then, when we get to the shop, Hagrid stays outside anyway. Top Grade Security. What’s Low Grade Security, I wonder? The security guard sits in the car while Harry runs into the bakery and brings him back coffee and a bear claw?
*Draco asks his mother if she’s noticed he’s not a child anymore. Harry certainly notices as he checks out Draco’s handsome dark green robes.
*I hadn’t noticed this before, but Draco is already yelling about Malkin’s sticking him with pins before the one in his arm.
*I guess his seeing Harry staring at him in the mirror also counts as foreshadowing of the later bathroom fight. What’s great is it’s also the cliché moment from Fatal Attraction.
*Despite his not being a child anymore, Draco announces that if his mother smells something bad it’s because a Mudblood just walked in. Maybe when the robes are properly fitted Draco can shop for some grown up insults he can use without embarrassing himself.
*Okay, he redeems himself slightly by pointing out Hermione’s black eye and offering to send flowers to whoever did it.
*Madam Malkin scolds Draco. I guess she doesn’t realize he’s the Big Bad Embodiment of Evil that Everyone Is Afraid to Challenge.
*Harry’s insults aren’t too sharp either, but at the moment I’d say Harry’s insulting at the 16-year-old level while Draco hovers around twelve.
*Yes, the symbolism of Draco tripping over his robes is heavy-handed, but who could resist it?
*So does Draco know about Harry and Sirius? What does he know about Sirius? Narcissa calls him "Dear Sirius" referring to them, it seems, not Harry. (I mean, she’s not saying Harry will be reunited with *his* dear Sirius, but just dear Sirius, as in their cousin.)
*Draco and Narcissa decide to go to another store. Wait, there are other stores? But I’m sure Madam Malkin is The Chosen Dressmaker.
*When he gets outside, Harry asks Hagrid if he saw the Malfoys. You know, the family working for the guy trying to kill Harry who killed Sirius and who just almost got into a fight with Harry in the store while you were supposed to be protecting him? Oh, of course Hagrid the security guard wouldn’t know that. Anyway, he says they wouldn’t dare make trouble in the middle of Diagon Alley, the place where everyone else has been abducted. Which is why you ought to have followed Harry into the store, genius.
*Actually, I’m being kind of hard on Hagrid. He would have been no match for Narcissa and probably just made things worse. Then Harry would have to be cheering him up all day or something. For proof, note how nobody manages to "disabuse Hagrid of this comfortable notion" even though he’s the one who’s supposed to be protecting them.
*The twins’ store is packed, and a lot of people seem to actually be buying stuff like wands that turn into rubber chickens. I weep for the Wizarding World. I really do.
*Hermione tells us the daydream charms are extraordinary magic. Why, I’m not sure. It’s just convenient that Fred and George are the only people in the entire Wizarding World who seem to ever create these obvious magical things. They are the Chosen Magic Makers, which is why they’ll be driving the Pretender out of business soon enough.
*Fred and George still have bad but expensive taste in clothing, an attribute that will be transferred to the Malfoys in fandom, even though we just had a scene telling us Draco’s own robes were handsome. It’s one of those rare times when Rowling and her devoted followers have a little conflict. She’s more suggesting it’s funny that Fred and George are tacky. But when you’re mostly writing romance, you’d rather your favorite characters be the ones with good breeding and nice clothes and that particular joke be on the Malfoys.
*I’m so glad Fred and George’s store also includes Muggle stuff so people can mock it. They probably think Muggles actually use this stuff a lot, trying to emulate the high culture of wizards.
*George can’t believe how many people at the Ministry can’t do a decent shield charm. Funny, I can believe it. Nobody can do anything except for people Harry’s coincidentally become close with over the years, and even they can’t be over 19.
*Fred and George then take Harry into the backroom where they sell items for thieves. Ironically, on the way into this room one of them threatens a small boy with physical violence if he pockets anything.
*Fred and George are also referred to as “Mr and Mr Weasley” by their staff. Amazingly, Harry refrains from seeing this as pretentious or even considering that Fred and George could be turning into The Man.
*Have Fred and George paid Harry back for his loan? Seems like they’d have to have by now but I don’t remember. They’re giving him free stuff, but frankly I’m shocked they haven’t yet asked him for a personal endorsement of their store. That’ll probably come later.
*The twins take Hermione and Ginny to the girlie potions, where they back off warily from the silly giggling girls. They prefer to plot their man traps in dignified hisses and whispers.
*And of course naturally the love potions would all be for girls. What boy would ever want to give a girl a potion to make her want to have sex with him?
*Hmmm. The love potions depend on the weight of the boy and the attractiveness of the girl. I’m thinking tranquilizer darts are the way to go, myself. The ugly girl can bag her prey from a distance, have time to catch up to him (especially if she’s heavy and can’t run fast), mount him and run away pregnant before the guy wakes up.
*Seriously, I’m beginning to develop a theory that magic causes a seriously decreased heterosexual sex drive in male wizards. I guess the reason the steps to the girl’s room in Gryffindor Tower don’t let boys up isn’t because boys are randy and want sex but because the girls are constantly doping them up to force them into servicing their insatiable female libido!
*Fred and George discuss how popular Ginny is. This would be the time for somebody besides Ginny to mime vomiting.
*Ginny announces that Dean is a boy and Michael is a sore loser so she dumped him. I hope Fred and George rattle off a list of other boys who are interested in Ginny so she can tell us why she rejects them. (Btw, keeping track, that’s two more random people Ginny has mentioned, one neutrally, one negatively.)
*Fred and George suggest Ginny’s moving through boyfriends "a bit fast" (two in a year—whoa) so that we can be subjected to Mary Sue’s Rant of Awesome Girl Power. Fred and George will not be the first boys in her family to be roped into this role.
*Ginny sure is angry at Fred and George for acting out their stereotypical boy roles. Because she’s totally not on board with the clichéd gender roles that are the bedrock of the Weasley family. Nope, her character’s a regular black sheep amongst the wooly rams. Uh-huh. Her looking a lot like Molly when she scolds them does not in any way suggest that Ginny’s just like her mother underneath.
*Harry said nothing. He was thinking too hard. The joke is too easy.
*Harry decides to follow to see where Malfoy’s going. Ooh! I’ve read this one. Harry’s going to follow Malfoy to a brothel where Malfoy has sex with a pretty rent boy with black hair and blue eyes while Harry gets turned on and touches himself under his invisibility cloak.
*Oh. Wrong story. *shuts off porn music* What happens is, Harry, Ron and Hermione get under the cloak and waltz past Hagrid’s Top Grade Security.
*It’s difficult hiding all three of them under the cloak these days. Frankly, I’m surprised they can do it at all.
*Knockturn Alley is deserted because it’s a giveaway to be seen buying "dark" magical items. Or maybe because with Fred and George’s back room, you can buy far more dangerous weapons in Diagon Alley.
*Hee—Draco talks with his hands. I thought Maya just made that up!
*Now I’m totally trying to imagine Tom Felton miming his whole Cabinet plan so Harry can watch through the window. Or better yet, I want him to act out his entire role in the series so far, incorporating the classic "stuck in an invisible box" and "walking in a heavy wind" tricks.
*B&B sells sinister objects. Like a trick vanishing cabinet. As opposed to the totally not sinister powder that cloaks everything in darkness.
*So what’s Borgin supposed to be giving his full attention, since it’s Draco who’s going to be fixing the cabinet? Is he just sending instructions or something? LOL-now I’m picturing Draco on hold to B&B Tech Support. Have you tried rebooting the cabinet?
*Ron and Hermione bicker all the way back to Diagon Alley. Knowing what bickering symbolizes, Harry’s lucky they don’t start having sex right there under the cloak.
*Mrs Weasley and Hagrid have clearly noticed their absence. Well-done G-Man Hagrid. How long after Mrs Weasley pointed it out did you notice their absence?
Idiot Picture
Where to start?
Idiot World
We end the scene with our Top Grade Security Man being fooled by the oldest trick in the Child’s Book of Sneaking. And did you know Harry totally invented shield charms?
Informed Attributes
Miming throwing up! Oh dear—it’s no wonder Harry almost spits out his cornflakes! Bwahahaha!
Misdirected Answering
Having just sat through an entire chapter of catching up with the Weasleys, we now have to endure a visit to the Twins’ store and not only hear how their business is going but the details of Ginny’s boring teenaged love life. Meanwhile, the Apocalyptic Magical War makes Harry’s birthday tea a little grim, but let’s not dwell on it.
Selling Wood
Goes to Hermione Granger, starring in "Shopping For A Birthday Present For My Good Friend, Draco Malfoy."
Final score: 5
*Ginny’s good at Quidditch. Thus the last bit of important information falls into place. Now Voldemort can be defeated.
*But first, a short quiz. Harry and Hermione play Quidditch against Ron and Ginny. Hermione is dreadful but Ginny is good. How does this make them reasonably well matched?
a)Harry is four times as good as Hermione, but Ron is twice as good as Harry.
b)Ginny is ten percent better than Hermione, but twenty percent as good as Ron.
c)Ron is twice as good as Hermione but Ginny is three times better than Ron.
d)Ginny is Harry’s ideal girl.
*If I were Hermione they’d find me stumbling down the road knocking on Muggle neighbor doors asking if they had teenagers and if so could I please watch TV with them?
*What does Remus Lupin do to his clothes that they’re always more worn and patched than ever? Especially when he can fix his clothes with magic? Is he riding the rails as a hobo? Is he undercover as a clown? I think the end of the series will reveal that as a child Lupin was bitten not only by Fenrir Greyback but Raggedy Andy as well.
*Remus is also gaunt. You’d think he’d be gaining weight what with all the eating people.:-D
*Regulus lived a few days after deserting the DEs. Go Regulus! Sprinkle that name around!
*Bill is being “plied with wine” by Fleur. Personally, to me that phrase has always suggested softening someone up so you can have your way with them, usually a man trying to get a woman drunk. I would expect Harry’s fiancé to maybe have to do that but not Bill’s.
*Florian Fortescue’s been kidnapped—omg, who’s going to give Harry free ice cream? You’d think giving The Chosen One free ice cream would get you some protection, but no. (Though later when we see what "protection" means in this world, maybe Florian did get it and this was the natural result.)
*Ollivander’s gone too. "The wand maker?” asks startled Ginny. "No, the Mexican jumping bean farmer," replies Arthur. Well, no, he doesn’t say that, but that’s what somebody would have said if Ron asked such a question.
*Oh, I see. Ginny’s startled because WHAT’LL PEOPLE DO FOR WANDS?? Glad she’s got her priorities straight, there.
*Remus reveals other people are capable of making wooden sticks too. You know, this is kind of indicative of the way this world works—realistically, there would be lots of wand-makers and different people would favor different makers. Each would have his own style and strength and there would be healthy competition. In HP, of course, we can’t have that. Ollivander must be The Chosen One of wand makers and once he’s gone wands will never be the same again.
*Harry receives a note saying he’s now Quidditch Captain. I picture the note including a little doodle of Dumbledore with big, sad, hopeful eyes and a single tear—are we okay about the Prefect position now, lad? I only did it cause I thought it was for the best! XOXO
*Speaking of priorities—HARRY GETS TO USE THE SPECIAL BATHROOM NOW! Hogwarts seems to have a lot in common with corporate culture of the early 1960s. People in movies and plays of that time are always trying to get a key to the executive washroom. Poor
mike_smith was so excited about the prospect of this bathroom, and it never comes up once in the book after this.*Ron’s supportive and gracious about Harry being Quidditch captain. Naturally Harry does not compare this to his own behavior last year when Ron was made Prefect.
*Ron later goes wide-eyed over Harry’s bag o’gold, which Bill took out for him. Um, I know Harry has far too much
*Ginny mimes throwing up when Fleur strokes Bill’s nose and Harry finds this so hilarious he almost chokes into his cereal. Good thing Ginny didn’t say Bill and Fleur were sittin’ in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g. Harry might actually have died laughing.
*Yeah, it’s tough being the Weasleys, what with the chauffer and the company car. They’re so down to earth.
*Harry isn’t sure the Ministry knows about his invisibility cloak. Of course not. Dumbledore would totally keep that information to himself while invading Harry’s privacy in plenty of other ways. It’s exactly his style of keeping in control.
*Harry’s on Top-Grade Security Status. Top Grade apparently meaning you’re guarded by the big dumb ex-gamekeeper/schoolteacher who likes a drink or two. Excellent.
*And he’s wearing a beaver skin coat in August. I suspect the coat is the real security. It will keep people away for a considerable radius.
*Dumbledore once again overrides anything so silly as a professional agency by deciding how Harry will be guarded on a whim. Who needs any sort of governing structure in place when you can just rely on the Very Wise Man?
*Normally you’d think the vendor calling Ginny’s neck pretty would be just a sales pitch, but we’ll soon see that it’s no sales pitch. It’s true!
*Mr Weasley apparently can’t do anything like his job when he’s not on duty. Why am I not surprised that *this* would be the one way he’d try to be by the books?
*Hermione wants new dress robes…why, I’m not sure. Isn’t that like buying a new prom dress?
*Arthur says it doesn’t make sense for them all to go to Madam Malkin’s. Um, Arthur? It actually does make sense. You’ve got one security guard and are probably expected to be sticking together. As if to point this out, Harry immediately notices other shoppers sticking together in tight knit groups. Cowards.
*And then, when we get to the shop, Hagrid stays outside anyway. Top Grade Security. What’s Low Grade Security, I wonder? The security guard sits in the car while Harry runs into the bakery and brings him back coffee and a bear claw?
*Draco asks his mother if she’s noticed he’s not a child anymore. Harry certainly notices as he checks out Draco’s handsome dark green robes.
*I hadn’t noticed this before, but Draco is already yelling about Malkin’s sticking him with pins before the one in his arm.
*I guess his seeing Harry staring at him in the mirror also counts as foreshadowing of the later bathroom fight. What’s great is it’s also the cliché moment from Fatal Attraction.
*Despite his not being a child anymore, Draco announces that if his mother smells something bad it’s because a Mudblood just walked in. Maybe when the robes are properly fitted Draco can shop for some grown up insults he can use without embarrassing himself.
*Okay, he redeems himself slightly by pointing out Hermione’s black eye and offering to send flowers to whoever did it.
*Madam Malkin scolds Draco. I guess she doesn’t realize he’s the Big Bad Embodiment of Evil that Everyone Is Afraid to Challenge.
*Harry’s insults aren’t too sharp either, but at the moment I’d say Harry’s insulting at the 16-year-old level while Draco hovers around twelve.
*Yes, the symbolism of Draco tripping over his robes is heavy-handed, but who could resist it?
*So does Draco know about Harry and Sirius? What does he know about Sirius? Narcissa calls him "Dear Sirius" referring to them, it seems, not Harry. (I mean, she’s not saying Harry will be reunited with *his* dear Sirius, but just dear Sirius, as in their cousin.)
*Draco and Narcissa decide to go to another store. Wait, there are other stores? But I’m sure Madam Malkin is The Chosen Dressmaker.
*When he gets outside, Harry asks Hagrid if he saw the Malfoys. You know, the family working for the guy trying to kill Harry who killed Sirius and who just almost got into a fight with Harry in the store while you were supposed to be protecting him? Oh, of course Hagrid the security guard wouldn’t know that. Anyway, he says they wouldn’t dare make trouble in the middle of Diagon Alley, the place where everyone else has been abducted. Which is why you ought to have followed Harry into the store, genius.
*Actually, I’m being kind of hard on Hagrid. He would have been no match for Narcissa and probably just made things worse. Then Harry would have to be cheering him up all day or something. For proof, note how nobody manages to "disabuse Hagrid of this comfortable notion" even though he’s the one who’s supposed to be protecting them.
*The twins’ store is packed, and a lot of people seem to actually be buying stuff like wands that turn into rubber chickens. I weep for the Wizarding World. I really do.
*Hermione tells us the daydream charms are extraordinary magic. Why, I’m not sure. It’s just convenient that Fred and George are the only people in the entire Wizarding World who seem to ever create these obvious magical things. They are the Chosen Magic Makers, which is why they’ll be driving the Pretender out of business soon enough.
*Fred and George still have bad but expensive taste in clothing, an attribute that will be transferred to the Malfoys in fandom, even though we just had a scene telling us Draco’s own robes were handsome. It’s one of those rare times when Rowling and her devoted followers have a little conflict. She’s more suggesting it’s funny that Fred and George are tacky. But when you’re mostly writing romance, you’d rather your favorite characters be the ones with good breeding and nice clothes and that particular joke be on the Malfoys.
*I’m so glad Fred and George’s store also includes Muggle stuff so people can mock it. They probably think Muggles actually use this stuff a lot, trying to emulate the high culture of wizards.
*George can’t believe how many people at the Ministry can’t do a decent shield charm. Funny, I can believe it. Nobody can do anything except for people Harry’s coincidentally become close with over the years, and even they can’t be over 19.
*Fred and George then take Harry into the backroom where they sell items for thieves. Ironically, on the way into this room one of them threatens a small boy with physical violence if he pockets anything.
*Fred and George are also referred to as “Mr and Mr Weasley” by their staff. Amazingly, Harry refrains from seeing this as pretentious or even considering that Fred and George could be turning into The Man.
*Have Fred and George paid Harry back for his loan? Seems like they’d have to have by now but I don’t remember. They’re giving him free stuff, but frankly I’m shocked they haven’t yet asked him for a personal endorsement of their store. That’ll probably come later.
*The twins take Hermione and Ginny to the girlie potions, where they back off warily from the silly giggling girls. They prefer to plot their man traps in dignified hisses and whispers.
*And of course naturally the love potions would all be for girls. What boy would ever want to give a girl a potion to make her want to have sex with him?
*Hmmm. The love potions depend on the weight of the boy and the attractiveness of the girl. I’m thinking tranquilizer darts are the way to go, myself. The ugly girl can bag her prey from a distance, have time to catch up to him (especially if she’s heavy and can’t run fast), mount him and run away pregnant before the guy wakes up.
*Seriously, I’m beginning to develop a theory that magic causes a seriously decreased heterosexual sex drive in male wizards. I guess the reason the steps to the girl’s room in Gryffindor Tower don’t let boys up isn’t because boys are randy and want sex but because the girls are constantly doping them up to force them into servicing their insatiable female libido!
*Fred and George discuss how popular Ginny is. This would be the time for somebody besides Ginny to mime vomiting.
*Ginny announces that Dean is a boy and Michael is a sore loser so she dumped him. I hope Fred and George rattle off a list of other boys who are interested in Ginny so she can tell us why she rejects them. (Btw, keeping track, that’s two more random people Ginny has mentioned, one neutrally, one negatively.)
*Fred and George suggest Ginny’s moving through boyfriends "a bit fast" (two in a year—whoa) so that we can be subjected to Mary Sue’s Rant of Awesome Girl Power. Fred and George will not be the first boys in her family to be roped into this role.
*Ginny sure is angry at Fred and George for acting out their stereotypical boy roles. Because she’s totally not on board with the clichéd gender roles that are the bedrock of the Weasley family. Nope, her character’s a regular black sheep amongst the wooly rams. Uh-huh. Her looking a lot like Molly when she scolds them does not in any way suggest that Ginny’s just like her mother underneath.
*Harry said nothing. He was thinking too hard. The joke is too easy.
*Harry decides to follow to see where Malfoy’s going. Ooh! I’ve read this one. Harry’s going to follow Malfoy to a brothel where Malfoy has sex with a pretty rent boy with black hair and blue eyes while Harry gets turned on and touches himself under his invisibility cloak.
*Oh. Wrong story. *shuts off porn music* What happens is, Harry, Ron and Hermione get under the cloak and waltz past Hagrid’s Top Grade Security.
*It’s difficult hiding all three of them under the cloak these days. Frankly, I’m surprised they can do it at all.
*Knockturn Alley is deserted because it’s a giveaway to be seen buying "dark" magical items. Or maybe because with Fred and George’s back room, you can buy far more dangerous weapons in Diagon Alley.
*Hee—Draco talks with his hands. I thought Maya just made that up!
*Now I’m totally trying to imagine Tom Felton miming his whole Cabinet plan so Harry can watch through the window. Or better yet, I want him to act out his entire role in the series so far, incorporating the classic "stuck in an invisible box" and "walking in a heavy wind" tricks.
*B&B sells sinister objects. Like a trick vanishing cabinet. As opposed to the totally not sinister powder that cloaks everything in darkness.
*So what’s Borgin supposed to be giving his full attention, since it’s Draco who’s going to be fixing the cabinet? Is he just sending instructions or something? LOL-now I’m picturing Draco on hold to B&B Tech Support. Have you tried rebooting the cabinet?
*Ron and Hermione bicker all the way back to Diagon Alley. Knowing what bickering symbolizes, Harry’s lucky they don’t start having sex right there under the cloak.
*Mrs Weasley and Hagrid have clearly noticed their absence. Well-done G-Man Hagrid. How long after Mrs Weasley pointed it out did you notice their absence?
Idiot Picture
Where to start?
Idiot World
We end the scene with our Top Grade Security Man being fooled by the oldest trick in the Child’s Book of Sneaking. And did you know Harry totally invented shield charms?
Informed Attributes
Miming throwing up! Oh dear—it’s no wonder Harry almost spits out his cornflakes! Bwahahaha!
Misdirected Answering
Having just sat through an entire chapter of catching up with the Weasleys, we now have to endure a visit to the Twins’ store and not only hear how their business is going but the details of Ginny’s boring teenaged love life. Meanwhile, the Apocalyptic Magical War makes Harry’s birthday tea a little grim, but let’s not dwell on it.
Selling Wood
Goes to Hermione Granger, starring in "Shopping For A Birthday Present For My Good Friend, Draco Malfoy."
Final score: 5
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no subject
Date: 2006-04-21 05:16 pm (UTC)Foriegn graves. Makes all the difference.
Mr Weasley apparently can’t do anything like his job when he’s not on duty.
I like the implication he wants to arrest the guy for leering at his daughter. (If wanting Ginny is wrong, the whole world is full of sinners!) It was obviously a joke by Molly, since everyone knows Arthur would never abuse his position.
Harry checks out Draco’s handsome dark green robes.
This is when it's confirmed that Draco's going to get a role in this book. He's wearing Harry-esque stylish robes, rather than tacky vicar-ish ones. He's even allowed to be tall!
Anyway, he says they wouldn’t dare make trouble in the middle of Diagon Alley, the place where everyone else has been abducted.
What, the place where Lucius and Arthur had a fist fight before? (I presume Arthur started it, although I don't care enough to check; since the Malfoys are too cowardly to threaten unarmed people with wands like Ron and Harry are doing here.)
Hee—Draco talks with his hands. I thought Maya just made that up!
Me too! We may have finally met someone on livejournal who can remember more random Draco-related details than us. *hands over crown sadly*
Well-done G-Man Hagrid. How long after Mrs Weasley pointed it out did you notice their absence?
Ginny apparently didn't notice either (or Arthur. But then parenting is a woman's job.) Because she is OMG cool and detached.
Selling Wood - Goes to Hermione Granger, starring in "Shopping For A Birthday Present For My Good Friend, Draco Malfoy."
This is the one scene I would love to see Emma do.
If I were Hermione they’d find me stumbling down the road knocking on Muggle neighbor doors asking if I could please watch TV with them?
That's because you are fat. Like Dudley. I bet you play Mega Mutilation 3 in your spare time, too.
Harry’s insults aren’t too sharp either, but at the moment I’d say Harry’s insulting at the 16-year-old level while Draco hovers around twelve.
I don't know. Draco hasn't laughed at imitations of vomit. Yet. But feel free to disagree, I'm just going to call you a LOSER. (Burn!)
Ginny’s good at Quidditch. Thus the last bit of important information falls into place. Now Voldemort can be defeated.
But not better than Harry, thankfully.
Hermione is dreadful but Ginny is good. How does this make them reasonably well matched?
What the fuck is the point of playing Quidditch at all? Even a blind man could work out that Harry will win and Ginny will defend eleventy attacks on him by the opposers. Ron and Hermione might as well give up now.
Remus is also gaunt. You’d think he’d be gaining weight what with all the eating people.:-D
But he's good! (And sad. No-one ever puts on weight through depression here. Iirc, Molly and Neville thinned out in OotP, too.)
there would be healthy competition.
But then who would be best?
Ollivander must be The Chosen One of wand makers and once he’s gone wands will never be the same again.
There's some guy who makes them in GoF, but I think he might have been a filthy Bulgarian. It was probably made out of a twig.
Yes, the symbolism of Draco tripping over his robes is heavy-handed, but who could resist it?
I liked the bow of Manhood from Borgin better, personally. It made me laugh.
Would it have killed Bill to, you know, explain this beforehand and ask?
But Harry's getting a special privilege (Joe Schmoe in the WW is waiting five days for £, iirc.) This isn't something to be questioned, it's the natural order of things, like the waxing and waning of the moon.
Does he not need any form of ID?
This is a world where a convicted murderer/dog could buy things.
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Date: 2006-04-21 09:18 pm (UTC)Foriegn graves. Makes all the difference.
Your average wizard probably has not heard of the Elgin Marbles or the controversy surrounding them, but I'm sure they'd endorse the British Museum hanging on to them.
No-one ever puts on weight through depression here. Iirc, Molly and Neville thinned out in OotP, too.
Neville is my favorite character in these books, but I am dreading the Gary Stu!makeover he's likely to get in Book Seven.
But Harry's getting a special privilege (Joe Schmoe in the WW is waiting five days for £, iirc.) This isn't something to be questioned, it's the natural order of things, like the waxing and waning of the moon.
The good guys in these books exist to serve Harry. As a Gringotts employee, he's obligated to be Harry's personal banker. Those peons can just accept this natural order of existence, unless they want another go-around with the Probity Probe.
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Date: 2006-04-22 07:09 am (UTC)Accept? It's a honour to serve the Chosen One! Bill probably got in a fight with the other employees over who'd get to touch Harry's vault.
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Date: 2006-04-21 06:09 pm (UTC)Hermione's not pretty enough anymore to be complimented by random sellers and DEs. I guess she doesn't have to be, since her intended isn't Teh Chosen One!1!! (Because if you wear make-up or nice clothes, it's because you're attempting to attract a man. There's no point in dressing for yourself. That, and her beauty unlike Ginny's is that of the whorish type who wears make-up. Since she was using products as a one-off occasion and she was making Ron jealous; which as anyone knows, is the sort of thing Nice Girls do. I bet Lavendar asks him out.)
Well, no, he doesn’t say that, but that’s what somebody would have said if Ron asked such a question.
She was shocked because she's so warm and compassionate. That night in an expurgated scene, she stays up all night fretting over Ollivander's welfare. (I love the comparison here by Arthur too, about how Mr. O is a 'good' man. So it's a shame he's gone, unlike that dirty foriegner who had it coming.)
Ginny mimes throwing up when Fleur strokes Bill’s nose and Harry finds this so hilarious he almost chokes into his cereal.
This is the Ginny who later describes Ron as immature for finding sexual activity 'disgusting'? (And hilariously, tells her brothers not to judge her dating choices. Because she's being totally supportive of Bill here.)
I hope Romilda and Dean made puking noises through every one of H/G's convienent public kisses.
Hermione wants new dress robes…why, I’m not sure. Isn’t that like buying a new prom dress?
Perhaps she's jealously competing with Ginny? Since female relationships are composed mainly of A) Talking about boys and B) Catfights.
Maybe when the robes are properly fitted Draco can shop for some grown up insults he can use without embarrassing himself.
There's less amusing Draco in this book, imho. (But lots of emo, bless him. AND A NOSE-CRACKING! ;)
Actually when he made the remark about the 'boy who scored', I totally missed the obvious and was like 'ZOMG, what is he trying to imply here?' Clearly I've been in fandom too long.
What’s Low Grade Security, I wonder? The security guard sits in the car while Harry runs into the bakery and brings him back coffee and a bear claw?
I'm trying to imagine a character Harry would do that for, rather than expect them to serve him. Um...inevitably!pregnant!Ginny, maybe? Dumbledore? (Not that Harry sucks up like those vile Slytherins, of course.)
the details of Ginny’s boring teenaged love life.
I've said it before, but this reminds me so much of 'dating' at eleven - 'I'm dating Tommy this week, but tomorrow I'll be dating John, because Tommy wouldn't lend me his pencil sharpener.'
Knowing what bickering symbolizes, Harry’s lucky they don’t start having sex right there under the cloak.
This is one of the 848935 things that I don't get about H/G. Surely they should be fighting to prove how 'sassy' each is? I guess who could possibly dislike/disagree with Harry or Ginny...
I want him to act out his entire role in the series so far.
Bless him, I think he's got to do 'sneer', 'smug' and 'scared' so far. I'm not ashamed (much) to say I look forward to HBP the movie the most. Although if I'm wrong and he fucks it up, I may have to cut him a little bit.
It’s difficult hiding all three of them under the cloak these days. Frankly, I’m surprised they can do it at all.
They're still our heroes, so they're slimline, but sexy, so not gaunt.
Fred and George suggest Ginny’s moving through boyfriends "a bit fast" (two in a year—whoa) so that we can be subjected to Mary Sue’s Rant of Awesome Girl Power.
I'd ask Ginny if she could name the colour of Michael's eyes, or Dean's favourite subject; but the Twins' concern here is doubtlessly The Weasleys and not that their sister, while impeachable as far as the speed of dating goes; might be a bit of a manipulative user. (No wonder they suddenly like her so much.)
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Date: 2006-04-21 07:47 pm (UTC)My gosh my geesh! You don't think she learned that from Tom Riddle, do you??? I mean, golly! It would make so much sense!!!
Or is the official JKR Party Line still "What Happened In COS stays in COS"?
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Date: 2006-04-22 06:37 pm (UTC)I'm still having trouble seeing how that phrase could possibly have been meant to mean anything else! "Scored" is not exactly a new-fangled euphemism, you know? I've heard my grandfather use it!
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Date: 2006-04-23 11:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-21 06:24 pm (UTC)As to the robes, my theory is that Remus actually prefers Muggle clothes and wears robes only to not draw further attention to himself (and I think patched robes actually work better at blending in than Muggle clothes). And because Dumbles is an evil bastard and doesn't pay Remus for his Order work, he doesn't have that much money, and he really doesn't want to use what little he has to buy clothes he doesn't like anyway. Repairing charms don't work that well, because when the material is gone, it's gone. He could conjure it back, but conjured things don't last.
O.O On the other hand, considering the acrobatics I have to resort to to explain it all, prehaps I'd better just conclude that JKR is a shitty writer.
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Date: 2006-04-21 07:13 pm (UTC)And Bellatrix calls him the Animagus Black. Interesting.
Fred and George discuss how popular Ginny is.
Well. With guys. A sign of your beauty and charisma. Girls like Pansy and Cho are popular with females, which is a sign of one's catty shallow nature.
Naturally Ginny is once again detached here. It's her due to recieve male attention, after all.
I’m sure Madam Malkin is The Chosen Dressmaker.
The other place will be expensive, in Knockturn Alley, and run by terrorists. Who don't stick needles in their customer's arms, the bastards!
Madam Malkin scolds Draco. I guess she doesn’t realize he’s the Big Bad Embodiment of Evil that Everyone Is Afraid to Challenge.
Thank goodness she was here to protect poor Ron, Harry and Hermione from his bullying! They'd have no doubt been forced to pre-emptively counter-jinx him, for the sake of national security.
What does Lupin do to his clothes that they’re always more worn and patched than ever? Especially when he can fix his clothes with magic?
How much do you want to bet that next year, to coincide with his blossoming new love interest; everything will be fixed and neat, perhaps with comedy!Tonks bemoaning her clumsiness at sewing with Molly?
The love potions depend on the weight of the boy and the attractiveness of the girl.
Naturally the attractiveness of the guy wouldn't be an issue. Girls take whatever our sex-starved selves can get, whereas boys can afford to pick and choose. Plus, a guy needs a reason to like us, like looks; whereas men have such great personalities that we love them for their minds.
Michael is a sore loser so she dumped him.
Lucky she's with Harry, the guy who wants to hex his own team-mates when he loses. (And divebombing the commentator is always a good sign of a sportmanslike attitude.)
I would expect Harry’s fiancé to maybe have to do that but not Bill’s.
Plus she's a Veela - does she really need wine to seduce a guy?
Perhaps it's an early hint that Fleur knows her place - nurturing her man (and no doubt kids before long.) Much as I love her and all, the whole Molly fight resolution seems to be that Fleur will be allowed to bring up the breakfast trays to the boys, etc.
Or maybe JKR's still trying to play her as untrustworthy - look at her throwing herself at Bill! She kisses him first, too. *faints*
I guess his seeing Harry staring at him in the mirror also counts as foreshadowing of the later bathroom fight.
So Harry's Draco's 'reflection'? I guess that bodes well in terms of the Shadow theories and all, although I can't help feeling sympathy for Draco.
Fred and George are also referred to as “Mr and Mr Weasley” by their staff.
While they address the staff by their first names. Know your place!
Poor mike_smith was so excited about the prospect of this bathroom, and it never comes up once in the book after this.
This is really one of the more embarrassing bits of Stu-ishness - 'Look, Harry, you're equal status with us! Just in case you were worried that someone might have some petty thing that you don't! Plus you're cooler, since you're too bad-ass to be a Prefect, and Captain is more elite!'; up there with 'the Patils are the most beautiful girls in their year, because even god knows even Harry's last resorts have to be number one'. Does Harry even use the bathroom once in this book?
Fortescue’s been kidnapped—omg, who’s going to give Harry free ice cream?
LOL. Great priorities, innit.
I suspect the coat is the real security. It will keep people away for a considerable radius.
I suspect Hagrid's personality was the real security. Would you fuck with Harry, knowing you'd have to listen to Hagrid drip on for several years about how they're such downtrodden underdog orphans?
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Date: 2006-04-21 07:30 pm (UTC)I read that as 'would you fuck Harry'.
The answer's still 'no'.
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Date: 2006-04-22 07:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 10:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 05:34 am (UTC)Nah. Fleur will make Bill bring her breakfast trays. (I hope. *crosses fingers and hopes like hell that Fleur won't be character-assassinated*)
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Date: 2006-04-22 02:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 11:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-21 07:33 pm (UTC)a)Harry is four times as good as Hermione, but Ron is twice as good as Harry.
b)Ginny is ten percent better than Hermione, but twenty percent as good as Ron.
c)Ron is twice as good as Hermione but Ginny is three times better than Ron.
d)Ginny is Harry’s ideal girl.
How about e)Oh dear! Maths! ;)
What does Remus Lupin do to his clothes that they’re always more worn and patched than ever? Especially when he can fix his clothes with magic? Is he riding the rails as a hobo? Is he undercover as a clown?
...Remus is also gaunt. You’d think he’d be gaining weight what with all the eating people.:-D
Perhaps Lupin's working the Punk Rock (http://www.punk77.co.uk/graphics/richardhell/hell.jpg) Junkie (http://tinypic.com/iepdhw) aesthetic? That might possibly explain why Tonks supposedly finds him fanciable...
Bill is being “plied with wine” by Fleur. Personally, to me that phrase has always suggested softening someone up so you can have your way with them, usually a man trying to get a woman drunk. I would expect Harry’s fiancé to maybe have to do that but not Bill’s.
Heh – I still think those two had a Nasty Plan (http://community.livejournal.com/deathtocapslock/3915.html?thread=75339#t75339) to endure/get back at Bill's fucked-up family! :D
Actually, I’m being kind of hard on Hagrid. He would have been no match for Narcissa...
Few characters in this book are a match for Narcissa!
B&B sells sinister objects. Like a trick vanishing cabinet. As opposed to the totally not sinister powder that cloaks everything in darkness.
Heh! Interesting to see the comparison/contrast between the two shops, especially after reading about B&B specializing in antique bric-a-brac in Chapter 20. The idea of Hepzibah & Tom having tea & discussing Wizarding Whoopee Cushions dating from the Baroque era, or Ancient Egyptian papyri with various stinkbomb recipes, is really quite wonderful. :D
(Even if it's not exactly"CANON"! :p )
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Date: 2006-04-22 03:39 am (UTC)Come to think on it, me and
I endorse your theory.
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Date: 2006-04-22 06:57 am (UTC)I really love her line about 'not attacking my son again'. Narcissa doesn't buy the counter-hexing bullshit.
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Date: 2006-04-22 02:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-21 11:09 pm (UTC)How did Lupin know that? Who could tell him? Has Regulus asked for help from the Order?
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Date: 2006-04-22 12:32 am (UTC)JKR's linking of physical and moral stature is about as subtle as the fat-moral weakness connection. At the end of GoF when Fudge becomes an antagonist, Harry sees him for the "short, angry wizard" he is (btw, Potter? Meet kettle). Villain!Draco is comically short by implication, as well. Except he's actually tall, but that comes later, with the increasing moral grayness.
Also, Harry being as tall as Narcissa "now" (like they've been face to face before??) seems to fool him into thinking he's her equal.
Hermione tells us the daydream charms are extraordinary magic. Why, I’m not sure.
Because...it hasn't occurred to JKR that a world where a couple of teenage inventors outshine the competition and are crucial to the war effort on both sides is really astoundingly pathetic? Nah...
Another strange point is the twins' obvious respect for Hermione's opinion. She seems like the kind of person they'd despise, yet here they are, salivating for her approval. Have they twigged to the essential sadism underneath her goody-goody exterior?
Incidentally their sucking up to Hermione and Harry highlights the fact that they're being complete bastards to their brother.
-L
no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 01:22 am (UTC)Another strange point is the twins' obvious respect for Hermione's opinion. She seems like the kind of person they'd despise, yet here they are, salivating for her approval. Have they twigged to the essential sadism underneath her goody-goody exterior?
Ooh, good catch! It takes one to know one.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 07:35 am (UTC)Bwhaha!
Harry's thin, though, which makes all the difference.
Harry being as tall as Narcissa "now" (like they've been face to face before??) seems to fool him into thinking he's her equal.
Is it me or is he challenging her to a fight? 'Why not have a go' (if you think you're hard enough!) So much for the house of chivalry.
And I see that it's now cool to insult people's moms again, since it's Harry doing it, unlike in OotP, where it's an offence worthy of assault from multiple people.
Have they twigged to the essential sadism underneath her goody-goody exterior?
Wonder if they know about Marietta?
Incidentally their sucking up to Hermione and Harry
Oh, surely not! They've just recognised H/Hr's inner goodness and are reacting accordingly. Sucking up is for people like Draco and Snape.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 05:44 am (UTC)About the twins: In OotP, at least the twins were funny. Now they're just kind of dumb and annoying.
About Hagrid as security: I'm going to fanwank that some people in the MoM want to kill Harry and they're responsible for assigning his security to Hagrid.
About Ginny's love life: the less said the better. Ginny who?
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Date: 2006-04-22 07:01 am (UTC)Perhaps they've met him.
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Date: 2006-04-22 02:20 pm (UTC)I've mentioned this many times before, but I suspect he's just doing it to show off, a bit like Moody with his scars and false leg (apologies to the Moody fans here, but - you know - they can grow back bones here, do you think the rest of the leg would be a great deal harder?). A bit of "In case you hadn't noticed, I'm extremely hard-done-by" going on. Apparently, people have to have walloping great signs on them so people reading will know exactly what they're about. Also, I have read about Rowling's adventures as a poor person in the early-mid 1990s and I remember her saying that she resented having to buy second hand clothes for her baby. Since about 85% of my outfits tend to be second hand and I don't look as much of a scruff as Remus, I am straining to see what the problem is here :/
are we okay about the Prefect position now, lad? I only did it cause I thought it was for the best!
Quidditch is far more manly and cool than some prefecty business anyway. I mean, it's sport! How much more awesome could it be?
HARRY GETS TO USE THE SPECIAL BATHROOM NOW!
Prior to this book, I had a theory that Harry had a bath or shower once every even-numbered book in the series. But he doesn't even take advantage of his newfound position to scrub up a bit. Nice bit of soap and water, Harry. Flannel behind the ears. You know, I'm not talking about a day at a health spa or anything. Perhaps he thinks washing is a bit poofy (I suspect Slughorn probably has quite a large number of fruity, flowery and musky wossnames in his bathroom cabinet - and he probably eats chocolate while wallowing in a mountain of perfumed bubbles. I can see it now. At least he doesn't stink of armpits)
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Date: 2006-04-22 02:42 pm (UTC)I'm completely stuck on the idea of resenting having to buy second hand clothes for a baby. In my experience most babies where second hand clothes and their parents love it. First, it's one time in their life they don't care in terms of wanting to wear some latest thing or buy stuff new. Second, babies grow out of stuff fast. It seems like every baby in my family has worn clothes that used to belong to other babies in the family who've now grown out of them. Even my own mother seems to constantly be bringing dresses and stuff to my sister or some of my cousins--and the woman's youngest child is in her 30s.
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Date: 2006-04-22 04:48 pm (UTC)In fact, I'm happy to finally live in a city that has decent second-hand shops. I need a spring coat, and I've actually got a chance of finding a second-hand one that doesn't look like it's meant for Miss Marple.
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Date: 2006-04-22 06:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 06:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-23 01:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 04:56 pm (UTC)I think Remus's mild-mannered behaviour is a persona he has cultivated, because the more unthreatening he is, the easier it is for people to over-look his lycanthropy. Scruffy clothes fit the bill exactly.
God, I love manipulative!Remus.
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Date: 2006-04-24 05:51 pm (UTC)Oh, as a Moody fan I totally admit that he enjoys looking all scarred and dangerous. I mean, would you want to mess with a guy who looks like he got into a fight with rabid wolves and won?
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Date: 2006-04-23 02:09 pm (UTC)I think this was the hardest I've laughed all week :D
But really, JKR does have a habit of writing in superlatives too often. I feel like Lupin's been more ragged and patched than ever like 4 times now. It starts to lose its meaning after awhile. Very much like how Harry was more angry than he had ever been before all throughout book 5. I believe she started that in book 3 and still expects us to buy it 2 books later.
Hermione wants new dress robes…why, I’m not sure.
I think of the dress robes as something to wear to a formal event, not necessarily the dance of the century. Though I still agree--where is the need? Does Hermione know of some super special formal event that's going to take place in the 7th book, figuring she'd get her shopping out of the way now?
The twins take Hermione and Ginny to the girlie potions
...and then the twins are all, "Ginny u r our sister, u can't get this stuff!" Why lead her there then? Oh right, so we could have that conversation about how Ginny goes through boyfriends like water.
Knockturn Alley is deserted because it’s a giveaway to be seen buying "dark" magical items.
And Hermione strolls in there like it ain't no thang.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 08:18 pm (UTC)Brand loyalty. It's not just for Muggles. Whether you're shopping for robes, wands or electronics, you certainly don't want to comparison-shop.
Seriously, I’m beginning to develop a theory that magic causes a seriously decreased heterosexual sex drive in male wizards.
Actually, I think that's a British "home of the committed bachelor" thing.
now I’m picturing Draco on hold to B&B Tech Support. Have you tried rebooting the cabinet?
Bwahahahahahahahaha! Yes! After all, tech support is the original evil.
Love potions
Date: 2010-05-04 08:07 pm (UTC)>>> *And of course naturally the love potions would all be for girls. What boy would ever want to give a girl a potion to make her want to have sex with him?
*Hmmm. The love potions depend on the weight of the boy and the attractiveness of the girl. I’m thinking tranquilizer darts are the way to go, myself. The ugly girl can bag her prey from a distance, have time to catch up to him (especially if she’s heavy and can’t run fast), mount him and run away pregnant before the guy wakes up.
*Seriously, I’m beginning to develop a theory that magic causes a seriously decreased heterosexual sex drive in male wizards. I guess the reason the steps to the girl’s room in Gryffindor Tower don’t let boys up isn’t because boys are randy and want sex but because the girls are constantly doping them up to force them into servicing their insatiable female libido! <<<
The love potion theme is probably based on JKR's personal experiences, which naturally are projected onto a great many of the female characters she writes about. Just imagine a community with a lot of women who have both her libido and her attractiveness and you have the hidden magical community in Harry Potter.