HBP Chapter Six
Apr. 21st, 2006 12:26 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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deathtocapslockHBP Chapter Six
*Ginny’s good at Quidditch. Thus the last bit of important information falls into place. Now Voldemort can be defeated.
*But first, a short quiz. Harry and Hermione play Quidditch against Ron and Ginny. Hermione is dreadful but Ginny is good. How does this make them reasonably well matched?
a)Harry is four times as good as Hermione, but Ron is twice as good as Harry.
b)Ginny is ten percent better than Hermione, but twenty percent as good as Ron.
c)Ron is twice as good as Hermione but Ginny is three times better than Ron.
d)Ginny is Harry’s ideal girl.
*If I were Hermione they’d find me stumbling down the road knocking on Muggle neighbor doors asking if they had teenagers and if so could I please watch TV with them?
*What does Remus Lupin do to his clothes that they’re always more worn and patched than ever? Especially when he can fix his clothes with magic? Is he riding the rails as a hobo? Is he undercover as a clown? I think the end of the series will reveal that as a child Lupin was bitten not only by Fenrir Greyback but Raggedy Andy as well.
*Remus is also gaunt. You’d think he’d be gaining weight what with all the eating people.:-D
*Regulus lived a few days after deserting the DEs. Go Regulus! Sprinkle that name around!
*Bill is being “plied with wine” by Fleur. Personally, to me that phrase has always suggested softening someone up so you can have your way with them, usually a man trying to get a woman drunk. I would expect Harry’s fiancé to maybe have to do that but not Bill’s.
*Florian Fortescue’s been kidnapped—omg, who’s going to give Harry free ice cream? You’d think giving The Chosen One free ice cream would get you some protection, but no. (Though later when we see what "protection" means in this world, maybe Florian did get it and this was the natural result.)
*Ollivander’s gone too. "The wand maker?” asks startled Ginny. "No, the Mexican jumping bean farmer," replies Arthur. Well, no, he doesn’t say that, but that’s what somebody would have said if Ron asked such a question.
*Oh, I see. Ginny’s startled because WHAT’LL PEOPLE DO FOR WANDS?? Glad she’s got her priorities straight, there.
*Remus reveals other people are capable of making wooden sticks too. You know, this is kind of indicative of the way this world works—realistically, there would be lots of wand-makers and different people would favor different makers. Each would have his own style and strength and there would be healthy competition. In HP, of course, we can’t have that. Ollivander must be The Chosen One of wand makers and once he’s gone wands will never be the same again.
*Harry receives a note saying he’s now Quidditch Captain. I picture the note including a little doodle of Dumbledore with big, sad, hopeful eyes and a single tear—are we okay about the Prefect position now, lad? I only did it cause I thought it was for the best! XOXO
*Speaking of priorities—HARRY GETS TO USE THE SPECIAL BATHROOM NOW! Hogwarts seems to have a lot in common with corporate culture of the early 1960s. People in movies and plays of that time are always trying to get a key to the executive washroom. Poor![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mike_smith was so excited about the prospect of this bathroom, and it never comes up once in the book after this.
*Ron’s supportive and gracious about Harry being Quidditch captain. Naturally Harry does not compare this to his own behavior last year when Ron was made Prefect.
*Ron later goes wide-eyed over Harry’s bag o’gold, which Bill took out for him. Um, I know Harry has far too muchnoblesse oblige an easy-going nature to ask, but when did the Weasleys get full access to his bank account? My own mother doesn’t know my PIN number but it seems like anybody can make withdrawals on Harry’s account. Maybe it "makes things easier" and Harry should "trust Bill," but would it have killed Bill to, you know, explain this beforehand and ask? Maybe have Harry fill out the bank slip? Does he not need any form of ID? Bill does ROB GRAVES for a living, iirc.
*Ginny mimes throwing up when Fleur strokes Bill’s nose and Harry finds this so hilarious he almost chokes into his cereal. Good thing Ginny didn’t say Bill and Fleur were sittin’ in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g. Harry might actually have died laughing.
*Yeah, it’s tough being the Weasleys, what with the chauffer and the company car. They’re so down to earth.
*Harry isn’t sure the Ministry knows about his invisibility cloak. Of course not. Dumbledore would totally keep that information to himself while invading Harry’s privacy in plenty of other ways. It’s exactly his style of keeping in control.
*Harry’s on Top-Grade Security Status. Top Grade apparently meaning you’re guarded by the big dumb ex-gamekeeper/schoolteacher who likes a drink or two. Excellent.
*And he’s wearing a beaver skin coat in August. I suspect the coat is the real security. It will keep people away for a considerable radius.
*Dumbledore once again overrides anything so silly as a professional agency by deciding how Harry will be guarded on a whim. Who needs any sort of governing structure in place when you can just rely on the Very Wise Man?
*Normally you’d think the vendor calling Ginny’s neck pretty would be just a sales pitch, but we’ll soon see that it’s no sales pitch. It’s true!
*Mr Weasley apparently can’t do anything like his job when he’s not on duty. Why am I not surprised that *this* would be the one way he’d try to be by the books?
*Hermione wants new dress robes…why, I’m not sure. Isn’t that like buying a new prom dress?
*Arthur says it doesn’t make sense for them all to go to Madam Malkin’s. Um, Arthur? It actually does make sense. You’ve got one security guard and are probably expected to be sticking together. As if to point this out, Harry immediately notices other shoppers sticking together in tight knit groups. Cowards.
*And then, when we get to the shop, Hagrid stays outside anyway. Top Grade Security. What’s Low Grade Security, I wonder? The security guard sits in the car while Harry runs into the bakery and brings him back coffee and a bear claw?
*Draco asks his mother if she’s noticed he’s not a child anymore. Harry certainly notices as he checks out Draco’s handsome dark green robes.
*I hadn’t noticed this before, but Draco is already yelling about Malkin’s sticking him with pins before the one in his arm.
*I guess his seeing Harry staring at him in the mirror also counts as foreshadowing of the later bathroom fight. What’s great is it’s also the cliché moment from Fatal Attraction.
*Despite his not being a child anymore, Draco announces that if his mother smells something bad it’s because a Mudblood just walked in. Maybe when the robes are properly fitted Draco can shop for some grown up insults he can use without embarrassing himself.
*Okay, he redeems himself slightly by pointing out Hermione’s black eye and offering to send flowers to whoever did it.
*Madam Malkin scolds Draco. I guess she doesn’t realize he’s the Big Bad Embodiment of Evil that Everyone Is Afraid to Challenge.
*Harry’s insults aren’t too sharp either, but at the moment I’d say Harry’s insulting at the 16-year-old level while Draco hovers around twelve.
*Yes, the symbolism of Draco tripping over his robes is heavy-handed, but who could resist it?
*So does Draco know about Harry and Sirius? What does he know about Sirius? Narcissa calls him "Dear Sirius" referring to them, it seems, not Harry. (I mean, she’s not saying Harry will be reunited with *his* dear Sirius, but just dear Sirius, as in their cousin.)
*Draco and Narcissa decide to go to another store. Wait, there are other stores? But I’m sure Madam Malkin is The Chosen Dressmaker.
*When he gets outside, Harry asks Hagrid if he saw the Malfoys. You know, the family working for the guy trying to kill Harry who killed Sirius and who just almost got into a fight with Harry in the store while you were supposed to be protecting him? Oh, of course Hagrid the security guard wouldn’t know that. Anyway, he says they wouldn’t dare make trouble in the middle of Diagon Alley, the place where everyone else has been abducted. Which is why you ought to have followed Harry into the store, genius.
*Actually, I’m being kind of hard on Hagrid. He would have been no match for Narcissa and probably just made things worse. Then Harry would have to be cheering him up all day or something. For proof, note how nobody manages to "disabuse Hagrid of this comfortable notion" even though he’s the one who’s supposed to be protecting them.
*The twins’ store is packed, and a lot of people seem to actually be buying stuff like wands that turn into rubber chickens. I weep for the Wizarding World. I really do.
*Hermione tells us the daydream charms are extraordinary magic. Why, I’m not sure. It’s just convenient that Fred and George are the only people in the entire Wizarding World who seem to ever create these obvious magical things. They are the Chosen Magic Makers, which is why they’ll be driving the Pretender out of business soon enough.
*Fred and George still have bad but expensive taste in clothing, an attribute that will be transferred to the Malfoys in fandom, even though we just had a scene telling us Draco’s own robes were handsome. It’s one of those rare times when Rowling and her devoted followers have a little conflict. She’s more suggesting it’s funny that Fred and George are tacky. But when you’re mostly writing romance, you’d rather your favorite characters be the ones with good breeding and nice clothes and that particular joke be on the Malfoys.
*I’m so glad Fred and George’s store also includes Muggle stuff so people can mock it. They probably think Muggles actually use this stuff a lot, trying to emulate the high culture of wizards.
*George can’t believe how many people at the Ministry can’t do a decent shield charm. Funny, I can believe it. Nobody can do anything except for people Harry’s coincidentally become close with over the years, and even they can’t be over 19.
*Fred and George then take Harry into the backroom where they sell items for thieves. Ironically, on the way into this room one of them threatens a small boy with physical violence if he pockets anything.
*Fred and George are also referred to as “Mr and Mr Weasley” by their staff. Amazingly, Harry refrains from seeing this as pretentious or even considering that Fred and George could be turning into The Man.
*Have Fred and George paid Harry back for his loan? Seems like they’d have to have by now but I don’t remember. They’re giving him free stuff, but frankly I’m shocked they haven’t yet asked him for a personal endorsement of their store. That’ll probably come later.
*The twins take Hermione and Ginny to the girlie potions, where they back off warily from the silly giggling girls. They prefer to plot their man traps in dignified hisses and whispers.
*And of course naturally the love potions would all be for girls. What boy would ever want to give a girl a potion to make her want to have sex with him?
*Hmmm. The love potions depend on the weight of the boy and the attractiveness of the girl. I’m thinking tranquilizer darts are the way to go, myself. The ugly girl can bag her prey from a distance, have time to catch up to him (especially if she’s heavy and can’t run fast), mount him and run away pregnant before the guy wakes up.
*Seriously, I’m beginning to develop a theory that magic causes a seriously decreased heterosexual sex drive in male wizards. I guess the reason the steps to the girl’s room in Gryffindor Tower don’t let boys up isn’t because boys are randy and want sex but because the girls are constantly doping them up to force them into servicing their insatiable female libido!
*Fred and George discuss how popular Ginny is. This would be the time for somebody besides Ginny to mime vomiting.
*Ginny announces that Dean is a boy and Michael is a sore loser so she dumped him. I hope Fred and George rattle off a list of other boys who are interested in Ginny so she can tell us why she rejects them. (Btw, keeping track, that’s two more random people Ginny has mentioned, one neutrally, one negatively.)
*Fred and George suggest Ginny’s moving through boyfriends "a bit fast" (two in a year—whoa) so that we can be subjected to Mary Sue’s Rant of Awesome Girl Power. Fred and George will not be the first boys in her family to be roped into this role.
*Ginny sure is angry at Fred and George for acting out their stereotypical boy roles. Because she’s totally not on board with the clichéd gender roles that are the bedrock of the Weasley family. Nope, her character’s a regular black sheep amongst the wooly rams. Uh-huh. Her looking a lot like Molly when she scolds them does not in any way suggest that Ginny’s just like her mother underneath.
*Harry said nothing. He was thinking too hard. The joke is too easy.
*Harry decides to follow to see where Malfoy’s going. Ooh! I’ve read this one. Harry’s going to follow Malfoy to a brothel where Malfoy has sex with a pretty rent boy with black hair and blue eyes while Harry gets turned on and touches himself under his invisibility cloak.
*Oh. Wrong story. *shuts off porn music* What happens is, Harry, Ron and Hermione get under the cloak and waltz past Hagrid’s Top Grade Security.
*It’s difficult hiding all three of them under the cloak these days. Frankly, I’m surprised they can do it at all.
*Knockturn Alley is deserted because it’s a giveaway to be seen buying "dark" magical items. Or maybe because with Fred and George’s back room, you can buy far more dangerous weapons in Diagon Alley.
*Hee—Draco talks with his hands. I thought Maya just made that up!
*Now I’m totally trying to imagine Tom Felton miming his whole Cabinet plan so Harry can watch through the window. Or better yet, I want him to act out his entire role in the series so far, incorporating the classic "stuck in an invisible box" and "walking in a heavy wind" tricks.
*B&B sells sinister objects. Like a trick vanishing cabinet. As opposed to the totally not sinister powder that cloaks everything in darkness.
*So what’s Borgin supposed to be giving his full attention, since it’s Draco who’s going to be fixing the cabinet? Is he just sending instructions or something? LOL-now I’m picturing Draco on hold to B&B Tech Support. Have you tried rebooting the cabinet?
*Ron and Hermione bicker all the way back to Diagon Alley. Knowing what bickering symbolizes, Harry’s lucky they don’t start having sex right there under the cloak.
*Mrs Weasley and Hagrid have clearly noticed their absence. Well-done G-Man Hagrid. How long after Mrs Weasley pointed it out did you notice their absence?
Idiot Picture
Where to start?
Idiot World
We end the scene with our Top Grade Security Man being fooled by the oldest trick in the Child’s Book of Sneaking. And did you know Harry totally invented shield charms?
Informed Attributes
Miming throwing up! Oh dear—it’s no wonder Harry almost spits out his cornflakes! Bwahahaha!
Misdirected Answering
Having just sat through an entire chapter of catching up with the Weasleys, we now have to endure a visit to the Twins’ store and not only hear how their business is going but the details of Ginny’s boring teenaged love life. Meanwhile, the Apocalyptic Magical War makes Harry’s birthday tea a little grim, but let’s not dwell on it.
Selling Wood
Goes to Hermione Granger, starring in "Shopping For A Birthday Present For My Good Friend, Draco Malfoy."
Final score: 5
*Ginny’s good at Quidditch. Thus the last bit of important information falls into place. Now Voldemort can be defeated.
*But first, a short quiz. Harry and Hermione play Quidditch against Ron and Ginny. Hermione is dreadful but Ginny is good. How does this make them reasonably well matched?
a)Harry is four times as good as Hermione, but Ron is twice as good as Harry.
b)Ginny is ten percent better than Hermione, but twenty percent as good as Ron.
c)Ron is twice as good as Hermione but Ginny is three times better than Ron.
d)Ginny is Harry’s ideal girl.
*If I were Hermione they’d find me stumbling down the road knocking on Muggle neighbor doors asking if they had teenagers and if so could I please watch TV with them?
*What does Remus Lupin do to his clothes that they’re always more worn and patched than ever? Especially when he can fix his clothes with magic? Is he riding the rails as a hobo? Is he undercover as a clown? I think the end of the series will reveal that as a child Lupin was bitten not only by Fenrir Greyback but Raggedy Andy as well.
*Remus is also gaunt. You’d think he’d be gaining weight what with all the eating people.:-D
*Regulus lived a few days after deserting the DEs. Go Regulus! Sprinkle that name around!
*Bill is being “plied with wine” by Fleur. Personally, to me that phrase has always suggested softening someone up so you can have your way with them, usually a man trying to get a woman drunk. I would expect Harry’s fiancé to maybe have to do that but not Bill’s.
*Florian Fortescue’s been kidnapped—omg, who’s going to give Harry free ice cream? You’d think giving The Chosen One free ice cream would get you some protection, but no. (Though later when we see what "protection" means in this world, maybe Florian did get it and this was the natural result.)
*Ollivander’s gone too. "The wand maker?” asks startled Ginny. "No, the Mexican jumping bean farmer," replies Arthur. Well, no, he doesn’t say that, but that’s what somebody would have said if Ron asked such a question.
*Oh, I see. Ginny’s startled because WHAT’LL PEOPLE DO FOR WANDS?? Glad she’s got her priorities straight, there.
*Remus reveals other people are capable of making wooden sticks too. You know, this is kind of indicative of the way this world works—realistically, there would be lots of wand-makers and different people would favor different makers. Each would have his own style and strength and there would be healthy competition. In HP, of course, we can’t have that. Ollivander must be The Chosen One of wand makers and once he’s gone wands will never be the same again.
*Harry receives a note saying he’s now Quidditch Captain. I picture the note including a little doodle of Dumbledore with big, sad, hopeful eyes and a single tear—are we okay about the Prefect position now, lad? I only did it cause I thought it was for the best! XOXO
*Speaking of priorities—HARRY GETS TO USE THE SPECIAL BATHROOM NOW! Hogwarts seems to have a lot in common with corporate culture of the early 1960s. People in movies and plays of that time are always trying to get a key to the executive washroom. Poor
mike_smith was so excited about the prospect of this bathroom, and it never comes up once in the book after this.*Ron’s supportive and gracious about Harry being Quidditch captain. Naturally Harry does not compare this to his own behavior last year when Ron was made Prefect.
*Ron later goes wide-eyed over Harry’s bag o’gold, which Bill took out for him. Um, I know Harry has far too much
*Ginny mimes throwing up when Fleur strokes Bill’s nose and Harry finds this so hilarious he almost chokes into his cereal. Good thing Ginny didn’t say Bill and Fleur were sittin’ in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g. Harry might actually have died laughing.
*Yeah, it’s tough being the Weasleys, what with the chauffer and the company car. They’re so down to earth.
*Harry isn’t sure the Ministry knows about his invisibility cloak. Of course not. Dumbledore would totally keep that information to himself while invading Harry’s privacy in plenty of other ways. It’s exactly his style of keeping in control.
*Harry’s on Top-Grade Security Status. Top Grade apparently meaning you’re guarded by the big dumb ex-gamekeeper/schoolteacher who likes a drink or two. Excellent.
*And he’s wearing a beaver skin coat in August. I suspect the coat is the real security. It will keep people away for a considerable radius.
*Dumbledore once again overrides anything so silly as a professional agency by deciding how Harry will be guarded on a whim. Who needs any sort of governing structure in place when you can just rely on the Very Wise Man?
*Normally you’d think the vendor calling Ginny’s neck pretty would be just a sales pitch, but we’ll soon see that it’s no sales pitch. It’s true!
*Mr Weasley apparently can’t do anything like his job when he’s not on duty. Why am I not surprised that *this* would be the one way he’d try to be by the books?
*Hermione wants new dress robes…why, I’m not sure. Isn’t that like buying a new prom dress?
*Arthur says it doesn’t make sense for them all to go to Madam Malkin’s. Um, Arthur? It actually does make sense. You’ve got one security guard and are probably expected to be sticking together. As if to point this out, Harry immediately notices other shoppers sticking together in tight knit groups. Cowards.
*And then, when we get to the shop, Hagrid stays outside anyway. Top Grade Security. What’s Low Grade Security, I wonder? The security guard sits in the car while Harry runs into the bakery and brings him back coffee and a bear claw?
*Draco asks his mother if she’s noticed he’s not a child anymore. Harry certainly notices as he checks out Draco’s handsome dark green robes.
*I hadn’t noticed this before, but Draco is already yelling about Malkin’s sticking him with pins before the one in his arm.
*I guess his seeing Harry staring at him in the mirror also counts as foreshadowing of the later bathroom fight. What’s great is it’s also the cliché moment from Fatal Attraction.
*Despite his not being a child anymore, Draco announces that if his mother smells something bad it’s because a Mudblood just walked in. Maybe when the robes are properly fitted Draco can shop for some grown up insults he can use without embarrassing himself.
*Okay, he redeems himself slightly by pointing out Hermione’s black eye and offering to send flowers to whoever did it.
*Madam Malkin scolds Draco. I guess she doesn’t realize he’s the Big Bad Embodiment of Evil that Everyone Is Afraid to Challenge.
*Harry’s insults aren’t too sharp either, but at the moment I’d say Harry’s insulting at the 16-year-old level while Draco hovers around twelve.
*Yes, the symbolism of Draco tripping over his robes is heavy-handed, but who could resist it?
*So does Draco know about Harry and Sirius? What does he know about Sirius? Narcissa calls him "Dear Sirius" referring to them, it seems, not Harry. (I mean, she’s not saying Harry will be reunited with *his* dear Sirius, but just dear Sirius, as in their cousin.)
*Draco and Narcissa decide to go to another store. Wait, there are other stores? But I’m sure Madam Malkin is The Chosen Dressmaker.
*When he gets outside, Harry asks Hagrid if he saw the Malfoys. You know, the family working for the guy trying to kill Harry who killed Sirius and who just almost got into a fight with Harry in the store while you were supposed to be protecting him? Oh, of course Hagrid the security guard wouldn’t know that. Anyway, he says they wouldn’t dare make trouble in the middle of Diagon Alley, the place where everyone else has been abducted. Which is why you ought to have followed Harry into the store, genius.
*Actually, I’m being kind of hard on Hagrid. He would have been no match for Narcissa and probably just made things worse. Then Harry would have to be cheering him up all day or something. For proof, note how nobody manages to "disabuse Hagrid of this comfortable notion" even though he’s the one who’s supposed to be protecting them.
*The twins’ store is packed, and a lot of people seem to actually be buying stuff like wands that turn into rubber chickens. I weep for the Wizarding World. I really do.
*Hermione tells us the daydream charms are extraordinary magic. Why, I’m not sure. It’s just convenient that Fred and George are the only people in the entire Wizarding World who seem to ever create these obvious magical things. They are the Chosen Magic Makers, which is why they’ll be driving the Pretender out of business soon enough.
*Fred and George still have bad but expensive taste in clothing, an attribute that will be transferred to the Malfoys in fandom, even though we just had a scene telling us Draco’s own robes were handsome. It’s one of those rare times when Rowling and her devoted followers have a little conflict. She’s more suggesting it’s funny that Fred and George are tacky. But when you’re mostly writing romance, you’d rather your favorite characters be the ones with good breeding and nice clothes and that particular joke be on the Malfoys.
*I’m so glad Fred and George’s store also includes Muggle stuff so people can mock it. They probably think Muggles actually use this stuff a lot, trying to emulate the high culture of wizards.
*George can’t believe how many people at the Ministry can’t do a decent shield charm. Funny, I can believe it. Nobody can do anything except for people Harry’s coincidentally become close with over the years, and even they can’t be over 19.
*Fred and George then take Harry into the backroom where they sell items for thieves. Ironically, on the way into this room one of them threatens a small boy with physical violence if he pockets anything.
*Fred and George are also referred to as “Mr and Mr Weasley” by their staff. Amazingly, Harry refrains from seeing this as pretentious or even considering that Fred and George could be turning into The Man.
*Have Fred and George paid Harry back for his loan? Seems like they’d have to have by now but I don’t remember. They’re giving him free stuff, but frankly I’m shocked they haven’t yet asked him for a personal endorsement of their store. That’ll probably come later.
*The twins take Hermione and Ginny to the girlie potions, where they back off warily from the silly giggling girls. They prefer to plot their man traps in dignified hisses and whispers.
*And of course naturally the love potions would all be for girls. What boy would ever want to give a girl a potion to make her want to have sex with him?
*Hmmm. The love potions depend on the weight of the boy and the attractiveness of the girl. I’m thinking tranquilizer darts are the way to go, myself. The ugly girl can bag her prey from a distance, have time to catch up to him (especially if she’s heavy and can’t run fast), mount him and run away pregnant before the guy wakes up.
*Seriously, I’m beginning to develop a theory that magic causes a seriously decreased heterosexual sex drive in male wizards. I guess the reason the steps to the girl’s room in Gryffindor Tower don’t let boys up isn’t because boys are randy and want sex but because the girls are constantly doping them up to force them into servicing their insatiable female libido!
*Fred and George discuss how popular Ginny is. This would be the time for somebody besides Ginny to mime vomiting.
*Ginny announces that Dean is a boy and Michael is a sore loser so she dumped him. I hope Fred and George rattle off a list of other boys who are interested in Ginny so she can tell us why she rejects them. (Btw, keeping track, that’s two more random people Ginny has mentioned, one neutrally, one negatively.)
*Fred and George suggest Ginny’s moving through boyfriends "a bit fast" (two in a year—whoa) so that we can be subjected to Mary Sue’s Rant of Awesome Girl Power. Fred and George will not be the first boys in her family to be roped into this role.
*Ginny sure is angry at Fred and George for acting out their stereotypical boy roles. Because she’s totally not on board with the clichéd gender roles that are the bedrock of the Weasley family. Nope, her character’s a regular black sheep amongst the wooly rams. Uh-huh. Her looking a lot like Molly when she scolds them does not in any way suggest that Ginny’s just like her mother underneath.
*Harry said nothing. He was thinking too hard. The joke is too easy.
*Harry decides to follow to see where Malfoy’s going. Ooh! I’ve read this one. Harry’s going to follow Malfoy to a brothel where Malfoy has sex with a pretty rent boy with black hair and blue eyes while Harry gets turned on and touches himself under his invisibility cloak.
*Oh. Wrong story. *shuts off porn music* What happens is, Harry, Ron and Hermione get under the cloak and waltz past Hagrid’s Top Grade Security.
*It’s difficult hiding all three of them under the cloak these days. Frankly, I’m surprised they can do it at all.
*Knockturn Alley is deserted because it’s a giveaway to be seen buying "dark" magical items. Or maybe because with Fred and George’s back room, you can buy far more dangerous weapons in Diagon Alley.
*Hee—Draco talks with his hands. I thought Maya just made that up!
*Now I’m totally trying to imagine Tom Felton miming his whole Cabinet plan so Harry can watch through the window. Or better yet, I want him to act out his entire role in the series so far, incorporating the classic "stuck in an invisible box" and "walking in a heavy wind" tricks.
*B&B sells sinister objects. Like a trick vanishing cabinet. As opposed to the totally not sinister powder that cloaks everything in darkness.
*So what’s Borgin supposed to be giving his full attention, since it’s Draco who’s going to be fixing the cabinet? Is he just sending instructions or something? LOL-now I’m picturing Draco on hold to B&B Tech Support. Have you tried rebooting the cabinet?
*Ron and Hermione bicker all the way back to Diagon Alley. Knowing what bickering symbolizes, Harry’s lucky they don’t start having sex right there under the cloak.
*Mrs Weasley and Hagrid have clearly noticed their absence. Well-done G-Man Hagrid. How long after Mrs Weasley pointed it out did you notice their absence?
Idiot Picture
Where to start?
Idiot World
We end the scene with our Top Grade Security Man being fooled by the oldest trick in the Child’s Book of Sneaking. And did you know Harry totally invented shield charms?
Informed Attributes
Miming throwing up! Oh dear—it’s no wonder Harry almost spits out his cornflakes! Bwahahaha!
Misdirected Answering
Having just sat through an entire chapter of catching up with the Weasleys, we now have to endure a visit to the Twins’ store and not only hear how their business is going but the details of Ginny’s boring teenaged love life. Meanwhile, the Apocalyptic Magical War makes Harry’s birthday tea a little grim, but let’s not dwell on it.
Selling Wood
Goes to Hermione Granger, starring in "Shopping For A Birthday Present For My Good Friend, Draco Malfoy."
Final score: 5
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Love potions
Date: 2010-05-04 08:07 pm (UTC)>>> *And of course naturally the love potions would all be for girls. What boy would ever want to give a girl a potion to make her want to have sex with him?
*Hmmm. The love potions depend on the weight of the boy and the attractiveness of the girl. I’m thinking tranquilizer darts are the way to go, myself. The ugly girl can bag her prey from a distance, have time to catch up to him (especially if she’s heavy and can’t run fast), mount him and run away pregnant before the guy wakes up.
*Seriously, I’m beginning to develop a theory that magic causes a seriously decreased heterosexual sex drive in male wizards. I guess the reason the steps to the girl’s room in Gryffindor Tower don’t let boys up isn’t because boys are randy and want sex but because the girls are constantly doping them up to force them into servicing their insatiable female libido! <<<
The love potion theme is probably based on JKR's personal experiences, which naturally are projected onto a great many of the female characters she writes about. Just imagine a community with a lot of women who have both her libido and her attractiveness and you have the hidden magical community in Harry Potter.