HBP Chapter Eleven

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

*The title sounds much dirtier than it is, but probably is still better than "The Chapter Where Hermione Cheats and Ron Gets Emasculated—Again!"

*Classes have become really difficult, with even Hermione having to ask for instructions once or twice in Transfigurations. You’ll just have to trust us on this because honestly, how is the author supposed to make pointing a stick and saying a word complicated. Maybe the words have more syllables now. It’s not like they could be doing something like theory. Theory is for cowards.

*Non-verbal spells are now expected everywhere, so I guess it’s not really a Dark Arts thing, though it is a little odd that Harry has apparently never noticed that non-verbal spells are so widespread. Wait, what am I talking about? This is Harry.

*One result of their having more studying to do everyday than any student since the beginning of time even though many of their school subjects are relatively simple compared to Muggle ones, is that they haven’t been able to visit Hagrid. Damn you school work! Damn you to hell!

*Ron describes Hagrid’s teaching in realistic and unflattering terms. Ron, unlike me, is not then subjected to endless fanwank about how he’s really a fine teacher anyone would want, and especially better than Snape, and that he’d be winning awards right now if it weren’t for that Malfoy kid not listening to his great instructions that one day three years ago.

*Hermione, meanwhile, exposits the much more important information that Harry is the dishiest boy in school. No, this does not mean Harry will be giving up his title of underdog leader of a band of outcasts. He’s dishy enough for both roles thank you very much! See how his face is getting hot?

*The werewolf-spy storyline fairy zips through the chapter, and Harry remembers Lupin exists long enough to note he’s not started writing to him when he never has before. Honestly Remus, did those six words you exchanged with Harry in OotP mean nothing?

*The Owls arrive bearing new Potions books and defying all laws of physics, not that anyone cares. Magic totally pwns gravity.

*Meanwhile, Hermione is defying all laws of common sense and the brainiac code by looking scandalized at Harry’s switching the book covers instead of looking scandalized at the idea of getting rid of the book with all the good notes in it. I know Hermione’s supposed to be gifted, but gifted at what I’m just not sure.

*Btw, in American schools we generally cover our books in brown paper so Harry wouldn’t have had to switch covers. Do they not do that in other places? /cultural exchange moment

*Harry knows a spell to remove book covers. Did he actually look that up? Or was that in the Prince’s book too?

*Oh, and did we mention there’s a war on? Yeah, every day the newspaper brings more grim news, everyone’s really distracted by it. Honest. Ron’s totally got to be determined to sound so casual.

*I love the way the Prophet identifies Stan the same way he’d be identified in the book: Conductor of the popular wizard transportation, the Knight Bus. So there’s only one Knight Bus and Stan’s the only conductor? Where would the man find time to be a Death Eater? He’d need a shelf of Time Turners just to cover Westminster during rush hour.

*Harry says there’s no way Stan’s a DE—he’s a spotty youth! Given what Harry’s just been doing with his Advanced Potions, you’d think he’d know not judge a book by its cover, but no.

*Eloise Midgen’s been withdrawn from school by her father. She’s also spotty. Maybe he thought that made her more of a target.

*Ron reminds everyone that Hogwarts is the safest place in England. At least it was until it met its match in…Señor Draco. *strums guitar*

*Harry realizes he hasn’t seen Dumbledore in a week. Remember last year when he was all pissy because Dumbledore was ignoring him? Jeez, they get tall and fanciable and fickle comes soon enough!

*Hermione says things are “getting serious” and Harry remembers a really horrible incident when Hannah Abbot learned her mother’s been found dead. He hasn’t seen Hannah since, but he’s probably thinking about her a lot. You wait; once she comes back the Chosen One is going to make her feel better.

*Lavender smiles at Ron, who begins strutting, something Harry has never done. But Harry doesn’t laugh because Ron didn’t laugh when Harry got his nose broken, which is totally equally funny.

*Hermione gets cold and distant, which Ron deserves for having responded to a girl showing something like affection. Hermione’s been priming this pump for years with the constant bickering; she won’t have Ron start getting used to that!

*Lots of first years at the try-out for Quidditch…um, who do they think they are, Harry Potter? First years aren’t supposed to play. Well, at least they’re clutching dreadful school brooms instead of Nimbus 2000s that fell out of the sky and into their laps.

*Harry notes that McClaggen wasn’t at try-outs last year since he was in the infirmary for eating a lot of doxy eggs—which I’m sure happens about once a week in Gryffindor. McClaggen refrains from reminding Harry that unlike everyone else he didn’t have to try out last year, or the year before etc.

*Harry wonders if McClaggen expects special treatment because they’re Old Sluggy’s favorites. As if Harry would give special treatment to Old Sluggy’s favorites. Try becoming one of Dumbledore’s favorites, Cormac, and then we’ll talk!

*Then there’s a group of the silliest girls Harry’s ever encountered, which is no mean feat given that almost every single girl Harry’s ever encountered outside of the ones he chooses to be friends with have been silly. They must be flying upside-down and wearing their underwear on the outside or something.

*The fifth group was Hufflepuffs. I admit it, this makes me laugh. It’s not fair, but a well-placed “stupid Hufflepuff” joke just works. It’s probably the name.

*Btw, since Harry doesn’t say the Hufflepuffs are silly or girls, I now have this wonderful vision of ten lovesick Hufflepuff boys on the pitch who are really just trying to help Harry out of the closet and accept himself for who he is. That’s the Hufflepuff way.

*Ginny out flies everyone, scores 17 goals and irritates the hell out of me by being an insufferable Mary Sue to boot! What, that’s it? Are you sure she didn’t also catch the Snitch blindfolded and get elected Prom Queen?

*Apparently Fred and George were brilliant as beaters. It’s in the blood, you know.

*Jimmy Peakes is a great beater for managing to raise a lump the size of an egg on the back of Harry’s head with a ferociously hit Bludger. I guess the amazing part is that he hit an iron ball ferociously into the back of Harry’s head without actually killing him on the spot.

*Harry looks over to see if Ron’s gotten over his performance anxiety. Yes, Harry, he got over it right after Voldemort became an efficient planner and Snape let by-gones be by-gones.

*The real winner at try-outs, of course, is Hermione, who is assured that Ron owes her for his place on the Quidditch team even though Ron performed just fine on his own. You’re nothing without her, Ron! This is going to be one heck of a marriage!

*Btw, you’d think hexing people at try-outs would be an obvious temptation, so much so that anyone could tell someone had done it to McClaggen. But apparently Hermione’s even ruthless by Quidditch standards.

*As opposed to Lavender who just wishes him luck and believes in him. This chick’s got to go.

*Oh, and if McClaggen’s telling the truth this page includes actual canon of Ginny behaving decently by giving Ron easy saves instead of taking the chance to humiliate him. However, as he’s also being compared to Uncle Vernon, and Harry says otherwise, this seems to be more an example of McClaggen being unfair.

*Hermione comes running out of the stands shouting, “I did brilliantly—err, I mean, you did brilliantly, Ron!”

*Hermione finds Buckbeak a bit scary. Why is she scared? She’s only in danger if she deserves it!

*Harry asks Buckbeak if he’s missing "him.” For the record, Buckbeak honestly couldn’t care less that the puny human who cleaned up after him in the house is gone or not.

*Hagrid throws a tantrum and reminds everyone he’s a sort of savage who lives in a hut on the school grounds and every now and then he gets drunk, tries to do magic, and ends up setting fire to his bed a teacher, dammit!

*Hagrid calls the Trio ungrateful for only spending three years defending his sorry arse in class. Luckily they can distract him by acting sympathetic that the big giant spider that might have killed them thanks to Hagrid has been feeling under the weather, and pretending they would have moved time and space to get CoMC into their Timetables if they could.

*Hermione reveals that Cormac was talking bad things about Ron and, more importantly, Ginny! I didn’t remember that before! Her Confunding is totally justified now! She wasn’t cheating for Ron, she was giving him what he deserved!

*Harry points out to Hermione that this is dishonest. This is probably a holdover from the Hagrid scene. There Harry had to pretend Hagrid was a good teacher; now he’s pretending Hermione’s got scruples.

*Hermione wishes Harry would come to dinner with Slughorn because she doesn’t want to go alone. Wouldn’t you just love to be Ron? Not a single one of his friends even considers telling him he’s not objectively inferior to them.

*Crabbe apparently had a shrunken head confiscated when they came into school, because that’s a Dark Object. Err…is it just Dark because he’s ugly? What do Shrunken Heads do? Did they confiscate his Marilyn Manson tee-shirt too? His Preacher comics?? (I am so loving Crabbe in this book!)

*Stymied, Harry gazes at Ginny for a while. Because he likes her, but he doesn’t know it. Get it? It’s just lucky Harry doesn’t notice that the rest of the Common Room is also watching Ginny play with Arnold the Pygmy puff, because it’s such a beautiful sight. Later perhaps Ginny will let us watch her feed Arnold, her bogeys catching the light like precious emeralds.

*Poor Ron, unable to gaze at Ginny because he’s her brother, gazes at Lavender Brown, who, had she been invited to Slughorn’s party, would probably have said she was bringing Ron.

*And the chapter closes with Snape once again saving Harry by getting him out of Slughorn’s party. Bastard.





Designated Hero
And you can tell Harry’s a fair captain by the way he’s glad the try-outs were fixed!

IITS
Poor Ron must not know which end is up or down on the Quidditch Pitch. He triumphed last year, but now he's the goat again. Only for some reason he still stops every goal.

Informed Attributes
Kids should really have to study the Trio in school to learn how good friends treat each other. Lesson one: "which one of you is the loser?"

Also, the war is just oppressing everybody, really.

Misdirected Answering
Pretty much goes for the whole chapter, unless there's someone out there who really cared about who was on the Quidditch team this year.

Final score: 5

Comments

[meganinhiding.livejournal.com]

I think that Dean Thomas mentioned in GoF that the Patil twins were the prettiest girls in their year which is why they had the the honor of escorting Harry and Ron to the Yule Ball. Not that appearance is the least bit important for a girl.

[jollityfarm.livejournal.com]

I think that was Seamus who said that, although that might only be his opinion. Still, it's convenient that Harry's last resort gets to be someone considered "prettiest in the year" by at least one person.

[go-back-chief.livejournal.com]

No, it was Dean. Anyway, I think I'm going to take Dean's word for it, although I'm sure Hermione was the "prettiest their year" during Yule Ball-transformation. That way she has proved that she can be super-pretty if she wants to, but she's not shallow enough to want to, most of the time. ;-)