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deathtocapslockWell, here it is. The final chapter. :) We made it. :D
Summary of the Story: You know how this one goes. Once upon a time, three brothers were traveling down "a lonely winding road at twilight". The brothers come across a river, and because they're wizards (of course. XP), they manage to get over the river -- which pisses Death off, especially considering that everyone else managed to drown in the river previously. (*Wonders about the previous travelers*) Death pretends to congratulate the brothers and asks them for what they want as prizes for evading him. The older brother, who's combative, asks for the Elder Wand. The second brother, who's "arrogant", asks for the Resurrection Stone, and the third brother, who's "the humblest and the wisest of the brothers", asks for the Invisibility Cloak. (Smart idea at the time. :P)
First brother dies of his own stupidity. Second brother kills himself to be with the girl he loves. Third brother (ugh) goes to meet Death willingly. Reader is busy headdesking and mumbling incoherent curses.
Dumbledore's Commentary: Starts with an actually quite cute (if a bit creepy) anecdote about how Dumbledore used to love that story when he was a kid (though Aberforth preferred "Grumble the Grubby Goat"). Possible foreshadowing? YMMV. :)
And then we get *this* load of crap:
"The moral of 'The Tale of the Three Brothers' could not be any clearer: Human efforts to evade or overcome death are always doomed to disappointment. The third brother in the story ("the humblest and also the wisest") is the only one who understands that, having narrowly escaped Death once, the best he can hope for is to postpone their next meeting as long as possible. This youngest brother knows that taunting Death -- by engaging in violence like the first brother, or by meddling in the shadowy art of necromancy, like the second brother -- means pitting oneself against a wily enemy that cannot lose." (94-95)
*Beat*
Honestly, Dumbledore, if you hadn't basically set Harry up to commit suicide for the Greater Good (and made him a Master of Death in the process), I'd actually buy this argument.
Then he goes on about the idea that the Hallows are real is a load of crap and misses the point of the original story and blah blah blah -- except oh wait they turned out to be real in the most horrible way possible GODDAMMIT --
*Dumbles Rage-O-Meter braces itself*
Easy there. *Sighs* My hate will make me powerful...my hate will make me powerful...okay, let's continue. XD
Blah blah blah isn't death tragic and irreversible blah blah blah starting to wish baeraad was here so that he could give Dumbledore a good spanking blah blah blah Godelot blah blah blah hang on a second:
"But which of us would have shown the wisdom of the third brother, if offered the pick of Death's gifts? Wizards and Muggles alike are imbued with a lust for power; how many would resist the 'Wand of Destiny'? Which human being, having lost someone they loved, could withstand the temptation of the Resurrection Stone? Even I, Albus Dumbledore, would find it easiest to refuse the Invisibility Cloak; which only goes to show that, clever as I am, I remain just as big a fool as anyone else." (107)
...
Well, at least he admits he's a hypocrite. Granted, he takes some time to brag about how "clever" he is (and to that I say, fuck you, sir. You are a humble servant of the Light -- something infinitely greater than you could ever be -- and that should be enough for you. #bitch mode), but it counts. A smidgen, that is. :P
Dumbles Rage-O-Meter: 11. *Explodes again* *Beat*
Poor Rage-O-Meter...I should really fix it, but honestly, I think it's suffered enough. Still... :(
And it's over. Phew.
So my conclusions on THE TALES OF BEEDLE THE BARD?
Awful.
If it had been a neat little tie-in for information about the Wizarding World, I think I would have liked it (or at the very least, it wouldn't have been as infuriating). Instead, it mostly serves as a vehicle to show what a "great writer" JKR is, and how "wise" Dumbledore is, and how "selfless" Harry is -- here's a hint: none of these are true. (Okay, maybe the JKR one was a little harsh, but...yeah)
On a scale of one to ten, where does it fall?
Less than zero.
It's pretentious and self-important, the Aesops are more unbalanced than a game of Jenga, and Dumbledore's commentary is so infuriating that it was hard to find room to make jokes at times.
I appreciate it was written for charity, but that's perhaps the only benefit of the doubt I can give it.
It's safe to say you can skip this one, and if you've chosen not to read it -- then I count you highly, highly fortunate. :)
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to play some KOTOR II to cleanse my mind.
Summary of the Story: You know how this one goes. Once upon a time, three brothers were traveling down "a lonely winding road at twilight". The brothers come across a river, and because they're wizards (of course. XP), they manage to get over the river -- which pisses Death off, especially considering that everyone else managed to drown in the river previously. (*Wonders about the previous travelers*) Death pretends to congratulate the brothers and asks them for what they want as prizes for evading him. The older brother, who's combative, asks for the Elder Wand. The second brother, who's "arrogant", asks for the Resurrection Stone, and the third brother, who's "the humblest and the wisest of the brothers", asks for the Invisibility Cloak. (Smart idea at the time. :P)
First brother dies of his own stupidity. Second brother kills himself to be with the girl he loves. Third brother (ugh) goes to meet Death willingly. Reader is busy headdesking and mumbling incoherent curses.
Dumbledore's Commentary: Starts with an actually quite cute (if a bit creepy) anecdote about how Dumbledore used to love that story when he was a kid (though Aberforth preferred "Grumble the Grubby Goat"). Possible foreshadowing? YMMV. :)
And then we get *this* load of crap:
"The moral of 'The Tale of the Three Brothers' could not be any clearer: Human efforts to evade or overcome death are always doomed to disappointment. The third brother in the story ("the humblest and also the wisest") is the only one who understands that, having narrowly escaped Death once, the best he can hope for is to postpone their next meeting as long as possible. This youngest brother knows that taunting Death -- by engaging in violence like the first brother, or by meddling in the shadowy art of necromancy, like the second brother -- means pitting oneself against a wily enemy that cannot lose." (94-95)
*Beat*
Honestly, Dumbledore, if you hadn't basically set Harry up to commit suicide for the Greater Good (and made him a Master of Death in the process), I'd actually buy this argument.
Then he goes on about the idea that the Hallows are real is a load of crap and misses the point of the original story and blah blah blah -- except oh wait they turned out to be real in the most horrible way possible GODDAMMIT --
*Dumbles Rage-O-Meter braces itself*
Easy there. *Sighs* My hate will make me powerful...my hate will make me powerful...okay, let's continue. XD
Blah blah blah isn't death tragic and irreversible blah blah blah starting to wish baeraad was here so that he could give Dumbledore a good spanking blah blah blah Godelot blah blah blah hang on a second:
"But which of us would have shown the wisdom of the third brother, if offered the pick of Death's gifts? Wizards and Muggles alike are imbued with a lust for power; how many would resist the 'Wand of Destiny'? Which human being, having lost someone they loved, could withstand the temptation of the Resurrection Stone? Even I, Albus Dumbledore, would find it easiest to refuse the Invisibility Cloak; which only goes to show that, clever as I am, I remain just as big a fool as anyone else." (107)
...
Well, at least he admits he's a hypocrite. Granted, he takes some time to brag about how "clever" he is (and to that I say, fuck you, sir. You are a humble servant of the Light -- something infinitely greater than you could ever be -- and that should be enough for you. #bitch mode), but it counts. A smidgen, that is. :P
Dumbles Rage-O-Meter: 11. *Explodes again* *Beat*
Poor Rage-O-Meter...I should really fix it, but honestly, I think it's suffered enough. Still... :(
And it's over. Phew.
So my conclusions on THE TALES OF BEEDLE THE BARD?
Awful.
If it had been a neat little tie-in for information about the Wizarding World, I think I would have liked it (or at the very least, it wouldn't have been as infuriating). Instead, it mostly serves as a vehicle to show what a "great writer" JKR is, and how "wise" Dumbledore is, and how "selfless" Harry is -- here's a hint: none of these are true. (Okay, maybe the JKR one was a little harsh, but...yeah)
On a scale of one to ten, where does it fall?
Less than zero.
It's pretentious and self-important, the Aesops are more unbalanced than a game of Jenga, and Dumbledore's commentary is so infuriating that it was hard to find room to make jokes at times.
I appreciate it was written for charity, but that's perhaps the only benefit of the doubt I can give it.
It's safe to say you can skip this one, and if you've chosen not to read it -- then I count you highly, highly fortunate. :)
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to play some KOTOR II to cleanse my mind.
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no subject
Date: 2011-03-21 09:46 am (UTC)WOULD YOU STOP MUMBLING PLEASE!!!
I couldn't hear myself type.
Right. Thanks.
An intriguing idea, although way too complex for Rowling. Wands did whatever they had to do to get Harry over the finish line in book 7, end of story.
*mumbles*
Say that most wands would need to be appreciated by their owners in order to work for them.
That is an interesting notion. Okay, she stuffed it all up, she didn't think any of it out, but wands *were* an institution of Rowling's world from book 1. Even if Dumbledore and Quirrell could do magic without a wand, so even the wizards' dependence on the things wasn't known to Rowling back at the start, let alone the rules of how they worked.
Still, with the various mentions of cleaning one's wand, wand maintenance, the focus on wands and their care over the years, yeah, that could have worked.
In his excellent "Coming Back Late" story author Paracelsus had the interesting idea that 'wand compatibility' mirrored wizard/witch compatibility. Hermione grabbed Harry's wand way back in book #1 to open a door, you might recall; and he was using hers - with absolutely no problems (which is yet another DH error, if you consider that Rowling was trying to show us the 'new' rules in the book, like how Harry *couldn't* use the Snatcher's wand very well) - in the last novel.
Which just went to prove how Harry and Hermione were compatible, you see.
STOP MUMBLING!!
:-)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-21 01:53 pm (UTC)&
An intriguing idea, although way too complex for Rowling.
LOL, and to think that Seeker (a slash author) once invented exactly this wandlore for the story Service Call, and called it a half-hearted excuse to write smut...
no subject
Date: 2011-03-21 02:58 pm (UTC):D Actually, no. The wandlore is part of the plot, not the smut. In short, Snape goes to Olivander's, because his wand is malfuntioning, Olivander explains him the wandlore and how he has to take proper care of his wand because it needs to feel it's appreciated, yadda yadda, one thing leads to another, explicitness ensues. :)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-21 07:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-21 07:27 pm (UTC)Severus Snape, even when faced with being given a supposedly 'better' wand was confident enough to know his wand could do the job.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-21 08:24 pm (UTC)Dumbledore's wand just didn't do it for Sev... ;-)
Deathly Hallows was a real mess
Date: 2011-03-24 09:59 pm (UTC)Since we would both take Draco above any of the girls from the cast of important characters in Harry Potter, I think we can agree that that is one of the few moments of Deathly Hallows almost possessing merit :)
Re: Deathly Hallows was a real mess
Date: 2011-03-24 10:59 pm (UTC)Since we would both take Draco above any of the girls from the cast of important characters in Harry Potter -
Speak for yourself, buster! I would do no such thing! :-)
I think we can agree that that is one of the few moments of Deathly Hallows almost possessing merit :)
Which moment? Harry wielding Hermione's wand? Okay.
Anyway, I'm not saying that 'wand compatibility' is full and complete proof of romantic amity, but a useful point. Corroborating evidence, if you like. Demonstrating magical compatibility which would be just one plank of a positive romantic relationship.
No scenes of Hermione and Ron using each others' wands, right? I REST MY CASE. :-)
Re: Deathly Hallows was a real mess
Date: 2011-03-25 02:23 pm (UTC)Re: Deathly Hallows was a real mess
Date: 2011-03-25 11:18 pm (UTC)Re: Deathly Hallows was a real mess
Date: 2011-03-25 05:56 pm (UTC)Re: Deathly Hallows was a real mess
Date: 2011-03-25 06:43 pm (UTC)Re: Deathly Hallows was a real mess
Date: 2011-03-25 06:49 pm (UTC)I was not being flippant, it is a disturbing kind of mess to have in the series. You may or may not have noticed how I tried to demonstrably phase out the idea of witches being able to use wands in the Longest Night. There were only two minor incidents of them doing so and I keep meaning to remove those, but never have time. Nausea and Deliria would both much rather fight with their nails in any case.
Re: Deathly Hallows was a real mess
Date: 2011-03-25 06:54 pm (UTC)Re: Deathly Hallows was a real mess
Date: 2011-03-25 07:12 pm (UTC)Re: Deathly Hallows was a real mess
Date: 2011-03-25 11:22 pm (UTC)Re: Deathly Hallows was a real mess
Date: 2011-03-26 01:28 pm (UTC)Re: Deathly Hallows was a real mess
Date: 2011-03-26 09:41 pm (UTC)Now any mother, any normal mother would have done what Lily did. ... I mean, I don’t think any mother would stand aside from their child.
Anyone trying to put over that tripe - mummy love is superior to daddy love - and other stuff's she pulled in her post-publication propaganda - is quite capable of continuing along those lines to explain that women are above seeking out the Elder Wand.No need to jump into entirely new levels of imagery - sexual imagery - that Rowling never broached at all.
Re: Deathly Hallows was a real mess
Date: 2011-03-27 08:29 am (UTC)>>Now any mother, any normal mother would have done what Lily did. ... I mean, I don’t think any mother would stand aside from their child.<<
Or to the idea that women are above seeking the Elder Wang.