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deathtocapslockWell, here it is. The final chapter. :) We made it. :D
Summary of the Story: You know how this one goes. Once upon a time, three brothers were traveling down "a lonely winding road at twilight". The brothers come across a river, and because they're wizards (of course. XP), they manage to get over the river -- which pisses Death off, especially considering that everyone else managed to drown in the river previously. (*Wonders about the previous travelers*) Death pretends to congratulate the brothers and asks them for what they want as prizes for evading him. The older brother, who's combative, asks for the Elder Wand. The second brother, who's "arrogant", asks for the Resurrection Stone, and the third brother, who's "the humblest and the wisest of the brothers", asks for the Invisibility Cloak. (Smart idea at the time. :P)
First brother dies of his own stupidity. Second brother kills himself to be with the girl he loves. Third brother (ugh) goes to meet Death willingly. Reader is busy headdesking and mumbling incoherent curses.
Dumbledore's Commentary: Starts with an actually quite cute (if a bit creepy) anecdote about how Dumbledore used to love that story when he was a kid (though Aberforth preferred "Grumble the Grubby Goat"). Possible foreshadowing? YMMV. :)
And then we get *this* load of crap:
"The moral of 'The Tale of the Three Brothers' could not be any clearer: Human efforts to evade or overcome death are always doomed to disappointment. The third brother in the story ("the humblest and also the wisest") is the only one who understands that, having narrowly escaped Death once, the best he can hope for is to postpone their next meeting as long as possible. This youngest brother knows that taunting Death -- by engaging in violence like the first brother, or by meddling in the shadowy art of necromancy, like the second brother -- means pitting oneself against a wily enemy that cannot lose." (94-95)
*Beat*
Honestly, Dumbledore, if you hadn't basically set Harry up to commit suicide for the Greater Good (and made him a Master of Death in the process), I'd actually buy this argument.
Then he goes on about the idea that the Hallows are real is a load of crap and misses the point of the original story and blah blah blah -- except oh wait they turned out to be real in the most horrible way possible GODDAMMIT --
*Dumbles Rage-O-Meter braces itself*
Easy there. *Sighs* My hate will make me powerful...my hate will make me powerful...okay, let's continue. XD
Blah blah blah isn't death tragic and irreversible blah blah blah starting to wish baeraad was here so that he could give Dumbledore a good spanking blah blah blah Godelot blah blah blah hang on a second:
"But which of us would have shown the wisdom of the third brother, if offered the pick of Death's gifts? Wizards and Muggles alike are imbued with a lust for power; how many would resist the 'Wand of Destiny'? Which human being, having lost someone they loved, could withstand the temptation of the Resurrection Stone? Even I, Albus Dumbledore, would find it easiest to refuse the Invisibility Cloak; which only goes to show that, clever as I am, I remain just as big a fool as anyone else." (107)
...
Well, at least he admits he's a hypocrite. Granted, he takes some time to brag about how "clever" he is (and to that I say, fuck you, sir. You are a humble servant of the Light -- something infinitely greater than you could ever be -- and that should be enough for you. #bitch mode), but it counts. A smidgen, that is. :P
Dumbles Rage-O-Meter: 11. *Explodes again* *Beat*
Poor Rage-O-Meter...I should really fix it, but honestly, I think it's suffered enough. Still... :(
And it's over. Phew.
So my conclusions on THE TALES OF BEEDLE THE BARD?
Awful.
If it had been a neat little tie-in for information about the Wizarding World, I think I would have liked it (or at the very least, it wouldn't have been as infuriating). Instead, it mostly serves as a vehicle to show what a "great writer" JKR is, and how "wise" Dumbledore is, and how "selfless" Harry is -- here's a hint: none of these are true. (Okay, maybe the JKR one was a little harsh, but...yeah)
On a scale of one to ten, where does it fall?
Less than zero.
It's pretentious and self-important, the Aesops are more unbalanced than a game of Jenga, and Dumbledore's commentary is so infuriating that it was hard to find room to make jokes at times.
I appreciate it was written for charity, but that's perhaps the only benefit of the doubt I can give it.
It's safe to say you can skip this one, and if you've chosen not to read it -- then I count you highly, highly fortunate. :)
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to play some KOTOR II to cleanse my mind.
Summary of the Story: You know how this one goes. Once upon a time, three brothers were traveling down "a lonely winding road at twilight". The brothers come across a river, and because they're wizards (of course. XP), they manage to get over the river -- which pisses Death off, especially considering that everyone else managed to drown in the river previously. (*Wonders about the previous travelers*) Death pretends to congratulate the brothers and asks them for what they want as prizes for evading him. The older brother, who's combative, asks for the Elder Wand. The second brother, who's "arrogant", asks for the Resurrection Stone, and the third brother, who's "the humblest and the wisest of the brothers", asks for the Invisibility Cloak. (Smart idea at the time. :P)
First brother dies of his own stupidity. Second brother kills himself to be with the girl he loves. Third brother (ugh) goes to meet Death willingly. Reader is busy headdesking and mumbling incoherent curses.
Dumbledore's Commentary: Starts with an actually quite cute (if a bit creepy) anecdote about how Dumbledore used to love that story when he was a kid (though Aberforth preferred "Grumble the Grubby Goat"). Possible foreshadowing? YMMV. :)
And then we get *this* load of crap:
"The moral of 'The Tale of the Three Brothers' could not be any clearer: Human efforts to evade or overcome death are always doomed to disappointment. The third brother in the story ("the humblest and also the wisest") is the only one who understands that, having narrowly escaped Death once, the best he can hope for is to postpone their next meeting as long as possible. This youngest brother knows that taunting Death -- by engaging in violence like the first brother, or by meddling in the shadowy art of necromancy, like the second brother -- means pitting oneself against a wily enemy that cannot lose." (94-95)
*Beat*
Honestly, Dumbledore, if you hadn't basically set Harry up to commit suicide for the Greater Good (and made him a Master of Death in the process), I'd actually buy this argument.
Then he goes on about the idea that the Hallows are real is a load of crap and misses the point of the original story and blah blah blah -- except oh wait they turned out to be real in the most horrible way possible GODDAMMIT --
*Dumbles Rage-O-Meter braces itself*
Easy there. *Sighs* My hate will make me powerful...my hate will make me powerful...okay, let's continue. XD
Blah blah blah isn't death tragic and irreversible blah blah blah starting to wish baeraad was here so that he could give Dumbledore a good spanking blah blah blah Godelot blah blah blah hang on a second:
"But which of us would have shown the wisdom of the third brother, if offered the pick of Death's gifts? Wizards and Muggles alike are imbued with a lust for power; how many would resist the 'Wand of Destiny'? Which human being, having lost someone they loved, could withstand the temptation of the Resurrection Stone? Even I, Albus Dumbledore, would find it easiest to refuse the Invisibility Cloak; which only goes to show that, clever as I am, I remain just as big a fool as anyone else." (107)
...
Well, at least he admits he's a hypocrite. Granted, he takes some time to brag about how "clever" he is (and to that I say, fuck you, sir. You are a humble servant of the Light -- something infinitely greater than you could ever be -- and that should be enough for you. #bitch mode), but it counts. A smidgen, that is. :P
Dumbles Rage-O-Meter: 11. *Explodes again* *Beat*
Poor Rage-O-Meter...I should really fix it, but honestly, I think it's suffered enough. Still... :(
And it's over. Phew.
So my conclusions on THE TALES OF BEEDLE THE BARD?
Awful.
If it had been a neat little tie-in for information about the Wizarding World, I think I would have liked it (or at the very least, it wouldn't have been as infuriating). Instead, it mostly serves as a vehicle to show what a "great writer" JKR is, and how "wise" Dumbledore is, and how "selfless" Harry is -- here's a hint: none of these are true. (Okay, maybe the JKR one was a little harsh, but...yeah)
On a scale of one to ten, where does it fall?
Less than zero.
It's pretentious and self-important, the Aesops are more unbalanced than a game of Jenga, and Dumbledore's commentary is so infuriating that it was hard to find room to make jokes at times.
I appreciate it was written for charity, but that's perhaps the only benefit of the doubt I can give it.
It's safe to say you can skip this one, and if you've chosen not to read it -- then I count you highly, highly fortunate. :)
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to play some KOTOR II to cleanse my mind.
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no subject
Date: 2011-03-21 01:48 pm (UTC)Now I've got a vision of Severus hiding behind statues trying to trip up Dumbledore.
NOW we know why Seerus was always patroling in the dark and hiding. He was hoping DD would come by and waiting for him so he could get the wand.
And the scene might be something like:
Dumbledore walks down a dark corridor, deep in thought. He pauses, staring at one of the satues ahead.
"Severus, I know you are there."
Severus mutters under his breath and comes out from behind the witch statue.
"Why is it I always seem to find you lurking just around a corner or behind a statue?" asks Dumbledore calmly, his bright blue eyes twinkling.
"I was on patrol tonight," said Severus in a guarded tone, "I was waiting for students who might be out of bed." he added.
Dumbledore gave Severus a hard stare for a couple moments, Severus gazed back and did not look away.
"You know, you are very good at Occlumency." Dumbledore offered, his tone becoming casual.
"Yes, I know." answered Severus, his voice smug and confident.
"Very well, Severus. Carry on with your...patrol." Dumbledore allowed and moved on down the corridor.
Severus glowered at the back of Dumbledore till the man was out of sight.
(Then again if you really wanted to have fun with the scene and the idea of Severus always being in the shadows hiding behind statues you'd have to add to the above scene)
"He gone?" a female voice whispers from behind the statue.
"Yes, he is gone." answered Severus, moving back over to the statue.
"How come he is always showing up and interrupts us," said the woman grumpily.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-21 08:38 pm (UTC)AND THEN THE AWESOME POWER OF THE AWESOME ELDER WAND WOULD BE HIS!!
"How come he is always showing up and interrupts us," said the woman grumpily.
Now, why would Snape, a grown-up professor, need to skulk around the castle with a lady-love when he could simply invite her to his quarters?
(Because they're dank and dark and in the dungeons? Okay then.)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-21 08:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-21 09:05 pm (UTC)Dumbles seems to have wanted to keep all of his staff isolated from the outside world; not one of them is married or has a serious romantic relationship. Hell, none of them even seem to have siblings, parents, cousins, nieces/nephews...
Perhaps Dumbles felt that any extracurricular relationships would distract his staff from their slavish devotion to him.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-21 09:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-22 12:00 am (UTC)Snape is pretty young compaired to a lot of the other head of house professors. I sort of wonder, it had to be a lot of stress for someone so young to be put in charge of all those slytherin kids.
To me being a standard professor might give you a better chance of going home at the end of the day. But, being a head of house means you're sort of the substitute parent/guardian figure of that House of students. So you're basicly given the responsibility over those kids.
Now, in terms of Snape, I just have a feeling Dumbledore wouldn't have gone out of his way to help Severus move on, it was in his best interest to keep Severus from moving on.
And as you point out, we don't see any of the rest of the staff really have family over for a visit or, we never see much of if they have family. I'd assume that some of them do but it was never in JKR or Harry's point of reference. So we never get to really know what goes on behind the scenes.
I'm also assuming that just having some random lady down to the dungeons or to Hogwarts would be frowned upon. We've had discussions about this before June, but I don't know if it would be something parents would want to have going on at the school. I'm sure if Severus or others on the staff had boyfriend/girlfriend/onenightstands - they'd do that away from the school or at least keep in publicly respectable if they could.
I don't think canon version, Snape would actually be snogging or getting it on in the corridor; what if a student came along and caught him. Dito for any of the other adult staff.
And I'd think if it was in the real world the school would have some sort of Professors Handbook on conduct, etc. or at least some rules on how staff must behave on premisis
no subject
Date: 2011-03-22 12:42 am (UTC)But I'm not even talking about that.
Are we to believe that in all the long history of Hogwarts, not one professor was ever married? If there were married professors, where did their spouses and children live?
If the professors remain unmarried, where do they all go during Yule and Summer breaks? Are we to believe that they have their own houses that remain empty and unused for 3/4ths of the year?
If they have relatives they go to stay with, then why couldn't Rowling at least have had a professor or two refer to staying with their sister, or cousin, or nephew, over one of the breaks?
I don't think canon version, Snape would actually be snogging or getting it on in the corridor
I personally think canon Snape remained celibate his whole life -- the torch he carried for Lily was too intense for him to consider having a relationship with anyone else.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-22 03:26 am (UTC)Sorry, I was just sort of covering the two thoughts with one post.
Are we to believe that in all the long history of Hogwarts, not one professor was ever married? If there were married professors, where did their spouses and children live?
Phineas Nigellus was a Headmaster and he was married and by the black family tree that JKR made he and his wife apparently had 6 children.
Not quite sure how that worked out, did they live at school or was the house at Grimmauld place the black home back then? Was he headmaster after all his children grew up. That seems unlikely since he apparently died at 79 years of age; so surely he would have been a Professor and headmaster while his children were in school.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-22 08:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-21 11:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-21 11:33 pm (UTC)They were on the way there and got interrupted.
(Because they're dank and dark and in the dungeons? Okay then.)
The dungeon might be dark and dank but who said the Slytherin Head of House private room was that way? Even JKR said something in an interview about the Slytherin common room being kinda beautiful.
Slytherin House complex
Date: 2011-03-24 10:01 pm (UTC)Re: Slytherin House complex
Date: 2011-03-25 08:50 am (UTC)Re: Slytherin House complex
Date: 2011-03-25 03:15 pm (UTC)Yeah, but maybe that mountain that Hogwarts is on is really, really high! :-o
Re: Slytherin House complex
Date: 2011-03-25 05:58 pm (UTC)Re: Slytherin House complex
Date: 2011-03-25 06:30 pm (UTC)