Let's Read Tales Of Beedle The Bard, Part Five: The Tale of the Three Brothers

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

Well, here it is. The final chapter. :) We made it. :D



Summary of the Story: You know how this one goes. Once upon a time, three brothers were traveling down "a lonely winding road at twilight". The brothers come across a river, and because they're wizards (of course. XP), they manage to get over the river -- which pisses Death off, especially considering that everyone else managed to drown in the river previously. (*Wonders about the previous travelers*) Death pretends to congratulate the brothers and asks them for what they want as prizes for evading him. The older brother, who's combative, asks for the Elder Wand. The second brother, who's "arrogant", asks for the Resurrection Stone, and the third brother, who's "the humblest and the wisest of the brothers", asks for the Invisibility Cloak. (Smart idea at the time. :P)

First brother dies of his own stupidity. Second brother kills himself to be with the girl he loves. Third brother (ugh) goes to meet Death willingly. Reader is busy headdesking and mumbling incoherent curses.

Dumbledore's Commentary: Starts with an actually quite cute (if a bit creepy) anecdote about how Dumbledore used to love that story when he was a kid (though Aberforth preferred "Grumble the Grubby Goat"). Possible foreshadowing? YMMV. :)

And then we get *this* load of crap:

"The moral of 'The Tale of the Three Brothers' could not be any clearer: Human efforts to evade or overcome death are always doomed to disappointment. The third brother in the story ("the humblest and also the wisest") is the only one who understands that, having narrowly escaped Death once, the best he can hope for is to postpone their next meeting as long as possible. This youngest brother knows that taunting Death -- by engaging in violence like the first brother, or by meddling in the shadowy art of necromancy, like the second brother -- means pitting oneself against a wily enemy that cannot lose." (94-95)

*Beat*

Honestly, Dumbledore, if you hadn't basically set Harry up to commit suicide for the Greater Good (and made him a Master of Death in the process), I'd actually buy this argument.

Then he goes on about the idea that the Hallows are real is a load of crap and misses the point of the original story and blah blah blah -- except oh wait they turned out to be real in the most horrible way possible GODDAMMIT --

*Dumbles Rage-O-Meter braces itself*

Easy there. *Sighs* My hate will make me powerful...my hate will make me powerful...okay, let's continue. XD

Blah blah blah isn't death tragic and irreversible blah blah blah starting to wish baeraad was here so that he could give Dumbledore a good spanking blah blah blah Godelot blah blah blah hang on a second:

"But which of us would have shown the wisdom of the third brother, if offered the pick of Death's gifts? Wizards and Muggles alike are imbued with a lust for power; how many would resist the 'Wand of Destiny'? Which human being, having lost someone they loved, could withstand the temptation of the Resurrection Stone? Even I, Albus Dumbledore, would find it easiest to refuse the Invisibility Cloak; which only goes to show that, clever as I am, I remain just as big a fool as anyone else." (107)

...

Well, at least he admits he's a hypocrite. Granted, he takes some time to brag about how "clever" he is (and to that I say, fuck you, sir. You are a humble servant of the Light -- something infinitely greater than you could ever be -- and that should be enough for you. #bitch mode), but it counts. A smidgen, that is. :P


Dumbles Rage-O-Meter: 11. *Explodes again* *Beat*

Poor Rage-O-Meter...I should really fix it, but honestly, I think it's suffered enough. Still... :(




And it's over. Phew.



So my conclusions on THE TALES OF BEEDLE THE BARD?

Awful.

If it had been a neat little tie-in for information about the Wizarding World, I think I would have liked it (or at the very least, it wouldn't have been as infuriating). Instead, it mostly serves as a vehicle to show what a "great writer" JKR is, and how "wise" Dumbledore is, and how "selfless" Harry is -- here's a hint: none of these are true. (Okay, maybe the JKR one was a little harsh, but...yeah)





On a scale of one to ten, where does it fall?

Less than zero.

It's pretentious and self-important, the Aesops are more unbalanced than a game of Jenga, and Dumbledore's commentary is so infuriating that it was hard to find room to make jokes at times.

I appreciate it was written for charity, but that's perhaps the only benefit of the doubt I can give it.



It's safe to say you can skip this one, and if you've chosen not to read it -- then I count you highly, highly fortunate. :)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to play some KOTOR II to cleanse my mind.

Comments

[sharaz-jek.livejournal.com]

Mind you, DH was such a mess I've forgotten when and how Dumbledore came to realise that the Hallows were real; but there was a time before which he thought they were fictitious, right?

He thought they were real when he was plotting with Grindelwald to conquer the world, and I assumed he figured out the identity of the Elder Wand fairly early into his ownership of it if not before. I think he came to the conclusion that questing for them was a waste of time rather than believing them to be fictional - at least until he discovered the cloak and realised he had access to two out of three.

[oryx_leucoryx]

Personally I think he arrived at the conclusion that the mighty wand Gellert was rumored to own was the Elder Wand sometime before visiting Tom at the orphanage, which is how Ollivander came to own at least one of Fawkes' feathers way back then. Payment for information on wand ownership.

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

He thought they were real when he was plotting with Grindelwald to conquer the world

Good grief, you're right. Wow, I must have been really disengaged by the time I got to that point of the book. Thanks.

Re-reading that bit now, we see Dumbledore say this:

Both of us could conceal ourselves well enough without the Cloak, the true magic of which, of course, is that it can be used to protect and shield others as well as its owner.

Just that line on its own is nonsensical. Isn't there somewhere in the books where Harry is disillusioned by Dumbledore or another wizard? Where it feels like 'broken eggs'? Maybe I'm misremembering. But it still seems like a very quick wave-your-hands piece of convenient magical law that somehow forbids wizards from making others invisible even though they can cast the spell perfectly well on their own bodies!!

Rowling's retcon of the Cloak into an uber cloak was one of the more ridiculous pieces of the last book.

[lynn-waterfall.livejournal.com]

No, you aren't imagining it. It's just before Harry leaves Privet Drive in OotP:

'Come here, boy,' said Moody gruffly, beckoning Harry towards him with his wand. 'I need to Disillusion you.'

'You need to what?' said Harry nervously.

'Disillusionment Charm,' said Moody, raising his wand. 'Lupin says you've got an Invisibility Cloak, but it won't stay on while we're flying; this'll disguise you better. Here you go -'

He rapped him hard on the top of the head and Harry felt a curious sensation as though Moody had just smashed an egg there; cold trickles seemed to be running down his body from the point the wand had struck.

'Nice one, Mad-Eye,' said Tonks appreciatively, staring at Harry's midriff.

Harry looked down at his body, or rather, what had been his body, for it didn't look anything like his any more. It was not invisible; it had simply taken on the exact colour and texture of the kitchen unit behind him. He seemed to have become a human chameleon.

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

Oh, Lynn, BLESS YOU. That canon extract is PERFECT!

this'll disguise you better.

PROOF that (a) wizards could hide other wizards (rendering Dumbledore's DH statement nonsensical and Rowling's weak attempt as pseudo-profundity foolish) and (b) that the SUPER DUPER CLOAK wasn't anything of the sort (which we knew, but it's yet another bit of evidence showing that Rowling had no idea about the Hallows until she sat down to write the last novel and wondered how Harry was going to survive).

Thank you!

[lynn-waterfall.livejournal.com]

I'm not so sure that this alone is *proof* of (b). Moody could well be talking about your "average" invisibility cloak; he has one of his own, after all, and he knows what they can and can't do. If Harry's is special, how would he know?

Remember, *Moody* has never seen it. Crouch Jr. is the one who has.

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

Okay, it's not conclusive proof of (b), but another pointer supporting the notion that Rowling didn't know anything about the Hallows before book 7.

[sharaz-jek.livejournal.com]

But it still seems like a very quick wave-your-hands piece of convenient magical law that somehow forbids wizards from making others invisible even though they can cast the spell perfectly well on their own bodies!!

This bit is utterly nonsensical, since any Invisibility Cloak of sufficient size can protect more than one person. Unless it has a special power to grow to the right size to fit as many people as you need under it (seeing as how it covers the Trio perfectly no matter how much they grow).

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

Are you supporting Rowling on this point? It's her/Dumbledore that says that the Cloak is wonderful because it has 'true magic' that can 'protect and shield others'.

Or are you saying that any handy-dandy invisibility cloak - rare, but well-known, from what Ron tells us in book 1 - can do the job?

[oryx_leucoryx]

Apparently the only real special property Harry's cloak has is that it doesn't fade with time. Which saves the need to get new ones over the generations, but that's it.

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

Yep. A desperate factoid hastily thrown in when she decided to promote it to Hallow status. Harry's cloak had gone through a thousand spin cycles in the washing machine without wearing out. Nothing about its efficacy being any better than a 'regular' cloak though. Pfah.

[karentheunicorn.livejournal.com]

Nothing about its efficacy being any better than a 'regular' cloak though.

It's special because it has a wicketly fashionable paisley design that would make Gildery Lockheart green with envy.

[sharaz-jek.livejournal.com]

It's special because it has a wicketly fashionable paisley design that would make Gildery Lockheart green with envy.

That can't be seen, thus proving that The Emperor's New Clothes is in fact a factual account of a wizarding community somewhere.

[sharaz-jek.livejournal.com]

Any sufficiently large Invisibility Cloak should be able to cover (and thus protect) multiple people. I have no idea why Harry's is special in this regard.

[sunnyskywalker]

And wasn't it implied that Moody's eye can see through it? Or did she retcon that to claim he was silently casting Hominem Revelio once she invented that spell? If the eye can see through it - which it seems like in her original plan it could - then that's a point against it being super-duper special.

[sharaz-jek.livejournal.com]

I'm not aware of any such retcon, but I haven't been keeping up with her interviews for a long time. Plus, HR doesn't say who it is under the cloak, whereas the eye can actually see that.

Maybe the eye is the lost fourth Hallow?

[sunnyskywalker]

I haven't either, which is why I wondered if she even tried to explain it away.

Maybe the third brother got the eye too so Death couldn't see him, and used it to steal things and spy out people's secrets. He didn't go "meet death as an equal," he was finally killed by the goblins for getting too nosy around Gringotts. And no one was paying attention when Binns told them that, and they like the other ending better anyway.

Or maybe someone made an anti-Hallow down in the Department of Mysteries.

[sharaz-jek.livejournal.com]

Or maybe someone made an anti-Hallow down in the Department of Mysteries.

I find that somewhat unbelievable. The wizarding world has been undergoing a steady decline in magical intelligence and/or power. First there was Merlin, who was amazing enough that people swear by him; then there were the Founders, who created what is apparently the most secure facility in Britain which has never been surpassed and includes the Room of Requirement, and also managed to put bits of their minds into a hat that can also teleport certain artifacts from anywhere through Hogwarts' anti-Apparition wards; then the Peverell brothers create three powerful artifacts (or win them from Death depending on how much arbitrary scepticism you bring to the Potterverse); then Grindelwald terrorises Europe and Dumbledore is hailed as the greatest wizard in the world even in extreme (and inconsistent) old age; then comes Voldemort, second only to Dumbledore; then there's the generation containing Snape (invents his own spells and potions improvements, seems to be second only to Voldemort in magical power, can fly) and the Marauders (Animagi at fifteen, create the Marauders' Map); and finally we have Harry's generation, whose cleverest and most magically competent member is utterly uncreative. For some reason, the wizarding world is going downhill, and since I don't think I can blame it on inbreeding, I'm starting to wonder if the human ability to use magic is weakening.

[oryx_leucoryx]

and finally we have Harry's generation, whose cleverest and most magically competent member is utterly uncreative.

But the twins are the creative ones.

[sharaz-jek.livejournal.com]

True - I'd forgotten about them. And it's true that they do something no oe else is seen to do, by enchanting items to cast spells on whoever wears them (the head-vanishing hats and the shield cloaks). But they're not really at the level of the Marauders' Map, so although the decay isn't as strong as I at first posited, I think it's still there.

[sunnyskywalker]

Yeah, if there is such a thing as an anti-Hallow, I doubt it was created any time recently. As in, more than a few years after the Hallows themselves. Modern wizards are so pathetic.

Although someone made Moody's eye, which if Harry's cloak really is super means the eye is pretty super too. Maybe this is a point in favor of his eye being really old.