Harry Potter Abridged! COS Chapter 5

[sweettalkeress.livejournal.com]

[In due time, it comes time to return to Hogwarts.]

[They take the car down to Platform Nine and Three Quarters]

Harry: But how will we ever fit our stuff all in the trunk?

Mr. Weasley: I enchanted it to expand.

Mrs. Weasley: Wow, I guess Muggles aren’t totally useless given that their cars are really quite roomy.

Mr. Weasley: Nope, that’s all my invention.

Ginny: Hold on, I’ve forgotten my diary!

[She runs back in to get her diary, and by the time they arrive at the station they’re already late.]

[At King’s Cross, everyone makes it safely across the barrier- except for Harry and Ron!]

Harry: Oh, no! What ever shall we do?! We missed the train!

Ron: Well, there’s always... MY WAY!!

[So Harry and Ron take the car.]

Ron: I think the Invisibility Booster’s faulty!

Harry: Quick! Get above the clouds!

[They climb above the clouds and follow the Hogwarts Express to the best of their ability for several hours.]

Harry: You know, this is really quite boring, and we have nothing to eat or drink.

Ron: That’s not all- the car is making funny noises.

Harry: Oh, great! Ron, we’re not going to crash, are we?

Ron: No, don’t be silly!

[However, they do crash- into a giant tree, which starts whacking at the car.]

Harry: Better put it in reverse, Ron!

[Ron slams on the reverse, and the car flies backward out of the tree.]

Ron: That was close!

[The car ejects their belongings and drives off, and they grab them and wander into Hogwarts, toward the Great Hall.]

Harry: I see every professor up there- oh, except for Snape!

Ron: Well... look on the bright side- maybe he’s sick or something!

Snape: I HEARD THAT!

Harry and Ron: AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Snape: [Holding up newspaper] You were seen by no less than seven Muggles?! How dare you?!

Harry: The platform wouldn’t let us in!

Snape: Do you really think I care? I’m going to fetch Professor McGonagall and see to it that you are expelled!

[So he brings Professor McGonagall in.]

McGonagall: How could you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?!

Harry: We couldn’t get on the train! *Cries*

McGonagall: You could have sent us a letter.

Harry and Ron: *Cry some more*

McGonagall: Honestly, Harry, just because you’re the main character doesn’t give you the right to go looking for trouble!

[But just then Dumbledore comes in.]

Dumbledore: Now, you won’t really expel those two, will you McGonagall?

McGonagall: Ah... well... no.... I thought I’d just give them a detention. Oh, and no feast for you. I will, however, give you something to eat, just because I like you both so much. [Conjures a tray of sandwiches] Good day!

[She, Dumbledore, and Snape all leave the room, glaring.]

[Needless to say, by the time Harry and Ron get to Gryffindor Tower, everyone cheers for their reckless deeds.]

Comments

[charlottehywd.livejournal.com]

Seriously, what's the point of having rules if DD is just going to wave them away for the main character?

[sweettalkeress.livejournal.com]

Arguably, that's the point. terri-testing I believe it was did a great essay about this over at Snapedom: "Mr. Filch Has Asked: Discipline at Hogwarts", where she argued that Dumbledore deliberately encouraged students to break rules.

[mmmarcusz.livejournal.com]

It seems that they are tacitly encouraged to carry out illicit spells - why was it so easy to get Restricted books from the library? And why are there so many convenient empty rooms? I doubt that the trio, the twins and the marauders (and Malfoy in HBP) were the only ones doing extracurricular stuff.