HBP Chapter Twenty

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

*Looking back, it’s pretty hilarious that Lord Voldemort’s request boils down to really really wanting to teach 7th grade. You’d expect it to be a demand for Harry to give up his soul to save some little Muggle girl or something.

*Hermione is friends with Ron again, the best part of being poisoned. Does it ever bother Harry that his great Trio friendship has to so often rely on near-death experiences to stay intact?

*Harry comes across either Crabbe or Goyle examining the tapestry of trolls while guarding the RoR (cue fics where one of them starts creating tapestries himself or reveals one of the trolls is an ancestor!). She "looks terrified" of the approaching sixth years—which is cool because of course really he’s going, "Potter’s gang—shit!"

*Ginny’s argued with Dean because he dared do a Harry impression that she is planning to do later on. It’s only funny when I do it, jerk. You’re not good enough friends with Harry to tease him. Only his Ideal Girl gets to do that! Stop trying to steal my thunder!

*Hermione hotly says that Harry getting hit didn’t look funny at all. Well, at least now we know what lies at the heart of Hermione and Ginny’s great friendship. They don’t just bond over guys, they met in the "Violence is only good when I say it is" club.

*Luna thinks Ron’s making fun of her by saying she gave good commentary. As if Luna doesn’t know Ron appreciates anyone saying anything against Zach Smith, the Evil Heart of Hogwarts.

*And Hermione makes yet another girl jealous. Guess that’s the price you pay for being best friends with the best people in school!

*Hermione, being in a good mood, writes the end of Harry’s essay for him, something she’d refused to do before because she knew he’d let Ron copy it. So to review, the only reason for Hermione to refuse to do Harry’s homework for him is because she wants to keep it from Ron. You can see why Hermione’s smirking in a superior way. Lavender wishes she was cool enough to have two boys let her do their homework for them.

*Harry finds Sybil with Dumbledore, complaining about Firenze. He hears her trip over her shawls on the way down the stairs. He does not chalk that up to her hilarious drinking problem, I guess because we haven’t gotten into the Slytherin part of the chapter yet.

*Dumbledore casually mentions how he’s made another one of his Dumbledore-ish-mistakes in not realizing how having two Divination teachers he’s personally protecting at the school would work out.

*Dumbledore tells Harry Sybil doesn’t know about the prophecy she made, putting Harry in the delightful position of knowing a huge secret about a pathetic teacher that she herself does not know. That’s not demeaning to Trelawney at all, so let’s move on.

*Harry says no, he hasn’t gotten the memory from Slughorn and Dumbledore guilt trips him because it really is important that he gets the memory the exact way that Dumbledore wants it gotten. It’s fun making Harry plumb the depths of his cunning. Dance little schoolboy! Dance for me!

*Dumbledore continues guilt-tripping Harry about how he told him how important the memory is. For some reason Harry, whom much of fandom considers to be completely rude and spoiled brat, does not tell Dumbledore that if it’s so important maybe he should just use his own best-wizard-of-all-time powers to get the memory instead of amusing himself making Harry do it whenever he’s got a minute between classes.

*It’s probably not a good sign that the moment when Harry feels an actual sense of shame is when I’m mentally snarking at Dumbledore for him. Probably because once again Dumbledore just seems to be demanding some pathetic show of personal loyalty. It’s not like this is the only way to get the memory, he’s just as usual wanting Harry to prove he’ll do what he says. You like me! You really like me!

*Maybe in the next book Harry and Draco can compare their experiences being shamed by a beloved authority figure.

*Dumbledore really starts piling it on thick when Harry apologizes, quietly daring to hope that Harry puts more thought into the project now that he’s remembered Dumbledore wants him to do that. Tell you what, Albus, I’ll get you that memory right after you get around to telling me what actually happened to your hand.

*Harry’s then EVEN MORE ashamed when Dumbledore OMG says he cares to hear his opinion on whether he’s right about Voldemort! He, like, totally values Harry’s opinion! God Dumbledore, enough already. Stick a fork in him, he’s done. You could tell him you thought Voldemort’s secret dream was to become the tooth fairy and he’d agree with your conclusions at this point, just to prove himself to you.

*Harry feels uncomfortable at Dumbledore’s description of how Voldemort feels about Hogwarts. Presumably because it was the first place he felt at home too and not because he’s more attached to it than he could ever be to any person…right?

*Slughorn and Voldemort were BFF, huh? I guess Tom Riddle knew the Good Slytherin when he saw him.

*Dumbledore, being all-knowing, was deeply disturbed at the idea of Tom teaching kids. Not that he told Dippet why he felt that way. Need to know basis, remember!

*Btw, Dumbledore’s all-knowingness does of course contain a certain blind spot. That blind spot’s name is…Señor Draco. (And it’s shaped like a sombrero.)

*There’s a big file in Dumbledore’s office of secrets he keeps from people for their own good: Dean’s father being a Wizard, Flitwick being adopted and part-goblin, Trelawney marked for death, Lord Voldemort’s true identity, some Hufflepuff second year dying of an incurable disease he doesn’t know about himself…

*Harry drops into the memory of the female version of Slughorn—a fat, ridiculous and vain woman who collects things and who’s got no business slobbering over young Tom Riddle. Is it a coincidence these two appear in the same book? The magpie-like can not be trusted!

*Of course she’s a bit worse than Slughorn in that she’s wearing make-up, the last resort of those not pretty on the inside.

*Hokey tells Hephzibah she looks lovely. "Nyuh-uh girlfriend," Harry thinks to himself with a snap. His bitchy tirade about her looks is cut off by the stunning appearance of Young Tom Riddle. His hair’s just a little longer (Harry having noted it before) and his cheeks a little hollowed but oh, it suits him! He’s more handsome than ever!!

*He’s also dressed simply in a dark, probably designer, suit perfectly cut…Oops! Forgot Wizards wear robes again!

*Hephzibah simpers all over Tom. Harry physically restrains himself from screaming, "Get your piggy little hands off him, you sow!"

*Hephzibah’s eyes are fastened on Voldemort’s handsome features, so she doesn’t see the flash of evil red in his eyes like Harry, who was lost in his eyes at the time.

*The cup apparently has powers all on its own. *Makes note*

*When Hephzibah looks into Voldemort’s face for the first time Harry sees her "foolish" smile falter. Harry is such a little bitch about this woman. I wonder why. Could you tell us, ever so handsome Tom?

*Dumbledore’s conclusions are totally validated when Harry draws the same ones after seeing the scene. As if showing someone this scene and telling them the woman was poisoned two days later wouldn’t make anyone say Tom did it even if he’d been innocent. Next show us a scene where Harry tells us how Draco’s up to something and must be stopped and then tell us Draco was eviscerated two days later and see what conclusions we draw.

*Harry suddenly feels sympathetic to SPEW, that thing Hermione harped on for two books straight and then inexplicably forgot, because Dumbledore says people were pre-disposed to suspect Hokey of the murder. He thinks this has something to do with her being "only a house-elf." Apparently Dumbledore hasn’t heard the cliché "the butler/maid did it."

*Btw, Harry’s sympathy towards SPEW does not lead to him to be uncomfortable with his own slave. Luckily.

*Isn’t it great the way Dumbledore always subtly and sadly points out the terrible justice system in the WW without ever having to defend his own part in it? Such a tragedy about Sirius. There was nothing I could do. I was too busy turning down three offers to be Minister for Magic and Head of the Wizengamot at the same time.

*Dumbledore says he’s got other reasons for thinking Voldemort wanted the cup…does he ever get to that either in this book?

*Harry goes into Voldemort’s memory where—gasp! Voldemort’s spoiling his looks! He’s not handsome anymore! Where has the pretteh gone??!!

*Luckily he’s still got a certain reptilian sensuality Harry can dig.

*I so wish Maya’s Draco was in this scene. He’d have blurted out, "No, you can not have a job here, because you’re eyes are red and disturbing. Please go away," by now.

*Harry understands that Dumbledore’s refusal to call Tom "Lord Voldemort" shows that he’s not allowing Tom to dictate the terms of their meeting. Like this is surprising after his scene with the Dursleys.

*Voldemort reminds us Dumbledore could totally be MoM if he wanted, and Dumbledore says he’d rather be a schoolteacher…for the same reason Voldemort wants to be. Comforting, yes?

*Dumbledore reminds Voldemort that he still knows nothing of love. Voldemort says nothing he’s seen proves that love is so powerful. Apparently he’s been reading the books and wondering why, if our heroes are so loving, the only way friends ever manage to make up after a fight is if one of them almost dies.

*Dumbledore says he’s glad Voldemort considers the DEs friends, as they seemed more like servants. Though to be fair, Gryffindors generally assume everyone else’s friends "seem like" something other than friends. Calling other peoples’ friendships that is like anthropomorphizing animals: the Slytherins appear to be chatting as friends do, but if you look closely Pansy is picking nits out of Draco’s hair while Crabbe rolls over and submissively urinates.

*Dumbledore says Voldemort can’t teach at Hogwarts because he doesn’t really want to. The Maya!Draco in my head says, "And because you have red eyes and that’s really disturbing!"

Slytherin Liquid Count: Pensieve Water, Dumbledore and Tom drink wine, Hephzibah and Voldemort drink together, Hephzibah drinks poisoned tea.

Hottie Factor: Tom Riddle, more handsome than ever!





Box Picture
And Shelly Winters as the fat woman!

Designated Hero
Sometimes when a boy likes a girl very much, it’s important for him to screw around with another girl to get experience. Similarly, if a boy is a hero whose greatest power is his love for others, it’s important that he gets some experience manipulating old guys.

IITS
Yes, as it happens I really do need the 16-year-old boy who couldn’t learn Occlumency to come up with a clever plan to wheedle a memory out of his teacher. No, I can’t do it myself. It says so right here in the script: Demonstrate Liquid Luck before final battle.

Informed Attributes
Harry didn’t want to disappoint Dumbledore, since after all the guy has been so good to him and never asks anything of him at all except this one little thing.

James Bond Exposition Rule
There should be some amendment to this rule when the super hero spends chapter after chapter dragging out his own revelation of the villain’s master plan.

Misdirected Answering
Is it really going to be important will it be that Voldemort wanted the DADA teacher job?

Final score: 6

Comments

[sunnyskywalker]

Give him a shot, JKR!

Now you've got me imagining Professor Voldemort, scary-but-cool to many, terrifying to a few, intrigue everywhere, shocks half the school when he tries to take over the world and even kills his former favorite student Lily Potter...

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

LOL, I read a fic once years ago where he was teaching at Hogwarts, and naturally, the poor, slow-witted inhabitants were all suspicious. 'There's something...funny about this new Professor Voldemort.' 'Oh, honestly, Harry, you're always suspicious of DADA teachers!'