OOTP Chapter Twenty: "Hagrid's Tale"

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* Courage, my friends. If you ever feel yourself
hesitant to go on, just think of the feelings of relief you’ll get once you
reach the end of the chapter.

 

* So how big are elves’ heads if a hat intended for
them can fit Hermione? Or is she just really bad at knitting, and consequently
her hats are all over the place in terms of size?

* Oddly enough, none of the boys seem pleased at the
prospect of having to stand very close to Hermione. Perhaps because she isn’t
yet the Beautiful!Hermione she’ll be by DH.

* Nearly-Headless Nick is humming “something that
sounded horribly like ‘Weasley is our King’.” Because Ron’s so pathetic, even
his House ghost is against him.

* I don’t see why Hagrid can’t just get somebody to
magic away his injuries. There’s no way I’m going to believe that wizarding
society hasn’t yet invented a spell to heal cuts and bruises.

* Hagrid’s pretence of secrecy stops as soon as
Hermione says the word “giants”. That man really cannot be trusted to keep
secrets.

* Muggles sometimes find giants, but their deaths
are just put down to mountaineering accidents. Firstly, I doubt that being
clubbed to death by a giant would leave similar marks to falling off a cliff or
whatever; secondly, are we really supposed to believe that literally nobody
managed to escape and tell the wider world about the giants?

* Although I suppose that anybody who did escape would just be Obliviated, so
maybe not.

* Hagrid and Madam Maxime couldn’t take a Portkey
because they were being watched. Yes, because secretly turning an innocuous
object into a Portkey and then instantaneously teleporting half-way across
Europe would have been absolutely no help in trying to evade their pursuers.

* Ron is appalled at the prospect of acting like a
Muggle. What a tolerant, open-minded young man he is.

* Dumbledore told them all about giant customs,
despite Hagrid and Olympe being the ones with giant ancestors.

* It was easy to tell which one was the chief,
because he was “the biggest, the ugliest an’ the laziest.” Because those are
the qualities which giants value in their chiefs, apparently.

* Given Hagrid’s fondness for big, ugly pets, it
looks like he might have inherited a bit of their value system himself. Not
that blood’s important, you understand.

* Give the chief a gift, and he becomes your BFF.
Just like children, really.

* The giants so far seem to have an intelligence
level somewhere between that of small children and monkeys, but Karkus is
apparently knowledgeable enough of world politics to have heard of Dumbledore
and his attitude towards the giants. Right.

* Hagrid and Olympe can’t take out the Death Eaters,
for some reason. I’d have thought that picking off Voldemort’s supporters
before they can regain their old strength would be an excellent idea. Are they
worried about antagonising the giants by killing emissaries to them? But if
they do it properly, nobody will know who killed them. Or are they afraid of
provoking Voldemort? But then war’s coming anyway, and surely it would be to
Dumbledore’s advantage to provoke Voldemort into starting it before he’s fully
ready? IDGI.

* This whole Hagrid/Olympe thing is incredibly
tiresome, especially since it’s forgotten after this book and has no effect
whatsoever on the plot.

* A lot like the giants subplot in general, come to
think of it…

* Contrary to what Hagrid says, the chances of any
giants reaching England from wherever it is they’re supposed to live are
practically nil. Aside from anything else, they’re just too big and noticeable.
They can’t pretend to be humans, like wizards can, and they can’t hide
properly. They’d be found and stopped long before they reached their
destination.

* Umbridge arrives, and finally we get a break from
Hagrid’s reminisces. Thank God; I think I was starting to lose the will to
live.

* Couldn’t Hagrid just say that he got his injuries
from one of the animals in the Hogwarts grounds? It’s not like there aren’t any
dangerous creatures, after all, and it would be more believable than “I
tripped”.

* “‘Yes, as gamekeeper fresh air must be so
difficult to come by,’ said Umbridge sweetly.” Point to Umbridge there for
displaying more critical thinking skills than half the other characters put
together.

* So does Hagrid’s curriculum disregard what will
come up in their OWLs, then? Because that seems a bit unprofessional to me.

* Hermione leaves determined to save the one teacher
who everybody would be happy to go.

* And that brings us to the end of “Hagrid’s Tale”.
Now I don’t know about you, but I think I need a stiff drink after that.
Possibly some sort of counselling, too.

Comments

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- The Twins' joke shop: after the DEs use their Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder in HBP, Ron says something along the lines of "They'll have to be more careful about who they sell them to". This is never mentioned in DH.

- Percy/Penelope -- do we even hear of Penny after POA?