Harry Potter Abridged! POA Chapter 17
Dec. 20th, 2011 08:36 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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deathtocapslock[Harry, Ron, and Hermione are standing as if in shock.]
Hermione: Oh, woe is me! I’m crying for this poor Hippogriff! Even though I know that he was just a stupid animal and that he’ll probably be fine if Harry wants him to be okay hard enough.
Ron: Well that’s all well and good, but what about my poor rat?! Owie! He bit me! That never, ever happens!
Harry: Gee, it’s Crookshanks. [Points to the cat.]
Scabbers: Escape says me! [Runs away]
[Crookshanks runs after Scabbers, and the others give chase. However…]
Harry: AAAAAAAAAAH! It’s that dog again!
[The dog grabs Ron and starts dragging him. Harry and Hermione follow, until they’re getting pelted by the Whomping Willow’s branches!]
Harry: Oh, no! How ever shall we catch up to Ron and that big, mean dog?
[But Crookshanks touches a certain spot on the tree that makes it stop.]
Harry: Oh, good- now we can go in.
[Harry and Hermione go down the tunnel, and follow it until they find themselves in the Shrieking Shack!]
Harry: You know, this place sure is a mess. I don’t think ghosts could have been wholly responsible.
[So the two of them go upstairs until… they find Ron!]
Ron: Don’t! It’s a trap!
Harry: A trap? How? How could this possibly be a trap?
Ron: That dog turned into Sirius Black!
Harry: …Seriously?
Ron: Yeah!
[Sirius sneaks up behind Harry.]
Harry: …He’s right behind me, isn’t he?
Sirius: Surprise! Expelliarmus!
Harry, Ron, and Hermione: AAAAAAAAAAH! He’s gonna eat us!!!!!!
Sirius: I knew you two would come along. Harry, you remind me of your father.
Harry: Oh, crap! You insulted my father?! Gimme back my wand so I can kill you, you murderer!
Ron: Hey, now, if you wanna kill Harry, you’ll have to go through us. [Puts a hand on Harry’s shoulder.]
Sirius: Oh, don’t make this harder for me than it has to be- I’m not going to kill you.
Harry: BUT YOU KILLED MY PARENTS AND ALL THOSE OTHER PEOPLE WHY SHOULD WE THINK YOU WON’T KILL US AS WELL?!
Sirius: …Did you really need to say that in capslock?
Harry: I’m practicing for the later books. *Smiles and winks* Anyway… AAAARGH!!! [He attacks Sirius.] I’m going to hurt you and kill you and stuff! That’s called being gallant, don’t you know?! [He wrestles his wand away and points it at Sirius.]
Sirius: You really want to kill me?
Harry: Sure I do! You killed my parents… well, sort of. Anyway- vengeance is mine!
Hermione: Sirius, if you’re so intent that Mr. Loose Cannon here not kill you, why can’t you just come out and say that you didn’t kill them?
Sirius: ‘Cause I’m angsty. Emo, like.
[But just then Lupin approaches.]
Lupin: Oh, Sirius. It’s you. Yeah, I only just figured out you were innocent.
Hermione: That’s not all- he’s a werewolf!
Ron: LOLWHUT
Hermione: Yeah. This is what happens when you actually do Snape’s homework.
Ron: Eew, he’s a werewolf so that means he’s untrustworthy. Not that this is in any way the same as when the Slytherins think that because you’re a werewolf you’re dangerous, Lupin.
Lupin: Yeah, well… it was hard for Dumbledore to convince everyone I could actually be safe to work for this school. Whether he was right or not, well….
Harry: HE’S OBVIOUSLY NOT RIGHT SINCE YOU’VE BEEN HELPING SIRIUS!
Lupin: Dude, chill with the capslock rage, okay?
Harry: OH PLEASE, THIS IS GOING TO BE MY SIGNATURE WAY OF SPEAKING FROM BOOK 5 ON!
Lupin: Yes but it isn’t Book 5 yet- calm down.
Harry: So… anyway, if you aren’t just as evil as Sirius and been helping him and stuff, then how do you know he was here?
Lupin: I was studying the Marauder’s Map. Which I helped to create, by the way. Oh- and I discovered someone… else was with you!
Ron: Yeah, like who?!
Lupin: Like Scabbers the rat!
Ron: The rat?! What? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!
Sirius: No, it’s not. That rat is actually an animagus like me. And his name is…
…
…
Ron: You’re killing me- who is he?!
Sirius: PETER PETTIGREW!
Ron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hermione: Oh, woe is me! I’m crying for this poor Hippogriff! Even though I know that he was just a stupid animal and that he’ll probably be fine if Harry wants him to be okay hard enough.
Ron: Well that’s all well and good, but what about my poor rat?! Owie! He bit me! That never, ever happens!
Harry: Gee, it’s Crookshanks. [Points to the cat.]
Scabbers: Escape says me! [Runs away]
[Crookshanks runs after Scabbers, and the others give chase. However…]
Harry: AAAAAAAAAAH! It’s that dog again!
[The dog grabs Ron and starts dragging him. Harry and Hermione follow, until they’re getting pelted by the Whomping Willow’s branches!]
Harry: Oh, no! How ever shall we catch up to Ron and that big, mean dog?
[But Crookshanks touches a certain spot on the tree that makes it stop.]
Harry: Oh, good- now we can go in.
[Harry and Hermione go down the tunnel, and follow it until they find themselves in the Shrieking Shack!]
Harry: You know, this place sure is a mess. I don’t think ghosts could have been wholly responsible.
[So the two of them go upstairs until… they find Ron!]
Ron: Don’t! It’s a trap!
Harry: A trap? How? How could this possibly be a trap?
Ron: That dog turned into Sirius Black!
Harry: …Seriously?
Ron: Yeah!
[Sirius sneaks up behind Harry.]
Harry: …He’s right behind me, isn’t he?
Sirius: Surprise! Expelliarmus!
Harry, Ron, and Hermione: AAAAAAAAAAH! He’s gonna eat us!!!!!!
Sirius: I knew you two would come along. Harry, you remind me of your father.
Harry: Oh, crap! You insulted my father?! Gimme back my wand so I can kill you, you murderer!
Ron: Hey, now, if you wanna kill Harry, you’ll have to go through us. [Puts a hand on Harry’s shoulder.]
Sirius: Oh, don’t make this harder for me than it has to be- I’m not going to kill you.
Harry: BUT YOU KILLED MY PARENTS AND ALL THOSE OTHER PEOPLE WHY SHOULD WE THINK YOU WON’T KILL US AS WELL?!
Sirius: …Did you really need to say that in capslock?
Harry: I’m practicing for the later books. *Smiles and winks* Anyway… AAAARGH!!! [He attacks Sirius.] I’m going to hurt you and kill you and stuff! That’s called being gallant, don’t you know?! [He wrestles his wand away and points it at Sirius.]
Sirius: You really want to kill me?
Harry: Sure I do! You killed my parents… well, sort of. Anyway- vengeance is mine!
Hermione: Sirius, if you’re so intent that Mr. Loose Cannon here not kill you, why can’t you just come out and say that you didn’t kill them?
Sirius: ‘Cause I’m angsty. Emo, like.
[But just then Lupin approaches.]
Lupin: Oh, Sirius. It’s you. Yeah, I only just figured out you were innocent.
Hermione: That’s not all- he’s a werewolf!
Ron: LOLWHUT
Hermione: Yeah. This is what happens when you actually do Snape’s homework.
Ron: Eew, he’s a werewolf so that means he’s untrustworthy. Not that this is in any way the same as when the Slytherins think that because you’re a werewolf you’re dangerous, Lupin.
Lupin: Yeah, well… it was hard for Dumbledore to convince everyone I could actually be safe to work for this school. Whether he was right or not, well….
Harry: HE’S OBVIOUSLY NOT RIGHT SINCE YOU’VE BEEN HELPING SIRIUS!
Lupin: Dude, chill with the capslock rage, okay?
Harry: OH PLEASE, THIS IS GOING TO BE MY SIGNATURE WAY OF SPEAKING FROM BOOK 5 ON!
Lupin: Yes but it isn’t Book 5 yet- calm down.
Harry: So… anyway, if you aren’t just as evil as Sirius and been helping him and stuff, then how do you know he was here?
Lupin: I was studying the Marauder’s Map. Which I helped to create, by the way. Oh- and I discovered someone… else was with you!
Ron: Yeah, like who?!
Lupin: Like Scabbers the rat!
Ron: The rat?! What? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!
Sirius: No, it’s not. That rat is actually an animagus like me. And his name is…
…
…
Ron: You’re killing me- who is he?!
Sirius: PETER PETTIGREW!
Ron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 04:36 pm (UTC)I missed this detail in reading. So the Kneazle is more observant/smarter than the humans?
As an aside... this new commenting box is pretty limited. Guess I'll find out when I post whether it's rich text or html.
no subject
Date: 2011-12-29 11:46 pm (UTC)