Harry Potter Abridged! GOF Chapter 5
Feb. 19th, 2012 10:39 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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deathtocapslock[Harry arrives with Fred and George at the Burrow.]
Harry: So, what was that super-special-awesome tormenting candy you gave my cousin?
Fred: Oh, it’s called Ton-Tongue Toffee. George and I invented them. Aren’t we just ingenious and not at all dangerous or scary?!
[Turns out, all the elder Weasley brothers are there as well.]
Charlie: Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Charlie, and you met me in Book 1. I am here to do something important—ssssssh, I can’t say what lest any premature revelations spoil the plot—in this book, and then to vanish and never appear again. Oh, yeah, I was good at Quidditch. But not quite as good as you, Harry!
Bill: And I’m the other older Weasley brother. I’m a totally awesome tomb robber, dude! Oh, and I’ll marry a hot chick you meet later on for no reason. But other than that I have no real purpose either. Peace, man!
[Just then, Mr. Weasley appears, looking very angry.]
Mr. Weasley: It was very wrong indeed of you to mistreat that poor Muggle boy. Note, however, that I am not going to punish you, but merely give you a slap on the wrist. In fact, I am not even going to tell your mother.
Mrs. Weasley: Somebody call me?
Fred and George: AAAAAAAAH!
Mr. Weasley: Oh, it’s nothing—they were just tormenting a Muggle who was a bully to Harry to begin with!
[Just then, Hermione and Ginny enter.]
Ron: By the way, Fred and George are opening a joke shop. Do not ask me how they can turn a profit from doing that, but they can. Now let’s go to our room.
[Percy is the last one on the scene.]
Percy: Oh, hello, everyone. I’m just working on a report about cauldron thickness, and how we, surprise surprise, need some sort of standard or else people will sell dangerously-thin cauldrons just to save money, which will lead to a great many injuries that could have easily been avoided—
Ron: Yeah, whatevs. We’re wizards—pointless danger is our game. If everyone were Gryffindors we wouldn’t worry about this crap.
[Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Ginny all go to Ron’s room.]
Ron: So, you like my new baby owl? His name’s Pigwidgeon, which Ginny called him.
Ginny: He won’t answer to anything else. How he even learned his name in the first place, with how stupid owls are, is another matter….
Ron: Oh, by the way, Percy is very enamored of his employer, Mr. Crouch. Gee, I wonder if that could possibly be important in any way.
Harry: Oh, goodie! We have a genuine…bi character in this story!
Ron: I was joking! Alright, he’s desperately trying to shadow this man because he’s his slave in his quest for power. Or something!
[After a time, the Trio and Ginny go down to help out with dinner. Mrs. Weasley causes creamy sauce to flow from her wand.]
Mrs. Weasley: Any Freudian implications of this image are purely coincidental.
Ginny: You’re secretly a man?!
Mrs. Weasley: Purely coincidental! Now get ye gone!
[The family ends up eating an idyllic dinner outside while Crookshanks chases Gnomes and everyone makes spirited and plot-heavy conversation.]
**LET’S PLAY: SPOT THE PLOT POINT! WITH OUR HOST, PERCY WEASLEY!**
Percy: Alright, I’m going to say a number of words here, and I want you to tell me which ones you think will be plot-relevant! Cauldron bottoms! World Cup! Ludo Bagman! Bertha Jorkins! Missing! Secret Mystery Event for After the World Cup!
Mr. Weasley: Ahem, you will never be the star of anything. Let me just say that Ludo Bagman is awesome because I was able to get my tickets to him through bribery and cutting deals and generally breaking my own laws!
Percy: Alright, at least let me discuss the Secret Mystery Even for After the World Cup?
Ron: No, you can’t do that—we can’t have any Premature Revelations spoil the book’s plot.
Fred: Mind if I cut in? I’ve got a plot-important keyword of my own: Viktor Krum!
Harry: Who?
Charlie: He’s a famous Quidditch player from Eastern Europe. His team will be competing against Ireland in the Quidditch World Cup.
**PREVIOUSLY ON HARRY POTTER**
[Harry Potter is the best Quidditch player in his school.]
Wood: Harry, you’re the best!
Angelina: Oh, Harry, I love you so much. Will you let me kiss you?
Harry: Ah… no….
Ron: Wow, I wish I was as good as Harry.
[The only character in the series so far to be comparable to Harry is Charlie.]
Charlie: But now I’m graduated so Harry has no competition in Hogwarts whatsoever!
[Harry owes most of his success to his spectacular broom, the Firebolt!]
Harry: My broom is the best! Even pros don’t always have it! And this does not give me an unfair advantage or anything!
**END OF FLASHBACK INFO DUMP**
Harry: Wow, this is wonderful! I could just stay here for the rest of my life!
Mrs. Weasley: Oh, look at the time! We need to get to bed—we’ll be getting up early to go to Diagon Alley and the Quidditch World Cup!
Harry: Why are we getting school supplies before the big game?
Mrs. Weasley: Because professional games sometimes last for many days.
Percy: Oh, I hope that doesn’t happen! I still have to turn in my report before Fred and George put dragon dung or something in it!
Fred: Sorry Percy—your research just isn’t as important as our amusement. And we are totally likeable pranksters!
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no subject
Date: 2012-02-20 05:09 am (UTC)Come on, Arthur. Be a father. Ground them. Take their brooms away for a week. It's called discipline, it's a way to show love by teaching kids good behavior.
And whoever says Dudley deserves to choke to death on his own tongue is a sociopath. But then again, this is two brothers who try to get their brother fired from his dream job. And we're supposed to find this funny.
Bless Molly, she likely kept the boys out of prison.
" By the way, Fred and George are opening a joke shop. Do not ask me how they can turn a profit from doing that, but they can. Now let’s go to our room."
One lovely poster said muggle baiting keeps them in business. How many wizards have that much disposible income and why arent' they using Zonko's?
Here's my question. It's been discussed a lot, but why do you think Arthur is the way he is (refusing to discipline and tacitly allowing and contribute to the abuse of his son?)
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Date: 2012-02-20 05:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-20 06:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-20 03:00 pm (UTC)So while Arthur seems to have done well with Bill and Charlie and Percy, the twins tipped the balance as far as he was concerned. He didn't know how to control such a large family, how to negotiate the alliances and bickering, so pretty much stopped trying and went into the shed.
Not that I am saying, Molly forced him to have a large family. I do wonder if there was something fertility spell hinky about the twins, since it seems coincidental they were conceived after (?) Molly's probably twin brothers died, but I think Arthur just didnt object to having all the kids, then realised he couldn't deal.
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Date: 2012-02-20 03:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-20 04:27 pm (UTC)I still think that the issue with the family is that they have no cultural background for negotiating a big family. Arthur disengages and leaves them to get on with it amongst themselves and Molly acts out a lot of sound and fury. They react to situations not the ongoing trend of the kids behaviour.
Which, of course, leads to Ron sharing Harry's tendency to not involve the adults.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-20 05:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-20 06:00 pm (UTC)Occasionally, my brain decides something is a 'good idea' and just runs with it. Still, it was a nice bit of twistedness regarding family dynamics so I can maybe recycle for my own stuff now I won't be stealing.
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Date: 2012-02-20 06:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-20 07:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-20 07:40 pm (UTC)Punishment is nearly binary. You get off (if you're popular), you pay a fine, your wand is snapped, or you are tacitly and brutally executed. While I'm all for less prisons, it seems like there's no middle ground for crimes like embezzelement, abuse of authority, tax evasion or such.
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Date: 2012-02-20 07:50 pm (UTC)My friend Ezi is from a family of 11, my friend Ree is from a family of 12 and another friend is from a family of 13 (I live near Hasidic Jews) and I notice the major difference between them and the Weasleys is that the older kids are expected to care for the younger kids, the parents actually step in and punish the kids if there is bullying, and everyone has duties.
Molly here gets little help. We don't see the kids pitching in much (de-gnoming the garden?) and we don't see anyone but Percy trying to step in and make order out of chaos.
And now it makes sense. Arthur likely thought Bill, Charlie and Percy were not too bad, maybe one more. Two more came. And Molly really wants to try once more for a girl. And now the house is chaos. And then she tries just one more time.
I suppose Arthur treasures Ginny for being a girl. Otherwise, he'd be finished.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-20 07:52 pm (UTC)Half of the fun is the danger, seems to be the attitude.
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Date: 2012-02-20 08:42 pm (UTC)That actually seems like a really worrying trend in a lot of the children's fantasy I've seen: this underlying message that being an adult is for losers.
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Date: 2012-02-20 09:11 pm (UTC)Though this is one of the differences between witches and wizards in Pratchett's world. The wizards mostly live in their closed world of Unseen University, playing (OK researching), eating big meals and doing very little for the greater community.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-20 10:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-20 11:58 pm (UTC)I wonder if JKR is an anarchist, (in a positive way)
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Date: 2012-02-21 01:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-21 01:44 am (UTC)I remember Baeraad saying in a post that Bellatrix ought to be taking lessons from the twins. She mostly relies on the Cruciatus Curse and a dagger, while they invent new and creative ways to torment people.
/Bill: And I’m the other older Weasley brother. I’m a totally awesome tomb robber, dude!/
And that’s why nobody harasses him for being a prefect. How much do you want to bet that he was like Arthur and let students off the hook for misbehavior, because he was cool like that? Or maybe he just wasn’t as bossy and officious about his duties as Percy.
/Mr. Weasley: It was very wrong indeed of you to mistreat that poor Muggle boy. Note, however, that I am not going to punish you, but merely give you a slap on the wrist. In fact, I am not even going to tell your mother./
Jeez, not only does he not discipline them, but he won’t let his wife discipline them either because he’s afraid of her. Why not tell Molly? Would she yell at him and blame him for the twins’ behavior instead of yelling at them?
/Fred: Sorry Percy—your research just isn’t as important as our amusement./
Now I’m imagining an AU scenario where Fred and George went to school with Tom Riddle and he murdered/maimed them for fouling up his research with one of their “pranks.”
no subject
Date: 2012-02-21 06:09 am (UTC)Anarchists oppose authority of one person or group over another, most especially state authority. In Rowling's world, we have the hero following unto death a cult leader who demands that Order members and Harry obey his every command without question. Then, at the end of the story, the hero takes part in the reestablishment of Ministry state power, with the hero as Head Auror top enforcer of that authority. We are not shown a change in Wizarding society that eliminates central authority or social prejudice. In fact, we see abuse of power continue with Ron Confunding the Muggle driving instructor, with no criticism expected or received.
In a trouble-making, mayhem way, Rowling might be said to be "anti-authoritarian," but that is only a temporary, non-grown-up frame of mind for the heroes in the books. For the adult who chiefly foments anti-government ideas (Dumbledore), it's a way to get children on his side while devaluing other adult voices. This is actually not what anarchism is about.
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Date: 2012-02-21 05:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-21 06:48 pm (UTC)Given that the wizarding world is full of peaople that have the emotional maturity of 11 year olds a joke shop is probably the most profitable business around.
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Date: 2012-02-21 08:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-21 08:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-21 08:59 pm (UTC)After I saw the Wizengamot...I really feared for any person who was unpopular. They had no hope of justice.
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Date: 2012-02-21 09:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-21 10:04 pm (UTC)The offenses are wildly disproportional. You get the same punishment (doing chores) for criticizing the way Snape taught when substituting for Lupin as you do for coming to Hogwarts in a flying Ford Anglia as you do for melting the sixth cauldron in Potions.
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Date: 2012-02-22 01:20 am (UTC)For some reason this statement made me think of the old Patrick McGoohan TV series, The Prisoner...
Perhaps what Rowling's wizarding world needs is a resort-type island for prisoners guilty of lesser, "victimless" crimes...with an inexplicable magikal bubble to chase them down if they try to escape... :-)
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Date: 2012-02-22 02:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-22 02:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-22 04:41 pm (UTC)Maybe it's just Wizarding Britain that has Dementors. Grindelwald was chained in a tower at Nurmengard, if I recall correctly. It was probably solitary confinement, which is a kind of torture, but without soul-sucking demons as guards.
Also, I'd think having a binary type of justice, where it's either Dementors or "nudge nudge wink wink," would lead to a great deal of disrespect for the legal system. It might in fact be a non-deterrent to potential wrongdoers, who would focus more on knowing the right people, telling the best tales, and using the most force over actually staying honest and working hard -- both of which seem to be shameful things in the Wizarding world, anyway.
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Date: 2012-02-22 05:49 pm (UTC)Yep. Sounds just like Rowling's wizarding world...
Which is why it's a perfect concept for a Potterverse Club Fed-like prison...
;-)
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Date: 2012-02-22 05:51 pm (UTC)That would be interesting if Britain was the only wizarding nation to make a deal with the demons. Nurmengard is presumably in Durmstrang's catchment area, so they're supposedly a more Dark Arts-friendly place... yet their worst punishment is solitary confinement? (If they executed anyone, surely Grindlewald would have been first on the block.) On the other hand, we only saw Nurmengard for a moment through Voldievision, and that was after the Dementors had all run off, so it's possible they had them a few years previously. Grindlewald's longevity and apparent sanity suggest otherwise, though. We don't know of anyone who survived anywhere near 50 years of Azkaban. They looked pretty bad after 13.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-23 01:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-23 02:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-23 02:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-23 02:28 am (UTC)Arthur is unwilling to be the "bad guy" when he needs to be. He can't lay down the law when his kids act up. He can't put his shed tinkering aside. He can't do the boring tasks and work at a job he doesn't LOVE in order to make a better wage. He wants to be a cool dad, a cool guy who trades favors, winks away trouble and expect it to turn out all right.
Percy is willing to be the bad guy. Work hard to get perfect grades? Work hard as a prefect to fairly uphold the laws? Try to police his siblings? Clamp down on mischief? Work at a thankless job because it's right for his career and make the best of it? He doesn't mind doing the hard stuff, to get things right.
In the wizarding world, it's the Arthurs who are cherished. But because of that, we need Percys.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-23 04:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-23 07:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-24 01:36 am (UTC)On another point, it's remarkable the Weasleys do as well in school as they do, give the chaotic nature of their home life, and the fact they would have been home-schooled before going to Hogwarts. (Of course, the school's lack of academic rigor helps with that.) I'm sure it's not a coincidence that Bill, Charlie, and Percy are the best students in the family, since they would have been born before the family got so large and things got so crazy.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-24 02:07 am (UTC)And do you notice that Bill, James and Sirius (and even the Twins) are mad geniuses who never seem to do a stitch of work, but always come out ahead?
Bill gets perfect grades, and is prefect and Head Boy, but would never be seen as doing anything as undignified as working hard or enforcing rules?
James, head boy? As our good Terri-Testing said "Now our Best Role Model, the Head Boy of "you couldn't really expect James to take that lying down, could you?" fame, would have (at least given that there were no witnesses who had authority to report him to staff or sweet Lily) hexed a stinking Slytherin second year into the hospital wing for a WEEK for questioning his right to sneak around Slytherin territory"
Sirius, so clever but so...cruel.
The twins? Brilliant, but never actually doing work.
Dumbledore is a genius, but we never see him work hard.
Heck, Harry is a Quidditch genius first time on his broom.
Guess Percy isn't one of the elect, he has to work hard.
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Date: 2012-02-24 09:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-25 01:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-26 04:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-26 06:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-26 09:22 pm (UTC)