Harry Potter Abridged! GOF Chapter 11

[sweettalkeress.livejournal.com]

[The next day, as everyone’s raring to leave for Hogwarts, Arthur Weasley gets a message from Mr. Amos Diggory]

Mr. Weasley: Whoops, time to converse with his head as it appears in our fireplace. Remember this technique; it’ll be important later.

Mr. Diggory: So, anyway, some Muggles got wind of exploding dustbins. It was Mad-Eye Moody’s doing because he’s paranoid, and now we have to somehow get him off!

Mr. Weasley: Whoops, time for me to go to the Ministry and acquit my old friend!

Mr. Diggory: Oh, by the way, Moody’s starting a New Job today. I wonder what it is....

Fred: Mummy, I heard Mad-Eye Moody was a crazy person.

Mrs. Weasley: He’s a crazy person alright but he’s our crazy person and we love him.

Charlie: In fact, he’s Dumbledore’s friend so that must mean he’s a good guy!

Harry: Just who is this Moody person anyway?

Charlie: An extremely paranoid Dark-Wizard catcher, or Auror. He’s got tons of enemies, but he’s mysterious so I couldn’t tell you how or why.

Mrs. Weasley: Oh, and Mr. Weasley hired Muggle taxi drivers to take us to King’s Cross.  There’s no way this could create problems, either for them or for us, right?!

Taxi driver: How are we supposed to load up a pet owl, anyway?

Charlie: Oh, by the way, I’m going to have a role in the plot later!

Ron: Really?! How?!

Charlie: Can’t say, of course--classified. Oooh, can you feel the mystery?

Bill: Like Charlie says, there will be epic shit happening at Hogwarts this year--but I can’t tell you about it, oh no, you have to figure it out for yourselves! [Wags finger]

Harry, Ron, and Hermione: *Crossveins*

[So they board the train.]

Draco: So, anyway, I wanted to go to Durmstrang. I could actually learn the Dark Arts there and, and not be surrounded by Mudbloods! Yeah! But my mother insisted I go here instead! Did I mention my dear old dad actually knows the Headmaster there?!

Hermione: Oh, look, Draco wishes he had gone to the evil Dark Arts school Durmstrang, where they study the Dark Arts and shit.

Harry: Where is this school, anyway?

Hermione: Probably up north.

Ron: That means Draco could have fallen to his death off a glacier! Boo, why couldn’t he have gone there instead?!

[Neville walks by]

Ron: Oh, hi Navel!

Neville: My  name is not Navel!

Ron: Whatever! Did you catch the Quidditch World Cup?

Neville: No, we couldn’t afford tickets.

Ron: That sucks. I was in the Top Box because my father’s connected.

Neville: Well aren’t you special.

Draco: Indeed.

Neville: EEP! [Runs away]

Draco: Oh, look, Ron--you’ve got girly dress robes!

Ron: Oh, boo!

Draco: So are you going to enter the super-special-awesome tournament that’s happening this year?!

Harry, Ron, and Hermione: What tournament?!

Draco: *Facepalm* Oh, whatever. If your parents want to shelter you like that that’s their problem.

Ron: My parents would have told me everything! They probably just didn’t know because they’re too noble to climb high enough on the social ladder to know these things!

[It’s raining hard when they get to Hogwarts.]

Hagrid: Oh, hello Harry. I’m just praying the first-years and I don’t drown!

Hermione: Like, how encouraging....

Comments

[oryx_leucoryx]

I don't get why the tournament itself rather than just the tasks has to be a secret either.

It's a Weasley thing. This is the family where elder siblings say that students get Sorted based on fighting a troll. I bet everyone else in the school knew.

[nx74defiant.livejournal.com]

From the way Draco ask about entering I think he assumed everyone already knew about the tournament.

It's a Weasley thing Maybe that is why Ron is so ignorant of his own culture! His parents never tell their children anything and get the older children to keep it up once they learn things.

Harry does seem to be getting dumber instead of smarter as he ages. Great education he is getting.