Harry Potter Abridged! GOF Chapter 33

[sweettalkeress.livejournal.com]

OH YEAH!! I've been looking forward to this scene all book!

Wormtail: So, Master, now that you've gotten your body back are you going to spare a thought for your poor accomplice who's bleeding on the ground in front of you?

Voldemort: Well... I could do that... or I could just page my other Death Eaters. Lemme see that Dark Mark!

Wormtail: Damn you! After this I'm getting a gig working with Disney!

Voldemort: You wish! No matter who you work for you'll always be the loser.

Wormtail: At least in Disney I'll have a chance at a happily ever after, unlike the ignominious death that no doubt awaits me here!

Voldemort: That's nice, Loser. Now can I see your Dark Mark?

Wormtail: Whatever. Let's get this over with so I can get a new hand. [Holds out arm containing Dark Mark]

[In no time flat, the place is filled with evil wizards wearing masks.]

Voldemort: So, did you miss me?

Death Eaters: Well... ah... yes, yes, of course we did.

Voldemort: You know, I could bore all of you right now with an exposition speech about how my muggle father abandoned my mother who died in childbirth and forced me to be raised in an orphanage with muggles, as well as the harrowing tale of how I came to regain my body, which I'm sure you're all desperate to see; but that's boring and to be frank, we'll have to deal with worse speeches later. Am I right, boys?

Death Eaters: Yes, of course! Anything you say, Master!

Voldemort: So instead I'll sing you all a song!

Death Eaters: Er... what?

Voldemort: [Sings] In the dark of the night I was tossing and turning

Lucius: He isn't!

Voldemort: [Continuing to sing] And the nightmare I had was as bad as can beeeeeee

Wormtail: He is!

Voldemort: It scared me out of my wits/A corpse falling to bits/Then I opened my eyes and the nightmare was ME!

Harry: [to self] Is he serious?

Voldemort: I was once the most mystical man in all England/When the Potter defied me they made a mistake!/My curse made each of them pay/But one little boy got away!/Little Harry beware, Lord Voldie's awaaaaaaake! [He sings the rest of the song and makes the other Death Eaters join in]

Voldemort: Yes, yes, I am the greatest musical genius in all wizardry!

Death Eaters: Bravo! Bravo! [Applause]

Voldemort: But, on to matters. I've got a score to settle with each of you. See, when I originally lost my body none of you came to my aid.

Avery: That's not true! It's an unfounded accusation!

Voldemort: Oh, please—my most faithful followers, the Lestranges, are in Azkaban now. That's how I know how faithful they were. They risked torture for me—is that really too much to ask?

Wormtail: I gave you my hand, though! Doesn't that count?!

Voldemort: I guess that counts a bit. [He gives Wormtail a Very Special Magic Hand] Don't get me wrong; I still think you're a useless coward.

Wormtail: Even you?! You were never even a Gryffindor!

Voldemort: Quiet you! If Harry Potter and Dumbledore thought I suffered people with cowardly tendencies they'd never take me seriously! [He begins walking around the circle] Oh, hello Lucian!

Lucius: My name's Lucius....

Voldemort: Whatever. Why didn't you come find me when you saw the Dark Mark in the sky?

Lucius: Because my wife and son needed me, hint hint.

Voldemort: You must have confused me for someone who cares.

Lucius: Well... didn't you like what I did with those muggles at the Quidditch World Cup, anyway?

Voldemort: Not particularly. Not when it was done as an alternative to serving me and waiting on me hand and foot.

Lucius: I'll keep that in mind for next time?

Voldemort: You'd better. Prepare yourself for some pain over the next couple of books for all this!

Lucius: What'd I ever do to you? [Cries]

Voldemort: By the way, I'll let you all in on a secret: one of my most faithful servants? He's at Hogwarts right now! Ssh—make sure you don't tell anyone. Least of all Harry Potter, who just happens to be right here! [He points out Harry, and the Death Eaters turn to look at him.]

Harry: [to self] Hey, no fair! Dumbledore and the Weasleys are so good about spilling their secrets when I'm in earshot!

Voldemort: [Strides over to Harry] Anyway, you all remember that this boy was my downfall years ago, right? But now that I've regained by body, I can touch him again! [Pokes Harry on the forehead] Touch... touch... touch... touch... [Repeatedly pokes Harry]

Harry: Mrrfff! Mrrff! [translation: Stop touching me! That hurts my scar you asshole!]

Voldemort: By the way, if you're curious, I survived getting struck by my Killing Curse that night because one of my Very Important Experiments had worked, meaning that I could remain at large. Just in case you were wondering. Anyway, I said I wasn't going to bore you with a long-winded exposition speech and I'm not, so instead I will kill Harry Potter—in a duel, like a proper gentleman.

Wormtail: Couldn't you just finish him off now that he's tied up and helpless?

Voldemort: Nope, nope—I must prove once and for all that I am so much stronger than Harry that I can beat him even if I have no advantages. Because I'm not a coward, see. Well... except when it comes to my attempts to cheat Death, that is....

Wormtail: Whatever. Don't say I didn't warn you.... [He unties Harry...]

Comments

[aikaterini.livejournal.com]

/Voldemort: So instead I'll sing you all a song!/

XD I’ve actually found several videos with that song on YouTube for Voldemort and the Death Eaters. Because it fits so well! (Aside from the fact that Harry’s not a girl, of course)

/If Harry Potter and Dumbledore thought I suffered people with cowardly tendencies they'd never take me seriously!/

Or maybe if Voldemort did respect Peter, then the reader might be led to respect him as well. Instead, since Voldemort doesn’t, the reader doesn’t since now we see that Peter is so pathetic that not even his own boss appreciates him.

/Voldemort: Nope, nope—I must prove once and for all that I am so much stronger than Harry that I can beat him even if I have no advantages./

Do you think that this may be why Voldemort refuses to allow anybody else to kill Harry? For a Slytherin, he’s sure concerned about honor and maintaining his image at the cost of efficiency.

[hwyla.livejournal.com]

You know one of the things that bugs me about this chapter? Voldy must touch Peter's dark mark to summon the others. In other words, he must always keep a DE on hand just to be able to get any of them to 'come'. He apparently cannot summon them on his own. Despite the fact that it only takes one DE to summon HIM (bk7 - Carrow). Does this make sense?

[oryx_leucoryx]

Only if there is a downside to actually having a Dark Mark.

Perhaps the fact that he doesn't have one allows him to torture all of them without being affected. Or to do stuff on his own behind their collective backs without revealing his location.

As an aside: I think at least part of the function of the Dark Mark is based on the Ministry's Apparition Points that allow even foreign wizards to Apparate to the QWC - they allow focusing on an unfamiliar or not clearly specified Destination. Then Hermione based the DA's communication coins on the communication aspect of the Dark Mark. And Draco copied that idea for use with Rosmerta. And thus magical technology is spread.

[hwyla.livejournal.com]

But it is confusing - they can summon him - so it must somehow tell him where they are (and probably just who it is that has sent the message?) So, he has to have some connection to the mark. Yet he doesn't have a way to summon them unless someone with the mark is with him. One would think that especially after so few of the DEs came looking for him while he was Vapormort, that this would be one of those things that he fixed immediately.

Alternatively, like you said, there might be times when he wouldn't want to share what was going on in the mark. A very good example was made in a fanfic by excessivelyperky ('The Birthday Present') in which Snape put a knife in his mark which affected Voldy.

But it still doesn't preclude Voldy having something (like the DA coins) that he can use as a trigger button to summon everyone. Unless he just likes always having someone with him to be servant-like and also function as speed-dial for all DEs.

[nx74defiant.livejournal.com]

Unless he just likes always having someone with him to be servant-like and also function as speed-dial for all DEs.

That does seen to fit his mentality.