PS Chapter Seven

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

*McGonagall's in green-emerald green. ESE!

*The front hall of the school is so big you could fit all of the Dursleys' house in it. Fuck you, Dursleys and your tiny place! Harry's in the big house now!

*McGonagall explains that the Sorting is a very important ceremony, as it will label you for the rest of your life and show how people should treat you forever based on your state of mind this day when you're eleven.

*Your house will become something like a family while you're at Hogwarts. Except if you're a Slytherin, in which case you'll become part of a menagerie of low lifes.

*Or you're a Gryffindor where, if you're Harry at least, you'll barely recognize half the house and barely speak to those you know but aren't in your group. Just like family!

*Honestly, even having classes with your house…the whole Sorting really is kind of hilarious. Were they worried war would go away and so took steps to ensure more fighting?

*Any rule breaking will earn a loss of house points. Bwahahaha! Just kidding, Gryffindors. You know I only mean some rule-breaking!

*I love that McGonagall leaves the kids by advising them to worry about what they look like-after all they're going out in front of the entire school to be judged. No Neville, you don't have time to lose weight before the Sorting.

*The ghosts appear. Several people scream. That high pitched girlie shriek was totally not Draco. Not at all.

*Harry stands behind a boy with sandy hair to go into the Sorting. Had this sandy haired boy not turned out to insult Harry's mother later and join his personal army, Harry would still being calling him sandy hair boy seven years later.

*Gold plates and goblets on the tables. Again-Fuck you, Dursleys!

*Btw, I'm sure this is the real reason Malfoy went to Hogwarts and not Durmstrang. Eastern Europe hasn't discovered gold yet. He might have gotten splinters from the wooden goblets.

*The faces looking at Harry look like pale lanterns in the torchlight. Wow, thinks Harry. My school is really white.

*Aunt Petunia wouldn't have let the Sorting Hat in the house it was so dirty. I guess that's supposed to reflect badly on Petunia's priorities instead of Wizard's hygiene.

*The Sorting Hat sings about all the four houses making most of them sound pretty positive. I guess that's kinder to the first years than singing something like:

You might belong in Gryffindor,
The one most like a frat,
With pantsing, puking pranking jocks
And mean girls into that.

You might belong in Hufflepuff,
No need to wail and sob
Pick up your torch and pitchfork
And join the red shirt mob.

Then there's the House of Ravenclaw,
Most think it's second best
The kids are mostly bland but cute
The house of "all the rest."

Or you'll be in Slytherin
If you're racist and uncouth
They're ugly, stupid racist chaps
The blueblood Hitler Youth.

*Not having come to fully hate Slytherin yet, Harry kindly suggests it's merely all he's heard about Slytherin that makes them look unpleasant and not the fact they're ugly.

*He even refrains from revealing Millicent's looks when she goes up to the hat. Maybe her troll blood wasn't clear until she got sorted.

*Harry's very nervous remembering how he used to not be picked for teams at school. But not so nervous that he neglects to remember his not being picked wasn't because he wasn't any good but because nobody wanted Dudley to think they liked Harry, which they would have if Dudley hadn't been so omnipotent. Why, the last kid who liked Harry Potter was turned into a codfish! Muggles can't stand up to bullies like Wizards can!

*Sandy haired Seamus takes a long time to be Sorted. Well, that explains why he's so untrustworthy in book 5, questioning Harry, sticking up for his mother and not joining the DA immediately. The hat knew all the time.

*I'm kind of impressed Neville's able to jog to the Gryffindor table with a hat over his face. That Neville, always impressing when you least expect it!

*If there was anything wrong with Harry's Slyther-vision, his Malfoy vision is working just fine. Draco swaggers to the hat and looks pleased with himself just for being Sorted. I think I saw him checking himself out in the golden spoons too.

*So why does the house not take its time with everyone? It seems like obviously a bad sign that Malfoy's immediately put in Slytherin, like the more complex people need to have time taken over them, even though Harry's just as much a Gryffindor as Draco is a Slytherin.

*Though of course, Harry might just be seeing Draco as Sorted quickly because he's envious-remember, he's worried he won't be chosen. Dudley might have sent a letter ahead.

*The Sorting Hat teases Harry for a while and does not try to put him in Slytherin but simply replies to Harry's own demand to not be in Slytherin, then puts him in Gryffindor.

*If Harry thought Malfoy swaggered and looked pleased with himself, how do you think Harry looked to Malfoy when he got the biggest cheer and the twins started chanting how they got Potter?

*Percy congratulates Ron. Pompously. Percy, just go over and sit at the Slytherin table now, why don't you?

*Zabini, Blaise is made a Slytherin. He'll have to wait another decade to be also made black, male and smokin' hot.

*Dumbledore gets up to say a few words, and they're all nonsense or funny words! Why, that's the genius who likes ten pin bowling, isn't it? How delightful! How many books until he dies again?

*Aww, Percy's all pro-Dumbledore at 16. Damn him for being all Muggle-like and rebelling later on.

*Hogwarts menu hasn't changed since the very first opening feast, btw. Only back then they slaughtered their own lambs.

*Nearly Headless Nick gets his nicknamed explained: his head isn't completely cut off, and more importantly, a silly upper class name joke like Mimsy-Torpington gets old really fast.

*Nick says Gryffindor's never gone so long without winning the house cup. I think we're all a little shocked at that, Nick. Must be part of Dumbledore's plan to make Harry love him.

*However they did it, remember it's proof that Gryffindor are actually the Underdogs, and that Dumbledore's stunt at the end of the year is completely fair.

*Even the Slytherin ghost is ugly. But at least he brings joy to Harry by making Malfoy unhappy. (There's something I wish fandom would draw-Harry's view of Malfoy next to the Bloody Baron at that first feast.)

*Of course, it's possible that Malfoy looks unhappy because the Baron's telling him, "That Potter kid hasn't stopped staring at you all evening."

*Wow, Harry really fastens in on Malfoy early, doesn't he? You tend to remember the books as Malfoy being the one who always starts everything, but he bothers Harry just by existing from day 1.

*Seamus gives the first example of Wizard/Muggle marriages being unfair and unbalanced by explaining his mother didn't tell his father she was a witch until after they were married. You'd think the father would be relieved-he must have previously thought she was insane or mentally challenged given how Wizards handle Muggle stuff generally.

*Neville oddly says his family thought he was all Muggle, given that he's a total Pureblood. They thought you were a Squib, dear, not a Muggle.

*Neville goes on to regale the table with his years of child abuse. Nev, do you think your Gran might have been crying at all because you weren't dead when your uncle dropped you out of the window and not just because you were magic?

*I miss the Percy/Hermione friendship. It's the most believable one she had.

*Harry glances up at the high table and sees Hagrid's drinking. What a shock.

*The banquet will pause for a moment for our first close-up of Snape. Because he's just that badass. Or will be.

*Dumbledore announces the forest is off limits to younger students. Guess Hagrid missed that part because he was passed out drunk. Not that that reflects badly at him. It's only Slytherin students who must be punished for missing instructions, preferably by grievous injury. That'll learn them.

*Percy says it's odd that Dumbledore gives a reason for one of his rules. Funny, I thought "because I say so and my whims are law" was Dumbledore's usual position.

*JKR sticks in another song here that was really unnecessary. Don't let it happen again, please, Ms. Rowling.

*The Weasley Twins remind us again, painfully, that they're the funny ones by singing longer than anyone else.

*Dumbledore joins in, conducting them. The older Slytherins begin instructing the younger ones about Dumbledore's Gryffindor bias, using the twins as an example.

*I really hope something comes of the Baron being the only one who can handle Peeves. It's the only cooperation with Slytherin we ever see.

*Pudgy Neville can't get through the portrait hole. This in no way reflects badly on the pudgy.

*Harry falls asleep his first night at Hogwarts and has his first Malfoy dream. Hurray!

*He also easily links Malfoy to Snape and Voldemort and Quirrel, and with the idea of being forced into Slytherin. If the seventh book parallels the first, I hope this dream somehow shows Harry's not wanting to join with Slytherin is hurting him.

*Actually, Harry does seem to be kind of prophetic here. I suppose he may just be linking Snape to Malfoy because he associates dislike with them both already, but he doesn't yet know Snape's association with Slytherin.






Idiot World
And that's Slytherin, where the Dark Lord's followers will be. We find it's easy to spot them if they're all in the same tie.

Informed Attributes
I'm sorry, did you say Gryffindors were chivalrous? Oh, you mean the antiquated sexist attitudes. Okay.

Misdirected Answering
No really, the Baron/Peeves thing ought to come to something because Peeves is mentioned over and over in this chapter.

"Watermelon, watermelon, cantaloupe, cantaloupe"
"Watermelon, watermelon, Peeves, cantaloupe, cantaloupe, ghosts talking, watermelon, oh, hullo first years, cantaloupe…"

Final score: 4

H/D cliché count: Look at Malfoy swaggering. I'm going to stare at him all through dinner just to remind myself how much I hate him.

Signs of things to come: Hagrid's still drinking, Percy's already pompous and don't be surprised if the Slytherins really do turn out to be unpleasant looking.

Comments

[belmanoir.livejournal.com]

Signs of things to come: Hagrid's still drinking, Percy's already pompous and don't be surprised if the Slytherins really do turn out to be unpleasant looking.

But it's our choices that make us who we are, not our natures!...or something.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

He made the choice to have that nature!

[artystone.livejournal.com]

*smacks head*

I think you've just figured out that pesky "gay" thing! You should run for office!