Harry Potter Abridged! OotP Chapter 18
Oct. 19th, 2014 06:07 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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deathtocapslockGreetings from Salazar Slytherin's home turf (no, really--I'm studying abroad there right now)!
[The next day, they discuss the situation in Charms]
Hermione: I wonder if Mr. Norris is the one who read your letter? I’ll bet those Dungbombs he accused you of ordering were just an excuse to go through your mail.
Ron: Hermione, Hermione! I can’t perform the Silencing Charm on my bird properly!
Hermione: Maybe you can try a frog and I’ll try a bird? Frogs are supposed to be easier.
Ron: Fine.
[They swap animals, but Ron still fails at the charm]
Professor Flitwick: Honestly, why can’t you be more like Hermione Granger?
Ron: I hate my life.
[They later run into Angelina again]
Angelina: By the way, we have permission to play Quidditch again. I went to Professor McGonagall and I think she spoke to Dumbledore on our behalf.
Ron and Harry: Great!
[Meanwhile, Hermione stares out the window]
Hermione: I’m not sure if this club is a good idea anymore.
Harry: But Sirius said it was a good idea.
Hermione: Exactly.
Harry: But…why would Sirius approving of the club make you doubt it?
Hermione: I think his time at Grimmauld Place might be going to his head. He can’t be out fighting so he’s trying to get us to do it for him.
Ron: You say that like it’s a bad thing.
[That night, Harry and Ron go out to play Quidditch in the pouring rain]
Angelina: Harry, what spell do you use to keep your glasses dry? I’m thinking we can all use that on our faces.
Harry: That’s easy—Impervius.
George: We were thinking of using Fever Fudge to get out of playing, but the last time we tried we got these awful boils.
Ron: I don’t see any.
Fred: Well, that’s because they’re…ah…not anywhere we generally display to the public, if you know what I mean.
Ron: …I don’t wanna know.
[They go out to play, but the visibility is so bad they can only keep at it for an hour]
Angelina: Nice work, team!
Fred: Very funny….
[Just then, Harry’s scar starts to hurt!]
Ron: Harry, what’s wrong?
Harry: We’ll talk after the rest of the team leaves.
[The rest of the team leaves]
Ron: So…do you think Voldemort’s close?
Harry: No…but I think he’s angry.
Ron: Now you’re getting visions from him?
Harry: Could be.
Ron: Maybe you should tell Sirius?
Harry: No, it’s too dangerous.
Ron: Then…maybe you should tell Dumbledore?
Harry: No, Dumbledore already knows about it.
Ron: He does?
Harry: Just go with it.
Ron: If you say so….
[That night Harry has a dream that he’s walking down a corridor toward a mysterious door.]
Dobby: Harry, wake up now!
Harry: What? What is it?
Dobby: I just thought I’d drop in to say hi. Just in case you’d forgotten me in between books.
Harry: Who could forget someone as annoying as you?
Dobby: Very funny. Anyway, the other elves are getting angry about those hats they’re finding all over Gryffindor tower. They said they smell like condescension.
Harry: That’s something you’ll have to complain to Hermione about, not me.
Dobby: Anyway, how have you been?
Harry: Well, my life sucks and I don’t have a place for this super-secret society I’m hoping to—hey, wait. Dobby, do you know any secret meeting areas that could host me and a bunch of other students without our teachers discovering us?
Dobby: As a matter of fact, I do. It’s called the Room of Requirement.
Harry: Wow, that was easy.
Dobby: Yeah, it’s always open to anyone who needs something. Anything you need, you’ll find inside.
Harry: How many people know about it?
Dobby: As far as I know, not many people. Most people just find it when they need it and then never again. But I can show you where it is, if you like.
Harry: I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. It’s too dangerous for us to go now, at any rate. Just tell me how to get there, and I’ll be all set.
[The next day…]
Angelina: Since the weather’s so bad, I’m cancelling Quidditch practice.
Harry: That’s great! Angelina, Angelina, we’ve found a place to meet! Could you tell all your friends about it?
Angelina: Of course.
Hermione: Dobby told you about this, though. Do you really think we can trust him to know what he’s doing?
Harry: Well, if it helps, I overheard Dumbledore talking about it too, at the Yule Ball last year.
Hermione: Alright, I’m convinced.
[They spread the word to their associates throughout the day, and at night they make their way up to a tapestry that hides the Room of Requirement]
Harry: Alright, Room of Requirement. Where are you?
[Sure enough, a door appears, and they walk inside]
Hermione: Wow, look at this place! It has all the books and supplies we’ll ever need to practice!
[Not long after, everyone else arrives]
Fred: You know, George, I think we hid from Mr. Norris in here once.
George: Go figure.
Hermione: So, anyway, I thought we should elect a leader before we began.
Cho: Didn’t you say Harry would lead?
Hermione: Well…yes…but I thought we could vote on it anyway, just to be sure. [to self] Maybe they’ll vote for me instead?
[Everyone votes for Harry]
Hermione: Dammit. Ahem. So, anyway, what should we call ourselves?
Angelina: We could call it the Anti-Umbridge League, just to really rub it in that she ain’t the boss of us.
Hermione: No, that’s too obvious.
Cho: We could call it the Defense Association, or DA for short.
Ginny: I’ll do you one better—let’s have its full name be Dumbledore’s Army.
Hermione: Ginny, you’re a genius! [Writes “Dumbledore’s Army” on top of the signed paper]
Ginny: See? Harry is my man, tramp!
Cho: Nobody asked you….
Harry: Well, now that that boring stuff is out of the way, let’s practice Expelliarmus.
Zacharias Smith: But will that really help us against someone like Voldemort?
Harry: It’s saved my life before.
Zacharias Smith: …Fine. I concede defeat.
[Everyone pairs up except Neville, who’s left without a partner]
Harry: Navel, allow me to graciously take you as my partner.
Neville: My name is not Navel, and I don’t take kindly to being patronized.
Harry: No, no—you like being patronized by the main character. Just admit it.
Neville: But I don’t.
[They practice for awhile. After a time, Neville is able to disarm Harry while he’s distracted.]
Neville: See? I’m not totally useless after all. Now you have to call me by my proper name.
Harry: Whatever, Navel.
Neville: Grrrrrr….
[After a time, Harry leaves Neville to practice with Ron and Hermione while he goes to check on people.]
Harry: Anthony Goldstein, however are you disarming Zacharias Smith without saying anything?
George: Oh, that’s because I’m making his wand fly out of his hand. Because I don’t like him.
Anthony: Gee, thanks….
[After a time, Harry stops everyone]
Harry: Cool! You all stopped on my orders! Hehe…well, as you were.
Zacharias Smith: Sure, whatever.
[Harry eventually finds Cho]
Cho: Expelliarmious! Expellimellius!
[Marietta’s robe catches fire]
Marietta: Be more careful next time!
Cho: It’s not my fault! Harry’s breathing down my neck!
Marietta: What does he want?
Harry: Cho, you’re really good!
Cho: Oh, don’t flatter me.
Harry: …Damn, you got me.
Cho: It’s not your fault my friend’s angry, by the way—it’s my fault for making her come when her mother doesn’t want her to be involved.
Marietta: I’m right here!
Cho: Oops—sorry. Anyway, I just thought I’d learn how to fight so I can avenge Cedric’s death.
Harry: You’re…you’re still thinking about him? But…you have me now! [Cries and runs away]
Luna: I’m fighting to put Fudge in his place, after he assassinated all those goblins and other naysayers.
Cho: What are you talking about?
Harry: Oh, don’t mind her—she’s always like that.
Cho: I know that. She’s in the same house as me.
Harry: Oh, she is? Silly me….
Hermione: Harry, don’t you think it’s getting late?
Harry: [Glances at watch] Oh, would you look at the time! Well…we’d better all be getting back to our common rooms before we’re punished!
[Everyone agrees]
Harry: So…shall we meet at the same time and place next week?
Angelina: That won’t work—we need the time for Quidditch practice.
Harry: Why don’t we meet next Wednesday, then?
Angelina: That works.
Everyone else: Sounds good.
[They go back to their rooms….]
Hermione: I’m so much better of a duelist than you are, Ron.
Ron: You’re not that much better!
Hermione: Oh yes I am.
Ron: No you’re not!
Harry: I’ll just tune those two out by fantasizing about Cho.
[The next day, they discuss the situation in Charms]
Hermione: I wonder if Mr. Norris is the one who read your letter? I’ll bet those Dungbombs he accused you of ordering were just an excuse to go through your mail.
Ron: Hermione, Hermione! I can’t perform the Silencing Charm on my bird properly!
Hermione: Maybe you can try a frog and I’ll try a bird? Frogs are supposed to be easier.
Ron: Fine.
[They swap animals, but Ron still fails at the charm]
Professor Flitwick: Honestly, why can’t you be more like Hermione Granger?
Ron: I hate my life.
[They later run into Angelina again]
Angelina: By the way, we have permission to play Quidditch again. I went to Professor McGonagall and I think she spoke to Dumbledore on our behalf.
Ron and Harry: Great!
[Meanwhile, Hermione stares out the window]
Hermione: I’m not sure if this club is a good idea anymore.
Harry: But Sirius said it was a good idea.
Hermione: Exactly.
Harry: But…why would Sirius approving of the club make you doubt it?
Hermione: I think his time at Grimmauld Place might be going to his head. He can’t be out fighting so he’s trying to get us to do it for him.
Ron: You say that like it’s a bad thing.
[That night, Harry and Ron go out to play Quidditch in the pouring rain]
Angelina: Harry, what spell do you use to keep your glasses dry? I’m thinking we can all use that on our faces.
Harry: That’s easy—Impervius.
George: We were thinking of using Fever Fudge to get out of playing, but the last time we tried we got these awful boils.
Ron: I don’t see any.
Fred: Well, that’s because they’re…ah…not anywhere we generally display to the public, if you know what I mean.
Ron: …I don’t wanna know.
[They go out to play, but the visibility is so bad they can only keep at it for an hour]
Angelina: Nice work, team!
Fred: Very funny….
[Just then, Harry’s scar starts to hurt!]
Ron: Harry, what’s wrong?
Harry: We’ll talk after the rest of the team leaves.
[The rest of the team leaves]
Ron: So…do you think Voldemort’s close?
Harry: No…but I think he’s angry.
Ron: Now you’re getting visions from him?
Harry: Could be.
Ron: Maybe you should tell Sirius?
Harry: No, it’s too dangerous.
Ron: Then…maybe you should tell Dumbledore?
Harry: No, Dumbledore already knows about it.
Ron: He does?
Harry: Just go with it.
Ron: If you say so….
[That night Harry has a dream that he’s walking down a corridor toward a mysterious door.]
Dobby: Harry, wake up now!
Harry: What? What is it?
Dobby: I just thought I’d drop in to say hi. Just in case you’d forgotten me in between books.
Harry: Who could forget someone as annoying as you?
Dobby: Very funny. Anyway, the other elves are getting angry about those hats they’re finding all over Gryffindor tower. They said they smell like condescension.
Harry: That’s something you’ll have to complain to Hermione about, not me.
Dobby: Anyway, how have you been?
Harry: Well, my life sucks and I don’t have a place for this super-secret society I’m hoping to—hey, wait. Dobby, do you know any secret meeting areas that could host me and a bunch of other students without our teachers discovering us?
Dobby: As a matter of fact, I do. It’s called the Room of Requirement.
Harry: Wow, that was easy.
Dobby: Yeah, it’s always open to anyone who needs something. Anything you need, you’ll find inside.
Harry: How many people know about it?
Dobby: As far as I know, not many people. Most people just find it when they need it and then never again. But I can show you where it is, if you like.
Harry: I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. It’s too dangerous for us to go now, at any rate. Just tell me how to get there, and I’ll be all set.
[The next day…]
Angelina: Since the weather’s so bad, I’m cancelling Quidditch practice.
Harry: That’s great! Angelina, Angelina, we’ve found a place to meet! Could you tell all your friends about it?
Angelina: Of course.
Hermione: Dobby told you about this, though. Do you really think we can trust him to know what he’s doing?
Harry: Well, if it helps, I overheard Dumbledore talking about it too, at the Yule Ball last year.
Hermione: Alright, I’m convinced.
[They spread the word to their associates throughout the day, and at night they make their way up to a tapestry that hides the Room of Requirement]
Harry: Alright, Room of Requirement. Where are you?
[Sure enough, a door appears, and they walk inside]
Hermione: Wow, look at this place! It has all the books and supplies we’ll ever need to practice!
[Not long after, everyone else arrives]
Fred: You know, George, I think we hid from Mr. Norris in here once.
George: Go figure.
Hermione: So, anyway, I thought we should elect a leader before we began.
Cho: Didn’t you say Harry would lead?
Hermione: Well…yes…but I thought we could vote on it anyway, just to be sure. [to self] Maybe they’ll vote for me instead?
[Everyone votes for Harry]
Hermione: Dammit. Ahem. So, anyway, what should we call ourselves?
Angelina: We could call it the Anti-Umbridge League, just to really rub it in that she ain’t the boss of us.
Hermione: No, that’s too obvious.
Cho: We could call it the Defense Association, or DA for short.
Ginny: I’ll do you one better—let’s have its full name be Dumbledore’s Army.
Hermione: Ginny, you’re a genius! [Writes “Dumbledore’s Army” on top of the signed paper]
Ginny: See? Harry is my man, tramp!
Cho: Nobody asked you….
Harry: Well, now that that boring stuff is out of the way, let’s practice Expelliarmus.
Zacharias Smith: But will that really help us against someone like Voldemort?
Harry: It’s saved my life before.
Zacharias Smith: …Fine. I concede defeat.
[Everyone pairs up except Neville, who’s left without a partner]
Harry: Navel, allow me to graciously take you as my partner.
Neville: My name is not Navel, and I don’t take kindly to being patronized.
Harry: No, no—you like being patronized by the main character. Just admit it.
Neville: But I don’t.
[They practice for awhile. After a time, Neville is able to disarm Harry while he’s distracted.]
Neville: See? I’m not totally useless after all. Now you have to call me by my proper name.
Harry: Whatever, Navel.
Neville: Grrrrrr….
[After a time, Harry leaves Neville to practice with Ron and Hermione while he goes to check on people.]
Harry: Anthony Goldstein, however are you disarming Zacharias Smith without saying anything?
George: Oh, that’s because I’m making his wand fly out of his hand. Because I don’t like him.
Anthony: Gee, thanks….
[After a time, Harry stops everyone]
Harry: Cool! You all stopped on my orders! Hehe…well, as you were.
Zacharias Smith: Sure, whatever.
[Harry eventually finds Cho]
Cho: Expelliarmious! Expellimellius!
[Marietta’s robe catches fire]
Marietta: Be more careful next time!
Cho: It’s not my fault! Harry’s breathing down my neck!
Marietta: What does he want?
Harry: Cho, you’re really good!
Cho: Oh, don’t flatter me.
Harry: …Damn, you got me.
Cho: It’s not your fault my friend’s angry, by the way—it’s my fault for making her come when her mother doesn’t want her to be involved.
Marietta: I’m right here!
Cho: Oops—sorry. Anyway, I just thought I’d learn how to fight so I can avenge Cedric’s death.
Harry: You’re…you’re still thinking about him? But…you have me now! [Cries and runs away]
Luna: I’m fighting to put Fudge in his place, after he assassinated all those goblins and other naysayers.
Cho: What are you talking about?
Harry: Oh, don’t mind her—she’s always like that.
Cho: I know that. She’s in the same house as me.
Harry: Oh, she is? Silly me….
Hermione: Harry, don’t you think it’s getting late?
Harry: [Glances at watch] Oh, would you look at the time! Well…we’d better all be getting back to our common rooms before we’re punished!
[Everyone agrees]
Harry: So…shall we meet at the same time and place next week?
Angelina: That won’t work—we need the time for Quidditch practice.
Harry: Why don’t we meet next Wednesday, then?
Angelina: That works.
Everyone else: Sounds good.
[They go back to their rooms….]
Hermione: I’m so much better of a duelist than you are, Ron.
Ron: You’re not that much better!
Hermione: Oh yes I am.
Ron: No you’re not!
Harry: I’ll just tune those two out by fantasizing about Cho.
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no subject
Date: 2014-10-23 12:21 am (UTC)Ron being the worst at magic of the Trio wouldn’t be so bad if he had a compensating talent that was equally as valuable. For example, Sokka from “Avatar: the Last Airbender” doesn’t have superpowers like the rest of the team, but he’s still skilled with a boomerang and sword and he’s good at making plans.
/I think his time at Grimmauld Place might be going to his head./
Because spending more than ten years in the company of soul-sucking demons is nothing like spending a few months with the portrait of the mother you hated. I know that people have argued that Grimmauld Place is worse for Sirius because he’s stuck there and forced to keep company with bad memories, but that’s basically what happened to him in Azkaban. So, how come in GoF, he’s fine, but in OotP, he’s starting to snap again? I don’t know, when I read OotP, I thought that Sirius’s character had been derailed, much like other characters.
/Ginny: I’ll do you one better—let’s have its full name be Dumbledore’s Army./
Which will in no way backfire when Umbridge finds out.
/Cho: I know that. She’s in the same house as me./
I wonder if there are any fanfics where Cho and Luna are friends.
no subject
Date: 2014-10-23 06:30 am (UTC)With Sirius; isn't it that most people while going through traumatic experiences they seem fine, because they are just focused on getting out of the situation alive, but when they come back and have to live a normal life is when they loose it? Either way the reason the book gives for why Sirius is having trouble would be odd/not make sense, but the timing ... well, never mind I just realized you were talking about Gof vs. OotP, and Sirius would have been living a normal life in GoF as well.
Anyway, it was just a thought.
no subject
Date: 2014-10-23 08:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-10-24 04:20 pm (UTC)It isn't just his mother that's the problem. I doubt it is even his childhood memories. When we finally get to see Sirius on that first train ride, there are no signs that he had any kind of a problem with his family - at least, not until James had a problem with them.
What Sirius cannot stand apparently is staying safe.
no subject
Date: 2014-10-24 05:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-10-24 11:35 pm (UTC)Setrakian watched Fet climb into the van and drive off. He liked the Russian, even if he suspected that the exterminator enjoyed the killing only too much. There are men who bloom in chaos. You call them heroes or villains, depending on which side wins the war, but until the battle call they are but normal men who long for action, who lust for the opportunity to throw off the routine of their normal lives like a cocoon and come into their own. They sense a destiny larger than themselves, but only when structures collapse around them do these men become warriors.(page 87)
I think James and Sirius can definitely be described as “men who bloom in chaos.”
no subject
Date: 2014-10-25 01:05 am (UTC)Also, I doubt the Dementers handed out drinks for happy hour, and he probably couldn't acquire much as Padfoot in the cave. I don't think there's enough information to judge just how much he was drinking in OotP, but I don't think it helped...
Come to think of it, he seemed awfully happy to ditch that tropical island and live in a cave. Maybe the enforced relaxation and tropical cocktails had him in nearly as bad a place as in OotP, only we never saw it firsthand?
List
Date: 2014-10-25 04:56 pm (UTC)Because having a labeled list of all the members of a secret group makes perfect sense.
Even Voldemort isn't that stupid.
Re: List
Date: 2014-10-25 07:15 pm (UTC)Re: List
Date: 2014-10-25 08:06 pm (UTC)Re: List
Date: 2014-10-26 11:45 pm (UTC)Of course if those fighting against the Death Eaters were smart they would demand to see a suspect's arm.
Sleeves
Date: 2014-10-26 11:57 pm (UTC)Fanfics often posit Glamour spells that will conceal a Dark Mark, but that's fanon: logical, but not proven. Vanishing spells, on the other hand, are definitely canon.