POA: Chapter Two

[kaskait.livejournal.com]

Aunt Marge's Big Mistake

*As the title implies, she was just asking for it. Everyone is always asking for it in Harry's world. We should be glad that Harry is around to give it to them. As well as his friend Hermione. Never mind the fact that giving somebody what they had coming is NOT an acceptable alibi in court. Muggle Court that is. But then again, muggles are stoopid. Stupid Habeas Corpus.

*This wonderful chapter begins with the narrator gleefully explaining how FAT Dudley is. Let us all laugh at his five wobbling chins. Laughing at evil fat people is good for the soul and expresses all encompassing love.

*Dudley has a brand new TV in the kitchen. Because he is too FAT and lazy to walk from the living room to the kitchen. Because he is soooo FAT and keeps eating. Ummm, isn't it a common practice to have a little TV in the kitchen? You know, to watch the morning news and such? Or is it only FAT people who have TVs in their kitchens? Damn it what am I thinking? TVS are medieval, we should all just watch wizard pictures.

*The narrator laments Harry's uncelebrated birthday. But Harry is too used to this to care. Besides he had done all his birthday wanking at 1AM.

*Pssst...by the way, did you know that Uncle Vernon is F-A-T? Go ahead and laugh. When you laugh at evil fat people it negates the need to attend confession or church or temple or mosque.

*Oh gee, the WW decided to give Sirius Black warnings to medieval muggles. Real Gems they are.

*A picture of Black's face is on the TV. But he is THIN. Which means he isn't evil. If he was really evil, he would be FAT.

*Why isn't Riddle FAT?

*Aunt Petunia isn't fat but very fugly. The fugliness negates her good, unfat nature. It balances it out. I suppose.

*Aunt Petunia looks out the window, searching for the unfat Black. Because she probably knows him. In fact she is very silent regarding Black.

*Harry thinks that Petunia would love to turn in Black because she is sooooooo nosy. She would just want the notoriety, not because she wanted to help her family. Remember she isn't fat but really fugly.

*Then Fat Vernon does it, he states that Aunt Marge is coming to visit.

*Harry wanks that he is forced to call Marge, Aunt Marge, even though Aunt Marge is not related to Petunia. I don't know how it is in the WW, but here in the medieval muggle world we like to believe that marriage turns two families into one. So yes, Harry, Marge is your AUNT. If you want to be technical, she would be your Aunt-in-law.

*Please explain and justify the craptacular grammar of this sentence
...each of her visits stood out horribly vividly in Harry's mind

*Just in case we wanted to know, the narrator describes each visit in a vividly style.

*Marge is really mean to Harry. But is she FAT? Neither Harry or the Narrator say so...yet.

*Vernon points his "fat finger" at Harry and warns him to be decent to Marge.

*Harry equates Marge's visit to being his worst Birthday gift ever. Its all about Harry.

*The Dursley's have been telling Marge that Harry attends a juvenile delinquent school called "St. Brutus' Secure Center for Incurable Criminal Boys." They aren't that far wrong, all things considering.

*Harry very masterfully blackmails Vernon to give him permission for Hogsmeade trips. It was very machiavellian and rather impressive behavior on Harry's 13 year self. But will he remember to do that again when he needs to in year six? No, we don't get blackmail, we get "Drink this, Professor".

*Aunt Marge arrives.

*Aunt Marge is FAT.

*Just in case the reader didn't know, Dudley is fat and he is wearing a bow tie under his five chins.

*Aunt Marge tells Harry she would have sent him to an orphanage. Harry thinks that he would prefer an orphanage. But Harry is NOT like Riddle. Harry has the power of love and the ability to laugh at fat people.

*Aunt Marge stays a whole week and tortures Harry by buying a lot of gifts for Dudley. Its not about an Aunt taking joy in her nephew, its about abusing Harry. Its all about Harry.

*On her last night, true to her fat nature, Aunt Marge insults Harry and his parents.

*Harry pulls a "Carrie" and turns Aunt Marge into a human zeppelin.

*In the middle of this big scene, Harry decides to run away from home.

*"She deserved it," Harry said, breathing very fast. "She deserved what she got."

*So was Harry's punishment of Marge by accident or intention?

*That statement is the justification for Harry's behavior in the whole series. This is the theme, we all get whats coming to us and we DESERVE it. Especially if we are fat. Because fat means evil.

Comments

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

Wanna bet JKR is on a permanent diet or has eating disorders? She's got a really unhealthy fixation on fat.

That weird rant she did about how there are more important things to be concerned about than weight, but she's thin OMG and when she weighed more it was because she was PREGNANT NOTFATNOTFATNOTFAT sort of furthers this impression.

[kaskait.livejournal.com]

All of her outbursts, including the fat post, are strange. She is...ahhh...quite a character.

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

Indeed. Muahahahahaha... it has already begun! :D

Ahem that is... a while ago, people on a message board I frequent were talking about how shocked they were when some of their favourite authors turned out to be semi-fascistic maniacs. This surprised me, because to me, it was always obvious that those authors were maniacs. Anyone who read their books should be able to see that these were people with zero tolerance for any other point of view than their own. But apparently, most people couldn't see that, and so were shocked when they read about said authors' controversial opinions.

Rowling is another author I've pegged as being a maniac. I look forward to having time test that theory. Sooner or later, her already quite large head will swell to such a size that she thinks she should have opinions on foreign policy - and if I've figured her right, she will then do as those other authors did, and prescribe carpet bombings of all non-Christian countries. =]