Teh bictoly!
Oct. 11th, 2005 06:07 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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deathtocapslockA bit late again, but better late than never, right? Anyway, more of teh Snapey Snape :)
*When we last left Harry, he had just been stomped on by Draco. Now, he lies on the floor like "an absurd turtle", which is a great similie. I hope someone managed to get Draco, Crabbe and Goyle out of the luggage racks at the end of OotP.
*Harry despises himself slightly for imagining people panicking and fretting that he's not there. Where did that come from all of a sudden? Poor Harry, so woebegone :(
*A thought: would it not have been more likely that Mad-Eye Moody would be the person to rescue Harry? After all, he can see through invisibility cloaks. But instead, we get Tonks and some utterly uninteresting hints about the woe she suffers because Remus will not love her. My heart, it bleeds. Like Harry's nose.
*So...Tonks checked every compartment for invisible body-shapes? Or did she do "Accio cloak" in every one? Either way, sounds a bit time-consuming. As I say, Moody could have just taken a look with his mad eye. But he, apparently, is not mooning over Remus (or, from the looks of it, anybody at all) so there's no story.
*Is the patronus-communication thing what Rowling was referring to when she said wizards and witches had something "better than the internet"? Does it have messageboard function? Or livejournal? Or crazy people speculating on how some celebrities are gay but being blackmailed to deny it? Because if not, I think it can't be nearly so entertaining :)
*It'll be a terrible letdown when we find out that Tonks didn't give a shit about Sirius at all, and was just miserable because the boy she liked wouldn't look at her. Remember - boyfriends are the most important thing a girl can aspire to, and without one they'll simply waste away.
*Look, Harry, Professor Snape came to rescue you from being trapped out of doors all night. You might not like him, but it's all the difference between sleeping in the mud and sleeping in an actual bed. So less of the "ZOMG I HAET U!!!" histronics, please.
*Oh yes, Harry. It'll do you the world of good to think that, if Professor Snape hadn't told Sirius to stay where he was, he wouldn't have gone off and got himself killed. Yes, it will be to the benefit of everyone to get in a huff with Professor Snape because he failed to stop Sirius from playing the hero. Hell, he could have said "Fuck it, Sirius, do what you fucking like. I'm going to bed." and I'm sure that would have been so much better.
*I know this sounds cruel, but Professor Snape is not actually obliged to feel sorry that Sirius is dead. I mean, like Harry would give a shit if he did. Besides, Harry is only blaming him because he's there and stuff. He almost says so. I hate him, he was there somewhere, it must have been his fault. By Jove, I do believe we've cracked it!
*Harry's hatred: it is white hot, it bubbles, it burns. It's a rush of pure loathing and his body generates waves of it. His chest is fit to explode with it. And so on and soforth. I'm surprised none of the chapters was called "A Burst Artery" or "Harry's Brain Explodes". I can only imagine hypothetical future spinoff volumes - Harry Potter and the Severe Heart Attack, for example. It's the way to an early grave, Harry. Have you considered meditation?
*Hahaha. Harry wants everyone to imagine he was being heroic, rather than that he was duffed up by Draco while hiding under a cloak like some kind of cowardy custard. Draco will be sure to tell everyone - except not. But that won't stop you hating him for how he totally told everyone in, like, another universe.
*Blah blah, last time on Harry Potter, we had some stuff about Professor Trelawney. I thought we'd get a lot more of her, but she seems to have been discarded as some kind of utter comic relief. She could have been a decent character, but noooo. Mind you, I thought the same about Neville, but who needs character development when Harry Potter has wet dreams about Ginny to muse on?
*Harry, every time you've had a chance to fight Draco, you've made sure that eleventy of your friends showed up. The last time you fought him one-on-one was...ooh, on the train, where he stomped on your nose and left you under an invisibility cloak. That was your chance, and he whupped your arse.
*Dumbledore's manky hand is visible all the way across the hall. I can't help thinking that this is a hint that he didn't have much longer anyway. But this won't stop Harry, with his white hot loathing, from getting in a fuss. This must be one of the Gryffindor things, to be too concerned with OMG JUZTIZ to actually think clearly.
*"We are also looking for new Quidditch commentators, but they mustn't be in any way critical of the Gryffindor team, or said team will break their bones."
*Potions? But that must mean...yes, that Professor Snape is DADA teacher! Anyone thinking "He'll still be there at the end of the book, right?" can stop right there: until Voldemort dies, no DADA teacher will last longer than a HP novel. In the film, the horror at this news will be illustrated by extras being unconvincingly astounded, and then a cut to Draco, Crabbe and Goyle looking smug. Check it out, in about 2008.
*If Harry and Ron had such a strong friendship, it wouldn't need to be mentioned unsubtley all the time. Of course Ron didn't laugh at Harry. He knows the kind of shit-fits Harry gets into if people laugh at him.
*Hagrid, woo. He was with Grawp, who mercifully makes little actual impression on the book. One of the good things about the plotline being almost entirely concentrated on the interests of Harry's wossname is that it leaves less time for non-starters like Grawp. And he can make them all feel guilty for not taking CoMC, even though Hagrid is the worst teacher in the entire world. What jolly fun!
*When we last left Harry, he had just been stomped on by Draco. Now, he lies on the floor like "an absurd turtle", which is a great similie. I hope someone managed to get Draco, Crabbe and Goyle out of the luggage racks at the end of OotP.
*Harry despises himself slightly for imagining people panicking and fretting that he's not there. Where did that come from all of a sudden? Poor Harry, so woebegone :(
*A thought: would it not have been more likely that Mad-Eye Moody would be the person to rescue Harry? After all, he can see through invisibility cloaks. But instead, we get Tonks and some utterly uninteresting hints about the woe she suffers because Remus will not love her. My heart, it bleeds. Like Harry's nose.
*So...Tonks checked every compartment for invisible body-shapes? Or did she do "Accio cloak" in every one? Either way, sounds a bit time-consuming. As I say, Moody could have just taken a look with his mad eye. But he, apparently, is not mooning over Remus (or, from the looks of it, anybody at all) so there's no story.
*Is the patronus-communication thing what Rowling was referring to when she said wizards and witches had something "better than the internet"? Does it have messageboard function? Or livejournal? Or crazy people speculating on how some celebrities are gay but being blackmailed to deny it? Because if not, I think it can't be nearly so entertaining :)
*It'll be a terrible letdown when we find out that Tonks didn't give a shit about Sirius at all, and was just miserable because the boy she liked wouldn't look at her. Remember - boyfriends are the most important thing a girl can aspire to, and without one they'll simply waste away.
*Look, Harry, Professor Snape came to rescue you from being trapped out of doors all night. You might not like him, but it's all the difference between sleeping in the mud and sleeping in an actual bed. So less of the "ZOMG I HAET U!!!" histronics, please.
*Oh yes, Harry. It'll do you the world of good to think that, if Professor Snape hadn't told Sirius to stay where he was, he wouldn't have gone off and got himself killed. Yes, it will be to the benefit of everyone to get in a huff with Professor Snape because he failed to stop Sirius from playing the hero. Hell, he could have said "Fuck it, Sirius, do what you fucking like. I'm going to bed." and I'm sure that would have been so much better.
*I know this sounds cruel, but Professor Snape is not actually obliged to feel sorry that Sirius is dead. I mean, like Harry would give a shit if he did. Besides, Harry is only blaming him because he's there and stuff. He almost says so. I hate him, he was there somewhere, it must have been his fault. By Jove, I do believe we've cracked it!
*Harry's hatred: it is white hot, it bubbles, it burns. It's a rush of pure loathing and his body generates waves of it. His chest is fit to explode with it. And so on and soforth. I'm surprised none of the chapters was called "A Burst Artery" or "Harry's Brain Explodes". I can only imagine hypothetical future spinoff volumes - Harry Potter and the Severe Heart Attack, for example. It's the way to an early grave, Harry. Have you considered meditation?
*Hahaha. Harry wants everyone to imagine he was being heroic, rather than that he was duffed up by Draco while hiding under a cloak like some kind of cowardy custard. Draco will be sure to tell everyone - except not. But that won't stop you hating him for how he totally told everyone in, like, another universe.
*Blah blah, last time on Harry Potter, we had some stuff about Professor Trelawney. I thought we'd get a lot more of her, but she seems to have been discarded as some kind of utter comic relief. She could have been a decent character, but noooo. Mind you, I thought the same about Neville, but who needs character development when Harry Potter has wet dreams about Ginny to muse on?
*Harry, every time you've had a chance to fight Draco, you've made sure that eleventy of your friends showed up. The last time you fought him one-on-one was...ooh, on the train, where he stomped on your nose and left you under an invisibility cloak. That was your chance, and he whupped your arse.
*Dumbledore's manky hand is visible all the way across the hall. I can't help thinking that this is a hint that he didn't have much longer anyway. But this won't stop Harry, with his white hot loathing, from getting in a fuss. This must be one of the Gryffindor things, to be too concerned with OMG JUZTIZ to actually think clearly.
*"We are also looking for new Quidditch commentators, but they mustn't be in any way critical of the Gryffindor team, or said team will break their bones."
*Potions? But that must mean...yes, that Professor Snape is DADA teacher! Anyone thinking "He'll still be there at the end of the book, right?" can stop right there: until Voldemort dies, no DADA teacher will last longer than a HP novel. In the film, the horror at this news will be illustrated by extras being unconvincingly astounded, and then a cut to Draco, Crabbe and Goyle looking smug. Check it out, in about 2008.
*If Harry and Ron had such a strong friendship, it wouldn't need to be mentioned unsubtley all the time. Of course Ron didn't laugh at Harry. He knows the kind of shit-fits Harry gets into if people laugh at him.
*Hagrid, woo. He was with Grawp, who mercifully makes little actual impression on the book. One of the good things about the plotline being almost entirely concentrated on the interests of Harry's wossname is that it leaves less time for non-starters like Grawp. And he can make them all feel guilty for not taking CoMC, even though Hagrid is the worst teacher in the entire world. What jolly fun!
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no subject
Date: 2005-10-11 06:27 pm (UTC)She was probably wandering the corridors woefully anyway and just noticed Harry.
Is the patronus-communication thing what Rowling was referring to when she said wizards and witches had something "better than the internet"? Does it have messageboard function? Or livejournal? Or crazy people speculating on how some celebrities are gay but being blackmailed to deny it? Because if not, I think it can't be nearly so entertaining :)
LOL! Imagine having a puffy cloud bunny rabbit coming into your room dragging puffy lizards, peacocks and monkeys with it to show you other stupid conversations are going on in lieu of giving you a link. (It's fandom_wabbit! ::groan::) I can totally imagine Draco coming up with "The Daily Ferret" that travels to his subscribers each day to dish about celebrities with other peoples' puffy cloud animals.
So less of the "ZOMG I HAET U!!!" histronics, please.
No! More histrionics! More, I say! Harry's dignity has been offended by being rescued by Snape--who probably planned the whole thing, now I think about it! Everything is Snape's fault!
I know this sounds cruel, but Professor Snape is not actually obliged to feel sorry that Sirius is dead.
Of course he is! Everyone is obliged to feel badly about people Harry likes while Harry can gloat over bad things happening to other people.
Mind you, I thought the same about Neville, but who needs character development when Harry Potter has wet dreams about Ginny to muse on?
Well, Neville may have risked his life for Harry last year but what has he done for him lately? I mean, Harry spares the time to wonder how his life would have turned out if Neville had died instead of him, right? On account of his not having a mother with red hair and sass power?
That was your chance, and he whupped your arse.
It doesn't count if Harry doesn't win!
This must be one of the Gryffindor things, to be too concerned with OMG JUZTIZ to actually think clearly.
I so hope that Potion was fatal to Dumbledore.
In the film, the horror at this news will be illustrated by extras being unconvincingly astounded, and then a cut to Draco, Crabbe and Goyle looking smug. Check it out, in about 2008.
Yeah, which is unfortunate because this is one of my favorite Snape moments, when he acknowledges the applause with a lazy half-wave.
If Harry and Ron had such a strong friendship, it wouldn't need to be mentioned unsubtley all the time. Of course Ron didn't laugh at Harry. He knows the kind of shit-fits Harry gets into if people laugh at him.
And often in ways that undercut it. Apparently Harry considers it a lot to ask a friend to not laugh that you got your nose broken. Okay. (Later I think Dean is confused as to why he's not supposed to laugh at Harry getting beaned on the Quidditch Pitch by McClaggen the idiot since that sort of thing is always funny to Gryffindors except when it's suddenly not because Ginny says so.)
Giant Questions
Date: 2005-10-11 07:16 pm (UTC)Can I start some?
Ok. She's a GIANT. She's huge. What possible appeal would a human man have for her? I mean, wouldn't even Ron Jeremy leave her somewhat unfulfilled? Unless he, like, crawled in there bodily or something. Ok. Sorry if that's too nasty.
I bring this up only because somebody mentioned Grawp, the runty Giant.
Of course, come to think of it, Hagrid's size kind of fluctuates wildly as well. Maybe Giants have the secret ability to change size?
Re: Giant Questions
Date: 2005-10-11 07:56 pm (UTC)Re: Giant Questions
Date: 2005-10-11 09:06 pm (UTC)Maybe she was walking about one day and he just dropped out.
You know the fairy tales like Jack and the Beanstalk, where there's a giant and a human-sized wife? I used to wonder about those kind of pairings also, because a lot of times they have three daughters that Jack or Tom Thumb or whoever winds up killing so he and his own brothers don't die.
It's like... argh... what?
How?
Re: Giant Questions
Date: 2005-10-11 09:41 pm (UTC)horrifyingbaffling. 0_o ...How the heck?no subject
Date: 2005-10-12 08:27 am (UTC)Yeah, I love how 'Snape is so disrespectful and heartless, he doesn't care if a human being is DEAD!' is interspersed with 'I hope Snape dies, haha!' from Harry.
It doesn't count if Harry doesn't win!
They need to have a one-on-one rematch where George, Fred, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Luna, Ernie MacMillan and Mrs. Norris all appear independently of each other in order to demonstrate their loyalty to Harry. Who by contrast to the evil Draco, is all about fairplay.
Also, they're all loyal to him cause he's cool and deserves it, whereas Crabbe and Goyle are loyal to Draco because they're stupid sheep.
I so hope that Potion was fatal to Dumbledore.
Oh, yes, me too. Especially if we get inevitable 'It's all your fault! confrontations with Malfoy and/or Snape.
Yeah, which is unfortunate because this is one of my favorite Snape moments, when he acknowledges the applause with a lazy half-wave.
I love that the applauding students are Slytherins. He's their hero!
Apparently Harry considers it a lot to ask a friend to not laugh that you got your nose broken. Okay.
I consider it a mark of their friendship that Harry didn't laugh at Ron's quidditch skills or Ginny hexing him. Oh, wait.
Dean is confused as to why he's not supposed to laugh at Harry getting beaned on the Quidditch Pitch by McClaggen the idiot since that sort of thing is always funny to Gryffindors except when it's suddenly not because Ginny says so.
Be fair. Ginny is the expert on what's unfunny.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-12 10:19 am (UTC)LOL. So an invention from her wonderful mind is naturally an improvement upon the most successful global communications device ever? Of course!
How could you have Cutters!Patroni communities, though, since everyone has to have happy thoughts to get any message across?
Tonks didn't give a shit about Sirius at all, and was just miserable because the boy she liked wouldn't look at her.
Naturally the boy in question isn't compromising his job/losing his power in any way during all of this. Men have their Minds on More Important Matters.
You might not like him, but it's all the difference between sleeping in the mud and sleeping in an actual bed.
I think Harry'd probably enjoy sleeping in the mud. Would save him the embarrassment of having everyone know He Got Served, and then he could have one over on all the dreadful Slughorn types who like comfort and prove his Martyrdom. Perhaps instead of 'Muggle clothes', he could put on a hair shirt, too.
If Professor Snape hadn't told Sirius to stay where he was, he wouldn't have gone off and got himself killed.
Sirius was kind of like a toddler, really. You tell him something, he does the opposite. So clearly Snape should have told him to go fight at the Ministry. For which Snape would also have been Teh Evil.
I also bet that nasty Snape didn't remind him to wear a coat on the way to the Ministry, and didn't warn him about tilting back in his chair too often, lest he crack his head; either!
I know this sounds cruel, but Professor Snape is not actually obliged to feel sorry that Sirius is dead. I mean, like Harry would give a shit if he did.
God, if he did feel bad, then Harry'd be all 'I'm the one who's lost my only family here, you hardly knew Sirius!'
But yeah, I'm sure Harry'd be eaten up with sorrow should Umbridge or someone die.
Besides, Harry is only blaming him because he's there and stuff.
And because it's easier to blame Snape than blame himself.
Harry's hatred: it is white hot, it bubbles, it burns. It's a rush of pure loathing and his body generates waves of it. His chest is fit to explode with it. And so on and soforth.
Thank goodness he's going to beat the Dark Lord by having the Power of Love, which in lengthy descriptions comparison, gets what? An erection at the sight of Ginny? A sniffle at Dumbledore's funeral?
Hahaha. Harry wants everyone to imagine he was being heroic, rather than that he was duffed up by Draco while hiding under a cloak like some kind of cowardy custard.
Not that he cares what people think of him, or wants them to worship him or anything. Can't they leave him and his unasked for Boy Who Lived/Chosen One image alone, except for right now?
Honestly, these insensitive people should just psychically sense what he wants them to think, really.
Draco will be sure to tell everyone - except not. But that won't stop you hating him for how he totally told everyone in, like, another universe.
It's impossible for Harry to imagine that a) people don't necessarily seek the Gryffindors opinion on every event that has ever occured or b) that people might not give more than a cursory thought to his every scratch or sniffle.
"We are also looking for new Quidditch commentators, but they mustn't be in any way critical of the Gryffindor team, or said team will break their bones."
Don't you miss Lee Jordan? He had his priorities right, and was only critical of the right teams! (Of course, no Slytherins crashed into his stand, so once again, I'm going to have to give them the moral victory here.)
no subject
Date: 2005-10-12 10:20 am (UTC)Really. It's not so much a mark of their friendship as Ron's misguided kindness towards Harry. In fact, don't they snipe later because Hermione laughs at some accident Ron makes, and Harry retorts with 'Everyone was laughing, you looked ridiculous.' Like, thanks, pal. Glad to see that loyalty goes both ways!
He was with Grawp, who mercifully makes little actual impression on the book.
Didn't JKR challenge anyone to suggest a part of the oh so important and pivotal OotP that could have been cut (the blasphemy!)? Here's one word for ya, sweetie: Grawp.
I like the Jar Jar crying at the end, though. LOL.
Re: Giant Questions
Date: 2005-10-12 03:10 pm (UTC)Re: Giant Questions
Date: 2005-10-13 02:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-16 04:36 pm (UTC)Good question. Maybe being in unrequited love, gives Tonks sspecial gifts that she didn't have before? Or maybe it just makes willing to go through all the compartments looking for invisibility cloaks as yet another means to drowns her own miseries?
Is the patronus-communication thing what Rowling was referring to when she said wizards and witches had something "better than the internet"? Does it have messageboard function? Or livejournal? Or crazy people speculating on how some celebrities are gay but being blackmailed to deny it?
And guess three times who their top celebrity, to have these kind of speculations about, is! :D
Remember - boyfriends are the most important thing a girl can aspire to, and without one they'll simply waste away.
So is anyone with me on praying that Ginny wastes away now, when she's without Harry? Literary, I mean!
no subject
Date: 2005-10-16 04:39 pm (UTC)"The fact that Ron managed not to laugh about it, was a sign of how great a door-mat he was."
no subject
Date: 2005-10-16 04:43 pm (UTC)Even the Slytherins knew he was the best!
no subject
Date: 2005-10-28 10:14 am (UTC)Seriously.