deathtocapslock | GoF Chapter Twenty-One

*With a title like that, I’m just raring to re-read this chapter!

*Yeah, if it was Karkakoff who put Harry’s name in the Goblet he’d be feeling pretty stupid by now. Luckily it wasn’t Karkakoff, but a villain far less logical than Karkakoff or Ron. Getting past the dragon was actually what the bad guys wanted! They can’t kill Harry if he gets squished by a dragon!

*Why does Harry think Ron’s only saying he might win the Tournament to make for his behavior last week? Isn’t he in first place now? Why shouldn’t he have a chance at winning? Oh right, because then he wouldn’t be the underdog.

*Btw, I wonder what Harry’s going to say to Ron to make up for HIS behavior last week.

*I wonder if it’s intentionally ironic the way this book has Hermione going all shrill about treating house-elves well, while at the same time the animal abuse is turned up a notch. Here Ron throws Thunderball out the window.

*Harry couldn’t resist a blow-by-blow account of how he got past the dragon. This is nothing like Ron’s blow-by-blow account of how he won the Quidditch Championship, in case you were thinking that. Harry couldn’t resist giving it to Sirius. Ron didn’t even try.

*Nice to see the Gryffindors have specifically targeted Cedric as the enemy with his head on fire.

*Harry won’t have to face the second task for three months and probably a hundred pages. Because everything in the wizarding world is arranged according to a set school calendar. Even spelling bees are stretched to start at Harry’s birthday and end in June.

*What is Hermione supposed to stand for, exactly? Here she’s reminding everyone Harry’s supposed to figure out the puzzle on his own, and when he reminds her cheating just made him win, she grins guiltily. She’s the biggest cheater in the school, yet still likes to impress people by memorizing the rules.

*"Saints and begorrah!" says Seamus. "That egg sounds like a banshee, a traditional Irish spirit!" Then he picked up his bag o’gold, hopped on his magical shamrock and rode off to the kitchens to get a bowl o’ Lucky Charms. They’re magically delicious.

*Neville thinks the egg sounds like someone being tortured and Harry’s going to have to "fight" the Cruciatius (and I hear Cruciatius knows tae kwon doh). This sounds like it was probably considered proof of Witness!Neville at his parents’ torture. I continue to wonder if Barty Crouch didn’t just fill his head with all the details of his parents’ suffering at tea. He has to know!

*Of course, I can also imagine Neville’s Gran telling him this as a bedtime story and doing the screams herself for effect. Somebody should write that fic.

*This is the book that totally builds up Crucio as the worst thing in the world and horribly illegal. In book V it shrinks down to more of a "Oh no you di’n’t" level.

*Neville was the only person to eat the custard creams? I guess he got off easy. I can think of a lot of more disgusting "jokes" someone might do with a custard cream.

*Putting his miniature Hungarian Horntail besides his bed, Harry thinks, Dragons, they were all right, and goes to sleep and dreams of Draco.:-D

*Meanwhile, in the dragon pen, the Hungarian Horntail sets her miniature human on fire and thinks, Humans, they must be destroyed.

*Meanwhile, in the corner, the Chinese Fireball has died of grief over her lost eggs.

*Just to keep everyone up to date, the CoMC has now wasted three months on the same animal, which will never be on the OWLS, and about which even the teacher has no idea. Pure wanking, this class.

*I suspect the fact that Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle are "in the lead" of the students running back to Hagrid’s castle is supposed to suggest they are cowardly, as opposed to the Gryffindors who stay to help Hagrid with his rampaging fire slugs. I can’t be the only person who thinks the boys are merely leading a rebellion far more justified than Hermione’s Elf Front.

*Seriously, why do people even accuse Malfoy of being badly behaved in this class? Every student in there has every right to demand Hagrid be sacked, and it seems that the prospect of trying to force a dangerous, vicious animal into a box and nail it in has only resulted in him being one of the "dispirted" ones of the class.

*Again, we can’t make this more clear. Hagrid is even ordering the kids not to "hurt" the Skrewts or scare them by defending themselves, unconcerned at their own burns and cuts. Yet people will insist he’s a responsible teacher. The Trio are just part of the problem with Hagrid. Stop enabling him or he’ll never learn.

*Rita has gold teeth?

*Hagrid is described as "grunting" a line, so Pansy isn’t lying when she describes him as doing that.

*Why am I sure Rita, too, will be blamed for making Hagrid look bad as if she hasn’t just walked in on a demonstration of his uselessness as a teacher?

*Oh, and to cap it all off there’s something illegal about where Hagrid got the Skrewts. Color me shocked.

*Um, guys? Rita doesn’t have to twist anything Hagrid says. Just like Malfoy didn’t have to lie in PoA.

*It’s nice that Ron can comfort the others about Hagrid’s upcoming interview with the usual line: sure somebody we like is in trouble, but our people always get off!

*Speaking of students being disrespectful in class—which I was above—has Malfoy ever actually said anything so mean as Ron’s comment that Trelawney sees an "ugly old bat in outsized specs" in her crystal ball when she looks at it? I realize he mutters it under his breath so she might not hear him, and I know students say this kind of thing all the time. It’s just funny how people often act like Malfoy is this incredibly disrespectful student and so cruel, when this line is far more unkind than anything he’s said to Hagrid or Lupin, and Trelawney is more vulnerable. Not to mention Harry making a point of yawning in her face.

*I love Ron’s little fanboy moment with Krum. It’s enough to make me ignore the ridiculous Krum/Hermione storyline, though that has been a bit saved for me by someone telling me about the excellent theory that Krum is drawn to Hermione because he knows she’s Muggleborn and is fascinated with that because of the tight rein Karkakoff has over him.

*So…Hermione is happy and excited and just has to pull Harry down to the kitchen because the best thing has happened, and the best thing turns out to be that Winky the house elf is clinically depressed. That’s why Hermione is considered the compassionate one.

*I love the way Hermione has to try to muscle in on Dobby’s freedom, since it had nothing to do with her, and convince him he’s not being paid enough.

*Well, Mr. Crouch did have a reason to let Winky go (if Winky was a normal person and this wouldn’t kill her), but he wasn’t right to let her go as maybe stupid to let her go.

*I’m sorry, but I continue to be creeped out by the fact that Dobby, the "good" house-elf, is the biggest sycophant.

*And Dobby has also adopted Hermione’s view that a house-elf can’t honestly disagree with you. So when Freed!Winky says Mr. Crouch is a good man, he immediately claims she means the opposite and it’s only her enslavement that makes her say that. Even though she’s obviously speaking honestly and passionately about both Crouch and Bagman.

*Of course Ron’s taken a great liking to Dobby. He’s fawning all over him.

*Hermione’s sure the other elves will want to be free seeing how happy Dobby is. This is sort of like the people who think spending time with Evangelical Christians will make you want to convert because they’re so happy, while really you just find them irritating and scary. Personally, I imagine in the eyes of a house-elf Dobby’s freedom just means being three times as obsequious with none of the status. I like Harry’s, "Let’s hope they don’t look too closely at Winky."

*Percy wouldn’t recognize a joke if it danced in front of him wearing Dobby’s tea cosy. Well, that’s what happens when you most of the jokes played on you in the past two years have been chock full of malice.

Designated Hero
The one gearing up to cheat in the next part of the contest, yes, and picking on one bad teacher while lying to protect another and considering himself righteous.

Exploitation Filmmakers’ Credo
House elves don’t want to be freed. We get it. Too bad Hermione doesn’t, and won’t in a thousand pages either.

IITS (n)
Why can’t Winky just be owned by Hogwarts now? Do I even want to know?

Idiot World
Poor Ron is just too logical to figure out the evil plot.

Informed Attributes
Oh Ron, you’re just being nice in saying Harry could actually win the tournament! Why, how could Harry win when he’s so disadvantaged? His being in first place now is just a fluke. He’s hopelessly outmatched! Like David with three Goliaths! Only he’s in first place and team!Harry is already gearing up to make sure he stays that way.

Ken and Andrew’s Rule of Plot Holes
Ron pointing out the villain should be disappointed the dragon didn’t kill Harry is like having him map the plot hole and give it to Harry in a frame.

McGuffin
So who is trying to kill Harry by having him die in the contest? Oh wait…

Final score: 7